An Open Letter to Triathletes
Dear Triathletes,
First off, I want you to know that I admire you. I really do. I admire your tenacity and determination. I admire your intensity. I admire your endurance.
And it’s a darn shame you waste all those admirable qualities on the most ridiculous activity (yes, “activity,” not “sport”—I’ll get to that in a moment) that has ever been created.
I will explain.
Swimming is Mind-Blowingly Awful
Consider some of the things that make biking wonderful: You get to see beautiful terrain. You’re going somewhere. You can use it both for entertainment and as a practical means of conveyance. You can talk with your friends while you’re doing it. The variety of the terrain means that you get interesting new challenges on a moment-by-moment basis. And perhaps most importantly, you are unlikely to drown or be eaten by a giant fish (see Jonah 1:17).
None of these desirable attributes can be said of swimming.
Here, on the other hand, is what can be said of swimming:
- It is insular: When you’re swimming, you are isolated from everything. You don’t get to look at anything, except where you’re going (and that’s only kinda-sorta). You don’t get to talk with anyone, should the mood strike you. You do get to listen to the environment—I’ll give you that—but the environment is always making exactly one sound: “splash.” That loses its charm after a bit. Triathletes, consider: people are currently facing court martial for using many of these same tactics to extract information from prisoners in Guantanamo.
- It is crowded: While swimming doesn’t allow you any normal human interaction with your competitors, it does allow uncomfortable, abnormal interaction. Specifically, while you’re swimming in a race (especially open water courses), you’re constantly being kicked and elbowed.
- It is gross: Triathletes, I’m sure you never pee in the pool. And your nose never starts running while you’re swimming. And you never need to clear your nostrils. And you never get a mouthful of water, then spit it back out. And of course you’re not sweating while you swim. Right? Right? Oh. Well, in that case, I’m sorry, but a swimming pool is absolutely the most grossifying place on planet Earth. I just had an involuntary shudder thinking about that stew of fluids you’re swimming back and forth in. Ew.
- It is mind-bogglingly boring: You swim and swim, exerting incredible effort with your entire body to go approximately the speed a child can easily skip. You don’t get to see anything. You don’t get to hear anything. You don’t get to feel anything, except water (and elbows and feet as you’re kicked and knocked about). This is actually the same point I made at the beginning of this bullet list, but I feel strongly enough about it to make it twice.
- I am no good at it: Okay, this may be more my problem than a problem with the sport itself.
- It is dangerous: There are giant fish out there. And they’re hungry. Do I have to remind you of the story of Jonah? Or Pinnochio?
Running is Pure Misery
Giant fish notwithstanding, swimming at least is good for you. It works your whole body out without busting you up. Running, on the other hand, is just plain evil. I’ve covered the problems of running before, though, so won’t go into it here. Trust me, though: Running is bad.
Triathlon is Not a Sport Because it Does Not Fit Into the Way I Choose to Define “Sport”
As far as I’m concerned, a sport is a physical activity you can do for fun or competition. By my (very authoritative and comprehensive) definition, a sport is not legitimate unless you’d go out and do it just for kicks, even if there weren’t a competition coming up. So biking’s a sport. Running’s a sport. Even swimming’s a sport. But doing all three in succession? No, that’s not a sport. That’s a stunt, or self-imposed punishment, or a statement. It’s not a sport.
You do all three events in a row only during a competition, or to prepare for a competition. And while you may be having fun during some of those events, you are not having fun because you are doing all three of the events in a row.
So cut it out.
Triathlon is Arbitrary, and Not Even Imaginatively Arbitrary
Let’s imagine for a moment that none of the points I have made so far stand up. I know, I know: my arguments are so compelling they brook no dissent, but still, for the sake of argument, pretend.
Here’s my final point: Triathlon is silly because it takes three random events, pins them together, and calls them a different event.
Why three events? Why not five? Or eleven? And why always the same three events, always in the same order?
If you absolutely must cram multiple events together, why not get creative about it, from time to time? Here are some suggestions:
- Bike, football, poker
- Bike, horseshoes, log-rolling
- Bike, snowshoe, line-dancing
- Road bike, mountain bike, velodrome, cyclocross (as I type this, I suddenly realize this would actually be a really interesting event)
- Bike, nail-driving, yodeling
I could go on.
A Heartfelt Plea
Triathletes, please. Stop it. The rest of the cycling world would happily welcome you into our arms if you’ll only join us. We’ll teach you how to draft. We’ll teach you how to pedal circles. We’ll teach you how to ride a bike that’s both comfortable and efficient.
Just admit you have a problem. We’ll do the rest.
Sincerely,
The Fat Cyclist
Comment by ladilynn | 03.29.2006 | 6:44 pm
Hi Fat Cyclist,
I just went and voted – you are in the lead with 48.4%.
You should be happy now.
Always enjoy your Space, you should win every MSN Space popularity contest.
Donna
Comment by Unknown | 03.29.2006 | 6:54 pm
no. running. ever. again.
Comment by watrbg2 | 03.29.2006 | 6:54 pm
Well, Fatty, I used to like you but I’m not so sure now….
The only reason I can think of for today’s horrible blog is that you just got back from a longer than normal ride. Sitting on your brains that long can lead to a reduced blood supply and oxygen depervation. I hear a nice swim or run can help!
Comment by Unknown | 03.29.2006 | 6:59 pm
It occurs to me Fatty, that you are about to get a blogswarm from angry triathletes. In the hopes of creating something useful from this, a couple tips for the tri folks.
1) Lose the sleeveless jerseys on your training rides, please. Y’all look like Grease extras that got hit with a 80’s Vintage Neon Stick. You give funny dressing roadies a bad name. I understand that you have to race with them so that tri-organizers can practice henna art on you, but you don’t have to practice in them.
2) Roadies don’t mind you pulling up and doing impromptu wheelsucking all the time. But you should attempt this thing we call "communication" first. The proper terms are "Hi, mind if I sit on for a while" and "thanks, bye." You kill yourself to bridge up to me, then you hang on my wheel panting, and don’t say anything, it’s really kind of creepy. And yes, this happens to me about once a month.
3) Don’t show up for a group ride (or latch onto the end of a group ride) with those bull horn tri/time trial bars. They are a human core sample waiting to happen. And don’t get anywhere near me on hills or curves if you’re trying to drive with those things.
4) Quit suffering already. No, really. It’s called "Base Miles". You don’t suffer during base miles, in fact, you just cruise around. Roadies often (uncharacteristically) smile while doing base miles. If it makes you feel better, you can watch your heart rate monitor the whole time. If you have trouble with aerobic zone riding because you aren’t suffering enough, pretend the HRM is a speedometer, and you are actually going 140 miles per hour. That should help.
5) The other thing is called "Intervals." In combination with base miles, they will make you a *lot* faster than the "I rode really hard again today" training program.
6) When your knees give out, and your fear of water returns, lose the aero bars and join my velo club. We’d love to have you. Lose the sleeveless jerseys first though.
Comment by Jsun | 03.29.2006 | 7:10 pm
I had already commented once today, but accidently lost the whole text just before sending it, arg. So this time may not be as passionate and eloquent. I am tempted to just tell to quit your griping, but that would be misdirected frustration with losing my previous post.
And I felt that today’s blag was worthy of a response. Whereas yesterday’s blag deserved only a "over here! over here! throw your free stuff to me", like a cheap promo t-shirt toss at a baseball game.
Let me preface this by stating that I am not a triathalete, but I do play one on tv.
So, swimming, why the hard feelings? Its one of the few activities that brings out the child-like qualities in a grown adult. What about the cannon-ball, breath-holding, and friendly water splashing. Don’t tell me, you don’t like getting your hair wet, like my grandmother (rip). And although the public pool lap lanes don’t really foster the same change (who swam laps as a kid anyway), my pregnant wife and I can talk and exercise at the same time, and still be a little silly. Perhaps you need to confront your deeper issues with swimming.
I too, will skip the running and biking comparisons and skip right to "triathalon". Its origins also run deep, based upon the rituals of youthful exuburance. The hot summer days spent riding your bike to the local pool, swimming endlessly and constantly being told by the lifeguard not to run. Don’t you see, we are adults now, we can run if we want to, and with scissors. Give them a break, perhaps they didn’t have swimmin’ hole (sans lifeguard). The triathalon just lacks some of the fun.
anyway, you’ll be wishing you had a pool in your new house this summer when the temps in Utah hit 100.
Comment by Dr. Gerald | 03.29.2006 | 7:26 pm
YIPPEEEE, somebody FINALLY has the cajones to call the Try-guys nuts. what does it prove? that they are bigger meglomaniacs than functioning HUman Beings? for this, i should suffer their war stories and recovery therapies?
MY bicycle took me accross the entire US. the most those Tri-Guise can say is that they went round in a big circle. also, an attaboy is that i can cream their butts in their bike training. :o)
Comment by Chris | 03.29.2006 | 7:27 pm
LOL, that was some funny shyte. And hey: "They hammer all the time on the flats, a constant time-trial, but climb about as well as a mountain goat can drive a semi truck" You’ve been following me, haven’t you?
Thanks for the laughs.
Comment by Unknown | 03.29.2006 | 7:39 pm
This was too funny. I hope you don’t get flogged to badly for it. In the defense of runners, of which I am one, I’ll say that it’s a whole lot easier for me to drag my butt up a hill without 20-30 lbs. of metal and gear to go with it.
Nevertheless, I’ll continue to use my non-running time wisely and careen down hills of both the blacktop and dirt variety with nothing to protect me except for thin layers of lycra and plastic.
Comment by Unknown | 03.29.2006 | 7:39 pm
senor no-name, i’m confused, did you not read the original post today? you ask "why the hard feelings about swimming?" and yet, fatty spent 6 bullet points delineating his hard feelings about swimming. feel free to rebut any one of them, but i’m confused by the question, as if you vaguely recognize that fatty posted something negative about swimming, but you’re not sure exactly what or why.
in short, i ask you to refrain from asking for details from fatty, since details are what he is good at, and god knows he doesn’t need any more excuses to err on the side of verbosity, and would that you yourself would provide more detail in defense of the triathlon you apprarently don’t even indulge in (in the legal realm we would, and back me up here al, describe you as "without standing"), detail that goes beyond "it’s fun like riding your bike to the pool, and only wussies make fun of it."
since, even the great fatty, he who spent all this time ragging on tri, has actually participated in one or two. so have i. and i’ll do more. in fact, i plan to do an ironman distance next summer. and yet, i can still say with confidence and vitriol, triathlons suck, swimming sucks, running sucks. but no need to restate what fatty has already so pleasantly put together.
Comment by Robert | 03.29.2006 | 7:43 pm
Your logic is flawed. You claim that swimming is boring because you can’t see anything, but so is sitting in a dark closet. You also claim that swimming in a pool is gross because people pee and spit and sweat, but that’s nothing compared to jumping down into the bottom of an outhouse. Nice work, Aristotle.
Comment by Unknown | 03.29.2006 | 7:48 pm
ouch (waves hands all around head and face!)
all these hornets from the nest are stinging!
Comment by Matt and Ann | 03.29.2006 | 8:19 pm
I may never swim again…
Comment by Unknown | 03.29.2006 | 8:51 pm
Make up your mind fatcyclist, are you proprosing to swim in a pool (ometimes crowded just like traffic on the roads, ditto fumes that are bad for you and high risk of injury caused by others) or in the ocean (pick a nice bit and admire the aquatic scenery – fish, coral etc), peaceful (ie well away from my 4 screaming children) insular (it gives the mind time to ponder questions that get overlooked in day to day life).
Runniing – I guess you have never run REALLY fast – it is a joy to experiance, so much so that some of us have been doing it for 20 years in the hope of reexperiancing the euphoria.
By most definitions of a sport triathlon is one eg our state govt has a definition that separates activities from sports for grants purposes: A sport must involve physical activity, be competitive, be organised, have defined rules of competition, a defined field of play etc.
Tic tac toe is an activity – see if you can find someone to play with.
Comment by Unknown | 03.29.2006 | 9:04 pm
The real question regarding Triathlons is how did so many triathletes wind up with no sense of humor? I see two hypotheses 1) Since they are a self selecting group, it would indicate that for some reason humorless people are drawn to triathlons, or 2) The act of preparing for and competing in triathlons destroys one’s sense of humor.
Fatty, can you spare a few verbs on this subject? I hear you have a lot of them at your disposal.
Botched
Comment by Joshua | 03.29.2006 | 9:22 pm
:) had a great time reading this post. :) i’m a triathlete and still have my sense of humor. :)
Comment by Clint | 03.29.2006 | 9:31 pm
Racing bikes is tactical and your competitor is always right there with you to win or lose against through individual and team tactics. In swimming, its everybody for themselves as hard as they can go.
Comment by Unknown | 03.29.2006 | 9:42 pm
Man, wish I could wear those cool cycling jerseys like you guys. The ones that make you look like NASCAR drivers with sponsor logos all over you. And those awesome little caps. Those look cool.
Comment by Julianne | 03.29.2006 | 10:14 pm
Dear fatty cyclist,
From a swimmer (which by the way I find melts my stress away while Im getting fit & HAVING FUN) I sure hope I never come across you while im driving my HUGE SUV while having a fit of road rage & feeling like tony stewart because then you’d find out why swimming isnt nearly as dangerous as cycling.
I do find your list of possible sports quite interesting though but again, I would go for Dodge vehicle. Meaning of course, Im on some sort of gas powered vehicle (ATC, Motorcross, 4 wheeler, etc…) and its your job to keep the hell outta my way before I run your fat cycling backside over. We could also call it ROADKILL!!
Juels
Comment by Unknown | 03.29.2006 | 10:18 pm
That was very rude. Just because you aren’t good at something doesn’t mean you have to put it down and everybody else who does it. I know that it is your own opinion and I respect that. But in my opinon a triatholon is a sport. My defintion of a sport would be something that gets you physically and mentally healthy. It should also be fun and swimming is. Even if you are doing it in a competetion it is still fun because its heart racing and its a challenge. A challenge is something everyone should want. If you keep winning all the time because its too easy its not fun. Also all sports are dangerous. In cycling you could trip, fall, or collide with someone. Every sports has its risks but that’s something you assume to be able to do it.
One last thing Poker you consider that a sport?
Comment by Mike | 03.29.2006 | 10:23 pm
As a triathlete that currently STINKS of chlorine from this mornings workout I laughed my ass off at this entry. My cycling coach tries to get me to join the cycling ranks every season.
To be honest, I don’t know why I do it. I’ve been swimming, cycling, and running my whole life, it just seemed ‘logical’ to combine them all.
Thanks for giving me a good laugh at the end of a miserable workday. Ohh, I’ll be on the CompuTrainer tonight ;).
Comment by Bruce | 03.29.2006 | 10:25 pm
So this has been making the rounds at our office. You see, being a triathelete is kinda the cool thing to do. So several of us modern atheletes (couch potatoe) sent this out and now we all have something in common to talk about. Nice observations…we modern atheletes agree, thus our sport of choice.B JensenProvo, UT
Comment by donni | 03.29.2006 | 10:27 pm
You need another outlet man. I hate biking it is the hardest part of the triathlon for me. I work really hard at it but it may come very natural for some and not for others. Some of us really like to challenge ourselves. Oh and some of are going to want to have sex when we are 40 and 50. So maybe think about that.
Comment by Nanget | 03.29.2006 | 10:40 pm
Instead of being good at one thing, why not be average at three?
The 4 discipline bike event is an interesting idea. Throw in BMX as well.
juels you are so hardcore man with the pentagram. Your triathlon idea is good but we would have to wait until your social security payment arrives before we could buy the petrol for the SUV.
Comment by John | 03.29.2006 | 10:43 pm
If, as I understand is the case, the Olympics Triathlon rules allow a
peloton to form after the swim stage, that is really silly.
Comment by Connor | 03.29.2006 | 10:48 pm
First time here and let me say that blog was absolutely hilarious. You roadies make me laugh … how someone can spend all that time on the bike and never mix it up a tad. We (triathletes) have the best of all three worlds and I’d have it no other way.
All aside you’ve made a fan out of me and I’ll be back to check your blog later.
Comment by Rose | 03.29.2006 | 10:51 pm
Well I thought your commentary was funny. I also found it educational. Who knew that your critics would be so
passionate.
Comment by Unknown | 03.29.2006 | 11:00 pm
I think your comments are excellent! I couldn’t agree more about running and the amount of stress it puts on your body. I have always felt that running was extremely over-rated. I love getting outside on my bike and enjoying nature- and having a certain camaraderie with other bikers. I do have one complaint however- it’s for the bikers that are “dicks”- the ones whom you wave to or give a nod, and they ignore you and pass by rudely. In closing, biking is the greatest “sport” and one of the greatest ways I love to spend my time.
Comment by Unknown | 03.29.2006 | 11:03 pm
>>>>Oh and some of us are going to want to have sex when we are 40 and 50.
Don’t worry, NoName. I’m sure some roadie will take care of your wife’s needs until you can muster up the urge.
Comment by Gregory | 03.29.2006 | 11:05 pm
I voted for you dude. Your blog is funny and I consider myself an amateur cyclist – so I pretend to relate. I’m not fat though.
Keep me in mind when you do your little lottery
Comment by Zachary | 03.29.2006 | 11:07 pm
Here’s my final point: Triathlon is silly because it takes three random events, pins them together, and calls them a different event.
Why three events? Why not five? Or eleven? And why always the same three events, always in the same order?
http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:-9Id_Bsaha8J:tri-rochelle.com/tri-ORIGIN%2520OF%2520TRIATHLONS.pdf+origin+of+triathlon&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1
Also, for more information the reason things always come in the same order for races is tradition. There is much to be said about tradition considering we still use the Electoral College to elect the President even though it is not what anyone wants anymore.
Swimming on the other hand is good. The point is to be alone with yourself (as is the point of tris) because some people do not really like direct head on competition. You have to focus on swimming and keeping form quite a lot and that keeps it from being boring. And as for gross, I agree to an extent but if you’re going to be scared of nasty water then you shouldn’t ever use a public restroom, or even visit a hospital (plagued with germs).
Althought I couldn’t agree with you more, running is horrible horrible horrible! I just don’t agree with bashing tris.
Thanks for listening.
Comment by Burra King | 03.29.2006 | 11:08 pm
Jeez Louise, some people have no sense of humor. If the whole world was like that i think we’d all be at war becasue someone looked at you the wrong way.
Thank God some people out there can still laugh and take a joke. I love doing triathlon, i finish last just about everytime and i also consider myself a bike rider because i just so happen to ride a bike during the triathlon and also theres a rumor i ride for training.
Keep up the good work Fatty, some people might just get infected with some sort of sense of humor and the world would be a better place.
Comment by Zachary | 03.29.2006 | 11:09 pm
Here’s my final point: Triathlon is silly because it takes three random events, pins them together, and calls them a different event.
Why three events? Why not five? Or eleven? And why always the same three events, always in the same order?
http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:-9Id_Bsaha8J:tri-rochelle.com/tri-ORIGIN%2520OF%2520TRIATHLONS.pdf+origin+of+triathlon&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1
Also, for more information the reason things always come in the same order for races is tradition. There is much to be said about tradition considering we still use the Electoral College to elect the President even though it is not what anyone wants anymore.
Swimming on the other hand is good. The point is to be alone with yourself (as is the point of tris) because some people do not really like direct head on competition. You have to focus on swimming and keeping form quite a lot and that keeps it from being boring. And as for gross, I agree to an extent but if you’re going to be scared of nasty water then you shouldn’t ever use a public restroom, or even visit a hospital (plagued with germs).
Althought I couldn’t agree with you more, running is horrible horrible horrible! I just don’t agree with bashing tris.
Thanks for listening.
Comment by Unknown | 03.29.2006 | 11:12 pm
Your insights crack me up, even though the swimming portion of the triathlon is my strongest leg. It does sometimes make me wonder why I choose to swim back and forth for hours on end without getting anywhere. At least I have time to go over and over song lyrics that are stuck in my head. :)
Comment by Erika | 03.29.2006 | 11:14 pm
Well at least with your attitude, I know there will be one less person getting in my way.
Comment by Jamie | 03.29.2006 | 11:20 pm
It’s interesting that hardly anyone can take someone’s opinion for what it is- an opinion. There always has to be a debate over who is right. With opinions it doesn’t really matter that much except to the one who has the opinion. No one is "right." The facts are "right" because they are facts.
Kudos to you for putting your opinions out there so everyone can reply back that you’re wrong (based on their opinions).
Comment by Katie | 03.29.2006 | 11:27 pm
Voted for your site – have to admit, bloody hilarious!! (I’m Australian, we like the word bloody…)
As a triathlete as well, albeit a rank amateur, I reckon if you can’t laugh at yourself, you’re taking life a little too seriously. My friends and work colleagues think I’m nuts when I finish an event and end up at the office on a Monday taking 20 minutes to walk up 1 flight of stairs. Too true, too true…
But I never thought about the pool thing… that’s truly foul and making me not want to go swimming this afternoon. Oh well, good excuse for an afternoon off!!
Thanks for the laugh, and I’ve got you bookmarked so I can come back anytime!!
Comment by Scarlett | 03.29.2006 | 11:37 pm
wow u really have ur mind set dont cha??well thats really cool and people need to quit dissing all the stuff u do COUGH COUGH !!JUELS!!COUGH excuse me i was coughing lol! well im 13 and i hate rude people …cant stand them but hey im just a kid lol well im gonna go KEEP UP THE HARD WORK!!
Comment by mike | 03.29.2006 | 11:37 pm
lol, people are so debating between biking and swimming.Sure both are dangerous, but I prefer biking over swimming because I am so paraoid about drowing. I often am cycling to work. Forget car, it is too late for me. Not liscense yet, high insurance, high price on gas (here in CA), etc. I don’t want to spend on auto stuff. I have been riding bus for 14 years. Began of last year, I weighed little over 200lbs, I started to walk right after heavy rain season (wettest season in many years). I have not exercised for long time and being out of shape. I discovered that I lost weight fast because I changed the habit of eating and actual "motion body" of "exercises." I eventually started to cycling in late spring although, it is only up to 3 miles to work. I lost 30 pounds in a month last year in May then another 10 pounds over hot July weekend. So far, I have lost 40 pounds, but I need to lose more because I need to get rid of my fat belly.So keep cycling for better health and envirnoment and money too!!!
Comment by Joanne | 03.29.2006 | 11:42 pm
Dear Fatcyclist,
I wondered why I hated doing a triathlon. I wrote an article "Diary of a Late Blooming Triathlete" after I did "it" in Brunei Darussalam with a bunch of other ex-pats who had nothing more socially useful to do, some Gurkha soldiers who wanted to show their fitness (amazing!), and some local Bruneians. I’ll try to find it and post it on myspaces. Thanks for putting it all together for me. I don’t think I’ll ever comfortably swim in a pool again. I really enjoy cycling but not with cycling clubs because you can’t go at your own pace and I tend to get competitive, the part of me I don’t like, and try to out cycle them. I like cycle touring with a small tent and s.bag; stopping to pick mushrooms, blueberries; buy oysters’ etc. Nova Scotia’s great for that. I put alot of that in my book, Coastal Nova Scotia Outdoor Adventure Guide available on amazon.com.
Sincerely,
Joanne
Comment by Causeless Squirrel | 03.29.2006 | 11:48 pm
i’m picky about blogs…and i must say you have a great writing style!
Comment by Unknown | 03.29.2006 | 11:51 pm
Here here!
One other thing that might be added to your list:
=> Triathlons are expensive.
This explains why you don’t see a whole lot of poor triathletes out there. Biking is expensive enough (you need a bike, a helmet, and at least minimally comfortable clothes and shoes) — then if you add fancy swimwear, towels, running shoes, and running clothing you’ve tripled your expenses. NOt to mention that, as you point out, triathletes don’t do these things for fun — they do them to COMPETE< which means (a) a temptation to get the best, lightest, fastest, fanciest of everything; and (b) entry fees and transportation costs for the events. Insanity! (It’s kind of like the joke about the guy who gave up sailing; "I figured out I could just stand under a cold shower and tear up hundred dollar bills to get the same effects.)
Comment by Deum Timeo | 03.30.2006 | 12:02 am
I love biking – I really do, but I must say that I would classify a Triathlon as a sport and cycling more as a means of getting somewhere and a leisure activity. Simply because a triathlon both has a more standardized "arena"; while cycling is quite varried. One can easily say who is a better triathlete – trying to decide who is a better cycler is too dependent on a wide variety of variales. (and having a clear winner is a big part of what makes a sport a sport – hence my large beef with figure skating competitions..)that said – biking/cycling is much more pleasurable and would get my vote any day… it’s just that what you have described is not a sport. :) Well written and amusing article quand même
Comment by Dan | 03.30.2006 | 12:14 am
Very funny! And at times true… the part about the elbows and such. But I’m not so sure about the "stew." Anyway, try to keep an open mind about the sport aspect of triathlon. I do go out and do all three just for fun (gasp!). I’m also crazy about the way I feel, the way I look and the way I’m able to inspire other people toward better health (OMG that was three things… I guess it’s just in the blood). However, there are other things not mentioned in your list of damnable traits of triathlon. For instance, there is; 1. That awful night without sleep the evening before a race. 2. The lack of any social life outside training partners (and they can be less than social). 3. The loss of any personal time. Especially for Ironman trigeeks. Meaning the grass never gets mowed or the bills paid. 4. The extreme cost of this… what did you call it, "activity?" Which really isn’t a problem when you think of it because if the Visa isn’t getting paid is it really costing you anything afterall?Finally, not to sound like a smart-a– but there are sports where they string five or ten sports together: They’re call Pentathlon and Decathlon.Great blog!
Comment by Olivia | 03.30.2006 | 12:23 am
My goodness…I wish I had never stumbled upon this! As my next triathlon is on Sunday, imagine my shock seeing your lovely blog about triathlons. I know most triathletes are of a "special" breed, but there are a few of us who actually do them for fun. Believe it or not. As a "completetor", triathlons are a blast! What a great way to keep yourself healthy, have a great body from cross-training, and keep yourself motivated and challenged at the same time. And, might I add, real triathletes have the best bodies out there. Who can argue with that?
Though not entirely sound, you’re argument IS entertaining…LOL…To each his own…
Comment by barry1021 | 03.30.2006 | 12:23 am
Your Attention Please!
Welcome to all the new participants to Fatty’s site. See how clever he is in sucking you in? For the 85% of you who have been laughing, skip the next section and read all the stuff on FC’s blog. I highly recommend "How to Spit", one of his many pithy informative essays you will find by perusing to the left (not my left, your left!). For the other 15% who have been flaming FC and others, kindly read on:
IT’S A F*&^%ING JOKE!! AS IN HA HA I’M KIDDING!!
There.
If you are not convinced, kindly perform the following exercise on your computer (if you use MSFT internet explorer):
FAVORITES: ORGANIZE FAVORITES: Select FAT CYCLIST: DELETE.
Thank you for you attention.
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 12:27 am
I really enjoyed reading all your blog entries. You have a great sense of humor and style.
Comment by Officer J W | 03.30.2006 | 12:55 am
hey my name is Jordan Westling i live in SLC Utah . Last week a cyclist was kiled near my home in an accident. I see cyclists all the time riding down the freeways and mostly there safe and i admire them and its just sad to see stuff like this happen.
"
A 49-year-old bicyclist was killed Saturday morning in Saratoga Springs when he collided with other cyclists in front of him, fell onto state Route 68 and was instantly struck by oncoming traffic.
William Corliss of Park City was traveling south on S.R. 68 in tandem with seven friends when the lead cyclist came to a stop without the knowledge of the others, said Lt. Yvette Rice, a Utah County Sheriff’s Office spokeswoman.
Unable to break in time, Corliss hit the back tire of the bicycle in front of him and bounced out into oncoming highway traffic near mile marker 30.5, she said.
"The accident involved a collision between a full-sized Dodge pickup truck, which was towing a large trailer with cement forms," Rice said. "By all witness accounts there was no way that the truck driver could have avoided the collision."
Corliss, who suffered extreme head trauma in the collision, was killed on impact, she said. The cyclists were riding on a very narrow gravel shoulder of southbound S.R. 68. At the time of the accident, automobile traffic was heavy, Rice said.
Though the incident remains under investigation, it does not appear to be suspicious in nature, she said"
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 1:04 am
Keep up the good work!! Keep on trying in TRIATHLON!! Never give up!! You can do it one day!! One thing leads to another.. and your next thing will be duathlon, biathlon, triathlon, then Ironman!!
Cheers!!! :)
Comment by Holly | 03.30.2006 | 1:08 am
As someone who only started running six weeks ago and has already learned that running hurts more each and every time I do it, I LOVED your story! I totally agree with everything you wrote!
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 1:12 am
Great!!!! This is a really funny and inspiring site. I weigh in at 255 and love to ride and smoke my thin friends. Thanks for making me laugh and encouraging me at the same time. Good luck with your efforts…maybe I’ll catch up to you sometime.
Comment by allan | 03.30.2006 | 1:12 am
56% of the vote already? You command a large and powerful army big guy.
Comment by Donald | 03.30.2006 | 1:24 am
congrats to fatty for making it to msn front page
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 1:29 am
Hey! You forgot Bike, cow tipping and tai chi!
Hugs to you and yours,
MuMo
Comment by Kathryn | 03.30.2006 | 1:30 am
You have so many comments, this is just one more in the pile of human – but, I’ll drop a line anyway since I’m already here *grin*
I had to laugh – when I was on MSN homepage, I read the blog announcement, and what made me start laughing, just a bit, was the way they put it…."He’s not that fat…" sort of a backhanded compliment, don’t you think? *laughing!*
(also laughed at your triath post…)
ah well, Awoooooooooooo!
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 1:36 am
As a triathlete who came from a swimming background, I can verify and in some cases refute the blogger’s remarks on swimming. Yes, the water we use is only as clean as the people we share it with–the same as the air we breathe as we pedal down the road. Have you ever followed a slow moving stock truck full of cattle? It makes you miss that filthy swimming pool.
Yes, the swim start in some races is more of a contact sport than most cyclists are used to. It has little to do with aggression. In an open water swim it’s usually a case of two comparable swimmers with a defference of opinion on the straightest direction to take. Conflicts usually don’t last too long as the combatants soon realize what a waste of effort it is.
I can’t recollect any triathlete being killed or injured by a big fish. The reference to Jonah is incomplete–he lived to tell the tale, though historians are curoiusly silent about how he did in the bike and run leg of his race that day.
As far as swimming nor being visually stimulating, I would suggest getting a better pair of goggles and crashing a masters swim practice. These folks’ bodies are fit and firm and can be quite attractive in race-quality swimwear.
I’ll go along with the notion that it’s possible to drown while swimming, but I’ve never heard of a drunk driving into a swimmer on the way home from happy hour.
I’ll agree that we triathletes are nuts to a degree. I can’t explain the attraction for most, but for me at the end of a race taking into account what I’ve just gone through and saying "44 years old and I can STILL do this stuff!" is pretty satisfying.
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 1:42 am
hahah awesome, I was swimming in the pool this morning…with a runy nose that I kept having to clear…underwater…so yea…pools are nasty…
p.s. the best place to pratice peeing in your wetsuit is in the pool!
Comment by Laura | 03.30.2006 | 1:51 am
lol, sport is already defined. no matter how you ‘choose’ to define what it is, wont change the actual meaning.
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 1:52 am
Based on the passionate responses you’ve evoked, it might be wise to resist the temptation to skewer Greco-Roman or Sumo wrestlers.
Comment by Parys | 03.30.2006 | 2:08 am
That description of swimming was truthfully humorous! Awesome job on the writing.
Comment by Katie | 03.30.2006 | 2:11 am
Well. with swimming… you get to see the eerie underwater world, coz you dont swim with your eyes shut..
You cant fall off anything when you swim, no grazes, cuts, bruises.
Ifn you are out the front you dont get interfered with, that is incentive enough
.. and with swimming… you breathe when you can, and you have huge hunky shoulders, and a chest to die for…
Comment by Nora | 03.30.2006 | 2:12 am
I do enjoy doing triathlons. I get way too bored just doing one thing over and over…talk about overuse injuries. My %@# hurts after every bike ride, I couldn’t imagine biking as my primary means of exercise! Have a good ride.
Comment by Ted | 03.30.2006 | 2:17 am
I wandered into your SPACE this afternoon, after seeing your story intro on the main MSN page. I want you to know, I enjoyed the stories, going to the bottom of the page and reading back up. I used to ride for "fun" (W/kids & friends) a couple of years ago. I had ridden for many years, from childhood on. After moving to the Seattle area a couple years ago for a job with an airline, AND my being a fair weather rider, my off road biking has gone by the way side.
Now, that I am headed back to KS in the next month or two, I will dust off my bike and ride. It’s has been rough working my schedule of 14 & 6, in & out of town. Not to mention this wonderful Seattle weather… Yeah, it’s a pile of excuses, but to tell you the truth, I really miss my bike riding days. It was such a stress reliever.
I have saved your site to my "FAVORITES" list and will be back to see how it’s going. Thanks for the interesting and amusing story(ies). Keep on riding.
Be Safe & Take Care,
Tred
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 3:03 am
Interesting blog! Saw you on the "What’s Your Story?" website, and decided to check it out, since I also enjoy cycling. Good luck with the votes!
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 3:07 am
Excellent blog, really entertaining.
I am not one with my bike. Picture me going for a leisurely ride around the block with my chocolate lab beside me. Picture me trying to control her leash with one hand while braking and steering with the other hand. Picture me confusing which hand is doing what and you’ll see me grab the brake and go crashing over my handlebars, being pulled along by said dog and limping home…Enough said.
Comment by Mary_Anne | 03.30.2006 | 3:17 am
Good evening,
Love your heartfelt plea to triathletes. Followed your link to the downside running and could not agree with you more. I used to run in the military and upon discharge was told to immediately claim knee problems since every vet will have them due to the daily running. Still, I trained for the Marine Corps Marathon and was sidelined by, yet, Another knee injury prior to the event. Part of me was ticked off about all of that wasted training; the rest of me was relieved that I didn’t have to run 26+ miles. hehe!
btw, voted for you just now and it looks like you’re leading by a huge margin.
Great blog!
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 3:26 am
Great read. Your humor is sharp and very dry (pun). Triathalons: I agree with the seemingly random selection of distances and order. Why not see them sprint for the 1.5 miles and swim for 26.2 miles. Now that would be courageous!
Why always swim first? For a real separation of children and adults, why not finish with the swim? It would give them a chance to cool off before the finish line.
I got back into riding last spring with mostly older friends. They don’t realize that they’re supposed to be slower and out of shape, what a humbler that was. The big kicker was on the days the testosterone surged and we went too far or too fast. Those were the days we tried to punch the "Man Card", but it punched back!
Saddle up!
Comment by Brent | 03.30.2006 | 3:31 am
My First Triathlon Exclusive to First Timers 1/4 mile swim, 12 mile bike and 3 mile run, a triathlon for the rest of us For those interested in doing a triathlon for the first time visit http://www.Tri101.com for Washington State, http://www.Triathlons.net for Canada, and http://www.FirstTri.com for Georgia.
Last year an athlete lost 350 pounds in two years training for My First Triathlon. He originally weighed close to 600 pounds see his story at http://www.Tri101.com
Comment by sno | 03.30.2006 | 4:17 am
i laughed out loud reading this entry, as i have reading others you’ve written. the bit about the swimming pool being disgusting really got me…i say that to my friends all the time! i just moved to nyc and haven’t been able to ride my bike like i did in the midwest…reading your blog makes me so nostalgic for my bike.
Comment by Born | 03.30.2006 | 4:25 am
Hi there fat cyclist. I beg to disagree only on the water part though. Swimming is the only sport that offers you a wet and cool environment, swimming like you say kinda isolates you but that s the beauty of it. there is just you and the water and that is such sweet music if you can listen that is. I love to romance the water with every stroke, with every lap with every push of my legs and hands. Honest can anyone think of a better non sweat y physical sport. NIce post enjoyed your humor and yeah i agreaa the triathlon cannot be caled a sport from your point of view but for the few that do participate i think they must enjoy all three sports. i think its more about giving a chance to excet to those few who arekinda like Jack of all trades and master of none.
Comment by Issac | 03.30.2006 | 4:47 am
I can’t believe that you would attack people like this. I know plenty of people who amazing me every day. I have many neighbors in Seeley Lake, MT, that would disagree with your outrageous statments. You have a lot of nervre saying that it is not a sport. Of course it is. My freinds who participate in these types of events pull boats across the lake in the summer and then bike, and then they run. I don’t know if you have had the time or energy to pull a boat while swimming across a lake latley but why would you knock it, if you haven’t rocked it. You make me sick just thinking that you know best, aren’t you called the fat cyclist afterall. Good luck losing those pounds and don’t worry about all the sweat or anything else that gets on your body. Have you never had a bug fly into your mouth while you were on the bike. I didn’t think so. Stop dissing everyone else and focus on your sport which you furthar degrade with every stroke of the keyboard that you make.
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 4:48 am
All valid points, no argument here.
Send me my stuff.
Comment by Jackson | 03.30.2006 | 5:04 am
You are my hero!!!!!
I wish I could be that good at making fun of stuff. Keep on truckin’
Comment by Cameron | 03.30.2006 | 5:36 am
OK broseph, I voted for you. It wasn’t because of your prize competetion or anything like that. Yours really is the best. So tell that King guy and the other woman that you weren’t skewing the votes and making things unfair. On another note, I do triathlons. I like them. I will probably keep doing them. While some of what you said was entertaining, I think you maybe are just a little underappreciative of the triathlon and all its glory. Its a beautiful thing and I think you of all people should recognize that.
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 5:41 am
You know, the same could be said of road riding from a mountain bike prospective. Oh goodie, more road, oh look, some more road, and yet again, even more road.
My most memerable experiences from road riding consist mainly of being brushed off the road by dump trucks, and hiting my max heart rate (219, i was 18) as I sprinted around a blind corner, hearing a semi roll up at full speed behind me.
Mountain biking has all sorts of wonderful and more managable ways to hurt yourself. Root strewn near vertical drops, low hanging tree limbs, trees, the occasional deer kick (yes its happened to me); all much prettier than pavement, and more attractive even when you make full body contact with it, unlike a Mac grill. Too metallic, clashes w/ the lycra.
Keep up the great writing brother, love when your featured on MSN, keeps reminding me to take some time and check your site out. (won’t lie, free swag rocks too ;)
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 6:04 am
My roomate and I just started running this past month. We’ve both gotten in much better shape, but I hate it. The weather has been poo, so we’ve had to use the track, and I’ll I can think about (while listening to my headphones) is "3 more laps, I can do 3 more". I love biking, but again, the weather, I will not ride in rain, and my bike was stolen last year, so all I could afford was to get a cheapy knockoff, that doesn’t like to shift. It ends up being a big pain, and all I do now is ride it to class. On the other hand, swimming is definetly my sport. Maybe it is because I’ve been doing it longer, my parents forced us all onto the swim team when we were five, and then I joined the ranks with my siblings and became a lifeguard, swim teacher, and water aerobics instructor. However, lap swimming I agree can be the most dreadful activity, I love being in the water. I love the resistance, the lack of joint impact, and, how can you not love diving as deep as you can go, and trying to resurface before you drown. I love it. And hello, you can definetly change up your lap swim, free, fly, breast, back, side, sculling, pull buoy, kickboard, flippers, snorkeling ;) At our family reunions every year, we get together really early at least once, and swim across the lake and back, while the fishermen are still out. it’s wonderful. There’s family bonding time there. We always end up treading halfway through and getting into a huge splashing fight, and halfway through the lake is a huge sandbar. So we stop and "picnic". Can’t wait for the summer
Comment by Cheshire | 03.30.2006 | 6:24 am
Wonderful writing! I love the point of view, the arguments, and the smile I read in every paragraph. Good stuff: keep it coming.
Allow me to share my own interpretation of what is and isn’t a sport. It’s quite simple, though somewhat unique. If it can prepare you for a possible zombie attack (or some other type of invasion), it’s a sport. This automatically disqualifies golf.
Swimming: if you can outdistance the disgruntled merman, you win.
Running: Always a wonderful backup plan for when all else fails. Keep in good shape for best results. Also handy for when the dogs take an unhealthy interest.
Cycling of all types: Much faster than running, and more maneuverable than a car.
You get the idea. If in doubt, just ask yourself: "What if my opponent was a zombie?" If the answer puts you at risk of getting eaten, you’ve got a sport on your hands.
Comment by Audy | 03.30.2006 | 6:28 am
About swimming… you said it YOU ARE NO GOOD AT IT. An athlete accepts new challenges and goals. You may not think tri’s are a sport, but i guess you’re not a REAL athlete. :)
Comment by Audy | 03.30.2006 | 6:31 am
Abput swimming,you said it your self, YOU’RE NO GOOD AT IT. An athlete accepts new challences and goals. You don’t think Tri’s are a real sport, but I guess you’re not a real athlete. :)
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 7:14 am
In 1997 I was diagnosed with conjestive heart failure. At the time,doctors gave me 3 years to live unless I was to find a new heart. I weiged in at 285 pounds and felt like crap! Refusing to just sit back and wait to die I had to do something, anything.I got back on my bike and started riding.At first, I looked like a "Beach Ball" on a tricycle and 5 miles a week was a lot!Nine years later here I am ,52 years old, 175 pounds still the same heart riding 140 miles + per week .I attribute this miracle to great doctors, modern medicine, and a lot of "CYCLING" it’s a fun excersise. People spend thousands on diets,health club memberships,training equipment that is boring and ends up out in front of your home with a "TAKE FOR FREE" sign.Buy a bike and the road is your gym.Always a new adventure. My new motto is "Never Say Never" just keep on rid’in !
Comment by Jill | 03.30.2006 | 7:48 am
I’m with you on all points. This Sunday, just for kicks, I’m planning on attempting my first Triathlon – the Homer Alaska Sea to Ski. It’s a 5K run, 7K bike (all climbing) and a 5K classic ski. I fully expect to be mind blowingly awful in this race – not only is running as gawdawful as you say it is, but I also have a stunning inability to stay verticle on a pair of skis. I’m going to be slow, sweaty and all over the trail. It’s going to be great times.
Comment by uncadan8 | 03.30.2006 | 12:10 pm
It seems apparent that many tri-athletes are so busy training that they have no time to develop a sense of humor.
Comment by barry1021 | 03.30.2006 | 1:56 pm
Hey Issac, your last name wouldn’t happen to be Lammler would it??
B21
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 2:14 pm
Q: How can you tell the difference between a roadie and a triathlete who happens to be training on the bike?
A: A roadie doesn’t have a "Mean People Sux" bumper sticker on his helmet.
A: The roadie isn’t crying because the roadie is okay with being made fun of by roadies.
Q: How can you tell the difference between a person with a sense of humor about what their sport, and a person who takes it wayyy to seriously following complete loss of perspective?A: That’s not funny! Jerk!
Comment by Sue | 03.30.2006 | 2:35 pm
Oh Barry, you beat me to it!
So here’s my best dug impersonation: why Why WHY can’t you people. . . AHHHH . . . blood spurting from eyes. . .the over-whelming, crushing stupidity. . .
Do I really have to post a comment that explains satire and humor every time Fatty writes something that strays even slightly from the absolutely benign (I’m doing my best to resist writing the word "lipoma" in this sentence)?
Botched
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 2:41 pm
Don’t get me wrong, I like this post. But the commentary is what I am laughing at right now. Can there be this many people that either do not consistenly read Fat Cyclist or do that many of you not get it?
This post (like many others) is a joke. Fatty knows that triathlets are badass and he admits for the most part that his dislike stems from his inability to master it himself.
I am not sure which group I am more intrigued by:
1. Those that agree with this post (as though it was serious)
2. Those that got their undies in a wad (as though it was serious)
The day Fatty posts something serious, I will probably keel over and die.
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 2:43 pm
Hey…when is the voting over? Did someone win the gear yet?
Comment by David | 03.30.2006 | 3:25 pm
I’m so sick of all this whinging going on about us l33t triathl33ts!Why do you all insist on calling us geeks? What is a tri-geek? A triathlete whose day job is a circus freak or carnie?What’s up with purist cyclists who snicker and give us the silent treatment when we join a paceline? Is it only because we might have a pair of aerobars clipped on our drop handlebars? Do you really think we are so brain-dead that we will go on them anytime we’re not pulling from the front? Can’t y’all just appreciate the bit-o work we put in to keep the avg. speed up? Maybe it’s because when we’re pulling in the aero position, the 2nd guy is essentially taking a face-full of wind and doing some extra work to pull the train?I’ll grudgingly agree with you about the swim… it’s a nasty, dirty affair. You don’t even mention the dirty water some of us will swim in for training and racing! I’ll one up you and say that by adding that it’s just as nasty on the bike and run. Longer distance triathlons will have cyclists peeing on the bike — one good reason for adhering to the no-drafting rules. Despite the no drafting rule, I’ve come back into transition with snot streaked sunnies courtesy of fellow competitors. Same deal with the run… although the slower speeds and close proximity to each other usually means my nostrils are assaulted with a variety of … aromas, throughout the run.It’s a dirty business.
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 3:34 pm
are you on crack? smoking crack is not a sport, either. i just thought you should know.
Comment by Robert | 03.30.2006 | 4:33 pm
This shows that most people have pretty thin skin. Maybe that’s why they wear the wetsuits. I was with you until I saw your weight-loss photos — oh wait. Those must be humor too. The photos look like they’re from one of those cheesy infomercials. Did you buy a thigh master also?
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 4:36 pm
hey fats,
maybe you should start giving away cheese
to go with all the WHINE around here.
most of us on here are cyclist. (notice how
the blog isn’t named, fat-triathalete). point being,
we all know cat. 1, 2, etc. who are freaking ego-manics.
we make fun of our own every day.
LIGHTEN UP FRANCES!!!!
(by the way, not talking about the country)
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 4:43 pm
Great stuff, I whole heartedly agree.
Keep up the writing. Light hearted and fun to read. For all of you complaining about the tri-athalon piece. Lighten Up! It’s not meant to be taken seriously.
Keep up the entertaining writing.
Comment by regina | 03.30.2006 | 4:58 pm
yep most of us cycle, but apparently some really angry triatheletes read here too, and they do not think fatty is so funny, but I do.
Comment by Unknown | 03.30.2006 | 6:00 pm
I’ll be doing my first tri this summer. But only the bike part. I swim like a rock and look like Shammuu, so the run is out too. I’ll be part of a teen, SWMBO will swim, her maid of honor (at our wedding Saturday) will run and I will bike. The course is on my old training stomping grounds, so i know it like the back of my hand. Will challangeing the tri guys to sprint to the next telephone pole make them angry for upsetting their rythemn. Will they cry if I playfully spray them w/ my water bottle to lighten the mood of the non-peloton ? It sounds like an anti-social bunch, no drafting ect…
Just kidding, tri folks. It is a sport and a tough one at that. Just lighten up on the old Fatty.
Hey FC, how about one of those Banjo Bros bags as a wedding gift? That would beat a toaster hands down.
Comment by Zed | 03.30.2006 | 7:30 pm
Fatty, I think the funniest thing about this post is that I keep seeing an ad for the San Francisco Marathon in your sponsored links section when I come here. Your advertisers must not read your blog too often, eh?
Comment by Gia | 03.30.2006 | 8:05 pm
FC,
Wow, you stepped in it with this subject matter, eh? I am enjoying the fallout as much as your blog! I used to be a competitive swimmer and am still fairly agile in the H2O, but I suck like a vaccuum in the other 2/3 of the tri. I think that competitive tri-ers are a bit uptight and seem to get their knickers in a twist fairly easily, but I have so enjoyed blowing them out of the water before they blow me away on the bike and run!
Whether you believe tri is a sport or not, you have to appreciate the desire for competition and pushing yourself beyond a place you thought you could never reach! Isn’t that what any sport is all about?
Keep up the good bloggin’ and don’t be laughing at my husband and I as we venture out on our bikes this summer with our twin babies in tow! We’re ugly on the bike but havin’ fun anyway!
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 5:57 am
You don’t seem to understand just what the triathlons are about do you.. they involve 3 high endurances races.. pushing the body further and testing how well people have trained themselves.. You may think swimming is gross.. and running is evil.. but thats the challenging part Triathletes face. Just becuase you’re not up to it doesn’t mean you have to make sound like a screwed up game. Perhaps its not a sport… but a competition, and a test of skill / endurance. Ever heard the saying "Don’t knock it before you’ve tried it."? Not that I’ve tried it myself, but I respect all those who participate in such events.
Comment by Margaret | 03.31.2006 | 7:52 pm
I completely understand your rants! My bike and I have become close
friends and the Spring is finally here in Wisconsin….I am looking
forward to hours of site-seeing while peddling around.
About running, I will only be doing that if someone is attempting to take my head off with a machete!!!!!
Comment by Unknown | 04.8.2006 | 12:39 am
Here’s the thing. Me? I really don’t like swimming all that much. Cycling doesn’t float my boat either. Running? Come on. I only do it because it is the only true way to control one’s weight and remain a lean, mean sexual machine. But put them all together and all of sudden I can’t stay away. Ironman? Bring it ON!!!!
Comment by Lloyd | 04.16.2006 | 3:35 pm
wow, fat cyclist, you must have some time on your hands to write all this stuff about cycling and triathlons, maybe you should stop doing this for a while and go and actually try one instead of moaning about how triathlon isn’t a sport. but I’m waiting until I have to leave for a race so I’m gonna comment on your blog.
track cycling:
all you hear when track cycling is the sound of your tyres, and you can’t talk during that.
you’re going round and round in a circle, not actually getting anywhere, WHERE IS THE POINT IN THAT?
you can’t take your bikes off the track because they’re road illegal, cos you dont have a brake, and can’t fit one cos you have no break mounts or brake surface on your rims, so you spend all that money on something you can only ride in a circle.
AND you almost definately drive to the velodrome, when you could be using your bike to get there, which isn’t possible as it isn’t road legal…
but I actually do track cycling, and love it, which seems funny cos I can point out the silly things about it, but having never done a triathlon you can’t really point out the bad things about it.
with road cycling you tend to spend the same amount on your bike as you could buy a car for, and the petrol (gas) and get you to the place your cycling to in a quater of the time, which is usuallly where you start from, which makes it seem pointless, cos your not actually going anywhere.
etc etc
BMXing and MTB, now thers a proper sport. lol.
Nah, cycling all good but triathlons are better cos they take a wider range of skills than cycling. you can’t argue with that.
keep up the blog, it’s amusing!
Lloyd
P.s. As for all the fat cyclists out there, why do you spend so much money on your bikes? just because its got a full dura-ace group set, it’s not gonna make you any better. lose some weight then maybe you’ll go faster.
Comment by Unknown | 06.2.2006 | 12:07 pm
As someone who is really struggling with the swimming part, I found this piece to be HILARIOUS. I’m actually a hardcore marathon runner who finds sitting on a tiny bike seat for hours much more uncomfortable than running for hours. But I’m going to do an ironman activity anyway this year. Thanks for the laughs!!!