Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » An Unfounded, Outrageous Claim

An Unfounded, Outrageous Claim

03.31.2006 | 5:37 pm

This post has been moved to FatCyclist.com.

82 Comments

Comment by Zed | 03.31.2006 | 5:47 pm

My favorite part of this entire entry was that one word: swammed. You rock, Fatty.
Comment by John | 03.31.2006 | 5:58 pm

You should think again and talk to people who actually have done this race. There are time cutoffs for the swim (2 hours 20 mins), the bike (you need to be in transition by 530p) and the run (midnight). If you lollygag like you state above you may be shocked that you don’t finish.
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 6:05 pm

I swim, I swam, I have swum. Swammed? I know you mis-conjugated to gauge the IQ of your readers.
Comment by Yoko | 03.31.2006 | 6:07 pm

I have read about 4 days worth and it’s fun to read! Thanks for the laughs and good luck. I’m a fat mouse on the IT treadmill in Oakland, and am beginning to wonder if Colorado isn’t a better place to be. It sure looks good! I agree with you about pools but the good news is that they usually put enough chlorine in to kill just about anything and icky things that come out of your nose are diluted A LOT. And if you swim fast enough and don’t stop, none of it will stay on you for long. I am most enamoured of Krazillion as a new number. And I also am very curious to know just how high many cubes would be filled up with 100,000 dollar bills – everyone has different sized rooms but cubes at work are pretty similar. I hope you are hearing from your friends at Microsoft.
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 6:17 pm

i watched an Ironman on tv once.
crap, i got tired just watching ‘em start
their watches at the beginning.

just give me a good old crit race
where you can drop out on the backside
of the course and then hop back in after
a couple of laps. that is, if i don’t take someone
out in a crash before.
Comment by Andrew | 03.31.2006 | 6:21 pm

Dear Seeker of the Supreme Soleus,

I believe in you. I hink you can do what ever you put your mind to. You rock. I want a Banjo Brothers bag.
Comment by Karin | 03.31.2006 | 6:21 pm

I have cycled centuries and done marathons. However, swimming is my absolute bane. Many times I have thought that I could do an ironman. However, once I started hitting the pool trying to do a quarter of a mile swimming (without any wet suit), the thought of swimming 2.4 miles seemed completely insane, as it was a struggle. I think I could probably pull an ironman off if I could substitute something else for an hour other than swimming. However, I am currently working on my swimming in hopes that I will get it to a place to where I can swim that distance adequately, as I don’t want to drown. By the way, I loved your swimming blog the other day. I hate swimming. However, I think I’ll try a half first before to get a perspective on how brutal an ironman could be prior to signing up for an ironman. All I can think of is that guy on the gatorade commercial doing the ironman with what can go wrong
Comment by UltraRob | 03.31.2006 | 6:35 pm

There are a lot of things I could do right now without training for it but a triathon isn’t one of them. You see I swim just like a rock, straight to the bottom and stay there. I grew up in dry Colorado where all the water that isn’t in a pool is cold even when it’s 90 degrees. My parents never took me to the pool so I never learned to swim. In college I spent a couple months taking swim lessons. One instructor claimed there was no way I could sink all the way to the bottom of the pool and stay there. She said I’d at least bounce along the bottom. I then had to show her how I could lie nice and flat on the bottom. She then said it was because I had too much leg muscle but my upper body would float. She had me put foam bouys between my legs so I could get the feel of floating. It wasn’t long before my head was straight down and my legs were sticking straight up. I did get so I could struggle from one end of the pool to the other some of the time. Maybe I should try now that I’ve put on some more fat.

Now I did run the Pikes Peak Ascent one year without doing any running for well over a year. As I tell people, the only reason to run is if I have something vicious chasing me and I don’t have my bike. Everybody told me running up hill is like riding a bike. I actually felt good until about mile 6 when there was a section that was flatter and I actually had to run instead of doing a fast walk/jog. Even at mile 12 and 7,000 feet of climbing, I was in the top 50 of 1800 starters. That’s when my legs said they weren’t doing it any more. In the next mile, I had to stop every 100 yards to stretch. I think I finished 181st. At the finish line, I sat down and put warm clothes on. I really thought somebody was going to have to carry me to the bus to take me back down. I finally managed to limp over but I was in way more pain than I’ve ever been from riding a bike. Even after 540 miles on the bike, I’ve been able to walk pretty well. Maybe the Race Across America will be what gets me to the point of that much pain. I hope not!
Comment by Michael | 03.31.2006 | 6:40 pm

Ride on Man.. Great blog
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 6:49 pm

In a sport of personal bests and just finishing I think you would fit in quite nicely. How about the comment with the time cut-offs. Seriously, I think your uni-tard is too tight.
Comment by craig | 03.31.2006 | 6:56 pm

your right FC, Swimming with a tri wetsuit is more like paddling a surfboard. But still, I suck at swimming even in a tri wetsuit. I can do a half IM pretty well so I am confident I could finish an Ironman before cut offs.

The leadville though, I don’t know about finishing. Either its the stories you have told or the pictures of the mine climb or the altitude, but I could really picture myself not making it and my lungs bleading and scarring and…….anyway its sounds like a great time.
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 6:56 pm

i continue to maintain that i could do an ironman today, right now, and finish in the cut-off. the only part that makes me nervous is the 2:30 min swim cutoff (or is it 2:20, i can’t remember). i’m fairly certain, based on my experience swimming 1 mile and 1.5 miles in previous triathlons, that i could finish the swim portion in pretty much exactly the cut-off time.

but, to pay the entry fee, and tell everyone you are going to do an ironman, and miss the cut-off by 2 min after the swim would be a tough pill to swallow.

but, assuming i make it. so, 2.5 hour swim. i can do a 4 something hour century with a good group, so i figure 6 hours for the bike is a safe bet, especially after lazily doing the elementary back stroke for 2.5 hours.

next, i can run a marathon in between 3.5 and 4 hours, depending on my fitness level. if i shuffled the marathon, i couldn’t do worse than 5 hours. but i’ll put some wiggle room in, since i’ve never tried to do a marathon after swimming for 2.5 hours and biking for 6 hours. so let’s say 6 for the run.

that’s what? 6 plus 6 plus 2.5. (taking off shoes to count higher). 14.5 hours.

i’m in. next year (it’s been full for this year for months), cour d laine. who’s with me?
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 6:58 pm

I agree with Fatty, wetsuits make you twice as fast. I did a 1/2 ironman last year and I beat my wife, who is a swimmer. I am a non-swimmer and sink. She was not happy. The rest was easy, it is just a matter of energy management.
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 7:27 pm

Fatty U R out of youre mind. A regular tri you could probably do as you say, but not an ironman. They would pull you on the time even if you could finish by some miracle.
Still, I usually like people of your ilk, and I love your blog so much that I read it instead of my fantasy cycling league.
I would like to add that I completely thought that discovery would start showing bike racing! What th….???!!!
They could at least have Discovery riders on Monster Bikes…
Congrats on recent successes!
Comment by MICHAEL | 03.31.2006 | 7:51 pm

Hey FC, I voted for you today you’re a cinch to win now.
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 7:54 pm

167# and you think your a fat cyclist – try 230# I ride in the clydesdale class. Quit whining or I’ll staple your lips shut! That would help you lose weight.
Comment by Adrian | 03.31.2006 | 7:59 pm

Fatty, you are in for a rude awakening, but I do admire your gusto. Doing any one of the three is an accomplishment in itself, doing them back to back, well, that’s another beast all together, one that will swallow you up whole before you know it…good luck!
Comment by Evia | 03.31.2006 | 7:59 pm

You know – with a hard head and some determination you can do anything. I went from learning how to swim at a Parks & Rec program to a little over a year later doing an Ironman. I dabbled in everything else (adventure racing, marathons, ultramarathons, mountain bike racing, road riding) so why not right?! It seemed like the next logical step.

The swim at IM Florida was great. Fatty forgot to mention that with a wetsuit in salt water (Gulf of Mexico) you have to TRY to drown. The floatation is great!! No hills in Florida on the bike but lots of wind. The run – well, I really only ran the half marathon and walked a lot but it was forward motion. 15 hour finisher ( you have 17). =)

I have tried a 100 mile run (Vermont 100), done 24 hour mountain bike races both solo and on a team, and other various endurance events. In my opinion, a 24 hour (or epic) single track mountain bike ride is far harder than the Ironman. Not to belittle the accomplishment but you just don’t get beat up as much.

Fatty – go for it! IM is a fun event and something you can cross of your list of things to do. Instead of telling us your weight, you could tell us how you stick to the training. You have to register a year in advance so you’d better get moving!!
Comment by Mike | 03.31.2006 | 8:01 pm

I finished my first Ironman on suprisingly little training. I biked two/three days/week and did the same with running and swimming, taking one full day off for rest. That said, I did a 14:51, so I’m not the authority here. I’ve been told by many folks, and now tell others, that the training is many times harder than the actual race, as it should be, and that anyone who’s reasonably fit (especially cyclists) can finish one in the allotted time.

Wetsuits do have an advantage, and that advantage is greater for poor swimmers. I tend to leave the wetsuit at home for anything less than a half-ironman.
Comment by barry1021 | 03.31.2006 | 8:08 pm

While the only part of an Ironman I could even CONSIDER doing is the bike ride (my first century is in May), FC, I think you are truly out of your mind. I think you would find, as UltraRob did, that at some point you would be screaming for gelati girl Alison, possibly in speedo but maybe not, to do her elbow thingie somewhere on your person as you, screaming in pain from areas of your fatty person that you forgot existed, begged for euthansia. Hopefully, it would be televised.

B21
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 8:15 pm

So, yesterdays comment numbers and arguments weren’t enough eh? You are getting some mileage out of these Triathlete posts I must say.
As for me…the swim and biking would be easy or at least do-able. The marathon…not so much.
Comment by barry1021 | 03.31.2006 | 8:15 pm

I of course meant "euthanasia". And by the way, "swammed"?? One day of unemployment, and this is what we get??
Comment by B | 03.31.2006 | 8:28 pm

Wow, I saw this blog featured on msn today and figured hey, why not?! I’m glad I did it, your blog is clean and interesting and a refreshing reminder of why I still work out :)

About your spontaneous-no-specific training: BEWARE. While I make no claims to be triathalon-fit I, also, make outrageous claims at random intervals. This has lead me down the road to suffering many a time but also makes life a little more interesting. One of these interesting claims is that I could make a week-long trek through the heart of death valley with just my pack on my back (and a van that carried tons of water which would follow me). Now, I am a runner, and have done such treks before, but usually at ABOVE SEA LEVEL (ie. around fort peck resevoir: Montana, yellowstone: Wyoming, mount Shasta/trinity: California). Have you ever ran or hiked below sea level? It is MAGNIFICENT! You can run uphill,downhill, everywhere without getting winded, it’s like you’re over-oxygenated. Think: the opposite of running at high altitude. Well, my over-exuberence at the ease of running cost me, …big. At the north end of the valley I encountered a rather large obstacle: the ubehebe crater. It’s a big, dead volcano. In my naive, untrained mind I thought: well I it’s been so easy so far, let’s do a challenge; instead of running around the volcano, like we planned, let’s run up the side of it and use the three-mile lip as part of our course! It’ll be fun:) (so I don’t sound crazy I’ve done Diamondhead in Hawaii and breezed it so I figured….yeah), ….hehe, not so much. So running UP the volcano was easy, but as soon as I got up there reality hit: I was now above sea level at the end of my day- just enough energy to go around and then down the mountain. Well guess what, after going around the lip and getting ready to descend I was pretty tired, no scratch that, my footfalls were irregular and I was on the verge of an asthma attack…and then I fell. No not just onto the ground: INTO THE VOLCANO. Head over heells rolling and then foot braced up against the sand sliding down the volcano. It hurt, a lot. At the bottom I dusted myself off and looked up…bad mojo. Did you know that the inside of volcanoes can be deeper than the outside? So I crawled my way out of the volcano-with help from others, and begrudgingly got into the van-my escapades in the desert were now on the paved roads only. I actually hurt my hip pretty bad, lots of bruising, some joint damage, no running for three months: but I did learn: don’t do it unless you’ve trained for it.
Comment by Robert | 03.31.2006 | 8:35 pm

I can’t run for medical reasons, but I could do an Ironman under the cut-off time. The Utah Ironman triathlon you’re referring to was off-road, which is even better, because the cut-off times are greater. I swam competitively, so the 2.4-mile swim wouldn’t be a problem. 1:15 cruising. If we’re talking Park City mountain biking, it would probably take me 10 or 11 hours to do the 112 miles, depending on the course. That leaves me around 12 hours to walk 26 miles and still make it under the cut-off. I’d need an iPod and some water.
Comment by Michele | 03.31.2006 | 9:04 pm

Dear Fat Cyclist,

I just happened upon your blog yesterday as it flickered on my MSN homepage and I am so glad it did. I am a swimmer, cyclist, and runner (tri wannabe really, but am scared) and enjoyed (immensely) your open letter to triathletes. Yes, I admire a writer who can make me laugh at my computer screen. I admire your sense of humor and the prose by which you craft it. I sent your URL to all of my triathlete friends for a good laugh (though they’re so intense they might not laugh for long) and to my cyclist friends for an even bigger laugh.

Good luck on your move and new chapter of your life.

Regards,

Michele Hoffman-Purdy
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 9:09 pm

Have done two sprint triathlons, one last fall and one this spring. Mostly last place in both of them but they were fun.

The swim, you are correct – on the back when you are breathing more water than air.

Bust it on the bicycle and make up time from the swim.

Run (who is kidding walk) the 5K and hope the heart rate will come down enough that you do not need the medical staff.

Coolest part is watching all the people that do nothing but run, bike or swim and need to use braces to keep their spandex up.
Comment by Carmelo | 03.31.2006 | 9:13 pm

you all need to try a brick workout before you even say word one about how hard or easy this is.

ride a bike for 4 hours and then run for an hour. see what it does to your head and muscles.

if an ironman was such an easy deal i am sure more people would finish them, much less even think about starting one.
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 9:24 pm

As a "pure swimmer" who owns, although has little time to ride, a road
bike, an IronMan would be impossible. The swimming (especially with a
wetsuit!) and riding are do-able. The marathon is laughable though.
I’ve never met a "pure swimmer" who could actually run for more than 20
minutes! We swimmers just ain’t built to run.
Comment by Miss | 03.31.2006 | 9:27 pm

I just want to be a runner.But I can’t do it very well. Your blog has made me think, thank you.
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 9:35 pm

I biked part of the Lake Placid IM last year just for kicks a week after the race… which is insane. There were so many hills, and the incline was just brutal. I’m not a biker, so that definitly wasn’t my thing. I think choosing the correct location to enter an IM without training is the key. A closed body of water would be helpful for swimming so there isn’t much of a current or waves. Obviously, the flatter the better for both the bike and marathon.

As much as i’d love to do an IM and say i could do one without training, it wouldn’t happen. My body was beaten to a pulp after running a marathon last year competitively (as in, i tried to beat the slowest person there). I couldn’t imagine doing that last after biking…

I found when i do tri’s is to just use my arms. I know that sounds pretty silly, but if you’re a good swimmer, you can just use your upper body and do a pretty light kick and you can still remain in the pack, then you have your legs for the rest of the race pretty fresh.

My goal is to do an Ironman by 2011, so i’m just going to take my sweet time.

So, to quit my rambling, and to answer your questions:

1.) I think your nuts for doing an IM w/out training.
2.) Being an endurance athlete, and having my weakest event being on a bike… no… i could never imagine doing those races and finishing. I’d love to do them though to see how far i’d get.
3.) They’d have to pay me the total cost for entry, travel, expenses, gear whatever… and then an extra special bonus for actually crossing the finish line before the cut off time.
Comment by Benjamin | 03.31.2006 | 9:40 pm

whoa.. you didnt even mention any of the running gear required. if your gonna get the wetsuit for the rung, ride w/ a full suspension and a BMX helmet, you guys should do the marathon in some rockports or even slipon fuzzy house slippers or something. That’d be rocking, just to show that you arent serious. Just in case the hobbling isnt convincing enough.
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 9:48 pm

I say go for it. I am a long distance bike rider and I thought when you talked about the wet suit…wow man maybe I could do that too. I can do a century ride and many times I do 68-75 miles in a day. But not much of a swimmer…maybe this is a goal. I feel energized by reading your comments. I do not have a clue as to how much is needed. I would opt for someone to just give you $5,000. and say give it try bud! I am just sure there are plenty of people in the real world like but probably very few here in the Appalachian Mountains. We have the Creeper Trail and the Appalachian Trail to keep us active around here.
Hope you do the challenge.
Comment by brad | 03.31.2006 | 9:48 pm

assuming you’ve got a strong enough aerobic base from your cycling and you can make the swim cutoff of 2:20, then sure you could do it.

IMO, there are 2 key ingredients to a successful IM, aerobic training and the mind to keep going when you really don’t want to. sounds like leadville has been perfect training for that.

so let’s say you squeak by the swim cutoff by finishing at 2:15 (or 9:15am), then let’s say you’re smart enough to hold back on the bike some. Since the bike is your strong suit, holding back might still net you a 6:30 ride. So you’re starting the run/walk at 3:45pm. That would leave you 7:15 to get to the finish line and still be able to call yourself an Ironman. If you walked a decent pace the whole time (no running required) you should just make it. If you jogged every other mile, you’d have time to shower and watch the last finisher cross at midnite (with tears in your eyes, because that’s just part of the sport).

btw: looking out my window in 36 towards your old house, I see blue sky and puffy white clouds. good day for a ride.
Comment by Scott | 03.31.2006 | 9:49 pm

Lets just say that I am new to the whole blog thing. I saw the article featured on MSN and it caught my eye. You see…I am an avid mountain biker myself (in the wonderful state of Colorado) and also what one could call a "fat" cyclist. However, reading your decriptions of your rides (centuries, etc) I am inclined to wonder what you consider fat. If you are in your own estimations a "fat" cyclist then what does that make me….Actually nevermind that though as I would probably rather not know. Anyways, just wanted to let you know that as my first foray into the whole blog thing I really enjoyed your blog. No I dont agree with your perspective on a lot of it but I still got a kick out of it and had several good laughs. Thanks for the fun

fatTER cyclist
Comment by Wilmer | 03.31.2006 | 9:50 pm

FC,
interesting take on the Ironman . . .
Your blog focuses on the physical aspect of the even, which is what immediately comes to mind. However, in my experience with endurance events (including IM) the two keys to completing them are: -proper nutrition–nutrition for a century ride or a marathon is much easier to manage than it is for an IM
-mental toughness–at a century ride you draft and are usually always surrounded by people, at IM, no drafting and you are out there on your own to fight the demons in your head. same goes for the marathon … it is a mental fight more than it is physical.

but I would say go for it!
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 9:54 pm

As long as this is just an outrageous claim, I think you should do the bike portion on your fixed gear.

But seriously, I’m in for ten bucks. $2990 and a wetsuit to go and we can get Fattie to act on this claim!

Who is in?
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 9:55 pm

I think you are insane if you think you can complete an ironman without training. I am cyclist and swimmer (and pretty good at both), but I never run. I wouldn’t dream of doing a marathon on no training, so I wouldn’t even condsider doing it after the swim and bike. You might be able to finish, but I doubt it would be within the time limit.

Is anyone else skeptical about the fact that Fatty is giving out prizes tomorrow? Saturday just happens to be APRIL FOOLS DAY. Hmm… Could fatty be pulling the wool over our eyes?
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 9:57 pm

Why not run/walk the entire marathon backwards? Just for kicks…
Comment by Walter | 03.31.2006 | 9:58 pm

Fatty,
Seems like you’ve got tri on the brain lately — wassup? Looking for an excuse for a new bike?

Speaking for myself, I think there’s nfw that I could do all three in a row right now. At a minimum, I’d be looking for a lot more than $3K and some neoprene contraption in exchange for the pain & suffering…
Comment by christian | 03.31.2006 | 10:09 pm

youre freaking crazy about being able to do an ironman just b/c youre a fit cyclist. as a former triathlete, competitive marathoner, and now exclusive cyclist, i can assure you the carryover of cycling fitness to swimming or running is nil. and just to emphasize that point, keep in mind, cycling is NOT considered a weight bearing sport, running is. and running 26 miles at one time is no easy task, now do it after cycling 112. good luck. id like to see it – youll be in the worst pain of your life.
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 10:10 pm

I have no doubt that you could have finished the triathlon. Especially if the let you bike the run and let you wear your floaties during the swim.

Botched

P.S. If you’re starting work here in Midvale next week, shouldn’t you be packing or something?
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 10:17 pm

Correct me if I’m wrong but there is a 12 hr limit to the Ironman.
I think you would find the lack of upper body stamina to be a rate limiting factor. Being cardiovascularly fit and event specific fit is not the same. It would be a good experiment though.
Take a swimmer and do a triathelon, a cyclist and a runner and see whose event crosses over the best.
mt
Comment by rider2403 | 03.31.2006 | 10:19 pm

I feel like I could leave my desk right now and knock out an ironman by sunrise tomorrrow. The swim is no problem, I bike 112 miles every other weekend. The run would hurt like a mofo, but you can do anything once. I’ve done a lot of ultra endurance stuff on the bike. At a certain point it becomes mental.
Comment by Gia | 03.31.2006 | 10:20 pm

Phat Cee,
I think this is fabulous fodder for tri-ers, cyclers, and runners alike! As usual, everyone has an opinion… I like Ben’s suggestion…do your run in fuzzy slippers…maybe even fuzzy bunny slippers?!
Who knows, you might now be gaining a big enough following that someone takes you up on your offer and funds your "No-Train Tri". Any takers with more money than sense out there? Maybe we could even pursuade the Discovery Channel or OLN to follow the event so those of us at home can follow along as you sidestroke, cycle, and hobble your way through it. We’re rooting for you already!
Comment by Thom Allen | 03.31.2006 | 10:34 pm

Ok, so I was naive. I let my wife talk me into doing a tri.
After several months of training, I’ve decided I’m no where near being in shape
for one of these. I cycle, and run, but man, the swimming has just kicked my
butt. My wife on the other hand will finish hands down. She’s in much better
shape than I am.

Honestly, I thought I could do a tri with little effort. Then I went to a
clinic not too long ago and, well, after discussing my routine, I promptly
decided I had taken the whole thing for granted.

Maybe I’ll finish one in some other life. But if you aren’t strong in all three
disciplines, you will struggle and most likely fail.
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 10:38 pm

Thanks for interesting insights. On my ride last night I kept thinking about all the wacky stuff rolling around in your head…what a circus. After getting sucked into reading 3 months worth of the Fat Cyclist I’ve decided it’s a fun place to visit, but like a circus I’m glad I don’t live there.

And what exactly is wrong with resting one’s middle on one’s thighs when down in the drops anyway?

Here is a thought: F.C. is the same acronym shared by the Fat Cyclist and Fetish Cycles. Maybe you work that angle to hook in and get some extra prizes to share?

I’ll stop by the blog in the future and maybe even throw some thoughts from time to time. Now how about some messenger bag schwag?
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 10:51 pm

I think your assumption is correct. Go for it!!
Comment by R | 03.31.2006 | 11:08 pm

You can do it Fatty! ^^

I just discovered your blog on my msn home page and as a person who wishes to lose weight by cycling herself about town have found some problems with rain. Lots of record setting rain here.

You have become the new standard bearer for my effort, above Lance Armstrong because of where you are coming from. I much better relate to your effort.

Keep on pedalling. ^^

Robyn from San Jose, CA
Comment by Gelati Farms | 03.31.2006 | 11:10 pm

Hmmmmm…

What do I think? I think that if your traffic is way up, then you will get to pi** off a whole other group of athletes a la your Triathlon blog. I would be willing to bet that IM competitors think they are top of the heap fitness wise soooo…somebody who calls himself the Fat Cyclist and thinks he can do one without training is bound to ruffle a few feathers. Way to go. I think you have a talent for this!! Personally, however, I think you should do it, if you guys are all finished having twins that is.

I also think that B21 seems bewitched with the idea of having somebody strip somebody’s (anybody’s) calves with their elbows. Preferrably in a Speedo. If you took maybe $1500 of the $3000 and offered it to a Massage Therapist, you could do your Iron Man AND make all his dreams come true!!

Alison
Comment by Unknown | 03.31.2006 | 11:14 pm

Now that I know about the special swimsuits; yes I could do a triathalon.I wouldn’t finish first, but I would finish, if and only if I had my magic swimsuit. My friend does mini ones all the time – she’s a great swimmer, good biker, but sucks at running. It amazes me that she does them, because physically she is "soft" and does not look like a triathalite.
Comment by joey | 03.31.2006 | 11:19 pm

Go for it! I think this is a great idea. I have always tried to get ready for a big race and only made the first few steps. Watching the marathon runners go by as I sit at my favorite bar drinking beer, maybe the only event I can consider myself faster than most. I did have a roommate who tried the Ironman with his long time girlfriend. They trained for months and come game time, she quit after the first event. They are no longer a couple. So what a great time to give it a shot.
Comment by Chris | 03.31.2006 | 11:27 pm

my fat butt would drown in the swim. The biking I could handle and even walk through the marathon if I had to, but I swear I would drown if swimming two miles. I have the utmost respect and am always left in utter amazement by people that can complete an ironman. You have a great blog. I see my vote helped get you into first at 50+%
Comment by James | 03.31.2006 | 11:33 pm

How do you give equal weight to both commenters and e-mail entrants without spending all day Saturday writing names on little pieces of paper so you can pull one out of a hat?

For extra credit: When a contest chooses a winner "’from among the correct entries," does someone separate the "correct entries" from the "incorrect entries" before pulling one out of the hat?
Comment by Diego | 04.1.2006 | 12:02 am

Hey Mr. Fat Cyclist,

I start all my comments like this :P

Another great blog!
I agree with alison from gelatifarms, you are gonna make Ironmen(?) angry, but that’s ok, because the Fat Cyclist, OWNS all!
Not longer that, but Cyclists in generally, OWN all as well!!

teeheehee
Comment by Diego | 04.1.2006 | 12:06 am

In regards to my post below.
I wrote "Not longer that, but Cyclists in generally, OWN all as well!!"

I meant,

"Not only that, but Cyclists in generally, OWN all as well!!"
Comment by Unknown | 04.1.2006 | 12:17 am

This is a poem for all the naysayers out there:

Triathlons are fun, triathlons are cool.Triathlons are things that start in a pool.Should Fatty do one? We’ll just have to see.I think he should, if it were left up to me.
Blubber can insulate way better than air.Who needs a wetsuit? He’s got corpulence right there.Two miles of swimming isn’t really that hard,When you’re packing floatation as a big tub o’ lard.
Next comes the cycling, but a century ain’t no pickle.He can do it one-legged, on a rusty tricycle. Triathletes stay right, you’re all barely movin’.Fatty’s dropping y’all like the Belgian Tom Boonen.
And marathons? Please, since when were those tough?He’s already done one and that’s plenty enough.Granted, it’ll take him 5 hours or so.Running’s for Kenyans. Fat Cyclists? No!
Take it right to ‘em Fatty. Silence all doubt.Show them that cycling is what it’s all about.These multi-sport gurus, they’ll think it’s so cruel.When a Fat Cyclist shows up and takes ‘em to school.

Keep up the good work, Fatty!
Comment by Tanya | 04.1.2006 | 12:24 am

I just found your blog today…maybe too much extra time at work, but I read some of it. I can’t really tell how good of a cycler you are, but your writing cracks me up! Hopefully your new job allows for more creative writing than just TPS reports. My friends and I want to do a triathalon…but we have decided to split it…that way we can all have fun doing our thing AND wuss out on the training.
Comment by Jill | 04.1.2006 | 12:43 am

As a wife of one of those ironman triathletes you seem bent on demeaning, I must say if you were to ever do one for real it was be an eye opening experience. I personally could not ever fathom myself doing one for pretty much the same reasons that you have stated, but I have grown to understand what makes those that aren’t the first one’s out of the water and off the bike and in from the run ACTUALLY DO THE THINGS THEY DO… for some it is as compulsive to them as your rantings about them are to you. They are some of the coolest people to hang around… they don’t demean others and they don’t expect everyone to do as they do, although some of them would love for the whole world to do one or 4 or all of them. Keep up your writing because I find them as humorous as the TRI pages I go read before I read yours.
Comment by Caleb | 04.1.2006 | 12:57 am

Well, being a person who is currently training for an ironman competition, I would say that if you have been doing nothing but distance biking, and have been doing it for a while, you might stand a decent chance of completing up thru the biking part, but I doubt you would complete the marathon. Biking means you have strong legs, but I think you underestimate how much a 2.4 mile swim takes out of you. If you’re in really good shape, you might finish the biking, but probably not the marathon. I’ve been training for my ironman for almost a year, and I’m still not ready. So good luck.
Comment by Unknown | 04.1.2006 | 1:14 am

Yeah, I’d do an IM too, except I sink. Which is weird, because at 5′11" at 215 lbs. you’d think I’d be pretty buoyant. I *look* buoyant anyway. I run every week for 25 – 30 minutes at the Pro Club and try to bike a couple three times a week too, except when I’m too busy. I guess I’d need one of those wetsuits to get through it all.
Comment by Unknown | 04.1.2006 | 1:17 am

…and I just read those other comments, especially about mental toughness and all. From what I can see, every IM-type says it’s all mental, so I think getting a big iPod with LOTS of tunes, so you didn’t have any repeats on shuffle should just about do it.
Comment by Sarah | 04.1.2006 | 1:22 am

**rolls eyes and groans**
What is it with all these fat male cyclists who, with a confident scratch of the gut, a defiant belch and a quick adjustment of the crotch, believe they are in any position to attempt an iron man? I mean, this must be some kind of ritual – said with a manly deepening of the voice and puffing out of the chest. I know, because I’ve seen my husband do it at the same time my ears have heard those very words from his mouth: "I reckon I could do an iron man" (scratch, belch, etc). Ok. so, granted he’s a fairly competent cyclist. Very powerful in bursts, even. Leaves my arse for dust on the road. But, come on guys… there’s a big difference between being able to ride for 100 kms and swimming 3.8 kms, getting on the bike for 180kms, and then running a full marathon.
SURE YOU CAN *DO* IT… but so can my Nana, and WALKING DOESN’T COUNT!

So, go wax your bellies, put down the beer and concentrate on being *cyclists.* Leave the triathlons to the real athletes … and the mountain bikers!!
Comment by Unknown | 04.1.2006 | 1:30 am

‘Wax your bellies’? Will that help my inaugural triathlon? It sounds faster, like waxing skis or the minivan. Thanks for the advice mum!

Although wait a minute, wouldn’t the wax be under the wetsuit? I don’t get it.
Comment by Carlos | 04.1.2006 | 1:57 am

FC,
I bet you can do it easily! I’ve done it four times and finished hours under the time limit with one simple training philosophy: taper, taper, taper (because you should not be tired before you start an Ironman). I’m also way fatter than you are at 230 lbs. I would recommend you gain a few pounds during training so that you can register in the Clydesdale division. You just gots to believe you can do it! GO FOR IT FC!
Carlos
Comment by Nooner™ | 04.1.2006 | 2:08 am

FC,

I’m back for another visit. Your blogs are great. I’m rereading each of the four nominations once again. I think its wonderful how the four of you are communicating and teasing one another.

The Best of MSN is "must-reading" for me from now on. The talent out there is wonderful.

Good luck.

Nooner
"Nooner’s Comedy Corner"
Comment by Unknown | 04.1.2006 | 2:43 am

Hi. My name is Glenn, and I used to run.

I used to race on the road quite a bit in my youth, and two or three races a week were just fine. People would aske me if I was going to do a marathon, and I would say that no I was not going to do a marathon. They would then always ask as to why I was not going to do a marathon.

"Because there is no doubt in my mind that I could do a marathon", and I would leave it at that, and continued to not ever run a marathon.
Comment by BIg Mike In Oz | 04.1.2006 | 5:26 am

I did a half ironman with no specific training. I would put it in the highly un-recommended category. I swam competitively in high school and raced bikes a lot. Having done several Olympic distance tri’s I was goaded into the Great Race Triathlon. 2k swim, 75k cycle, 20k run. I had literally never run further than 10k in a single day for my entire life. I came out of the water in 268th from 500 starters. Moved up to 19th at the end of the ride and on a course that we did 2 loops of I swear that I pasted a couple of dozen people twice. And then with a blinding run leg I moved from 19th to 312th. I finished in 5 hours 3 minutes and a few seconds. I found out later when I was getting my "finishers" pull-over that there was also a medallion for cracking 5 hours. If I had kept moving while I was vomiting during the second half of the run (most of the second half) I probably would have made it.
Comment by Unknown | 04.1.2006 | 7:20 am

Far-fetched as it may seem, I don’t think I could do a pure Ironman right now. Well, maybe I could if I were someone else.

I think perhaps we should start some sort of triathlon that includes humor and the ability to read because I am simply astounded at the number of people who appear to lack both of those and yet feel compelled to post what they think are scathing comments here… LOLOLOL!!

OR… and this may be yet a better idea.. how about one for them… which includes taking obvious humor seriously. jumping to erroneous conclusions, and Setting Someone Straight!

Hugs to you and yours,

MuMo
Comment by Unknown | 04.1.2006 | 8:24 am

I don’t THINK so. I hate running. Cyclists run like ducks, and should only do it if chased!
mx
Comment by Toby | 04.1.2006 | 9:17 am

Cool bag mang!! You can count me on it :P I could use it to store all my cool Seahawks stuff in. Yea Buddy!!

Great job on the pole leading on MSN Spaces! I vote for the King but ah well.

Take Care!!
Comment by Unknown | 04.1.2006 | 9:48 am

well I did have some halfway witty reply on how cyclist are the greatest beings of all times, w/ their spell checkers (superiour, i know, i suck) but yah, MSN didn’t want to work w/ FireFox, so some cutting and pasting later, i thought i had my response, but instead, a alphanumeric filled link here…. oh well.

P.S. would love some free schwag, i’m a grad student, had a couple years to work on the begging thing

G
Comment by Unknown | 04.1.2006 | 9:50 am

mmm forgot all the stuff in my last comment, M$ must be out to get me now that your gone.

G
Comment by Maryanne | 04.1.2006 | 9:56 am

You can do what every you set your mind to. When you started out you were a really fat cyclest and now you are only slightly chubby. Do the IM and relish in the great sence of accomplishment!
Comment by K.T. | 04.1.2006 | 1:13 pm

Wouldnt it be funny if I won one of your prizes? I entered a few times with my other emails address’s.
Comment by Unknown | 04.1.2006 | 1:58 pm

Hey Fatty and friends,

What would you do???

I take indoor cycing classes to maintain fitness through the winter. (Health issues prevent me from riding in the cold) Anyhoo, this guy has been coming to class wearing cycling underwear in lieu of bicycle shorts. Do you know what I mean? Those liners that you wear under regular shorts to turn them into bike shorts? Geeze, the waistband is clearly labeled indicating that the product is an underliner. Which to me, indicates that if the liners go under, something needs to be worn on top.! But this guy keeps wearing them as if they are shorts! Trust me, it ain’t a pretty sight. It’s like a bloody train wreck, you know you should avert your eyes, but something compels you to look. It’s very distracting.

Should I tell him, or just hope that the weather takes a quick turn for the better so I can ride outside instead?

I come to you with this dilemma because of your vast knowledge of cycling etiquette.

Your thoughts on the matter are greatly appreciated.
Comment by Big Guy on a Bicycle | 04.1.2006 | 3:46 pm

I did a "Sprint Triathlon" once. 3 mile run, 6 mile bike, 400 meter swim – in that order. I’m not a fast runner, and I don’t swim very fast, but I was doing it "for fun".
I was way back in the run, probably in the high 200’s out of 350 or so.
My split on the bike was great, at 17th overall (and I had only started riding again 3 months before).
I was about 10 or so from dead last on the pool. I had so little left at that point that I was cramping within the first 100 meters.
Of course, at the time I weighed close to 260 pounds.
And I’ve never done it again since.
Comment by Connor | 04.1.2006 | 3:48 pm

Talking is cheap, lets see it happen.
Comment by bradley | 04.1.2006 | 5:15 pm

Why all this talk about IM’ing? You can’t instant message yourself around any of this stuff? Duh.
Comment by donni | 04.2.2006 | 7:18 pm

Hey TeeGee222

I just was reading the comments and came to yours. I do indoor riding during winter also. i wonder why he doesn’t just by biking shorts. I’m just wondering if he thinks that is what he bought. Just pull him aside and suggest wearing shorts over top. If he has just started biking he may need a few tips. Or get the teacher to explain to him what he is wearing then you don’t have to. Good Luck
Comment by Peter | 04.4.2006 | 9:36 am

Well, I’ve just got home from Ironman Australia. Tough TOUGH day at the office. 54 minute swim, 5 hours 15 minutes on the bike with 1700m of ascent, and a 3:34 marathon. A PB. Having done all that, I say that ANYONE with a reasonable endurance base COULD do an Ironman. So what stops people? They won’t commit. They like to THINK they could do it, but they’re lacking the one essential ingredient. The WILL to do it. And that’s the difference. It’s not just a physiological test, it’s also a mental challenge.

Have fun!
Comment by Unknown | 04.5.2006 | 10:04 pm

I hate to say it, but triathalons will kick your butt. I did one in college, right at the end of the swimming season (I was on the college team). I was in fantastic shape. this was a mini-triathalon, so I thought it’d be a piece of cake. I think there was a 1000yd swim. I led everyone out of the water, first place. I used to road race a little, so I thought, no sweat on the bike. I think it was a 20 mile ride. I cramped up for the first time in my life on the bike. Think I finished that part in the middle of the pack. Then the run. A measly 2.5 miles, and I had never run that far in my life. I died. So badly, that my "friends" driving in their car beside me (to "cheer me on") laughed at me and pointed out every competitor who passed me. They noted with particular glee the 70 year old man who breezed by. They didn’t care that he worked out like a maniac every day, I’d seen him around. Bottom line, it’s a helluva lot harder than it seems. And I will never do another one again. Love your blog!
Comment by Radhika | 04.11.2006 | 6:22 pm

hey there…din hav much of time 2read ur space, bt it ws nice reading watevah i did.u kno wat, ppl out here nvr visit my space, n it kinda feels lonely to hav no1 leave comments on ur pc,long time no visitors u c,i’m working rathr hard at my space,so y dun u drop in?only if u wanna…
neway, nice space again, n ciao.

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