Write a Catchy Limerick, Get Free Stuff
Here’s an amazing fact about one of my best friends, Brad Keyes: he makes a living as an independent mortgage broker.
I’ll let that just soak in for a while. Once you’ve recovered from your dumbfoundedness, I’ll be happy to continue.
Brad is also working on putting a couple of yurts on some land he just purchased on Gooseberry Mesa, which will give him the bar-none most-desirable mountain biking camping destination in Utah, which is saying a lot.
By the way, I have already gotten him to promise to do a contest on my blog to win a guided overnighter to Gooseberry once he’s all set up. It’s going to be the most hotly contested contest on this site ever.
And today, Brad’s got yet another venture he’s announcing, and a chance for you to win.
CarboRocket: Drinktastic
I’m not certain what makes Brad try doing what he does. But he tends to pull it off.
One of the things he’s doing right now is inventing his own sports drink: CarboRocket. Right now, he has only one flavor: mango, though I understand he’s come up with another flavor he likes just as well: kiwi-lime. He’s tried coming up with other flavors, but he’s scratched them, because they didn’t taste good.
It is, without question, the most awesome sports drink I have ever tried. Because it tastes good. It’s mellow. Not particularly sweet.
And it’s made by a friend of mine, either in his garage or kitchen (I hope it’s in his kitchen, but I haven’t asked and don’t think I will).
And, as of today, it’s for sale. You can buy it at CarboRocket.com. And you should.
But you can also win a canister of it. By — naturally — writing an awesome limerick about CarboRocket.
The Contest
The idea behind this contest is ridiculously simple, although perhaps more ridiculous than simple. In my comments section, write a limerick about CarboRocket. Brad will pick as many of the limericks as he likes and combine them into a CarboRocket Theme Song Mashup, which we shall force Kenny to sing (Kenny has an awesome singing voice, and I’m not kidding). We’ll record it, put it to music, and make it available for download. Hey, maybe we’ll make a video.
If he likes your limerick, you get a 20-serving canister of CarboRocket, free. It’s that easy.
But I have a couple restrictions I’d like to arbitrarily impose, just because, as the world’s best sports blogger, I can.
- Mind your meter: If the meter of the limerick feels forced or is just plain off, it’s disqualified. Kenny’s gotta sound good when he sings this thing; you can’t expect him to squeeze in an extra three syllables into the bar just because you couldn’t think of a shorter word that rhymes with “triumverate.”
- No fake rhymes: I hate sight rhymes. I hate near rhymes. If it doesn’t seem like a rhyme to my six year olds, it’s not.
- Be both clever and bizarre. That’s not actually a restriction I’m imposing; it’s more of a tip to help you ingratiate yourself with Brad.
- Do not use the word “pocket” in your limerick. I know, it’s the most obvious rhyme to “rocket.” Too obvious. So I’m eliminating it, just to throw my weight around. You should just be glad I’m not also eliminating “socket,” “locket,” and “knock it.”
Good luck. I’m sure you’ll win. But maybe you’d better go ahead and order a canister right now, just in case you don’t.
Comment by Greg | 03.26.2008 | 9:22 pm
Carbo-Rocket has now arrived
Sports drink flavors have been revived
Kiwi-Lime is sublime
Mango’s more than fine
Try them out or you’ll be deprived
Comment by Greg | 03.26.2008 | 9:29 pm
Another:
In the public opinion court
Cases are tried on fuels for sport
You’ll find Carbo-Rocket
Now on the docket
Winning jurors taste buds’ support
Comment by Thud | 03.26.2008 | 10:00 pm
A cassette short just a sprocket
describes the inventor of CarboRocket
When his bank balance groans,
and he’s got no more loans,
maybe Fatty’s bike shop’ll stock it…
Comment by Abby | 03.26.2008 | 10:09 pm
You should buy CarboRocket;
Its tasty, great value, and it works;
This isn’t a limerick,
Nor does it rhyme,
But I don’t care – just buy CarboRocket.
Comment by Alex from ZA | 03.26.2008 | 10:26 pm
When taking your bike for a spin
You need to be charged from within
CarboRocket by Brad
(Even though he’s quite mad)
Let’s you hydrate, endure and then win
Comment by Alex from ZA | 03.26.2008 | 10:26 pm
PS – I vote for Thud
Comment by Alex from ZA | 03.26.2008 | 10:27 pm
PPS – Urk. Misplaced apostrophe. Bugger!
Comment by Dobovedo | 03.26.2008 | 10:27 pm
There’s a new sports drink called Carbo’Rocket
It makes you go fast so don’t knock it
Mango’s the flave
And now it’s my fave
When I drink it I rock my 12 sprocket
Comment by frid | 03.26.2008 | 10:40 pm
Whenever you’re at your worst,
And utterly dying of thirst:
See how far you can go
With Carborocket in mango—
You might even make it there first.
Comment by Alex from ZA | 03.26.2008 | 11:01 pm
CarboRocket turns our Priscilla
From a girl to a fighting gorilla
In CR she’ll trust
Leave the rest in the dust
On her bike, Priscilla’s a killer
Comment by Ryan Cousineau | 03.26.2008 | 11:10 pm
When you’re deep in oxygen debt
CarboRocket won’t taste like sweat
This drink is the first
that will quench your thirst
While keeping your whistle all whet
Too fey?
Fatty’s tongue was truly on fire
No really — it never was drier
At the trailside he stopped
Then a bottle he popped,
And CarboRocketed — the drink of desire!
Comment by Weean | 03.27.2008 | 12:15 am
There once was a rider named fatty
Whose racing was decidedly tatty
He drank some Carb Rocket(TM)
And proceeded to shock it
Beating all, and looking quite natty
Comment by Weean | 03.27.2008 | 12:16 am
Er, that’s CarboRocket, obviously
Comment by Congo | 03.27.2008 | 1:35 am
If in a yurt is your dream place to be
Riding the mesas on your M-T-B
Then drink CarboRocket
Your riding will “rock-it”
And you might meet the F-A-T-T-I-E!
Comment by Give me the bike instead! | 03.27.2008 | 1:51 am
There once was a bike that was so fly
That its name was in fact Superfly
But when Fatty rode it home
The bike said “yo, hold it homes
Give me to Brad ‘for you die!”
Comment by CiA (Canuck in Australia) | 03.27.2008 | 1:58 am
A new energy drink- Carbo Rocket
Gives you torque to put into your sprocket
The lift it will bring
Just might make you sing
“I could ride from Moab to Woonsocketâ€
Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 03.27.2008 | 4:18 am
First off I have to admit I needed to throw “yurts” at wiki before I could read beyond paragraph 3.
Now that everyone is clear on my level of ignorance, let’s proceed with the bit that I am far more knowledgeable about… sports drinks. I have just revisited electrolyte replacement products after a nasty reaction to “sports drinks” circa 1985. A reaction that was no doubt multiplied in my teenage mind by the horror associated with vomiting in a non-alcohol induced circumstance.
Remember along with me the 1985 sports drink. Someone decided that because their shirt was salty at the end of a long ride, or an honest day’s labour, that salt needed to be put back in. Except exercise physiology wasn’t the science that it is today. No, it was more like the lottery. Salt’s salt? Right? If salt is coming out, then salt must go back in. Dissolve salt in water and drink. And puke. Dissolve salt in water, mask with some citrus derivative and drink. Don’t puke quite as often, mostly only when you’re in digestive distress from dehydration.
Now we’re 2 decades further down the pipe. Now sports drinks have “electrolytes”, not salt; although if you Google electrolytes and then go to several non-academic sights you’ll soon find references to salt that are closer to the truth than the FDA would be happy about.
The only thing that hasn’t changed in 20 odd years is the whole flavour thing. Sports drinks don’t taste good. Not vanilla coke good. Not scotch and dry good. Better, but not good.
My message to Brad… if you invent a flavour that doesn’t taste good, sell it. There’ll be someone out there who wants it. He’s probably a ‘roid freak who trains 23 hours a day under his “no pain, no gain” banner. Maybe that motto wasn’t originally directed at culinary pain but with a good promotional campaign I think you’re on a winner. And why should your gladiator/client’s cash be any less valuable than a discerning customer.
As for a limerick. I don’t think so. If you know me at all you know I sported a power mullet in the ‘80s. If you’re going to have the word rocket in your product then you need Def Leppard to sing your jingle.
Comment by Larry | 03.27.2008 | 4:28 am
There once was a man named Davy Crockett
Who wore no jewelry, not even a locket.
He could’ve been like Lance
and given Texas a chance
If only he drank a Carbo Rocket
Comment by LanterneRouge | 03.27.2008 | 4:59 am
All of the limericks I can come up with involve a girl from Nantucket. Sorry but I’ll have to pass on this contest.
Comment by Turt99 | 03.27.2008 | 5:14 am
Carbo-Rocket is not to Sweet
Carbo-Rocket works great in the Heat
It’s Fatty’s favorite Fuel
It will make you climb like a mule
Carbo-Rocket makes a nice tasty Treat!
Comment by FliesOnly | 03.27.2008 | 5:16 am
Well, here’s my effort:
If ya wanna ride fast,
and leave em in the dust, like a comet
You’ll need a sports drink
that won’t make ya vomit
Try the new CarboRocket,
it’s just such a drink
It’ll let you go ride
to beyond your old brink
Electrolytes, carbs,
and just a hint of some mango
This is the drink
that’ll getcha doing a two-pedaled tango
So when it’s time to go ride,
like the fast and the furious
Just start with some CarboRocket
and stop being curious
Again, that’s CarboRocket
and though we’re not sure how it’s made
One thing we do know for sure,
it’s certainly NOT Gatorade
Comment by Uphill Battle | 03.27.2008 | 5:55 am
Wait! Kenny is hot and he has an awesome singing voice!?! Mrs. Kenny is a very luck lady.
Comment by bradk | 03.27.2008 | 5:58 am
Rest assured everyone that I’m not mixing it up in the garage. Ha ha, very funny, Fatty. Not only does the dog sleep in the garage but the utility sink was way too small. Turns out the tub in the master bath is the perfect size for a 100 container batch and no dog smell.
Love the limericks.
Comment by buckythedonkey | 03.27.2008 | 6:04 am
Endless climb on a low-geared sprocket,
there’s a bonk on the way, so block it!
Alpe d’Huez or Box Hill,
That sub-9 at LeadVille.
There’s one drink you should sink: CarboRocket!
Comment by mgr | 03.27.2008 | 6:09 am
Going up, it’s my tail they see,
And no one goes down quite like me.
The CarboRocket I’m burning,
Keeps my pedals turning
Fast circles, and I’m yelling, “Yippee!”
Comment by SyracuseStu | 03.27.2008 | 6:40 am
My CarboRocket is Mango
It hits with a bang and then I go
Helps me go fast
My friends come in last
It is the best fuel that I know.
Comment by SyracuseStu | 03.27.2008 | 6:48 am
CarboRocket in Kiwi-Lime
Keeps legs and lungs in their prime
Banish Thigh burn
Up the hills you will churn
Makes rides a speedy-good time!
-or-
Drink Anything else it’s a crime. I can’t decide.
Comment by Marrock | 03.27.2008 | 6:52 am
“CarboRocket: It doesn’t come in margarita flavor.”
PS. I don’t do rhymes, just the occasional haiku.
Comment by Jim | 03.27.2008 | 6:55 am
There once was a girl from Nantucket,
Who liked to drink by the bucket,
But her usual fare left her worst for wear,
For other brands left her tired and bare,
And now she drinks sweet carbo-rocket.
(In my country it is 2am. Do I get pity points? :) )
Comment by Bander | 03.27.2008 | 6:56 am
Brad, you seem to be missing a word here on your Carborocket website:
“Before any race my kids would ask, Dad, are going to puke today? ”
Or maybe your kids just talk funny.
Bander = helpful
Comment by L'Hippo | 03.27.2008 | 7:09 am
The sports drinks he tried were like dreck.
Carbo-Rocket, new flavor, what the heck,
Mango yum, kiwi-lime,
The new taste was sublime,
Legs of steel now the field just a speck!
~~not funny enough?~~
The wheelman drank only martinis,
And concerned was he ‘bout his weenie,
Carbo-Rocket the brand,
That restored him a man,
Now he rides like Cipollini
I tried to get the meter right (anapestic) but then again my wife’s the English major, not me!
Comment by SYJ | 03.27.2008 | 7:12 am
I know of a fat dude who bikes
But could not find a sports drink he likes
He tried Carbo Rocket
Shifted to a small sprocket
And cleans climbs with no more bike-hikes
Comment by Uphill Battle | 03.27.2008 | 7:54 am
I like SYJ’s the best so far…except I’m not the judge.
Comment by bikemike | 03.27.2008 | 8:05 am
there once was a man from Carbo Rocket
who always rode in the big sprocket
to keep it in that gear
without using beer
he came up with this drink
that he invented in his sink
and guess what, it doesn’t even stink.
Comment by buzz kill | 03.27.2008 | 8:12 am
“… Turns out the tub in the master bath is the perfect size for a 100 container batch and no dog smell.”
He mixes Carbo Rocket in his bath?
It makes you do the math.
If you drink his drink when you hit the wall,
are you are being revived by the salt from his______s?
I apologize if this is too crude, I could not resist.
Comment by Miles Archer | 03.27.2008 | 8:19 am
There once was a girl from Crockett
blah blah Carbo Rocket
lah lah lah
lah lah lah
blah blah blah fockit
I’ve got to do some work. You can fill in the blanks
Comment by Grant in Richmond | 03.27.2008 | 8:19 am
CarboRocket it sings of a glory-spent race
Of rider and man in a certain first place
Sip he from the bottle
Doth he hit the throttle
And others yell “Dust without trace!â€
Comment by Mike Roadie | 03.27.2008 | 8:29 am
Ack
Comment by Mocougfan | 03.27.2008 | 8:30 am
I’m not a Rhymer…Congo has the best so far.
Comment by DSHambone | 03.27.2008 | 8:53 am
Taking a break from justice’s docket
And wrenching her Canondale sprocket
A fast Century she sought
Poor hydration was naught
For the counselor packed CarboRocket
Comment by JEnn | 03.27.2008 | 8:57 am
Elden writes a great blog
He rode this year’s Frozen Hog
Now here’s something new
Carbo Rocket ensues
As the drink that shines through the fog
Comment by JEnn | 03.27.2008 | 8:57 am
* I’m a struggling scientist, not a wordsmith
Comment by TeeBone | 03.27.2008 | 9:05 am
As he hammered a miserable grade
fueled on Gu and – of course – Gatoraid
Fatty started to twirl
and was just ’bout to hurl
“CarboRocket”, he silently prayed.
Comment by leroy | 03.27.2008 | 9:30 am
My beer is Rheingold the dry beer.
Think of Rheingold whenever you buy beer.
It’s not bitter, not sweet,
It’s the extra dry treat.
Won’t you try extra dry Rheingold beer?
Oh wait. I think I misread the rules.
How about:
I like CarboRocket and I can not lie.
You other brothers can’t deny.
When your throat is parched
And your mouth is starched …
You get sprung.
Just thinking about what
That stuff gonna do to your tongue.
My body tried to bonk me
My posse start to honk me,
But that CarboRocket in my pocket
Make me so Lance Armstrongy.
Too derivative? Not enough limerick? “Pocket†internal couplet too close to a disqualifying rhyme? Not to worry, we can fix that:
I like CarboRocket and I can not lie.
You other brothers can’t deny.
When your mouth is parched
And your tongue is starched
You gotta hydrate or die.
Or maybe just:
Most sports drinks taste like crap
Or make you want to nap
But C R kiwi lime or mango
Keep me from riding too slow
They make my synapses snap.
Comment by Bryan (not that one) | 03.27.2008 | 10:04 am
I am not talented enough of a writer to contribute, but I really like buckythedonkey’s entry. And got a good laugh from Miles Archer.
Comment by Greg | 03.27.2008 | 10:04 am
Last one:
The Carbo-Rocket has landed
We’ll never again feel stranded
Bonks need not cause fear
So long as it’s near
and tongues won’t feel like they’re sanded!
Comment by Kirk | 03.27.2008 | 10:21 am
There now is a new carbo-rocket
Do your next ride and clock it
Then drink when you ride
and Drink it with pride
Now you’re faster with your sprocket
Comment by Eufemiano Fuentes | 03.27.2008 | 10:29 am
There once was a rocket with carbo,
as wonderful as gretta garbo,
you will not get gassy,
with a drink that’s this classy,
It tastes great after a red marlborough.
CarboRocket is a sports drink with class
guaranteed to be kind to your ass
optimized Fuel Delivery,
to inflict total misery
and strip your oponents of their pestiferous sass
Comment by Eufemiano Fuentes | 03.27.2008 | 10:31 am
remove the ‘your’ from the last line
Comment by Bob | 03.27.2008 | 10:43 am
I have never been to Nantucket
So I take my bike out and huck it
When I need a boost, on mango get juiced
CarboRocket rhymes not with Nantucket
Comment by Thud | 03.27.2008 | 11:17 am
He had the right shirt and right sprocket,
and cleared his entire work docket,
A Leadville sub-nine,
and Elden felt fine!
His secret: yessir! CarboRocket
Comment by 29er | 03.27.2008 | 11:34 am
Spread the word to all friends of Fatty’s
CarboRocket’s fast fuel by Brad Keyes!
Sample packs at the yurt
just might not hurt.
His next flavor? Of course, gooseberries!
Comment by Thud | 03.27.2008 | 11:49 am
The TDF committee agrees,
we’ll watch as each rider pees.
We’ll slap ‘em around
If CarboRocket is found!
No day on the Champs-Elysees!
Comment by Jim Pettit | 03.27.2008 | 11:58 am
When you climb it or bike it or walk it,
It’s better to drink CarboRocket.
If you’re going hardcore,
Pick it up at the store
(If you can’t, tell the grocer to stock it).
Comment by gus | 03.27.2008 | 12:06 pm
Next time you spin your sprocket,
Try some new Carbo-Rocket.
It will make you ride fast,
Give you power to last,
And outride the bear AND Davey Crockett.
Comment by WMdeR | 03.27.2008 | 12:28 pm
There once was a drink CarboRocket
With Fat Cyclist blogging to hock it.
But how does it taste?
Did good words go to waste?
To find out I must try CarboRocket.
Comment by Caloi Rider | 03.27.2008 | 12:34 pm
CarboRocket will give you your fix
When you’re riding your bike in the sticks
If you can’t stand the heat,
and have nothing to eat,
Drink this, then impress all the chicks
Comment by Andy from WV | 03.27.2008 | 12:45 pm
Since the invention of CarboRocket mango
I’ve ditched my supply of EPO.
Now when I’m slummin’
I slam one of these bitches and my tires start hummin’
“CarboRocket, it’s better than EPO!”
Comment by Jay | 03.27.2008 | 1:31 pm
When giving your all in hot weather,
when your ass weighs more than a feather,
try this new carbo-rocket
don’t just say ‘oh, fockit’
or your mouth will taste just like shoe leather.
Comment by L'Hippo | 03.27.2008 | 1:38 pm
When presenting to the Japanese market, perhaps a 2 stanza haiku will do…
Mountain or Roadie
hydrate or die; fuel choice
means shame or glory
Drink Carbo Rocket
Ambrosial God-Nectar
Ascend Podium
Comment by KT | 03.27.2008 | 2:05 pm
I can’t come up with a limerick, I’m no good with rhyming words.
Question, though, and I’m not trying to rain on anyone’s parade here; Brad, please don’t take offense, I’m just cautious about what I put into my system!
How does a mortgage broker/bike rider get into the drink-making biz? What sort of experience/education/permits or licenses do you have to have to produce and sell a “sports drink”, even over the internet?
Also, what sort of testing did you do ahead of time to show that it’s not something that’ll turn up to be bad for people?
I like to read the labels and do the research ahead of time. I’m weird that way.
Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 03.27.2008 | 2:20 pm
61 responses and while there’s been references to Nantucket, there’s not a limerick addressing the tradition yet.
Yet…
There once was a girl from Nantucket
Who drank Gatorade by the bucket
’til Brad hit the scene
And answered her dream
By offering CarboRocket
You’re welcome
Comment by TeeBone | 03.27.2008 | 2:45 pm
Dang, there are some sweet limerick poets round here! I’m not worthy.
Brother Nelsen was weak in his knees
so he phoned up his pal and said Please
hook me up with some juice
that’ll set my beast loose
CarboRocket, by one Bradley Keyes!
Comment by graisseux | 03.27.2008 | 3:07 pm
From the Greek’s Golden mean to Feng Shui
Man has sought for a more balanced way
I tell you my friend
The search can now end
2 to 1’s here to rescue the day
I swear the meter works in that last line. Just emphasize the “1″ and you’ve got yourself the perfect limerick.
Comment by Saso | 03.27.2008 | 3:08 pm
Not only is this the best sport blog but it has the best readers as well. So much fun to read the comments.
No limerick from me, I am not native. It is sufficient to know what limerick means.
Comment by kentucky joe | 03.27.2008 | 3:13 pm
endruance atheletes drink it all day,
it’s made with care in the usa.
drink CarboRocket and you’ll know,
that’s the fuel that makes them go.
it tastes so good and never leaves you dry,
CarboRocket makes the competition cry.
It’s the sports drink others see as you pass them by,
they say there goes that CarboRocket fueled endurance guy.
and girls on the go drink it too,
they love the exotic flavor CarboRocket brew.
the stuff that goes in is only the best,
CarboRocket girls put it to the test.
So if you want to power your workout fun,
Carborocket is the drink that gets it done.
your thirst is gone, your tank is full,
and you keep going, CarboRocket is cool!
Comment by Matthew | 03.27.2008 | 3:55 pm
There once was a cyclist from Nanmocket
Who really enjoyed CarboRocket
He pedaled so fast
All riders he flew past
And said,”This stuff is too good to knock it”
Too bad it doesn’t rhyme with Nantucket…
Comment by bradk | 03.27.2008 | 4:05 pm
This is going to be hard. I think Tasha and I will sing all of the limericks to our kids tonight, well, not all of them, and pick our faves.
KT brought up some good questions. I do have a food handlers permit as I mixed up all the initial batches here in the house that I passed out to all the unsuspecting test subjects.
My knowledge of calculating debt rations and APR’s helped me less than I expected so, I am contracting with a nutritional lab for the mixing and nutritional analysis.
Beyond that it has basically been trial and error since July of last year (how many bottles can I drink before I pass out?) on how much of which ingredients worked best.
Comment by rokrider | 03.27.2008 | 4:47 pm
There once was a boy named Brad.
Who thought his drink choices were sad.
So he went to his sink,
And as quick as a wink,
Now CarboRocket’s the fad.
Comment by guzzijason | 03.27.2008 | 5:04 pm
My pocket….
Damn. Can I have a do-over?
Comment by guzzijason | 03.27.2008 | 5:13 pm
To bonk on a ride really sucks
If it happens you’ll feel like a putz
CarboRocket’s the cure
You’ll be a hero for sure
And leave everyone else in the dust.
Comment by Pammap | 03.27.2008 | 5:14 pm
There once was a rider named Fatty
Sunglasses were really quite ratty
His friends were all rad
’specially Kenny and Brad
And his blogsite was never too catty
Now, Fatty had wanted a new drink
So Brad threw some stuff into the sink
His horn he did honk
To all nearing a bonk
His new sink-drink really did not stink
To quench Fatty’s thirst Brad succeeded
To try this new product he treated
us all to a test
to see who was the best
Each lim’rick the next superceded
So here is the point of my story
If you seek bike and blogging glory
CarboRocket you’ll drink
from Brad’s kitchen sink
And make sure that your pix aren’t too gory
Comment by cyclingphun.blogspot.com | 03.27.2008 | 5:41 pm
Fatty had a bad sprocket
and pain in his wrist socket
but he finished sub nine
and felt quite divine
after downing his fave CarboRocket
Comment by cyclingphun.blogspot.com | 03.27.2008 | 6:32 pm
Crap… I know… “socket”
OK…
Fatty had a bad sprocket
but he knew that he could rock-it
he’d finished sub nine
and felt quite divine
after downing his fave CarboRocket
Comment by Bluenoser | 03.27.2008 | 6:33 pm
I did this once on St.Paddy’s Day here in Halifax. Write a limerick and win a trip to Ireland and tour the Guinness Brewery.
I worked for days over this to get the perfect limerick that would win this thing. Everybody that read it agreed even if they liked me or not.
I got up at five in the morning to be at the pub for six am because it was being judged at breakfast. I was sure I was on my way.
And then to my horror they reached into a can and drew one out didn’t even read it phoned the winner and sent them off.
So I don’t waste my words on so called contests anymore.
I’ll just do what you do fatty and beg.
Please can I have a rocket
I’ve got no doe in my pocket
My ride I will have to hock it
And with nothing to ride will say Focket.
Ok, I couldn’t help myself.
-B
Comment by Philly Jen | 03.27.2008 | 7:01 pm
Uh, “There once was a juice from Nantucket…”
Comment by Lifesgreat | 03.27.2008 | 7:13 pm
Brad of Fatty’s fan club
Sells drinks maybe made in his tub.
I’m a little bit scared
To drink something so prepared
That, my friends, is the rub.
Comment by Bluenoser | 03.27.2008 | 7:18 pm
Where is this Nantucket place… and why does it seem to suck?
Comment by Bluenoser | 03.27.2008 | 7:21 pm
And while I’m at it. Just who is this guy named Art? And why does he have so many galleries
Comment by Bluenoser | 03.27.2008 | 7:27 pm
mgr 6:09am is pretty darn good
Comment by Rob S | 03.27.2008 | 8:23 pm
In Races they all said, “He Stinks”
A new drink will help – he thinks
He drank with a grin
And he pulled off a win
Carbo Rocket’s now all that he drinks
Comment by leroy | 03.27.2008 | 8:46 pm
On a long ride, I once tried a new juice,
Oh my heart soared, but dear Lord, stools were loose.
My pee turned bright green,
T’was really obscene.
The diagnosis was Sports Drink abuse.
CarboRocket puts that all in the past
And changed what it means to be “going fast.”
Goodbye port-a-potty
And chamois all spotty.
I’m on the bike, not the crapper, at last.
(What? Like no one else ever got the green apple quick step on a long ride? Oh all right. I confess. I just thought it would be funny to make your friend sing it.)
Comment by CiA (Canuck in Australia) | 03.27.2008 | 11:00 pm
It’s great stuff I hear- Carbo Rocket
Haven’t tried it, so can’t really knock it
But as everyone knows
What the Fat Man says goes
If I could just find a store here to stock it.
Comment by Congo | 03.27.2008 | 11:33 pm
Senor Fuentes and the good folk at BALCO
Not to mention Conconi of Milano
Are all in a tizz
‘Cause they just heard of the biz
Called CarboRocket – O Sole Mio!
Comment by Congo | 03.27.2008 | 11:47 pm
Bush called and said my man Keyes
Do something ’bout sub-prime and please
Down the Street, at Bear Stearns
They share my concerns
Can this crisis Carb Rocket help ease?
Comment by Congo | 03.27.2008 | 11:58 pm
Out of a Mongolian yurt
He yelled Eureka! I’ve done it, it works!
With some lime and some mango
And some bathtub fandango
I could beat you even wearing a skirt
Comment by Jim Pettit | 03.28.2008 | 2:07 am
You believe sitting still is a sin?
Are you driven by wanting to win?
CarboRocket’s the drink
That’ll help you, I think,
Slake the thirst of the athlete within.
Comment by Jim Pettit | 03.28.2008 | 2:43 am
Okay, one more (this is kinda fun, no?)
CarboRocket’s the drink that is greater
For biker or hiker or skater;
When working or playing,
You’ll quickly be saying
Goodbye to the Ade from the Gator!
Comment by Lowrydr | 03.28.2008 | 4:42 am
Crap, I got nothin…..nope nothin at all. What’s that burning smell and why is my hat warm?
Comment by BurkeInTheOzarks | 03.28.2008 | 5:22 am
There lives a Fat Cyclist in Orem,
Whose blog has attained quite a quorum,
His friend made a drink,
Fatty likes it, I think,
So he’ll get many customers for him!
Comment by Born 4Lycra 43 11 N 2 32 W | 03.28.2008 | 5:36 am
here goes nothin
Brad’s made a drink you can’t top it
Mango flavoured and called Carborocket
the mix of fructose and maltodextrin
gives hydration, endurance and the will to win
so with Fc marketing there’ll be no stopping it!
If it’s any help I can see Kenny doing this bit operatic style like Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody complete with the black nail polish. Can Natalie be in the video too please?
Comment by Born 4Lycra 43 11 N 2 32 W | 03.28.2008 | 5:36 am
pretty please?
Comment by Born 4Lycra 43 11 N 2 32 W | 03.28.2008 | 5:44 am
The Keyes to winning are clear
Brad’s gone and made his own beer
Mango flavoured without hops
Brad’s Carborocket is tops
all your hydration problems solved here!
Time for bed said Zebidee
Comment by Eufemiano Fuentes | 03.28.2008 | 6:23 am
I drink carborocket fuel,
so does my malevolent mule,
it’s the only drink we likes,
when we go ride our bikes
yes, my mule can ride a bike, you fool!
Comment by FoS | 03.28.2008 | 7:04 am
There once was a fellow named Brad,
Whose fill of all sports drinks he’d had,
Their taste needed fixing,
So he got down to mixing,
CarboRocket, for which you’ll go mad.
Didn’t have to time read thru all the others. Hope this doesn’t sound like anyone else’s.
Comment by KT | 03.28.2008 | 8:51 am
Hey Brad, thanks for the answers.
I’m not a food expert, I’m the head of the payroll dept of the family accounting firm… I get paid to make sure people are following the rules! :)
(free advice: incorporate CarboRocket Inc and get a good accountant who can deal with both your corporate and personal tax situations)
Sounds like good stuff; but as we all know, Fatty will eat anything, so he’s not a good guinea pig.
Comment by Big Mike | 03.28.2008 | 11:20 am
Okay, it’s not really a Limerick-but then again, CarboRocket isn’t your normal sports drink either!
—————————————————-
As I ride along with heavy legs and a head that’s light
I glance at the asphalt ribbon out before me
knowing the end is out of sight.
The sun-baked road descends gradually to the right
lacking shade makes it hotter than it should be
as I ride along with heavy legs and a head that’s light.
My mind drifts, my thoughts begin to take flight
agonizing pain that comes from my legs
knowing the end is out of sight.
Muscles snap in spasms and cramp clam-tight
filled with blood that feels like scalding tea
as I ride along with heavy legs and a head that’s light.
A water bottle offers me little delight;
I chug the tepid liquid as I flee
knowing the end is out of sight.
I throw back some CarboRocket with all my might
my legs soon quicken, my head’s not light
as I ride along knowing the end is now in sight.
Comment by Big Mike | 03.28.2008 | 11:24 am
BTW-I just soiled myself after reading Leroy’s posting above. Too Funny!!!
Comment by leroy | 03.27.2008 | 8:46 pm
On a long ride, I once tried a new juice,
Oh my heart soared, but dear Lord, stools were loose.
My pee turned bright green,
T’was really obscene.
The diagnosis was Sports Drink abuse.
CarboRocket puts that all in the past
And changed what it means to be “going fast.â€
Goodbye port-a-potty
And chamois all spotty.
I’m on the bike, not the crapper, at last.
(What? Like no one else ever got the green apple quick step on a long ride? Oh all right. I confess. I just thought it would be funny to make your friend sing it.)
Comment by mbonkers | 03.28.2008 | 11:52 am
I’m no wordsmith, but I think with the combined ingenuity of this crowd, we could solve all the worlds problems over a long ride…
or get in serious trouble.
Comment by AlicesYellowPorsche | 03.28.2008 | 12:21 pm
Ok, I don’t have a limerick (but I did know what a yurt was, which counts for something), but is it me or is there a disturbing amount of them that involve puking?
http://alicesyellowporsche.blogspot.com
Comment by msykes | 03.28.2008 | 1:30 pm
Limerick #1!
—–
I went looking for some CarboRocket
But the local stores here did not stock it
For that delicous taste
To the web I made haste
And found a me a site that would hawk it
Limerick #2!
—–
I bought myself some CarboRocket
But all of my buddies just mocked it
Until the start of the ride
And away I just flied
Like attached to an electrical socket
Limerick #3!
—–
My buddies and I were shocked
Our rivals stood there and mocked
We had no comeback
Til we leapt on the track
In the end they were CarboRocked
Comment by Jen | 03.28.2008 | 1:46 pm
There was a some guy named Lance
who wanted to cycle to France
CarboRocket won’t cure cancer
But it is the answer
For the rest of us to dance like Lance
Energy drinks, the market is vast
On the shelf is assembled the cast
You don’t have to think
when you read for a drink
CarboRocket makes you go hella fast
There is nothing worse than a bonk
Unless it is a car that does honk
As it runs into you
and splits you in two
So drink Carborocket and don’t conk!
There was a fellow named Kurt
Biking to yon distant yurt
His energy faded
His spirit was jaded
’til CarboRocket ended the hurt
There was a fellow name Lear
CarboRocket to him was quite dear
He didn’t sweat green
or puke a big stream
But its really not as good as a beer
Comment by Jen | 03.28.2008 | 1:47 pm
oops, typo
Energy drinks, the market is vast
On the shelf is assembled the cast
You don’t have to think
when you reaCH for a drink
CarboRocket makes you go hella fast
Comment by formertdfan | 03.28.2008 | 5:53 pm
what the hey
there once was a sport called cycling
which may lead to the pain of bonking
but with carborocket on hand
things will go as planned
and as you whiz past the cars will be honking
Comment by wing-nut | 03.29.2008 | 5:22 am
I once worked at the University of Florida with Dr Cade the inventor of gatorade. It took him some time to come up with the proper formulation of his electrolyte replacement drink. He would use 2 recipes and split the football team up into 2 groups to test how well it helped them in the heat and humidity. One combination caused all that drank it to immediately throw up and he said “sometimes science doesn’t trump taste. I thought I poisoned every one of them.”
Comment by FoS | 03.29.2008 | 9:00 am
Another version….
There once was a fellow named Brad,
Whose tastebuds were ever so sad,
Sports drinks were his bane,
And he vowed never again,
So made CarboRocket for all to be had,
Comment by El Animal | 03.29.2008 | 11:57 am
Refuel on the go
with CarboRocket,
and you will see
how it gets you in the small sprocket!
Comment by El Animal | 03.29.2008 | 12:00 pm
This one is better.
Refuel on the go
with CarboRocket
and you will ride
in the small sprocket!
Comment by Debamundo | 03.31.2008 | 7:17 pm
What’s the deadline on this? I’ve been too busy to work on it, but I still want to try.
Comment by Ryan | 04.1.2008 | 2:30 am
Fatty crashed and bruised his hip socket.
A bottle comes from his vest pocket.
He said with a grin.
As he wiped off his chin.
Carbo drink? hell no, Carbo Rocket!
Comment by Ryan | 04.1.2008 | 2:49 am
From Det. Ricardo ‘Rico’ Tubbs….
I ride with my pal Sonny Crockett.
In Miami is where we rock it.
When we’re not fighting crime.
We’re winning the prime.
With the ladies and a cold Carbo Rocket!
Comment by Ryan | 04.1.2008 | 2:57 am
Why am I obsessed with making this rhyme?
I guess its to much free time.
If I give it my best.
And win this contest.
I want my Carbo Rocket in lime!
Comment by Snowed2Long | 04.1.2008 | 2:25 pm
I ventured out to strengthen my inner core,
Camelbak filled with new flavor galore,
Sucking up that mango madness,
I forgot about my lovers & my sadness,
Forever more… known as the CarboRocker whore.
Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Oh, I Am So TOTALLY Going to Win This Race | 04.6.2008 | 5:12 pm
[...] Congo, Caloi Rider, Jim Pettit, and Weann: Brad has declared you the winners of the CarboRocket Limerick Contest. Congratulations! Email me your shipping address and I’ll have Brad send you your [...]
Comment by Donovan Warren | 08.6.2008 | 10:14 pm
I know the contest is over, but I just like rhyming and practicing my poetry skill whenever possible, so here goes.
I’ve never tried CarboRocket
I wish local bike shops would stock it
I’d give it a try
On my bike I would fly
With the Mango in my back pocket
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