How to Get Rid of Unwanted Fitness
An Extra-Special Note from Fatty: After writing yesterday’s piece about Oscar Pereiro, I came across the following picture, released by Pereiro’s team:
That’s real nice, Oscar. But you’re not the only one with a copy of Photoshop. It seems to me that you need second- and third-place winners, too. Let me help you out:
Wow. Kellene is getting some serious air. You know, I’ll bet Kellene woulda won the whole thing if she hadn’t gifted Pereiro a three-day head start. Hey, she wanted to see the sights, you know? And let’s all give props to the frog. After all, it’s not often you see a frog on the TdF podium.
Another (Self-Promoting) Note from Fatty: My latest article for BikeRadar.com is now online. As always, here’s a preview, but you may as well click here to jump to the article and read the whole thing. Oh, and comment the hell out of it, wouldja?
How to Get Rid of Unwanted Fitness
Like me, I’m sure you’ve worked hard through the Winter, Spring, and Summer getting yourself in peak physical condition. Whether you’ve been working toward excelling at racing, touring, or just want to be able to ride as much as you like, you’ve been true to your goals. You’ve dieted right, trained smart, and now you’re in great condition.
Which leads up to a very important question: now that it’s mid-Autumn, how can you lose this fitness as quickly as possible? After all, you can’t claim drastic gains at the beginning of the year if you don’t start working on your stunning fitness reversal right this instant.
Obviously, you’ve got important questions on your mind. Questions like, how can you gain back that weight? How can you lose the definition in your legs? How can you completely reverse the gains you’ve made in your aerobic capacity? And how can you do all this in the shortest time possible?
I’m here to help. Just follow these three simple techniques.
Click here to go to BikeRadar.com and read the rest of the article.
Comment by In Oz during the Bush years | 10.16.2007 | 11:23 pm
It’s time you get a house in the southern hemisphere. National Mt bike championships start Nov. 4th in Adelaide Australia.
Comment by buckythedonkey | 10.17.2007 | 12:06 am
Hmmm. It wasn’t long ago that your winter habits were my year-round existence.
Comment by William | 10.17.2007 | 12:21 am
How about doing 30 minutes on the trainer and using it as an excuse to eat a enormous meal washed down with plenty or booze as a reward for the 80 or 90 cal. that you burned?
Comment by Born4Lycra | 10.17.2007 | 2:37 am
OOh look Adelaide got a mention and not by me. Onya In Oz
Comment by Big Boned | 10.17.2007 | 3:12 am
Draw a line coming out of his head, and Oscar is in the crosshairs…and it looks like a groin shot!
Tour de Farce
Comment by john | 10.17.2007 | 3:22 am
B4L and IO4TBY – yeah there’s a few of us Aussies around – I think we’re the only ones awake when Fatty posts his articles.
Great article Fatty!
Comment by Mike Roadie | 10.17.2007 | 4:30 am
You know it’s official when they spell “Humour” with the extra “U”!!!!
Great article…….now pass the donuts, please; I have training to reverse!
Comment by eunicesara | 10.17.2007 | 5:04 am
Cheese is bad on pasta?
Comment by Lowrydr | 10.17.2007 | 5:19 am
So, I shouldn’t eat that Hot Fudge Sundae after the Loaded Baked potato (ya know with sour cream and bacon and chili and….)? I’ll just go sit on the couch and think about this for a while then. Well un-training is just going to be hard on the brain cells. Think I’ll go see what’s in the Fridge instead.
Pingback by Fitness » How to Get Rid of Unwanted Fitness | 10.17.2007 | 5:41 am
[...] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptWhich leads up to a very important question: now that it’s mid-Autumn, how can you lose this fitness as quickly as possible? After all, you can’t claim drastic gains at the beginning of the year if you don’t start working on your … [...]
Comment by Uncle Bob | 10.17.2007 | 5:41 am
That photo is just perfect… A fake podium for a fake victory in a fake race… Just another used boil dressing on the foetid pile that is pro sports… Meh…
However, Fatty’s fitness-loss programme (surely available soon as a book or DVD with a free set of steak knives…) restored my sense of humour (no extra charge for the U). Sadly however, I suspect I’m disqualified because I have no fitness to lose.
Comment by Steve Nordstrom | 10.17.2007 | 6:32 am
Fatty:
So you had a contest for fitness earlier this season; are you going to have a contest for losing fitness, too? Do I see Twin Six jersey prizes calling? The only catch is, you should win a jersey sized to fit you at the end of the season, to give you something to work for next year when the next fitness contest rolls around. Its beautiful, like the circle of life (or is it a vicious cycle?).
And if you wanted a mid-off-season motivation prize, you could give away cases to those yummy Trailblaze bake-at-home energy bars, as long as the biggest loser (of fitness, that is) promised to eat an entire batch in one sitting with no help from others.
Think about it.
Comment by cyclingphun.blogspot.com | 10.17.2007 | 6:53 am
why is there a pole in his nether regions??
Comment by cyclingphun.blogspot.com | 10.17.2007 | 6:54 am
By the way:
http://cyclingphun.blogspot.com/2007/10/ode-to-fatty-get-rid-of-fitness.html
Comment by Canadian roadie | 10.17.2007 | 7:12 am
The photo completely freaks me out. He’d make a good ad for Crest whitestrips, assuming, of course, that his teeth weren’t Photoshopped too. As for the pole, maybe it’s one of those Oscar dolls that sits on a stand?
Comment by dino | 10.17.2007 | 7:18 am
Yep, Already gained 10 lbs. Nice plan fatty. Its working for me.
Comment by chtrich | 10.17.2007 | 7:26 am
I have rediscovered my love of ice cream and gained 10 pounds since my last big ride in Sept. Ah winter!!!!!
Comment by KT | 10.17.2007 | 7:32 am
Fatty, your article is spot on. It’s been two weeks since I last rode my bike, and I can feel the fitness rolling off me like water off a duck’s back.
Mmmm… duck….
Speaking of the freaky Oscar picture: The pole is to hold up the mannequin. It’s not a real person, the arms are way out of proportion. They didn’t do a very good job with the ol’ photoshop, did they! I like your version better. And what’s with the “two thumbs up” thing?
Comment by Kaspur | 10.17.2007 | 7:39 am
Fatty,
The best way to untrain is to not train in the first place. That way, during the season(s), when you come in last, or next to last, you don’t have to worry about untraining.
Hey, I came in last? Well, if I gain another 10 pounds in the offseason, then what’s the worst that I could do?
Comment by swimmin' at sea level | 10.17.2007 | 7:47 am
“. . . walking across a glacial expanse with occasional penguin meat as your sole source of nutrition.” These words continue to make me laugh, even now. Hilarious!
Comment by BotchedExperiment | 10.17.2007 | 7:58 am
hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell hell
Comment by Willie Nelson | 10.17.2007 | 7:58 am
Liposuction. Your muscles.
Comment by Rachel | 10.17.2007 | 8:01 am
I’ve already started my untraining by eating the Halloween candy. Since that will be long gone before Halloween actually gets here I will have to buy more…then I can start again.
Comment by DOM | 10.17.2007 | 8:22 am
Seems like time to break out the Muesli recipe. Not Sprocketboy’s original, the improved one with hot fudge and whipped cream.
Comment by bikemike | 10.17.2007 | 8:35 am
i use fatty’s un-fitness guide to dieting year round.
how the bloody heck are you supposed to eat pork rinds on a normal cycling
diet? bacon on a century? ribs before a crit? pffft, race training sucks.
racers don’t cheat with drugs, they do it with pork.
Comment by Clydesteve | 10.17.2007 | 8:56 am
how the bloody heck are you supposed to eat pork rinds on a normal cycling
diet? bacon on a century? ribs before a crit?
I can only answer one of those questions with a reliable resource –
Homer Simpson: “As long as I am head of this household, we will do things my way – Bart, butter that bacon and wrap it around your sausage!”
Bart: “But Daddy, it makes my heart hurt!
Comment by mark | 10.17.2007 | 9:06 am
I have certainly slowed down my riding since September, but that’s also slowed down my appetite (and my justification for having ice cream with hot fudge right before bed). We’ll see how I do against the Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas triple threat that seems to do me in every year.
Comment by Lowrydr | 10.17.2007 | 11:11 am
Rachel, thanks for reminding me about the Grandkids Halloween candy. It’s toast, mmmmn candy on toast in the microwave. Yea, now that’s the ticket to un-training.
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[...] How to Get Rid of Unwanted Fitness [...]
Comment by Uphill Battle | 10.17.2007 | 5:59 pm
Congratulations on reaching the podium, Kellene! FC, it is obvious that her thighs got so ripped while riding the TDF!
Comment by leroy | 10.17.2007 | 6:50 pm
Untraining?
Finally, something at which I am a natural!
Comment by Nick | 10.17.2007 | 8:24 pm
I tried it, the crane is coming later to take me out for a bit of sunshine.
Comment by Nick | 10.17.2007 | 8:27 pm
Does that frog still have it’s legs?
Comment by Lee | 10.18.2007 | 4:45 am
I like the buggy eyes in photo 2-nice!
Comment by BrokenSpokes | 10.18.2007 | 6:17 am
Nice to see that the last two FC articles are the most commented ones on BikeRadar. Keep up the good work.
Good vibes coming in from the wet Pacific NW where two pints of Ben & Jerry’s Smores ice cream is now firmly ingrained into my hibernation diet.
Best wishes to you and Susan.
Comment by Flying Penguin | 10.18.2007 | 6:24 am
I think the frogs legs were eaten by the natty French. Waaaay too much protein for me though. I started my unfitness with a 5 day conference where free drinks and food were in abundant supply. Next the “eating season” from Halloween, through, Thanksgiving (here in the states) to be followed by the drinking season Christmas through Cinco De Mayo (sp?). Pay no attention to the calories behind that beer label because in reality all beer is light beer (the bottles just do not weigh that much)
Comment by KT | 10.18.2007 | 8:28 am
Flying Penguin, beer is the food of the gods. If you drink the right beer in the right quantities, you won’t need to worry about eating anything beyond chips, dips, pretzels, and fries.
Besides, lifting the bottle (or pint glass) is good arm exercise. Just be sure to alternate arms so one side doesn’t get overworked.
Here in the PNW, we know beer! And wine! And whiskey! :)
Comment by Marrock | 10.18.2007 | 5:34 pm
And, to be totally contrary to the spirit of this article…
You need to find the lady discussed in this post and get her a pink jersey, stat!
http://www.teamalameda.com/FlashBlog/?p=14
Comment by Jouni | 10.18.2007 | 6:24 pm
eunicesara: Cheese on pasta is ONLY bad if NOT washed down with a buttload (i’ll leave that to y’all, I don’t know about your butts) of Guinness (a.k.a. black delicious) or a raft of Chianti.
Mmm…cheese…
Comment by OlyOop | 10.18.2007 | 10:28 pm
Breaking my collarbone and three ribs the day before the start of cross season has done the trick for me. HIGHLY recommended.
Comment by buckythedonkey | 10.19.2007 | 1:38 am
Pasta and Guinness? Methinks you are taking the concept of fusion cuisine a little too far. ;-)
Comment by Kaspur | 10.19.2007 | 1:43 pm
>>Pasta and Guinness? Methinks you are taking the concept of fusion cuisine a little too far.
Yeah, why take up valuable belly space with pasta???
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