As one of the final steps in my annual obsession over the Leadville 100, I put together an easy-to-follow plan for my aid station crew, so as to avoid being slowed down.

Yes, I do this every year, including the ones when I’m fat and slow.

In fact, I think I may pay more attention to my transitions in my slow years than my fast years — looking for any advantage I can find, you know.

For your interest (or lack thereof), here are my instructions to my Mom for this year’s race. It will not hurt my feelings if you scan through this quickly. Unless you’re my Mom, in which case you’d better pay very strict attention. 

Be sure you read "Plan B," though. That’s where the fun part begins.

Aid Station Plan for Fatty

Fish Hatchery 1:
Skip – go straight to Twin Lakes Dam station

Twin Lakes Dam 1:
Time: ~2:45 (9:15am)

• Swap Camelbak: ½ full
• 4 packets Shot Bloks, open and folded
• New bottle of Gu:

• 5 packets
• Topped with water to about half-full bottle
• Shake well

Twin Lakes Dam 2:
Time: ~5:10 (11:40am)

• Swap Camelbak: 1/3 full
• 2 packets Shot Bloks, open and folded
• New bottle of Gu:

• 3 packets
• Topped with water to about 1/4-full bottle
• Shake well

Fish Hatchery 2:
Time: ~6:00 (12:30pm)

• Swap Camelbak: 1/2 full
• 4 packets Shot Bloks, open and folded
• New bottle of Gu:

• 5 packets
• Topped with water to about 1/2-full bottle
• Shake well

Hypothetical Plan B
Since I was feeling extra-helpful this morning, I went ahead and sent the above list to the person I know who will hypothetically be joining me at Leadville and hypothetically racing it. I let this person of non-specific gender (actually, the person’s gender is quite specific, but I am not specifying it right now. Are we clear on that?) know that s/he may want to take a look at it and modify it for her (…or his…) own use.

This is what I got back. I recommend reading it much more carefully than you read my own list, because it’s much more entertaining, and probably more useful.

Fish Hatchery 1: (four hours–10:30 am)

• Beach chair at the ready
• Breakfast of steak and eggs with chilled orange juice and mango slices lightly dusted with paprika
• Pallet cleanser
• Moist towelettes for cleanup

Twin Lakes Dam(n) 1:  (five hours–11:30 am)

• Massage table at the ready
• More mangos, please
• A minty mint julep
• More steak, with cheese fries, please

Twin Lakes Dam(n) 2–this makes it double damn, right?:  (nine hours–3:30 pm)

• I.V. epi-testosterone–fast drip
• A lovely double Reuben
• A chocolate malted
• The bike rack

Fish Hatchery 2:  (nine hours, fifteen minutes–3:45 pm–I think it should only take about 15 minutes to drive to the next aid station)

• Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility
• Carrot cake and an Italian cream soda

Finish:  (nine hours–4:00–again, it’s about a 15 minute drive to town–I can find the race course on my own once we are there–plus, with the cloak of invisibility, I should be fine)

• Pastrami with hot mustard and a 44 oz. Coke
• “Before you check the station stats, may I have my belt buckle, please?”
• “I want to thank my mother and my crew, who gave me the horsepower (more literally than you know) to finish the race ….”

I think my hypothetical friend will do just fine at this race.

Hypothetically.

PS: I’m off to Leadville now, and won’t have frequent Net access. I’ll call my wife after the race, though, and ask her to post my finishing time. Check back Saturday afternoon, around 5pm Mountain Time. I will, hypothetically, also reveal my hypothetical racing friend’s name and finishing time then.

PPS:  While I’m away, be sure to stay up-to-date with the Larry H. Miller Tour of Utah over at the race site! You’ll especially want to track the biggy: Stage 6, this Saturday!

PPPS: A few folks have mentioned they’d like a Fat Cyclist decal like the one I’ve put on the Weapon of Choice. In the interest of full disclosure, you should know that this is currently not a decal at all, but my logo printed from my home color laser printer (did you know a nice color laser printer costs around $300 now?) onto overhead projector plastic, then stuck on with clear packing tape. That said, if you’d like one or two of these "decals," send your address to fatty@fatcyclist.com, and I’ll mail you one. No charge, since I’ve already got the plastic and am willing to absorb the cost of an envelope and stamp. I’ll use interest in these to gauge whether I should create other stuff, like jerseys and whatnot.