How to Postpone Resuming Your Diet
Around Christmas time, I hit an important personal landmark: I finished gaining back all of the weight I had worked on losing during the Spring and Summer of 2007 (Warning: photographs of pasty-white middle-aged male in that link).
Since I had been diligently working toward this objective for several months, I regarded this as an important accomplishment.
I recall that it was the day after Christmas that I said to myself, "OK, now I’ve had my fun. It’s time for me to get serious about losing weight and getting ready for next year’s racing season."
And I have said something like that pretty much every day since, for close to a month now, without losing a single pound.
OK, to be honest, I’ve gained another few pounds since Christmas.
"How," I’m certain you’re asking yourself, "is it possible for you to tell yourself, in all earnestness (because I promise you that I am oh-so-earnest), every single day, that you’re going to get back to an athlete’s diet, and then gain weight?
I’m glad you’ve asked.
How to Lie to Yourself
The truth is, I’ve got an elaborate system that lets me tell myself, for any given moment, that now is not quite the right time to get started on a diet — that any efforts I make right now will fail, whereas the efforts I will make at the next point on the horizon are just perfect.
This system, I’m sure, is entirely unique. Which is to say, I’m positive that those of you who, like me, fight the losing battle (Ha, "losing battle," get it?), will not have a similar system already in place, and so are therefore trapped into rigorously observing your diets, because you just can’t find a good excuse.
Well, I’m here to help. I personally guarantee you can have diet-postponement success identical to mine with the following easy 5-Step Program (copyright 2008 Fat Cyclist Enterprises, all rights reserved):
- Realize you don’t have the right kind of food on-hand. Really, you had planned to eat nothing but egg whites, wheat bread and grapefruit for an entire calendar year, but you forgot to go to the store last night, but it turns out that you don’t have any of those things on hand. What to do?
- It’s OK, because it’s early in the day. It’s a well-known fact that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and that anything you eat early in the day doesn’t make you gain weight, because you’re going to work that off during the day. It’s the afternoon and evening calories that you have to watch out for. Therefore, the doughnut, omelette, and batter-dipped, deep-fried Twinkie I’m eating are fine, as long as I don’t screw up for the rest of the day.
- I’ll exercise a little extra when I get home. The great thing about having a heavy lunch — apart from the wonderful siesta it brings on — is that it gives you great motivation to really work out when you get home from work / school / whatever. You’re going to need that energy; better fuel up.
- Well, it’s too late to do anything about it today. OK, so you were feeling kind of hungry when you got home from work — strange the way you can still feel hungry just a few hours after a big lunch — and so you grazed around the kitchen for a while — you know, the way you eat whatever’s front and center in the fridge and pantry. After that, you didn’t exactly feel like exercising. And now suddenly you realize: you’ve blown today. You ate heavy for breakfast and lunch, then had a snack instead of exercising. May as well call this day a loss and plan on doing better tomorrow.
- This is my last hurrah. You know what you should do? You should go ahead and live it up a bit tonight — eat pizza for dinner, have some chips and dip for a snack, then maybe a bedtime bowl of cereal. You’re accomplishing three important things by doing this. First, you’re getting it out of your system. Second, you’re getting rid of that bad food so you won’t be tempted by it tomorrow. And finally, you’re drawing a line in the sand. Tomorrow morning you’ll be able to look back and say, "That was it. That was the last time I’ll eat like that for the next year. Maybe eat a little extra, just because you’re angry at yourself. As you know, that will erase the appeal of food for the foreseeable future.
Tomorrow? Repeat.
Comment by aussie kev | 01.23.2008 | 12:56 pm
so these chocolate coissants i am eating for breakfast dont count, awesome !!!!!!
k
Comment by mocougfan | 01.23.2008 | 12:58 pm
mmmmm…Pizza!
Comment by KanyonKris | 01.23.2008 | 1:12 pm
By revealing these rationalizations, I don’t know if I feel comforted or shamed. Comforted that I’m not the only weaver of lies I tell myself. Or shamed that you’ve dragged them out into the light and paraded them in front of me. Misery loves company so I’ll choose comforted. :-)
And even though you’ve done a despicable thing here (oh, you tried to put a funny face on it), I still voted for you since I’m starting my diet and exercise plan when you win. ;-)
Comment by Don (cyclingphun.blogspot.com) | 01.23.2008 | 1:21 pm
Yeah, that sounds familiar. I have to say though, I’ve actually been pretty good and it has paid off. I’m still at a net 0 (+/-) since the Ergon Fat Challenge thing. I’ve bobbed between 185 and 189 since. so I’ve maintained but now I need to get down to 165. For some reason the Doc said 165 is where I should be and then draw the line based on height and such, eh?!
By the way, voted for you! Have a good one & good luck!
Comment by Fish | 01.23.2008 | 1:23 pm
This is a nice way to gain weight on a day-to-day basis, but I’m sticking assiduously to the weekly plan, sometimes abbreviated WW. You stick with the daily plan, but once you’ve blow a day, you stop keeping track of what you eat, deciding to go on a daily basis. Then you bag the whole thing and figure you’ll start next week. If you have a bad day on Tuesday, that’ll leave the rest of the week guilt free to eat whatever you want.
Comment by Steve Miller | 01.23.2008 | 1:33 pm
OMG! If I were actually clever, I could have written that! In fact, I started checking for spy cameras in my house and office because it was too close of a description of my life.
Comment by BotchedExperiment | 01.23.2008 | 1:33 pm
You forgot another benefit of having a big dinner: Carbohydrate loading for the next day’s vigorous exercise. I mean you don’t want to start tommorrow’s killer workout all glycogen depleted, right?
Comment by Denise | 01.23.2008 | 1:44 pm
I had no idea that I have been following your copywritten 5 step plan for years!
Voted for you!
Comment by dkirkavitch | 01.23.2008 | 1:46 pm
I hear a lead in to the ‘08 B7………….
Comment by Mike | 01.23.2008 | 1:48 pm
It’s frightening how dead-on your program resembles my own – except you forgot my personal rule #1.
Rule #1 – If a coworker that weighs less than you is eating it, it must be a health food. After all, that coworker weighs less than I do, right?
Comment by Al Maviva | 01.23.2008 | 1:49 pm
Oh dear God, no. I only just finished paying off what I owed from last year.
Of course this year I won’t have any pity on the neurotic fat little man, his ill wife, cute children…I’m taking his money.
Oh noes I’m not.
What the hell am I talking about. I’m 1-1 in the B whatever challenges. I’d be insane to do it again.
Well, unless the stakes were real high. That might make it worth thinking about.
Comment by Max | 01.23.2008 | 1:50 pm
I have a hard time believing that Jill in Alaska would call anyone dumb, especially me. :)
Comment by chtrich | 01.23.2008 | 2:12 pm
I knew there were good reasons why I hadn’t started dieting again yet. I just couldn’t put them into words like you did.
Comment by Born 4 Lycra | 01.23.2008 | 2:23 pm
Tried to vote 3 times but the second code word on each occassion has been effing (I’m frustrated) unreadable. Will try again later.
Comment by randomhigh | 01.23.2008 | 3:03 pm
just voted for u, FC… the results come out march 10?? are you kidding me?? are they using an abacus to tally the votes??
born 4 lycra- i just guestimated what the first word was cuz it was horrendously blurry and it went thru…
Comment by yukirin boy | 01.23.2008 | 3:10 pm
sounds similar to all those reasons not to get on the turbo trainer in the garage.. Its too late, too tired, still hurt after yesterday’s effort, rest days are important,, and on and on.
Comment by je | 01.23.2008 | 3:10 pm
gosh. who to vote for? You or Jill in Alaska?
Comment by Vince | 01.23.2008 | 3:37 pm
This may be the only sports blog I read, but it’s also the best sports blog I read. Voted.
Comment by solidjack | 01.23.2008 | 4:09 pm
like that so very alone is listed for best kept secret.
Comment by fatty | 01.23.2008 | 4:12 pm
je – that’s an incredibly hard question. I’m disappointed to be pitted against a friend. I say, vote for one of the two of us, then tell me you voted for me, and tell her you voted for her.
Pingback by RocBike.com | The RocBike Review » Links Of The Day: 23 January 2008 | 01.23.2008 | 5:45 pm
[...] How to postpone resuming your diet (Fat Cyclist) [...]
Comment by rokrider | 01.23.2008 | 5:47 pm
Wait a minute. Let me get this straight . Eating anything and everything in sight is considered a SPORT? Gotta run and start my training for the next Olympics. Does this mean pizza is considered a performance enhancing drug?
Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 01.23.2008 | 5:58 pm
What about the age old beauty, counting calories.
It’s important to do it the right way though… guestimate your calories for each meal and remember your tally for the day (don’t write it down). You can shave 400+ calories a day just through having a poor short term memory.
Because you’re remembering rather than recording your running total rounding the values makes them easier to add in your had. It’s therefore important to round your guestimates correctly: any value with up to x80 calories rounds down, i.e. 180=100, 280=200. The true miracle of this technique is that bite sized snacks of less than 80 calories don’t count towards your daily tally (even if you do remember them).
There you go, you thought you were eating 2800 calories a day but with my patented technique you will find you are comfortably under 2000.
Comment by hana | 01.23.2008 | 6:00 pm
Of course, this lurker would vote for you, but the Bloggies voting pages looks seriously messed up….. instead of hanging chads, there’s hanging buttons to click that are not aligned to each candidate’s icon….I can’t see who I am voting for. (and yes, I am on a Mac and using Safari) (sigh) Oh well, I will try again tomorrow…
Comment by Lyne | 01.23.2008 | 6:07 pm
Voted.
For a site that gives web awards, that is one of the fugliest things I’ve seen in years. And I had to guess too on the very blurry word.
Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 01.23.2008 | 6:10 pm
If I took the time to proof read my previous entry I would have added the totals in my head rather than my had.
Plus I need more email addresses (for extra SPAM capacity, not to load up the Bloggies votes I promise).
Comment by lucas | 01.23.2008 | 6:30 pm
Dude…do you have a camera in my house?
Comment by Fuzzy Legs | 01.23.2008 | 7:02 pm
A few things…
*long-time reader
*first-time poster
*I voted…good luck
*And the coolest for last…a few weeks ago, I pulled into the parking lot where my roadie friends meet for our Saturday group ride and from a hundred yards or more I could see my friend, Manny, in a Fat Cyclist jersey! I had no idea he read your blog, but I’ve since shared it with most of my riding buddies, roadies and knobbies. You rock—keep it coming.
Comment by IndoorRolyPoly | 01.23.2008 | 7:16 pm
Don’t forget the H.A.E. (half a$$ed effort) workouts. You know the work out that you just spun at 20% because you tell yourself “even though I blew my diet plan, I’m still peddling right?†The H.A.E workout usually happens for about 2 weeks when something else comes up and you stop peddling altogether.
Comment by Born 4 Lycra | 01.23.2008 | 7:36 pm
Voted!
Comment by roadrash | 01.23.2008 | 7:52 pm
My vote is in for FC. My vision is already blurry so the secret word thing was crystal clear.
I will add the following to my daily regimen of rationalizations: “you’re getting rid of that bad food so you won’t be tempted by it tomorrow”
Comment by TomE | 01.23.2008 | 8:06 pm
I tried to vote and got an error…”could not open socket??” Socket…WTF…I’m voting, not “opening a socket. Maybe we should vote the bloggies site as the worst designed next year. I’ll try and vote tomorrow.
Comment by cyclingphun.blogspot.com | 01.23.2008 | 8:14 pm
Hana: Yeah, you’re just going to have to skip out on the Safari. It doesn’t work on Safari on my Mac OR on the work PC’s (pieces of…). Not that I’m a Mac Elitist, but I like things that generally work. Too bad a “techie” kind of site can’t get their stuff to work on Safari.
Pingback by Web Sites of Interest » links for 2008-01-24 | 01.23.2008 | 8:23 pm
[...] Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » How to Postpone Resuming Your Diet This is so me. (tags: cycling blog) steve on January 23rd, 2008 | Filed under 15 | [...]
Comment by hana | 01.23.2008 | 9:03 pm
Well, almost got to vote. Dug around my Macbook and found ancient AOL for Mac software. Logged in using AOL account. Used their ancient browser to vote – ballot seemed readable. Put in code words…but it could not open socket.
Ah well… the sun will come up tomorrow…
Comment by boots | 01.23.2008 | 9:44 pm
Fatty,
I tried to vote for you, but the directions say you have to list at least 3 blogs
and yours is the only one I read. I mean, it’s the best and so why waste my time on an inferior product?
Then reading the comments I find out that a Mac and Safari don’t work so my
ass is saved. But I had good intentions! Mea culpa, mea culpa.
Comment by Clydesteve | 01.24.2008 | 12:04 am
urrrp. Fatty, those excuses are last resort. You can’t start with last resort, they are too plausible. They won’t have legs to make it until Spring.
It’s 14 degrees out, and I am still using this one: “As soon as I get my new set of fenders modified so they fit on my bike, I will start commuting again.” Never mind that it has not rained in 2 weeks, I need those fenders before I start exercizing again. In the mean time, I need to build up some calories – It takes a lot of energy to ride in the cold.
I voted for you, but it took about 4 attempts to read those%)^(@#%)^ obscurred codewords.
I voted for pornogrfood or some such for the best food site. Lots of yummy pics. Can you believe Pioneer Woman got in the finals with 2 blogs?
Comment by Weean | 01.24.2008 | 12:18 am
>>You know what would make me break this cycle of diet postponement, perpetual weight-gain, and self-destruction? If you went and voted for me.
That is such an incentive not to vote- I only read this site so I know I’m not the only weak human being. Know your audience, Fatty!
Comment by Saso | 01.24.2008 | 1:09 am
I submitted a ballot with the only entry – FC. Almost like presidential election.
Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 01.24.2008 | 2:03 am
Boots,
Don’t worry about the directions. I voted for only one site and it let me through.
BM
Comment by Lowrydr | 01.24.2008 | 5:15 am
Great read Fatty, I’m working on my weight loss now. Gave up the soda pop and replaced it with Hot Chocolate, that will work right?
I mean it does seem to make my fat pants fit better, you know those sweats that you got for X-mas need to be worn. Don’t want to disappoint the kids as they worked so hard think of some thing to get me. Didn’t even pay attention to the LBS List I left laying around all over the house.
Must eat Medium Pizza for lunch with extra cheese, mmmmnnnnn!!!!!
Comment by Lowrydr | 01.24.2008 | 5:39 am
Another vote for Fatty, and if a co-worker gives you a Caramel covered fried cinnimon roll that doesn’t count on a diet either right?
Comment by Not a cyclist..... | 01.24.2008 | 5:52 am
OK Fatty, I voted for you. Had no issues reading the code words either, so maybe that issue has been rectified? Was also able to only vote for one site, so everyone that had problems voting, keep trying!
Kathy
Comment by Joe R. | 01.24.2008 | 6:04 am
I voted for you but you’re not going to beat Deadspin. Another reason to put off that diet…
Comment by Boz | 01.24.2008 | 6:15 am
Voted and confirmed. Good luck!
Comment by CLBlood | 01.24.2008 | 7:03 am
I hoped for you that the rollercentury was the magic moment.
Comment by Clydesdale | 01.24.2008 | 7:04 am
Dun. Just voted for fatty and it let me go. Don’t read other blogs as I’m too busy eating. Is reading the foodporn blog and eating at the same time the same as ……
Well, you get the idea.
Good Luck your Fatness!
Win Susan!!
Comment by CLBlood | 01.24.2008 | 7:11 am
Voted 4U & Harlan
Comment by Mike Roadie | 01.24.2008 | 8:12 am
I got my vote in for FC.com…..how come you are only nominated for one award? That DOOCE blog is everywhere…
On the weight loss thing, what gets me is that IF you are very, very good the pounds do seem to fall off; slowly, but surely. Which is all very nice, but you get bored of being good, eating small portions of egg whites and veggies; and you get hungry!! One decent meal and 50% of what you lost comes back!!
Good luck with the Bloggies…..spend that $20.07 wisely…..maybe something for Susan. Susan, we love you! WINNER=Susan
I’m back in for 2008: HTTP://BAYAREA08.LIVESTRONG.ORG/MIKE
Comment by Bitter (formerly known as Lissee) | 01.24.2008 | 8:24 am
Your 5 steps are way too acurate! lol
Comment by Strongheart | 01.24.2008 | 8:38 am
You call that fat? What a lightweight.
Anyway, I voted for you.
Comment by Strongheart | 01.24.2008 | 8:40 am
You call that fat? What a lightweight.
Anyway, I voted for you.
This time the comment has the right address in it. Brain fart.
Comment by pantaloonfan | 01.24.2008 | 12:02 pm
I don’t really gain a lot of weight when I slack, but all the weight I do have turns into low-effort flab… I didn’t put on much this winter, but my belt has become exceedingly confused about why it’s gone two notches towards the dark side. Everything just slobs it’s way towards sloppy when I stop being somewhat diligent.
There’s also the phenomenon of treating yourself excessively when you do exercise, and of allowing for some food based comfort after a rotten day, since you deserve it so thoroughly. These may apply only to me for all I know, but I have some doubts about that.
Comment by timlees.blogspot.com | 01.25.2008 | 1:17 am
vote for the fatmeister finally acknowledged…….on my mac using safari and OS mail no less! Though after the shameless photo of the shaved legs…..The blogs on a roll this past week…..great stuff. Eat, cycle and be merry. It’s nearly spring.
Comment by ohkenplease | 01.25.2008 | 2:50 pm
“I hit an important personal landmark: I finished gaining back all of the weight I had worked on losing…”
Thank you, coffee just flew out of my nose.
Having reached those landmarks more times than I care to mention in polite company; that made me laugh.
Now I understand why you were nominated for a Bloggie.
Trackback by SOG knives | 07.18.2008 | 9:50 am
SOG knives
Interesting ideas… I wonder how the Hollywood media would portray this?
Comment by Masher gnasher | 04.7.2010 | 8:45 pm
Because I jog a mile and do 10 pushups and 10 situps everyday in winter. I blame the weight gain on bone-mineralization and muscle gain. That is how i account for 10-15lb