Ode to Scrambled Eggs
Think about this for a moment: out of all your favorite comfort foods in the world, which is the only one you can be 95% confident you’ve always got the ingredients for?
Yes, that’s right. Scrambled eggs. They’re delicious. They’re high-protein. They’re relatively low fat (as long as you do a three whites / one yolk ratio). And as long as you’ve got eggs and something else — or, screw it, nothing else — in your fridge, you can make them.
Furthermore, scrambled eggs are one of very few foods that are completely foolproof. I do not know how it could be possible to make scrambled eggs badly. Crack, stir, heat, eat.
Last Night
Last night I made scrambled eggs for Susan and me — currently, Susan really likes soft warm food (lots of stew). Here’s what went into it:
- Sauteed onion and green peppers
- 4 eggs plus an additional 4 egg whites
- An avocado
- Provolone cheese
- 1 Roma tomato
- Sea salt (I only very recently started using sea salt, having until now thought it was a gimmick. Turns out I was wrong. It actually is discernibly tastier)
- Black pepper
- Cholula (but only on my part of the eggs)
- A little bit of skim milk
Guess how much of it was just sitting in the fridge (or in the pantry)? All of it.
And it was so delicious. The onion, peppers, tomatoes and — especially — avocado made it extra-good.
My wife said I’m a terrific cook, which, while true, was not demonstrated last night. I just combined and heated ingredients until the eggs turned semi-solid.
But you know what? If we had had nothing but eggs and cheese, they still wouldn’t have been half bad.
The Best of All Possible Scrambled Eggs
My Grandma was an excellent cook. And I don’t just say that because all grandsons love the way their grandmas cook. My Grandma was known for her cooking throughout Raleigh, NC, which is home to some seriously good comfort cooks.
One of the things my Grandma was particularly known for — by her grandkids, anyway — was her scrambled eggs. When visiting, we’d always ask for them. And we assumed that her eggs — like everything she made — were good because of some special artist’s touch she had.
It wasn’t until I was an adult that I asked her if I could watch how she made scrambled eggs. Of course I could, she said.
To my surprise, she made them exactly the way I did, with one exception: she added a big hunk of Velveeta cheese.
My sisters, who until then had also loved my Grandma’s scrambled eggs, were horrified when I told them this. Unwittingly, we had been tricked into having Velveeta be the magic ingredient in one of our favorite foods.
To people who use "Velveeta" as a food punchline roughly equivalent to "Spam," it was one hell of a revelation.
But it makes sense, really. Like Velveeta, scrambled eggs get no respect. Too lowbrow. But you know that if scrambled eggs had a fancy name and demanded dozens of ingredients, formal training, and required skillful measuring and a watchful eye — and then tasted just like they do now — they’d be regarded as a culinary masterpiece.
So I say, it’s time we give scrambled eggs the respect they deserve:
Scrambled eggs, in all your elegant simplicity, I adore you.
PS: Susan tells me, "You make it sound like I eat nothing but stew. ‘Stew’ is a gross word, and that’s not all I eat." So, to be clear: My wife does not eat just stew. She also eats gruel.
P
PS: Even though I love my Grandma’s scrambled eggs, I never buy Velveeta "cheese," for three reasons: I’ve seen the nutritional information, I’d be embarrassed to be seen with it at the supermarket, and Velveeta was always the kind of cheese my Dad bought to use as fish bait — it shapes so easily around the fish hooks — resulting in my inability to think of Velveeta as anything but fish bait. I’m pretty sure that contributed to my shock at finding my Grandma used Velveeta in her scrambled eggs: "You mean people can eat Velveeta, too?!"
PPPS: Is Velveeta even available outside the United States? I have a hard time imagining, for example, that you could easily buy Velveeta in Italy. And it would be kind of sad if you could.
PPPPS: I plan to start my 100 Miles of Going Nowhere tonight around 9pm, after I get the twins in bed. I should finish around 2:30am or so. Which means I’ll sleep in on Saturday and therefore wake up about the same time everyone else in the family does (my wife and children are, apparently, vampires).
Comment by usimpto | 01.11.2008 | 6:30 am
Mmm. I love scrambled eggs with toast and grape jelly.
Best of luck on your 100 miles–Deadwood will suck you in immediately and you won’t be able stop watching it. And if you haven’t seen it, try HBO’s Rome when you’re finished with Deadwood.
Comment by Dan K | 01.11.2008 | 6:41 am
Scrambled eggs are a miracle, like egg nog, or bringing somebody back from being “only mostly deadâ€, or cheese. Now, to claim that Velveeta has any place in this trio is highly suspect. If not for your high standing as a master chef and connoisseur, and your idea to include the avocado into the miricle that is scrambled eggs, I would dismiss your idea with the swiftness I normally leave for disposing if insects that have bitten me. However, having the facts in front of me, I wonder if you may be on to something. I’m tempted to take this leap of faith myself, and see what comes from my skillet. Before I take the plunge, however, I must know: If the Velveeta makes the scrambled eggs so great, why did you not include it in the Scrambled Eggs a la Elden that you made last night?
Comment by dailytri | 01.11.2008 | 6:44 am
I just had some this morning. In fact, when training, I eat them five days a week as a great source of protein. My mixture includes 1/2 cup of eggbeaters with one whole egg and one egg white. Some mornings I’ll toss in a little cheese and green pepper and chipotle spice. Other mornings it’s just the eggs. But it’s always tasty. Thanks for the ode to eggs.
Comment by Nicole | 01.11.2008 | 6:55 am
A heartwarming post. :) My ultimate comfort food: ‘Gramie eggs’….. with some super-sharp cheddar cheese and some freshly cooked bacon crumbles.
Comment by Marrock | 01.11.2008 | 7:16 am
I specialize in omes, they’re much too large to be an omelettes.
Comment by db | 01.11.2008 | 7:21 am
Every workday morning, I start with two eggs and some mozzarella cheese, and then just go from there. Avocado, spinach, mushrooms, smoked salmon, shrimp, diced ham, crumbled turkey bacon … anything can happen.
Comment by Rob L | 01.11.2008 | 7:30 am
Good scrambled eggs always require cheese and milk. Sea salt is awesome, I also use kosher salt a lot. Not quite as bold as sea, but a nice between sea and table. Their are some really cool gourmet salts also available out there with some subtle differences.
Good luck in the cave of pain tonight. Now is when you need to add a webcam of ultimate suffering.
Comment by chtrich | 01.11.2008 | 7:56 am
eggs and salsa…simply and yummy.
Comment by chtrich | 01.11.2008 | 7:56 am
or simple and yummy
Comment by Boz | 01.11.2008 | 8:04 am
Go one step further – light scramble on stove top, the slide pan into 350F oven for 15 min. Frittata !!!
Comment by Mbonkers | 01.11.2008 | 8:40 am
Being a northwesterner, I like my scrambled eggs with some smoked salmon, then throw just a bit o cream cheese in and swirl it around until soft and pull off the stove.
You should consider saving your extra egg yolks for something healthy, like creme brulee…
Cooking anything with a blow torch just makes it cooler.
Comment by Mbonkers | 01.11.2008 | 8:42 am
Oh, and sea salt not only tastes great, but contains less sodium per salty taste unit…
Not sure how they measured that but it sure sounds healthy!
Comment by Judi | 01.11.2008 | 9:00 am
I eat eggs and egg whites every morning. At work I eat 3 egg whites hard boiled and my b/f cooks me egg whites with skim milk, cheese, turkey sausage, and toast with fake butter. I am so hungry now!!
Cannot wait to hear about the century on rollers.
Comment by eunicesara | 01.11.2008 | 9:02 am
Since my chickens aren’t producing right now I don’t have parts of eggs to waste. And, since eggs are such a great “budget” food, I wouldn’t add pretend eggs . That being said, I think I finally stumbled on to the secret of my favorite scrambled eggs from childhood when I messed up the yolk on what was intended to be an “over easy.” Now (unless I’m making gourmet – Jaques Pepin -Julia Child – Martha Stewart type scrambled eggs) I crack the egg(s) into the frying pan, let the whites start to solidify, then scramble the yolk into the partially cooked whites. Makes a kind of chunky, but rich tasting, scramble.
Comment by RachelGio | 01.11.2008 | 9:05 am
‘kay, well let it be known that scrambled eggs (or strambled edds, as my brother and I call them) are routinely eaten as a dinner item here, usually with a little salsa.
Another addition to Susan’s wonderful gruel/stew/strambled edds foods should be mashed sweet potatoes. My wonderful husband kept me on a steady diet of this when I had my wisdom teeth removed (at 38, NOT RECOMMENDED!!!!). Boil sweet potatoes til soft, add butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, maybe a little milk. DELISH in it’s oh so comforting softness and sweet potatoes have loads of antioxidants and such goodness. Ruined, of course, if swimming in butter and sugar, but when you’ve had your wisdom teeth removed, who freakin’ cares, right?
Comment by Tyson | 01.11.2008 | 9:08 am
You mean sea salt isn’t a gimmick!?! I learn so much from this blog! :)
Eggs are magical because they form a tast bridge between very different things that normally could not be together.
They’re like the UN of food- they get between the different sides and acting like a buffer.
Oh and thanks for guilting me into putting my bike back on the trainer. I hate biking indoors… :(
Comment by sans auto | 01.11.2008 | 9:21 am
I was dismayed to learn that my Grandma’s secret ingredient for scrambled eggs was mayonaise. I HATE mayonnaise, how can Grammie’s eggs contain the stuff and still taste good?
Comment by fatty | 01.11.2008 | 9:25 am
tyson – yeah, for years i just rolled my eyes at the thought of sea salt. and then when my sister kellene visited recently and brought some with her, i was startled to find that it really does taste better. i’m skeptical as to whether it’s any better for you, but it is more delicious than regular salt.
Comment by swtkaroline | 01.11.2008 | 9:33 am
mmmm Velveeta and Rotel. It just doesn’t get any better.
Unless…you mixed the resulting cheesy goodness into Scrambled Eggs!
/drool
Comment by mark | 01.11.2008 | 9:44 am
Many chefs consider cooking an egg well to be the hallmark of a skilled cook. I guess that is why all of us seem to regard our grandmother’s cooking so highly. My grandmother’s trademark combination was fried eggs with toast and beet jelly. Yes, you read that correctly. Sounds odd, I know, but if you put some beet jelly on your toast and eat it with an over-easy egg, you will understand.
Comment by Lowrydr | 01.11.2008 | 9:49 am
Great story on eggs Fatty.
My Grandson (5) once told this Mom that he hoped Popa was going to have some eggs and meat for breakfast when he was staying the night with us. It really slayed his mother, he won’t eat eggs at home. It must be the special ingredient of mine. I chop up Spam and pre fry it to remove some of the oil. Then add it to the eggs while cooking, then top with shredded Mild Cheddar and chopped green onions sometimes too. Or use Smoked Ham for the meat additive pre-fried of course.
As for your shot at the 100 tonite, just ignore those voices you hear at mile 80 or so. It’s all just in the movie right, your subdivision isn’t built over an Indian burial ground or something is it?
Comment by Lowrydr | 01.11.2008 | 9:52 am
That’s ….his Mom…. Duh!!
Comment by Don (cyclingphun.blogspot.com) | 01.11.2008 | 9:53 am
Scrambled eggs are, in fact, thee bomb! Sea salt is better, and Cholula is the perfect condiment. You can botch them, however. I love my mom, but she always managed to take it JUST a step too far and brown the egg. I believe browning a scrambled egg should be a cardinal sin or something. You need to leave them just on the other side of “loose” as my grandmother would say, just enough to take the runny part out. My Grandma (Italian) also made the BEST Frittatas hands down! For those of you who are not keen to Frittatas please feel free to google it now.
Comment by bikemike | 01.11.2008 | 10:26 am
hey elden, how about velveeta as your food of choice on the “Rolling Century”
this weekend? no? can’t say as i blame ya. just a thought.
i will throw out two words in all seriousness, chamois butt’r. use it or lose it.
good luck!
Comment by Ka_Jun | 01.11.2008 | 10:30 am
Cholula, ah, a taste for good hotsauce. Cholula is good, but if you want to go better, get yourselves a bottle of Nando’s Medium from South Africa (we get it at Whole Foods). Truly the best hotsauce for scrambled eggs, bar none.
Comment by Clydesdale | 01.11.2008 | 10:31 am
I don’t know about Europe but you can get Velveeta, and Cheese Whiz, in Canada…. unfortunatley….
I had a hard time even writing those 2 names….
Comment by KT | 01.11.2008 | 11:04 am
We call ‘em scrammely eggs in my house. My b/f makes a good batch, but he’s an engineer and has got it down to a science.
I like my scrammely eggs (pronounces scram-ell-ee eggs) nicely mixed up with Bandon cheddar cheese and bits of smoked turkey. With crispely bacon (crisp-ell-ee) and an english muffin with butter. And good coffee and a glass of cranmerry-grape juice.
Yes. I am an adult. So I can call it whatever I want, so there.
Sea salt, eh. I do learn something new every day on this blog. Sometimes it’s useful, sometimes it’s about someone’s private parts– not so useful.
Good luck on the rollers tonight. Personally, I woulda done it in the morning, but I find I’m more motivated to ride in the morning than at night. Unless it’s winter, and then I want to sleep. And unless we’re talking about The Night Ride, and then all bets are off.
Comment by Gillian | 01.11.2008 | 11:08 am
Your grandma lives in my town. Maybe I should call her up and have her cook me some eggs!
I actually put Kraft American cheese slices in my scrambled eggs, which is a very Velveeta like “cheese.” It does make all the difference to have the processed cheese product in there, as lardish and un-gourmet as that sounds. MMMMM. Now I’ll have to try sea salt!
We’re currently slamming our way through the 3rd season of Deadwood, trying to cram them all in before the husband leaves on a 3 month research trip. Let me tell you – you’re in for a treat. Season One is the best.
Comment by bikeuphill9 | 01.11.2008 | 11:41 am
I agree with you that scrambled eggs are easy to make. I don’t even like them and have been told mine are great. My secrete though is a very old, well seasoned, cast iron skillet. Evidently my eggs tasted like steak, onions, and mushrooms.
Comment by Orbea Girl | 01.11.2008 | 11:44 am
FC: It’s true, anyone can cook scrambled eggs with the possible exception of my mother-in-law whose cooking carries a government health warning. I can honestly say that I have never seen Velveeta anywhere in Europe but, of course, it could be sold under another name. Kraft sell Dairylee cheese products in UK. This may be a similar or indeed the same product.
IMHO the only thing that should go in scrambled eggs are eggs. Big, golden yolked, organic eggs softly cooked on a low heat in butter and then served on buttered and toasted brioche bread. Season the eggs with sea salt, cracked black pepper and chopped, fresh (only) chives.
Good luck with the century and best wishes to Susan.
Comment by fatty | 01.11.2008 | 11:54 am
bikeuphill9 – you shouldn’t secrete anything into your eggs. it’s just rude.
Comment by eclecticdeb | 01.11.2008 | 11:58 am
Scrambled eggs was the first menu item that my son learned how to cook. When he was 5. Hard to mess up, and much easier to clean up if you do. Trust me, I know. I’ve been the recipient of a few proudly-served Mother’s Day breakfasts. But I keep telling my son, scrambled eggs on toast is hard to beat!
Comment by Weean | 01.11.2008 | 1:16 pm
Velveeta’s just a big block of processed “cheese”, right? Not even the UK’s succumbed to that particular attraction.
My Basque wife was kind enough to introduce me to tortilla patata (spanish omlette), and she cooks the best in the world (seriously, even her mum who is the best cook in the world can’t cook it as well- and neither of them read this blog, so I’m not just crawling). That takes preparation, though.
For instant yumminess we have tortilla chorizo. Ingredients: two (eggs & chorizo). Preparation time: 30 seconds. Cooking time: 3 minutes. Now that’s what I’m talking about!
Comment by Tyson | 01.11.2008 | 1:18 pm
Oh yes, since you asked: We have Velveeta in Canada.
I’ve never met anyone who eats it, but I see it on shelf when I buy my staple cheese- “Old Strong Cheddar”.
Comment by Wes | 01.11.2008 | 1:29 pm
The best scrambled eggs I have ever had were on my honeymoon. We stayed in a B&B in central Britain. The wife S L O W L Y cooked eggs on top of a double boiler with who knows how much incredible butter…… 17 years later I still think about how good those eggs were.
Comment by JP | 01.11.2008 | 1:56 pm
swtkaroline, I thought Velveeta and Rotel was a family recipe!
Seriously, for those who haven’t tried it, yummy goodness! We’ve recently started diluting it with mozzarella to increase the stringiness and decrease the distinctive Velveeta taste. but it’s the easiest and best chili con queso alive.
Also for those who are embarrassed about the quality of their scramble, Alton Brown shows how it’s done — see scene 6 at
http://www.goodeatsfanpage.com/Season1/Egg/EggTranscript.htm
Comment by Powerful Pete | 01.11.2008 | 2:08 pm
Thank. The. Lord. You. Cannot. Purchase. Velveeta. In. Italy.
Not that I have ever looked (and I know what Velveeta is from my college stay in the US). I can proudly say that I have never tasted it! ;-)
Comment by dino | 01.11.2008 | 2:26 pm
I’ll do eggs for dinner and occasionaly breakfast, but never before a ride. They always end up on the trail when I get to the first hill.
Comment by dino | 01.11.2008 | 2:33 pm
Velveeta bad? Try cheese wiz. Back in the day we knew a guy who would down an entire can in one shot. He would just tilt his head back and fill up his mouth untill the can was empty. Then with one might gulp swallow the whole thing. He was the epitome of fat.
Comment by Born 4 Lycra | 01.11.2008 | 2:34 pm
I stand to be corrected as I am not the shopper in our place but I don’t believe Velveeta (or any other brand name) in a big block is available here in Oz. We do have processed cheese in slices (individually wrapped in some cases) but not in blocks that I’ve seen.
Now the confession. I can’t cook scrambled eggs. I can heat baked beans, prepare a mean bowl of cornflakes and put jam on bread otherwise this is the comment of a total non cooker. However I don’t consider myself as a total failure – I am an absolutely brilliant eater. I bring joy and an unbelievable sense of pride to those that can cook. My compliments to the chef ………..burp!
Comment by Kellene | 01.11.2008 | 2:49 pm
Let me share one more fabulous way to utilize the Velveeta. A family favorite.
Combine in a sauce pan half a block of velveeta, a bar of cream cheese( light if you would like…not that you are concerened about calories if you are making this dip anyways) and half a jar of your favorite salsa. Heat until, creamy and melty!
Dig in with a bag of doritos or fritos. Delicious and will make you a member of the fatty club very quickly.
Comment by Dan K | 01.11.2008 | 3:00 pm
swtkaroline, JP: Are you guys talking about the tomatoes, or one of the Mexican mixes? I’ve never had Rotel of any sort before, but the speak of Mexican has my attention! There isn’t much good Mexican in NH.
To fess up, I have never cooked with Velveeta either. I’m sure I’ve had it when I was a kid, but never to my knowledge. It’s going to be a weekend of food experimentation, starting tonight!
dino: Please don’t speak of cheese whiz. I was just getting excited to cook with new cheeses tonight! Oh, and I know a guy that ate (probably still eats) cheese whiz straight up. Worst part is other than that he really knows his cheese, he’s the one that got me onto thin slices of good aged parm. years ago.
Comment by Lifesgreat | 01.11.2008 | 3:10 pm
I don’t like eggs.
I like Velveeta.
I may not belong here, but I will still wear my Pink Jersey.
Comment by Fan of Susan | 01.11.2008 | 4:13 pm
FC – Instead of a “Best of…” book, perhaps you need to consider the “Fat Cyclist Comfort Food Cookbook”. I think you just helped me figure out what to have for dinner tonight.
Comment by Clydesteve | 01.11.2008 | 4:18 pm
Scrambolini: diced ham, onions & bacon bits, and perhaps diced red and green peppers, sizzling and lightly browned in the very hot skillet. Add lightly stirred whole eggs (no extra egg whites, please – I mean Bill Clinton’s intern ate egg white ommlettes, really) with a teaspoon of cream. Flip and stir a bit, and while still in the runniness stage, dump in cream cheese chunks, avacado chunks, diced cilantro, and a mixture of shredded jack and cheddar, and sans V$%@%a. Flip a bit, stick under the broiler for about plenty-6 seconds to finish melting the cheese, and serve, hot.
Then go ride. I have to agree that the egg is a wonderful food, and it should not be secreted on.
Comment by WildDingo | 01.11.2008 | 7:25 pm
OMG! After chocolate, eggs is my staple food. Although not a vegetarian, I just much prefer eggs to meat because it seems easier to eat psychologically (sometimes i freak when eating a juicy red steak, but then the taste makes me forget about it and I gobble it down.)
Ok, here’s a healthy good italian recipie (meaning my italian family made it for me) for you and Susan with eggs. Zucchini and Eggs. saute olive oil w/chopped garlic (preferably fresh). slice zuchhine (2-3 per person) very thin. add into saute. then scramble up some eggs and toss and finish cooking. add as many or few eggs (whites/yolks) as you want. its a delicious late summer recipe and very healthy. My mom used to make this when there was nothing in the fridge, but our grandma used to grow veggies (mostly squash) so we’d always have squash laying around. its fast, easy and supper healthy.
Please post on Susan’s recovery. She’s awe-inspiring. I wish the best for the both of you in 2008. I don’t post much, but I love this blog and do whatever I can to support Susan’s recovery and cause.
Comment by john | 01.11.2008 | 8:43 pm
As Born4Lycra says, we don’t have Velveeta in Australia, but the Kraft company offers other “cheese” products which probably meet the same high standards in flavour and nutrition.
I’ve tried sea salt, and it does taste different. The only way I can see that it could have less sodium, is for it to have less actual salt in it. So what makes up the balance? Since I presume that sea salt is what is left over when you evaporate sea water, there are all sorts of exciting possibilities. Seaweed, plankton, garbage, mercury… and think about what fish do in water. Erk. It does taste nice, though.
Anyway, my fourteen-year-old daughter makes the best scrambled eggs, so there.
Comment by TIMK | 01.11.2008 | 10:11 pm
Frittata for real. Add it to your list of easy recipes – slightly more involved than a simple scramble or omelet because you have to start on the stove and move to the oven, but wow they are good. Love them with feta cheese and spinach.
I also love the different ways that some Asian foods use scrambled eggs in soups, with rice, etc. Now I am hungry.
Hope that your ride is going well.
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[...] well, Fatty Jump to Comments Scroll down to PPPPS for the details. My bad, details are here; the PPPPS link gives youFatty’s planned time line. [...]
Comment by Mike Roadie | 01.12.2008 | 5:40 am
Oh eggs, I love you so.
You bring me comfort in the cold.
Always ready to be cracked and cooked.
Always there when nothing else is.
I’d rather have the chicken than eggs.
Comment by JP | 01.12.2008 | 9:06 am
So much for the family thing. Here’s one version of the Velveeta+Rotel delight:
http://www.texmex.net/Rotel/cheesdip.htm
Another great use for Huevos is chilaquiles. Tons of recipes out there, but I just scrable eggs with fritos and salsa. For something a bit better and a bit more involved, here’s Rick Bayless’ recipe:
http://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/chipotle-chilaquiles
This could be just the thing to help your recovery from your stationary century, Eldon!
Comment by Ethan | 01.12.2008 | 10:03 am
Did you do the Roller Century???
Comment by Adam | 01.12.2008 | 12:43 pm
My gramps, bless his 82 year old heart, cooks himself 3 fried eggs (amongst other things) every single morning.
I think eggs have got to be the most amazing food on earf, and would pick them as my only food forever if I had to. My wife would pick bread and cheese, but I think she’d be jealous!
Eggs rawk. I think you should just cycle outside, btw…get a light, a jacket and a hat and just do it.
Comment by fatty | 01.12.2008 | 1:42 pm
ethan – i’ll have a report on my attempt at a roller century this monday. thanks!
Comment by KatieA | 01.12.2008 | 2:14 pm
No, we don’t have Velveeta in Oz (as previously mentioned by Born4Lycra & John) although it sounds suitably disgusting. But then again, the last time I went to America, I discovered the “cheese in a can” stuff – which I think is the cheese whizz others have added to the discussion? That’s the stuff that comes in the can like whipped cream, isn’t it?
Even the whipped cream idea is gross to me (how long has it been in the can?) so the idea that there is cheese in there…
And, American cheese seems to always been really orange. Is Velveeta similar colouring too? I’m surprised the fish actually ate it.
Comment by Kalgrm | 01.12.2008 | 5:39 pm
You Americans are going to hate this, but I love scrambled eggs on toast spread with Vegemite. Eggs and Vegemite are a perfect fit, IMHO.
Cheers,
Graeme
Comment by Al Maviva | 01.12.2008 | 7:02 pm
4-5 eggs, whipped until foamy.
Chop a half onion, sautee it in butter until onion starts getting limp. Add 2-3 ounces finely chopped ham, similar amount of finely chopped green pepper, and a Roma tomato, seeded. Add 2-3 crumbled slices of cooked bacon, 2-3 ounces of chopped lump crab meat, a half dozen shrimp. Sautee until warm, add a generous dusting of Old Bay Crab Seasoning, maybe some “Montreal” spice blend.
When everything is warm, add about a quarter stick of butter. As the butter spreads around the bottom of the pan, throw in a handful of cooked sliced mushrooms and some black olives. Drizzle the egg around the mixe into the pan, getting the solid stuff floating in a nice even pond of egg.
Turn the heat down to medium / medium-low, cover. When the omelet – I call it the Yardsale – is pretty solid, do your best attempt at flipping it. It’s massive enough that you can probably only flip one half at a time. That’s okay, don’t wuss out, a cyclist does what he is able.
Let it cook flipped for about two minutes. Generously sprinkle about 3-4 ounces of blue cheese crumbles on one half of the omelet. Let it sit covered for a minute, then flip the other half of the omelet over on top of it.
Eat with a Bloody Mary, or a Spicy Hot V-8 if you aren’t a hair-of-the-dog type person.
Serve with a pile of amply buttered toast. Ketchup for the eggs is not out of the question.
Comment by Lyne | 01.12.2008 | 7:28 pm
Love eggs – omelette, frittata, fried egg sandwich (with sprouts), mmm all good. Nothing better than eggs for dinner. Never tried Velveeta nor spam.
So what’s the status on the indoor century?
Comment by Dutch Girlie On a Bike | 01.13.2008 | 12:49 am
HA how funny! I just made me some scrambled eggs this morning with some Velveeta that my Mom sent me for Christmas. I thought “Now I can have the perfect scrambled egg! ”
Your Grandma knew how to do it right. Yummy!
I have never seen Velveeta here in the Netherlands and while I have since learned how to live w/o it ( I make a wicked cheese sauce using delicious Dutch cheese) I do love to scramble an egg (or 2 or 3) with it, therefore Mom always sends me a small block of it for Christmas, I get my fill for a couple of weeks and then I am done for the year. Can’t speak for Italy but I doubt they have it there, either. I do find the occassional package of “cheddar cheese slices” in Germany.
Comment by Kevin | 01.13.2008 | 2:24 am
You sir, inspired me to have eggs before I left for work tonite. No Velveta available though. Just some Franks hot sauce and salt.
Comment by Ant | 01.13.2008 | 4:16 am
I too flew the scrambled egg flag tonight. Thanks Fatty for the avacado suggestion – magic. I also found it was a great spot to use up some excess Xmas ham.
And the magic trick? Substitute sour cream for milk.
mmm scrambled eggs…
Comment by Nick | 01.14.2008 | 5:43 am
I didn’t learn the horrors of Velveta until I was out of college, out of my parents’ house and buying groceries for myself. My folks always made grilled cheese with Velveta, so I assumed that’s what everyone did. It wasn’t until I was 21 and standing in the checkout line reading the packaging that I realized what my parents had wrought upon me and my brothers. Since then, I’ve been suspect all of my parents’ cooking.
Comment by Kerri | 01.15.2008 | 10:29 am
MMM… eggs. I love them so, even more so now that I’m pregnant (I’m on a big protein kick–cheese also is big right now.) Scrambled eggs/omelets frequently are on the menu at our house for dinner lately.
My grandma, however, despite being a good cook in other respects, could not scramble an egg to save her life, though. Her eggs were always “snotty” and underdone. Yuck!
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Comment by Bryan | 07.6.2008 | 7:40 am
Here is one ! lightly Fry up some Fritos with butter and mix scrambled eggs, cook and serve. Oh Ya!
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Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Ode to Chocolate Milk On A Calm Winter Morning | 01.27.2010 | 8:59 am
[...] high-minded person, I sometimes write an ode to important foods. I have, for example, written an ode to scrambled eggs. And to the Seven Perfect [...]