One Day You Wake Up, And You’re Gay
An Extra-Super-Special Note from Fatty: As promised, Dug wrote a post for today. Enjoy!
When I first got into biking (we didn’t start calling it “cycling” until much later, we were way too grungy for that), I called road bikes “10 speeds” and thought of them as something kids used. I’d had a Fuji 10 speed as a teenager back in Minnesota, and used it to ride to work bagging groceries at Super Value and for my daily commute to the local park to play basketball.
I started riding for real around 1990, during the beginning of the American golden years, with Ned Overend, Julie Furtado, and Tinker Juarez. Yes, I know those people aren’t dead yet, and even still compete, but at the time they were the only names I knew in the professional cycling world. Lance Armstrong was a name some guys in the shop would mention, but usually only to say what a jackass he was and how he was all talent but no brains. But those dirt riders . . . well, let’s just say I almost named my first child Julie and my next two kids Ned and Tinker. I didn’t, but I thought about it.
You know how some people have lists of “possibles” or “exceptions?” As in, a list of famous people, where if you could, you know, have or do them, no repercussions, you would? My list in the early 90s began and ended with Julie Furtado. And no, I don’t have any Star Wars toys still in the box.
But the thing is, all the riding I did for the first half decade or so was on dirt. One guy in Provo who sometimes hung out at the shop (the shop went through some iterations, from Highlander, to Gourmet, to Franks, but it was the only shop I knew that had a “lunch” crowd, and regular time trials and derbys during the day, out in the aisles.), what was his name? He made pottery. Anyway, I remember once heading out for a ride and asking him if he wanted to come. He said he didn’t ride dirt, just road. He might as well have told me he was a mermaid. He did do pottery, after all.
Russel Wrankle, that was his name. Anyway, he said he hated having to drive to a ride, and on the road, he could just start riding from wherever he was. But to me, that just meant he rode more crap. Starting from home is just that much more crap, if it’s on the road. See, I used to ride any and all dirt. Buff and banked, rough and off camber, washboard, stunts, whatever. I just loved dirt. We would finish a trail that had been nothing but baby head rocks and 6-inch deep dust, and I would whoop and holler and say “that was just super, really, just super.” I actually bought a t-shirt from that store in Moab, that just sold red dirty t-shirts.
Do you see where this is going? You do, right? I now ride 80 or 90 percent of the time on the road, I shave my legs because I like how they look shaved, and I love the idea of just getting on my bike and riding out the driveway. And I don’t really want to ride dirt unless it’s primo dirt. I still ride about once a week on the dirt, but rarely alone, because dirt seems to me to be about riding with buddies. I mean, I like riding with people on the road too, but, well, I’m babbling now, aren’t I? Let’s just move on.
The very first road ride I ever went on was the Alpine Loop in Provo, 40 miles, 4,000 feet of vertical. I was on Jeremy’s light green Bianchi, with Mavic ZAP shifting. I LOVED it. You put your head down and climb hard until blood comes out your ears, and on the downhill, you get over 50 mph, pass cars, and get a rush that just doesn’t come on dirt. I bought a road bike very soon after that, did some local crits, and maybe a century or two here and there.
The transition has been long and slow. In fact, it only really occurred to me this morning that I was a roadie first, a mountain biker second. You know. As in “Letting the days go by . . . This is not my beautiful wife . . . How did I get here?”
But one day you wake up, and you know how to how tall Bettini is, and you’re surprised to find out Michael Rasmussen and Cadel Evans used to race on the dirt. I’m not sure how to feel about all this. Remember when Lance Armstrong was going to race some dirt for Trek? I was all excited, thinking, he’s going to be like one of “us.” Well now I think of him racing on dirt as being like one of “them.”
I will now light myself on fire.
But not until I get back from my lunch ride with Brad. We’re riding from Hogle Zoo, up Emigration Canyon, down to Little Dell, and up East Canyon and back. It’s my favorite ride in Salt Lake. I love the road. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Comment by Unknown | 06.14.2006 | 7:54 pm
Road first, dirt when road not practical. Started serious road riding back in ‘73, raced many years, got lost in life, started riding again on a mountain bike, but the road called too loudly to ignore, so pave’ rules again.
Comment by Unknown | 06.14.2006 | 8:05 pm
julie furtado
susan demattei
HOT taco sauce they were (are?) fine.
started road in ‘81. mtn. bike heavy in the
early-mid ’90’s. almost all (99.9999%) road
now. central east coast of florida now, not much
choice unless you want to drive. not one trail in
our county. stupid hurricanes and massively
horrendous developers took all our trails.
Comment by bradley | 06.14.2006 | 8:30 pm
As much as I enjoy the lung searing climbing of single track and jeep trails, the bone jarring descending, avoiding and/or bouncing off and/or smashing into the roots, the rocks, the branches and the stumps when I ride my moutain bike, I can’t imagine ever enjoying it as much as I do road riding. All hail the road bike!
Comment by Unknown | 06.14.2006 | 9:05 pm
Dug,
I’ll see you at the mtb race tonight. Don’t bring your road bike for this one.
Comment by Unknown | 06.14.2006 | 9:14 pm
I used to make fun of "cyclists". I couldn’t imagine how riding a bike on the road could be more fun than dirt. Last year, somehow, the bug bit me. I haven’t been on my mountain bike for about 5 months.
Comment by Unknown | 06.14.2006 | 9:39 pm
dug, i’ve been claiming you were gay for years. you are just now coming to realize it? even though you now consider yourself a roadie i’m glad that you still think it’s gay.
Comment by Rick | 06.14.2006 | 10:16 pm
beautiful post, dug. beautiful. on second thought, yes, i would love to come over friday to watch american flyers. afterall, it’s been a week.
Comment by Unknown | 06.14.2006 | 10:24 pm
No cyclist has dominated the way Julie Furtado did. If it weren’t for Lupus, she’d probably still be going strong.
I was just thinking a couple days ago how everyone I know rides both dirt and road. That’s significantly different than when I worked in a bike shop in 1993 and with 2 exceptions (and they SUCKED on the dirt) everyone I knew was either a roadie or a mt biker.
The thing that I don’t like about the road is that you actually have to be in good shape to keep up with good riders.
Botched
P.S. There’s no way I’m going to be able to make it to the race tonight. . .
Comment by Jose | 06.14.2006 | 11:01 pm
Those who jump the fence never comeback; I refer to the gayness state of life. I am a hardcore mountain biker who does not own a road bike but I told my wife yesterday that I wanted one for father’s day. Am I jumping the fence? I still think that nothing compares to the feeling of a good ride in a 25-mile singletrack.
Comment by BIg Mike In Oz | 06.14.2006 | 11:10 pm
I read the title, then I read the disclaimer, then I thought, "fair enough". If this is going to cast any aspersions on the authors manhood, the owner of the blog wants to distance himself from the author a little bit.
Then I read the entry and discovered that the disclaimer identifies the esteemed FC not as homophobic, but roadi-phobic.
Comment by Andrew | 06.14.2006 | 11:15 pm
Same as it ever was…
I rode a trail this morning that was way over my head. Careening off thorn bushes, trees, and rocks, I ended up looking like I had been gang-raped by the cast of ‘Cats’ (stolen from Team America).
In road riding it seems like you either don’t get hurt at all, or you die quickly, unlike this slow-torture MTB stuff.
MTB sucks. I’m getting a road bike when I can afford it…..
Comment by Unknown | 06.15.2006 | 1:26 am
i dunno, weakest, the worst i’ve ever hurt myself on the mtb is a chipped elbow and a broken wrist. this after lots and lots (and lots and lots) of high speed, slow speed, medium speed crashes.
but on the road, even though i’ve only hit the deck maybe 3 times, jeez, ribs, shoulder, concussion, vertebrae, and enough skin to sew together lots of freaky clothes (it puts the lotion in the basket!).
in short, you ride, you wreck. or you’re not riding hard enough.
Comment by Chris | 06.15.2006 | 2:06 am
Well, we will just have to get you that Allegro then… :)Chris
Comment by sans auto | 06.15.2006 | 3:47 am
Road, 99%. I think this goes back to my school days. I’m completely uncoordinated when any obstacles are involved with exercise (ball, bat, frisbee, hurdles, etc). I have a mountain bike with which I have proven that I can add trees and blackberry bushes to the list of obstacles that render me uncoordinated. I run and I ride on the road. No distractions, just pure exercise.
Comment by Dodger | 06.15.2006 | 4:33 am
Man, whats up with ride names? do you name them, or is it common knowledge even to the non-cycling public? Im going to name my rides from now on.
Comment by Tim D | 06.15.2006 | 9:49 am
Its always got to be a mixture. I love road riding, touring, tandem with my wife, mtb, commuting. Its always been a mixture. Back in my youth (70s) we used to put together bikes from bits off the tip and ride the sandstone trails near our house, or go out with the road club into North Wales. I really love which ever type of riding I’m doing at the time. I even had a go at the track, but its just too far away to do regularly.
Comment by Unknown | 06.15.2006 | 10:24 am
Welcome into the light, my son. Not everybody has the sense to trade in Coors Light for Chateau Lafite Rotschild, but once you develop the palate for it, you understand.
I used to do some XC racing; I far prefer mass start roadracing. The scenery isn’t as nice, but especially in a good hard crit there is an aesthetic to it, and a peleton psychology that makes it fascinating. There’s also the elbowing and bumping and occasional crashing which makes it interesting.
Not that dirt is bad. I’m going to start building up a single speed 29′er this fall, and right now am putting the finishing touches on the ultimate perversion, a fixed gear cross bike. (Yes, a road bike that you ride in the dirt… sick, eh?)
Comment by Unknown | 06.15.2006 | 3:38 pm
I’m a dirt rider that has slowly getting hypnotized into getting a road bike, mainly from reading this blog for the last couple of months..
Comment by Unknown | 06.15.2006 | 4:56 pm
I figured out I was gay in 1974. Finally I have an explanation. Thanks!
Comment by Unknown | 06.15.2006 | 5:11 pm
dug, how was the race?
Comment by Jsun | 06.15.2006 | 7:30 pm
this blog just keeps falling to peices, what is all this talk?
road riding is better than dirt riding, tracks are better than roads, watching ‘cycling’ on tv is better than doing it, sheesh. I guess everyone here prefers a day at the shopping mall to a day in the woods, or would rather suck some exhaust instead of sucking mountain air.
Okay, I did not want to get into the virtues of biking/cycling/two-wheeling/etc because I just like to get out and ride, no matter what, but perhaps this blog should now be called old fat cyclist or wimpy cyclists, or don’t ride the bicycle in case you get it dirty or break a component or get yourself tired.
This comment isn’t going the way I planned so I will stop now. Anyway, Dug, admitting that you have a problem is the first step to recovery. And I would say that your public annoucement should help you to create new healthy habits, but we have seen the results of that with FC.
You probably think I am saying this because I too feel the draw to spend $ on a real road bike and not just slicks. I hate you all.
‘10-speeds’ suck. (flame on)
Comment by joan | 06.16.2006 | 2:39 am
Ahem – well, I read the title and thought maybe I’d gotten onto my blog instead. Dug – I’m very proud of you for finally coming to terms with your orientation. I’m also choosing to assume that, as a hard-core cyclist, the reason you’re considering turning yourself into a human torch is because you are a Lance-ette and not because you’ve realized you’re actually flamin’. It’ really nothing to be ashamed of. You can become a decorator and then you’ll have something to fall back on in case that cycling thing doesn’t work out.
Comment by Unknown | 06.16.2006 | 4:41 pm
wonderwoman, like seinfeld’s dentist becoming jewish, i became gay for the jokes.