How to Ride with Your iPod
I have, in times past, talked about how I never ride with an iPod. How I intended to never ride with an iPod. How I simply did not comprehend why anyone would want to ride with an iPod.
This was before I got an iPod.
Since then, I have reversed myself. Hey, I’m willing to admit when I’m wrong. And — luckily for you — I have quickly become one of the world’s foremost authorities on proper bike / iPod use and etiquette.
Hence, today I present a clear and simple set of rules and guidelines on the proper way to use your iPod whilst on a bicycle.
Where to Put Your iPod
To simply say you should put your iPod in your jersey pocket is to be both insipid and asinine (By the way, I was once called this very thing — insipid and asinine — on a call-in religious program on the radio. Considering that I had called in pretending to have a serious question and then started quoting Frank Zappa lyrics once I got on the air, I daresay it was a pretty accurate assessment. Hey, I was 15.). After all, you’ve got to consider which jersey pocket. And you’ve got to consider the possibility of a messenger bag or backpack.
Hence, these guidelines:
- If you’re wearing a jersey and no pack: the iPod goes into the pocket of your "bad" hand. Ie, if you’re right handed, the iPod goes in your left pocket. If you’re left handed, the iPod goes in your right pocket. That way, when you go to adjust volume or skip songs, you’ve still got your better hand controlling the bike. It’s a matter of priorities.
- If you’re wearing a pack: the iPod goes in the pack. Find a playlist you can live with for the whole ride (or shuffle, or whatever), put the iPod on "hold" so it doesn’t switch off or randomly skip and volume-adjust on you, and go. Stopping your bike to fish around in your pack so you can change songs or move to another playlist is strictly forbidden.
- If you’re neither wearing a pack nor wearing a jersey: Start wearing a jersey, for crying out loud. You’re a sweaty, stinky mess in that t-shirt, and you’ve got no viable place to put the iPod. And don’t start telling me that the armband thingy works, because it just looks dumb. Stop it.
What Headphones to Use
There are two kinds of ears in this world: ears that work with the cheap, tinny cheesy earbuds that come with an iPod, and those that don’t. I have seen people who seem to have custom-designed ear flanges into which the iPod earbuds nestle comfortably. My ears are of the latter sort, which means that the included earbuds fall out of my ears constantly. Indeed, I believe my ears actually repel the earbuds. It’s as if the earbuds are magnetized to the positive pole, and my ears are, too.
For people whose ears do not work with the standard earbuds but who are loathe to get expensive surgery to make them do so, I recommend the Sennheiser MX75 Twist-To-Fit In-Ear Stereo Sport Headphones. Basically, these suckers cam into your earlobes, so that special machinery is required if you ever want to extract them again. But they don’t pop out while you’re riding. I really wish they weren’t acid green, though.
When to Sing Along With Your iPod
When Billy Idol’s "White Wedding" comes on, you’re going to want to sing along. Or at least you’re going to want to sing along if you’re me. Which I am.
And that’s fine (to sing along, I mean, not to be me, although I further assert that it’s OK for me to be me), provided you observe the following rules:
- There must be no buildings visible in any direction
- There must be no people visible in any direction
- There must be no easily-startled livestock in any direction
- If you are riding with another person (or worse, with multiple people), you must make it clear that you are either singing for comic effect or that you understand you are a goober.
Note that the above rules do not apply if you are going faster than 30mph. At that speed, the wind whips your voice away, effectively putting you in an isolated, soundproof chamber in which it is OK to sing your heart out. At speeds of 50mph or greater, it’s in fact a good idea to sing, because it will lend you courage.
Exception 1: Males cannot sing along with any female vocalists, ever. And especially not in a falsetto. Show some dignity, man.
Exception 2: Nobody at all ever gets to sing along with Whitney Houston. Or with Celine Dion. You may, in fact, wish to have these artists removed from your playlist, because they suck very badly.
When to Leave Your iPod at Home
Is it always appropriate to bring your iPod on a ride? No.
- When You’re Racing: If you need music to keep you entertained and engaged while racing, you’re not racing hard enough. And you’re not able to hear me yell "on your left!" as I rip by you at roughly twice your speed because you are twiddling with your volume control. Leave it at home, pal.
- When You’re Riding with One Other Person: To bring an iPod when you’re riding with one other person is just rude. I mean, I’m taking time out of my valuable day to ride with you, riding at roughly half my normal speed so you can keep up, and you’re listening to music, making it impossible for you to hear the very interesting stories I have to tell. What, precisely, is the point of us riding together, might I ask?
The Two-Pause Rule
If you are wearing your iPod and someone you are riding with starts talking to you, you are obligated to press pause. As a courtesy, the person who is talking with you is obligated to start over so you can hear what s/he has to say.
If, two minutes later, someone (doesn’t matter who) starts talking to you again, you should be aware that this is a chatty group of riders and it’s time to turn off your iPod for the rest of the ride. The person who is talking to you has the obligation to start over so you can hear her/him, but s/he does have the right to roll her/his eyes.
If a rider has to start over while talking to you a third time on a ride, s/he has the right to yank the headphones out of your ears and throttle you with them.
The Oblivious Rider Rule
If you either cause a wreck or nearly cause a wreck in a group because you were wrapped in your own little world of audio and couldn’t hear warnings or traffic, the only way you can hope to save face is to immediately crush your iPod as a sign of contrition, then never ever show up at a group ride with an iPod again.
Additional Rules
While I am the final authority on the rules of riding with an iPod, I am not an unreasonable despot. I therefore welcome your suggestions for additional iPod / cycling rules to be integrated — at my discretion — into the final draft of this document, which every cyclist shall be required to memorize, as well as carry a copy on a laminated card.
PS: What to Buy Me
You know, people often say to me, "Fatty, your blog has brought untold joy into my life. I really wish I could somehow give you a gift, as a token of my appreciation." Well, you can. I really want the new iPod Shuffle. I think it would clip onto the front zipper of a jersey beautifully.
Of course, I only need one of these. Well, OK, really I need two, because my wife wants one, too. But once a couple of you have bought me these, the rest of you are going to feel left out. Don’t feel bad, though. You can always send me iTunes Gift Certificates (send them to eldennelson@hotmail.com, please).
I shall now go sit in front of my computer, watching as the gifts pour in, as I’m sure they most certainly will.
Comment by BotchedExperiment | 09.20.2006 | 6:09 pm
I completely reject your caming, twist-lock ear-bud abombinations. That’s just unnatural. And wrong. These however are perfect and I’ll bet much cheaper than those other things.
What is the minimum denomination gift certificate that is non-insulting and shows the correct (or more correctly, minimum acceptable amount) appreciation? Just wondering. . .
I was going to write a review of an "anygry music only" traning regimin that I had started, but I got so pissed off about my lack of progress and the complete BS that constitutes all of life, that I had had to abandon it. Then I was so mad about abandoning the plan, I never wrote the review. Hence, I think you need to promulgate some sort of guidelines as to what type and what quantities of music to which it is safe for one to listen.
Botched
Comment by BotchedExperiment | 09.20.2006 | 6:14 pm
Uh, that should be "angry music only". One of these days I’ll learn to proof-read BEFORE I submit a comment. I think there’s also at least 3 other spelling errors, and the syntax of that last sentence are all messed up and has some discord with the plural "guidelines" and the first part of the sentence.
Comment by Tyler | 09.20.2006 | 6:17 pm
I recently got an iPod Nano and thought "wow, this thing is small. How would it be possible to get any smaller?"Then I saw the new shuffle. Wow.
But, seriously, in any group ride, music seems like a Bad Plan. Maybe it’s all of you silly MTBers that think it is.
But it’s raining in Seattle, so there’s no hope anyhow.
Argentius
– Argentius.blogspot.com
Comment by sans auto | 09.20.2006 | 6:36 pm
I object completely, leave your mind-numbing noise makers at home and enjoy the simplicity of cycling. Some of the anger may come from my innability to afford an iPod, but even if I could afford one I think they interfere with the "experience" of cycling. Yesterday on my ride home, I was able to have a conversation with myself in French and then brag about my abilities to my HS French teacher in an imaginary conversation.
You mentioned startling animals. I once startled a half dozen cows and chased them down a highway in Wyoming. It really adds excitement to a ride and allows you to experience the environment… especially when a mad rancher started yelling at me and trying to herd his cows with his pick-up.
My last point has to do with singing. Singing is the joy of cycling. Nothing is better then singing off key at the top of your lungs while cruising down an old country road at 5 am. Nothing’s better. Suburb singing is fun, but only because I like unsettling the suburbs.
Comment by Tim D | 09.20.2006 | 7:10 pm
I tend to agree with Argentius and Sans Auto, leave the non-brand specific compressed digital audio playback device at home. They isolate you from the world around you. Unless, of course, that is the reason. They can perform the same function as the Hitchhiker’s Guide glasses that black out when there’s danger. If you can’t hear that lorry shooting towards you, it can’t be there.
Comment by Unknown | 09.20.2006 | 7:18 pm
I would like to think most cyslists (road or mtb) are more than capable of riding a bike while listening to music. I think music should be mandatory while climbing. Elden’s rules should not apply on any climb longer than 3 miles with a grade steeper than 6%. I’ve ridden with Elden while climbing AF. I had an ipod, Elden did not. I most certainly violated his rules but I didn’t give a crap. With Paula Abdul whispering sweet lyrics into my ear, the climb was a lot less painless.
Rick Sunderlage (Not my real name and recently attacked by a mountain goat)
Comment by Unknown | 09.20.2006 | 7:19 pm
I have iPod-headphones ears. No other headphones work with my ears. However, they don’t sell replacements. Send me yours, please. Or, I live nearby, I can come pick them up.
-Jon
http://jonlikesbikes.blogspot.com
Comment by Unknown | 09.20.2006 | 7:23 pm
I’m finding the original iPod shuffle + the apple sport case makes an EXCELLENT combo for cycling. You wear the iPod shuffle around your neck (gotta have the sport case or it’ll drown in sweat) and then change tracks/volume/pause through your jersey.
Comment by Unknown | 09.20.2006 | 7:23 pm
I’m finding the original iPod shuffle + the apple sport case makes an EXCELLENT combo for cycling. You wear the iPod shuffle around your neck (gotta have the sport case or it’ll drown in sweat) and then change tracks/volume/pause through your jersey.
Comment by Fat Cyclist | 09.20.2006 | 7:53 pm
botched – those little clips on those sony headphones look sharp enough to cut your ears off in a nice hard wreck. there is no minimum donation amount but you are specifically excluded from donating anything. just find a cure for cancer and we’ll call it even.
argentius – i agree that music is a Bad Plan in groups. but if i’m too hardcore, people will revolt.
sans auto – sometimes a numb mind sounds really attractive. and while i used to agree with you — that the experience of cycling doesn’t need music — i have since changed my mind: there is more than one kind of experience one can have while on a bike. and a musical biking experience is sometimes pretty awesome. especially if you’re listening to "Devo: Duty Now for the Future," which I just purchased on iTunes last weekend. i am rediscovering that Devo was a remarkable band.
timd – "lorry" seems like such a cute name for a big ol’ multi-tonned mechanical contrivance that can easily roll right over you.
rick sunderlage (not your real name) – why would you want a climb to be a lot less painless? how can something be less than painless at all? i’m beginning to think that mountain goat incident shook you up worse than you realize.
jon – i would hand them over, but they actually got destroyed. once as i was descending, they popped out of my ears and fell into the rear wheel, instantly getting tightly wound and shredded in the rear cassette. destructinated!
kodzilla – sounds like a good solution. i wonder if that new shuffle comes with any kind of case, or whether it needs one. i also wonder if if it comes with shorter-than-usual headphones. that would be good.
Comment by Stephanie | 09.20.2006 | 8:08 pm
I have an additional rule… If you are riding solo and are listening to music, you must be able to hear your surroundings. There are way to many times that i’ve either been out running or biking and i say "on your left," and the person is completly oblivious. It’s just annoying and i will NOT stand for it!!! Actually i will since i’m a complete wuss.
Comment by Random Reviewer | 09.20.2006 | 8:10 pm
rules. stop with the rules. i’ll wear it when i want, and leave it home when i want. when i’m racing is when i want it most.
and i demand that i no longer be told about the "experience" of cycling. whatever. you ride your bike, i’ll ride mine. in my experience, ipods make it better.
don’t take your ipod off during a group ride, just turn it down.
and for riding with one other person, namely, you, when we ride together, in order to avoid the calamity of stopping to put my ipod on when the hills get steep and you pedal away from me, i just put it on at the start. and i TURN it on when you decide we’re going too slow.
and lastly, ME donate to YOU? what was that? i can’t hear you, cuz "i wanna dance with somebody . . . with somebody who LOVES me . . ."
Comment by BIg Mike In Oz | 09.20.2006 | 8:17 pm
If the cheesy $2 ear buds fall out of your ears… there’s just one more thing that the holes in your head are no use for.
And to all of you who think that music piped directly inside your skull cavity is a bad idea, here’s the thing. When I’m cruising down the narrow shoulder of the highway I was to remain loose and smooth, that certainly is not my state of mind when I can continuously hear 40000 pound trucks lumbering up behind 240 pound me.
Ignorance is bliss, thus the iPod.
Comment by barry1021 | 09.20.2006 | 8:39 pm
No music. Not on the road with traffic. Nothing in the ears. Never. Ever. Period.
B21
Comment by Unknown | 09.20.2006 | 8:49 pm
I think that you, due to your newbiness in the ipod world and the fact that you wear those tighty shorts, do not–I repeat–do not know the finer points of ipod use on the bike. Let me ’splain.
Have you ever snagged the earphone cord on your handlebar? A brake lever? On a bush? On anything else? You should run the cord UNDER your shirt/jersey, and put it in the pocket of your not-so-revealing-of-unmentionables shorts, thus allowing you access to the thing whilst riding, etc. If you must wear those shorts, run the cord under your jersey and up the back to the pocket. I might add that by following this simple rule, untangling yourself post-ride is remarkably less complicated, as well.
And your "bad hand" theory. That’s just craziness. Say, just for fun, that you are a lefty. So while you are adjusting your ipod you have to grab a handful of brake. What are you going to do? You are going to shoot over the bars and bust yourself up. That’s what you are going to do. If you adjust with your left always, when you grab that unexpected handful of brake, you don’t die.
I, of course, speak from experience.
I’m glad I could help. You needed it.
Rocky
Comment by Unknown | 09.20.2006 | 8:50 pm
Fats,
I sent out 4 Shuffles, did you recieve them yet?
No?
Oh bother.
B21 is right. nothing in the ears during ride time. People are too selfish. Enjoy the ride.
There are starving kids in Khool-a-wasstchie that don’t have i-pods and they ride just fine without them.
Bikemike
Comment by Random Reviewer | 09.20.2006 | 9:14 pm
wow, b21 and bikemike, are you guys like 200 years old combined? do you want me to eat my vegetables too? do the starving kids in africa need my ipod? would that be like "the gods must be crazy" where they spend roughly the length of a feature length movie returning the ipod to the gods?
riding bikes isn’t holy, it’s just riding bikes. remember that, when it was just fun? think of the ipod as kind of like putting a playing card in the spokes. it’s fun.
unless you’re listening to celine dionne. then it’s anti-fun.
Comment by Fat Cyclist | 09.20.2006 | 10:13 pm
stephanie – good rule, though i would promote that out of the "biking with iPod" rulebook into the "general iPod use" rulebook.
dug – the rules are the rules, whether you like them or not. if you break the rules, you face the consequences.
big mike – 240lbs, eh? so how much have you lost altogether?
b21 – if you were to listen do my ride mix while biking, you’d change your mind.
rocky – none of the problems you described have happened to me. in fact, they all seem like things that would happen only to a clumsy buffoon. i wish you a speedy recovery, by the way.
bikemike – i haven’t received them yet, but will now go wait anxiously by the mailbox. thanks! oh, by the way, you and barry should get together and ride.
Comment by joan | 09.20.2006 | 11:39 pm
FC – congratulations on your new Apple sponsorship!! Oh, was I not supposed to let that out of the bag? I would like to add one little tip to your guide. If you have spent all of your hard-earned cashola on a beautiful bike, just forgo the ipod and buy the headphones ($30-40 max) and thread them per Rocky’s instructions. This allows you to still look cool and maintain razor-sharp awareness of an imminent attack by Rick Sunderlage’s (not his real name) alleged mountain goat.
Comment by Unknown | 09.21.2006 | 12:18 am
FC, It is really dangerous to wear the IPod while riding in traffic. Not to mention the time I "lost" myself in the music and ended up getting lost 20 miles from home in the rain. Nope, no IPods while riding outdoors. Indoors on my CycleOps300PT A really, really cool indoor training bike, the IPod rules! Makes long, boring indoor training sessions almost bearable.
Comment by BotchedExperiment | 09.21.2006 | 12:31 am
You should NEVER NEVER NEVER listen to your ipod while riding an indoor trainer, uhm, because you should NEVER ride an indoor trainer.
So, for those of you who say no music in traffic, when driving a car do you turn the stereo off and roll down the windows so you can hear the traffic? What is it that you’re trying to hear that would make a difference as to how you would act? For instance if you want to hear when vehicle is over-taking you, my question would be: what do you do when you can hear a vehicle coming? I just keep riding in my space and just trust that the car won’t run me down. I guess if you pull off the road and stop everytime a vehicle is going to pass you, then not listening to an ipod would make sense, but. . .
Botched
Comment by Unknown | 09.21.2006 | 1:44 am
I remember the "Bible Talk" prank. . .didn’t they start using a seven second delay after that?
I hope those on-the-go Sennheiser headphones are better built than their studio products. I’ve loved every set of Sennheiser cans I’ve purchased–excellent sound and the epitome of comfort, but none have lasted for more than six months. Beefier wiring would help.
KeepYerBag
Comment by BIg Mike In Oz | 09.21.2006 | 3:01 am
Fatty – I just noticed your comment to jon about donating the mangled earphones. The trick is to put the earphones on before the helmet, that way the helmet straps hold the earbuds close by. If they pop out of your ears, they’re still right there for you to put back in. Same if you want to listen to someone talking (but who truly does) you just flip the earbuds out and they are hanging on an inch of cord waiting to be reinserted.
How much have I lost? 37 pounds, but that 240 number doesn’t take into acount any weight that may have found me again during the last 6 weeks when I have been sick. Sick of winter, sick with the flu, sick of assignments. The 3 most prevallent sickness in Australia this time of year. But if it’s any consolation I rode my bike on 3 separate occasions yesterday with the short ride being 13.5 miles. 79.7 miles in one day on 3 different bikes… 37.4 on the road, 28.8 on the track bike and 13.5 on the fixie.
Comment by Unknown | 09.21.2006 | 3:48 am
Fatty
You know what the cycling world really needs? An excellent blog post on the proper etiquette for cell phone usage while riding. I mean, come on, it breaks up the monotony of all that dull scenery. Bluetooth headset, voice dialing, whether or not to play games, there is enough material for a killer post.
Sparky
Comment by Phil | 09.21.2006 | 4:00 am
I don’t use mine when on the road, it’s just a bad idea. On the trail though, it makes the time go by faster. For headphones, I use these:http://www.amazon.com/Philips-SHS391-Behind-The-Head-Headphone-White/dp/B000G35RZO/sr=8-22/qid=1158811005/ref=sr_1_22/002-4513964-2959201?ie=UTF8&s=electronicsThey’re not earbuds, which give me a headache, and you can still hear everything around you when the ipod’s not turned up too high.
Comment by barry1021 | 09.21.2006 | 8:45 am
Love my ipod, listen to it when I WALK from the train to work and back everyday. Got the car adapter, got two pair of speakers, one for work and one for when I travel. And NOBODY has a better mix than I, I say in all humility, what with the combination of the Allman Brothers, Talking Heads, Buffalo Springfield, EmmyLou Harris, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Poco (forget the 200 years between BikeMike and me, Dug, I am 185 on my own). Botched, you are applying Fatty Logic in your argument, which only works in the far reaches of the galaxy and certain parts of Utah, which may be one in the same. What do I want to hear when I ride? Everything! As when I drive, I want to know what’s around me–most accidents are caused by folks that weren’t aware of what was going on around them. No Ipod on the road in traffic, never. I have spaked.
B21
Comment by sans auto | 09.21.2006 | 1:19 pm
It’s not about hearing the cars, it’s about hearing your thoughts and letting them run wild. I get enough media and noise thrown at me during the day, my bike is where I go to escape the constant noise. Why do I need to be entertained while I’m riding? If you need to be entertained to get out on a bike, that’s fine, it’s better than not being on the bike, but you’re missing out on all of the places your brain could take you.
Comment by mtnbound | 09.21.2006 | 4:06 pm
I must say, everyone gets pretty riled up over the Ipod rules. The simpler approach (following the maxim of let be, provided it doesn’t interfere with others) is to let riders use it as they like, provided that it doesn’t interfere with ability to ride or conversations with fellow riders. Thus, if someone violates this rule (e.g. in a group ride, have it turned up so the rider can’t hear/talk to someone else, other riders have the right to rip the Ipod off or, just not ride with them anymore). For riders who have it turned up so they can’t hear necessary road noise, well, natural selection will take care of that. Finally, I just can’t see using an Ipod on a mtb ride – I enjoy the scenery and carefully watch the trail to avoid endos – Ipods just don’t fit in.
Rocky (if that is your real name), thanks – I will have to avoid the Apex trail during mating season (the bull elk’s mating season, not mine).
Mtnbike W (not my real name)
Comment by AMG in Texas | 09.21.2006 | 7:16 pm
Fatty,
When you get WAY too many IPods sent to you, SEND ME ONE…please:-). I am still waiting to get mine for my wedding aniversary…. hint to my wife… With the way the traffic flows where I live at, the IPod may help drown out the irritaded drivers passing me… but then it will just make them SCREAM LOUDER!!! (It wouldn’t help with their hand gestures) I wouldn’t be able to put enough volume on the thing to drown out my own heartbeat!! Perhaps an IPod wouldn’t be such a bad thing so I dont hear the car about to run me over… just I wont be able to select the last song I want to be hearing when that happens. So to avoid said fate, I will not use an IPod while riding… beside, why would you want to break it in your next endo?
Do you know what is worse than riding with an IPod? Riding at night wearing dark clothing and a itsy bitsy tail light. hugga bugga… its more scary than the Cupacabra or the Donkey Lady. Perhaps you have already blogged on this subject before? Perhaps you have experience riding at night and would like to share?
AMG in Texas
Comment by TIMOTHY | 09.21.2006 | 8:03 pm
At the risk of getting pelted with iPods, I have to agree with sans auto on this one – riding is what I do to get away from the noise of everyday life. And I don’t need time to go faster when I’m on my bike – time already flies when I’m on my bike, and I usually don’t want it to end! I guess it boils down to individual choice – for me, riding itself is an experience for ALL of my senses: the rush of the wind in my ears or the sound of the birds and deer, the smell of the trees and dirt, the way the air tastes, the way my legs feel when I’m climbing that tough hill, not to mention everthing there is to see. For me, when one sense is cut off from that experience, it diminishes the experience of the other senses too – kind of like trying to enjoy a great meal when you have a severe head cold.
Comment by Unknown | 09.22.2006 | 1:30 am
cool, let’s get off on the "what do i have on my ipod" tangent.
’70’s-three dog night, badfinger, deep purple, neil young, ccr, doobie brothers( no michael mcdonald crap, please) joni mitchell, little river band, peter frampton, pink floyd, queen(the first 3 albums), rare earth, rush(the early stuff ’til just after permanent waves), steely dan, toto.
’80’s-yes, xtc,ultravox,u2 (gloria was their best), u.k., todd rundgren, tears for fears, split enz, the smiths, siouxsie and the banshees, roxy music, the police, peter murphy peter gabriel, pat metheny, paco de lucia, oingo boingo, modern english, missing persons, midnight oil, michael hedges, liz story, live, kate bush, jerry goodman, japan, hunters and collectors, guadalcanal diary( best band out of athens), the fixx, the dixie dregs, david sylvian, the cure,cocteau twins, cock robin, cris isaac, the cars, brian eno , bill nelson, big country,bela fleck, animal logic, aha, adam ant. the ’80’s ruled.
we’ll just leave the ’90’s alone for now.
bikemike
Comment by Unknown | 09.24.2006 | 2:40 pm
You should never ride with an iPod. It restricts your ability to hear cars, other cyclists, and attacking animals. It’s just not safe.
–The girl who kids iPod wearers out of her pacelines, with no apology
Comment by Unknown | 09.27.2006 | 12:26 am
bikemike: Guadalcanal Diary, not from Athens, best band out of Marietta maybe. Best band out of Athens? Five-Eight
FC: What Nano color coordinates with a Reeses jersey?