Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Has It Been Only One Day?

Has It Been Only One Day?

05.2.2008 | 9:39 pm

I spend, on average, about 90 minutes per day on this blog. About 70 minutes writing, about 20 minutes reading comments.

Of course, when there are more than 300 comments — every single one of them generous and thoughtful and encouraging — I spend quite a bit more than 20 minutes reading comments, and tomorrow I’m going to read them to Susan.

The point I was trying to make, though, was that when you spend so much time on something on a daily basis, you become pretty attached to it. This blog is by far my largest body of written work, and the people who read this blog represent a much larger community of friends — and now support — than I ever expected to have in this lifetime.

But I’ve spent some time today wondering how I can — and whether I should — keep it up. The answer was pretty simple, but it requires that you accept that — at least for a while — this blog is going to be serious a lot more often than it is funny.

Which is to say, right now I find it very helpful to focus my thoughts about the day by writing them down, and Susan has given me permission to share what’s going on in our lives. And sometimes, that will still be about bicycles and bicycling and bicyclists.

But not as much, for a while.

So here’s what’s happened today, which I think I can — without hyperbole — fairly call the worst one I have so far lived.

Good Start
Last night, I mentioned that Susan was sleeping as I wrote, and how glad I was that she was finally getting some sleep. Well, Susan continued to get a good night’s sleep. Like eleven hours. So I will always be grateful to the Doctor we met yesterday who completely changed her meds regimen and ordered the MRI.

That same doctor called me this morning, asking how the night went. Seriously, the Doctor himself called me. And then he told me he’d been on the phone with Susan’s oncologist and had sent an appointment and had set an appointment for us to see a radiation oncologist today as well. And I’m pretty sure that, once again, the Doctor himself did this.

His name isn’t Doctor Nordstrom, but it should have been.

Closed Doors
Next, we visited Susan’s primary oncologist. It was a short meeting, because she told us that we are out of options. Evidently, the brain is separated from the rest of the body’s bloodstream. Often, this barrier is good enough that even metastatic cancer can’t get through.

But Susan’s did.

The problem is, that barrier is definitely good enough that chemo can’t effectively travel through it.

The only treatment option we have open to us now, the oncologist said, is radiation therapy. And after that’s done, Susan will be better for a few months, but then the tumors will come back, and the brain can’t take another dose of radiation like that. So, absent a miracle, Susan only has months to live.

Probably, oncologists have to deliver this kind of news several times per year. I guess you get used to it. And the social worker was meanwhile trying to get Susan and me to tell us how we felt about this. I got the sense she really wanted us to cry for her.

Neither of us did. I know the social worker’s intentions were good — she had been the one who took steps to get Susan’s symptoms recognized as more than post-chemo depression — but she isn’t my counsellor, and there was no way she could fix what’s broken.

Susan said to her, “Elden opens up a lot more on his blog.”

“So do I need to start reading your blog to find out what you’re thinking, Elden?” the social worker asked.

I just looked at her, not answering. Knowing that this place wasn’t going to offer us any help or hope, I just wanted to get out, as fast as possible.

I cried a lot on the way back home, though, and Susan and I talked about the things we needed to. I’m not going into it here because living through that conversation one time today was all I’m up to. Those of you who have had this kind of talk know what I mean.

And those of you who haven’t had this talk think you know what I mean, but don’t.

Radiation Oncologist
At 2:30 today, we met with a radiation oncologist — the same one who had earlier taken charge of Susan’s hip. He told us what we can expect: some improvement following radiation, hopefully followed by as long of a period as possible before the tumors come back.

When they do come back, Susan will probably start sleeping a lot.

Then he showed us the MRI. It was like Susan’s brain is full of gravel and BBs. Surgery isn’t an option.

He told us the reason he had shuffled his existing schedule was because Susan’s condition is progressing so rapidly he didn’t want to delay even one more day. He wants to start a series of 25 radiation sessions (five days on, two off) starting tomorrow (Saturday). Susan will lose her hair again. There was a time when this would have bothered us.

When you do heavy doses of radiation, you’ve got to be precise about where you point that gun. So they make a form-fitting plastic mask that fastens to the table and restrains your head, locking it in place. Here’s Susan, having her mask made today.

Having that on her face for twenty minutes leaves an interesting impression:

It also gave her Kramer hair.

One More Talk
As Susan and I drove home, we agreed that now that we had all the information, we needed to tell our kids what is happening. Which we did, as soon as we got home.

I really have never felt so heartbroken in my life. The six-year-old twin girls made their peace fairly quickly, deciding that they’d better hurry up and give mom her mother’s day presents early, and trying to elicit a promise that mom wouldn’t die on their birthday.

I made that promise. I know, I can’t really make that promise, but I made it.

The boys — ages 12 and 14 — understand things better, and they — as am I — are going to be messed up for a while to come.

“Is it OK for me to pray for a miracle?” the 12-year-old asked.

“For sure,” I said. “That’s what I’m doing.”

Compared to this, the conversation Susan and I had earlier in the day was a walk in the park.

And Then Back to Daily Life
After this, Susan and I took the twins to their dance class recital, and then we went through the drive-through at the Purple Turtle to buy everyone their favorite kind of milkshakes.

No limit on the number of mix-ins tonight. Be creative.

And now, Susan’s asleep again, through the wonder of the Ativan and Serequol.

Tomorrow, I guarantee I am going to get in a nice, long, solo ride. Road singlespeed sounds about right, for some reason.

333 Comments

Comment by Bill W | 05.2.2008 | 9:52 pm

I don’t know you or your family but I’ve been following your blog here in Oregon for several months now. I was deeply affected by the developments described in today’s post. I don’t know what to say other than you can count on my family’s prayers in your family’s behalf and that you have support out here in Oregon. God bless you all.
Comment by Heidi | 05.2.2008 | 9:55 pm

Feel free to talk about whatever you like. I’m sure people will continue to read and hope for a miracle for your family. I will go on a long ride on my single speed in your honor this weekend and think about miracles.
Comment by Chris | 05.2.2008 | 9:58 pm

I will be praying for a miracle with you guys.

I have followed you blog for a while and your family’s story has meant a lot to me, thank you for your openness and honesty. I am deeply hurt by the news you received today. Enjoy each day. Cheers.
Comment by Randy | 05.2.2008 | 10:05 pm

“So, absent a miracle, Susan only has months to live.”

Utterly numbing words, for which I have none in response to describe how sorry I am, Elden.

I will hope for your miracle with you.

Randy
Comment by thegreatgatsby | 05.2.2008 | 10:11 pm

we’re all here for you guys- all of you guys. This all sounds so familiar to me I know how you feel. if you need the kindess of a stranger feel free.

I have a ride next week for a cancer charity and am dedicating my efforts – on a personal level – to you, susan and your family.

Gats
Comment by bee$ | 05.2.2008 | 10:19 pm

I am still in shock that a man and his family that are so far away, can humble me right to nothing. my son and wife are sleeping upstairs now, and I feel sick for not appreciating them enough. I wish there was something I could do… I will pray.

I pray the LORD will bless your family.
good night
bee$
Comment by ibisss | 05.2.2008 | 10:19 pm

Like most of your readers, I have never met you, nor will likely meet you. However, I am glad that you have written so candidly about your journey through this bloody cancer fight. I am also sorry that you saw the crap end of the clinical bad-news delivery system. No doubt the oncologist and the social worker were both working out of their own issues, and trying to cope, and direct you to cope, the only way they know how. One is a clinician, the other probably knows most of her things about death from a Kubler-Ross book. Keep on writing about stuff, keep on riding your bike, keep on being funny. A United Church of Canada liturgy goes ‘God is with us, we are not alone; in life, death, in life beyond death, God is with us, we are not alone.’ I’m not UCC, but I think that is pretty good.
take care man.
Comment by LuckyLab | 05.2.2008 | 10:20 pm

I cannot fathom having that conversation with my daughters. I’m holding out hope for a miracle for your family.
Comment by aussie kev | 05.2.2008 | 10:26 pm

speechless, here in aus, enjoy your ride. be strong for each other

k
Comment by TCluff | 05.2.2008 | 10:36 pm

My heartaches at the latest development with your wife. She is in our prayers for a miracle, and your family for grace.

I (and us) have sure grown to love you and yours. You’re not alone.
Comment by Ant | 05.2.2008 | 10:51 pm

Elden, Susan, and family – I don’t know what to say.

Consider every day a miracle.

Enjoy every second you can with your family and close friends.

Spend the time you have together celebrating life.

Book that trip to Italy.

I will be thinking positive thoughts every day. However coming from Australia they may take a few minutes to travel!

Elden, whatever you want to write in the blog is fine.
Comment by Jeff&Jenn | 05.2.2008 | 10:51 pm

Elden and Susan — We love you guys so much. Please know that you and your sweet family are in our thoughts and prayers every single day.
Comment by Mike from Melbourne | 05.2.2008 | 10:53 pm

Best wishes guys, we are thinking about you. Take care.
Comment by AJ | 05.2.2008 | 10:59 pm

We’re also thinking of you over here in Ireland Elden. Look after yourselves.
Comment by Burns | 05.2.2008 | 11:06 pm

Eldon and Susan,
Your story is heart wretching. My thoughts, hopes and prayers will be with you and your children. Please take care.
Comment by Paul Franceus | 05.2.2008 | 11:08 pm

Elden-

You don’t know me, I’m just a fan of your blog and a fellow cyclist.

My heart goes out to you and Susan.

It was only 4 years ago that I had the same conversation with a doctor about MY Susan who had fought breast cancer for 18 years and finally succumbed after it spread to her brain. All I can say is to cherish every day. That and no matter how bad off there is always hope. No matter how bad, someone has always recovered from this awful disease. Why not YOUR Susan.

My prayers are with you and your family, my brother.

Paul
Comment by Malia | 05.2.2008 | 11:13 pm

There are no words. I am so sorry to hear this. My prayers for a miracle will be with you and the family.
Comment by Ian | 05.2.2008 | 11:22 pm

As I sit here trying to think what to write, I am only able to tell you that my thoughts are with you and your family. Make the best of every day. I will make a bigger donation to cancer research tomorrow. Maybe that is the power of your blog.
Comment by jill | 05.2.2008 | 11:28 pm

Elden, that second picture of Susan, her smile, is absolutely beautiful.

I have been far away from my religion for 10 years. But I will pray for your family tonight.
Comment by Dad and janel | 05.2.2008 | 11:47 pm

We have been staying in touch with you through the website, as we didn’t get a response from Susan and now we know why. What to say, we too are heartbroken. So far away, what to do… Like so many of your friends our prayer have been and still are with you and Susan and the kids. We love you.
Comment by O' | 05.3.2008 | 12:06 am

Elden
Im just a cyclist from Australia
but my heart just broke thinking of your young family
and what your children have to go through
Be there for them ever day
My thoiughts are with you and I am also praying for that miracle
Comment by Lorachristine Vichich | 05.3.2008 | 12:07 am

Before my Mom go too sick from her brain tumors, she wrote each of us me, my two sisters and my Dad a personal letter. I read mine often for inspiration and strength and it meant the world to me when my Dad handed me my own letter. Also, everyone means well, they really do, but sometimes you do feel as though it’s more of a medical procedure. As an option, we found the Hospice counselors AMAZING. They made things so peaceful and happy for my Mom. She (and we) loved them. We’re from Columbus, Ohio. For inspiration for my Mom, I often read from Lance’s book “It’s Not About the Bike.” I don’t know if it was Lance’s words she found inspirational or the fact that nothing in this world (that isn’t human) means more to me than my bike, or just that I was reading to her, but she would smile through the pain as she held my hand, I guess mostly because she loved me huh? And I was supposed to have been the strong one… LiveStrong for each other. All my best, Lorachristine Vichich
Comment by David | 05.3.2008 | 12:08 am

I’ve been an avid fan of your writings since ‘06. It’s currently around 35 degrees Celsius here in Singapore…but the frankness and honesty of your words simply chills me to the bone. I can’t comprehend the depth of your feelings right now…but I’m in awe of how openly you lay out the facts for your family and readers of this blog. Like the other members of the cycling community out there, I’ll be praying for your miracle. Keep going, Fatty.
Comment by ming | 05.3.2008 | 12:11 am

elden and susan

miracles happen, thats why they call them miracles instead of calling it impossible.

with all the positive energy focused on your family something HAS to happen, its coming from all directions, going to you, i hope to gods it works.

i can do nothing for you, but i can try to help others. the lance armstrong foundation will receive a donation in susans and your names.
Comment by ming | 05.3.2008 | 12:16 am

… a little more

i have a ride in the morning, ill be sporting my pink fat cyclist jersey
Comment by bikesgonewild | 05.3.2008 | 12:44 am

…it’s so hard to know if any words can comfort you folks right now but my heart goes out to the whole family…

…eldon/fatty…you are a man w/ a gentle heart…while most of us may be friends you’ve never met, we stand by you & any feelings you need to express…

…stop worrying about about what we’ll think…
Comment by DOM | 05.3.2008 | 12:53 am

I’ve deleted the beginning of my post 3 times already, nothing sounds right. Please do express your thoughts, to us, a friend, a social worker. I think the roads and trails will be filled with cyclists riding “with” you this weekend. Count me in.
Comment by Mike Roadie | 05.3.2008 | 12:54 am

I love you guys.

Continue to fight.
Comment by Shadowduck | 05.3.2008 | 12:59 am

Hi Elden,

I tried to comment yesterday but just couldn’t put the words together. I still can’t.

My thoughts are with you all.

Alan
Comment by scank | 05.3.2008 | 1:09 am

Hi Elden,

I’ve read all the comments above, like so many others I can’t put my feelings into words, I feel alot of people around the world will be thinking and praying for you all, today and for the next few months.

Be strong and take care.

Ian
Comment by Born 4Lycra 43 11 N 2 32 W | 05.3.2008 | 1:16 am

Please keep writing – we’ve come with you so far and we want (need) to keep travelling with you guys. If it helps you to write it down we can help by reading it and responding. You know and we know that it is not over – I like Mings comment today miracles are not impossible we can still WIN and we WILL.
P.S. I thought all your postings were serious apart from the no beer bit the other day. Go Figure
Love Ya and Bollocks to the Cancer
Comment by Mick | 05.3.2008 | 1:48 am

I haven’t been religious for many years. But tonight my prayers are with you both.
Comment by nnfox | 05.3.2008 | 1:59 am

Write on Elden. I’ll keep reading, I’ll keep hoping for the miracle and I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Stay strong, we’re here for you.
Comment by Amanda Dunn | 05.3.2008 | 2:02 am

We ride the MS 150 today in Dallas Texas. My husband is wearing his FATCYCLIST jersey instead of his team jersey. It is a small gesture. We are both moved and don’t know what else to do to show our support…Be well, Elden. Our hearts are with you.
Comment by Our Monmouth | 05.3.2008 | 2:10 am

I hope and pray tomorrow will bring better news.
Comment by mike m | 05.3.2008 | 2:39 am

you really are a good writer Elden. I read this, a little sleepy, got to the closed doors paragraph and literally felt as if i had been punched in the stomach. I’ve read the comments, sending prayers and good thoughts your way, and I send mine with them. as a father and a husband, I won’t offer advice on what i would do, you don’t need it. in troubling times, my mother always said the same two things:
“god does things for a reason” ” “God only gives you as much as you can handle”
you are being tested, you are strong enough, you can do it, keep going.
Comment by Jim | 05.3.2008 | 2:56 am

I’m just another web-based stranger who you wouldnt know if you ran over him, but your blog has touched nerves, not the least is the thoughts of my own young family and what I’d do in your shoes.

My ride tomorrow morning is for your family, and for every family who has lost a member to an insidious disease such as this…people who now miss out on the joy of simply cycling.

Jim
Comment by bikemike | 05.3.2008 | 3:09 am

i’ll be crying and praying and riding for Susan this weekend. mostly praying but crying will be a close second.

God bless you all Elden.
Comment by Andy | 05.3.2008 | 3:12 am

I will be praying for you and your family. I love your blog and feel free to write whatever you feel the need to.
Comment by Rox | 05.3.2008 | 3:15 am

Fatty, Susan and family,
We all love you and wish we could do something for you more than just sending our good thoughts and prayers. Life sucks sometimes but you have put things back into perspective for us. Each day with our loved ones counts whether we remember it or not. All our love goes out to you and your family. I just want to say thank you and tell you that we love you. If Lance can do it, Susan certainly can!
Hang in there.
Comment by Amy | 05.3.2008 | 3:26 am

Words fail me – I’ll be praying for a miracle too.
Comment by Hamish A | 05.3.2008 | 3:26 am

The strength that you and Susan display continues to astound me, Elden.

I’ve prayed and cursed and gotten angry at the injustices of this horrible disease and its’ effect on your lives. I just wish there was more I could do to help you all. Like I said yesterday – anything you need just tell us. We’ll make it happen.

Write whatever you need whenever you need to. We’re here, we’re praying and we’re hoping for you all. I’ll keep pulling for that miracle. Never give up on hope.

Please, give Susan my love and know that even though my busted leg won’t let me ride tomorrow I’ll be right there with you.
Comment by Swedoz | 05.3.2008 | 3:38 am

Pray for a miracle.

Enjoy every day.

Keep up your amazing sense of humor!
Comment by jenni | 05.3.2008 | 3:38 am

Fatty,
Write what you want, ask for what you need, and know that you both are so loved. So loved.
I’m so sad I can’t think of anything else to write. As a mother, a teacher of children your boy’s age, and a wife, I’m empathizing with you on so many levels. Allow your community to embrace you when you’re ready, we’re all here for you all.
Comment by Mauricio | 05.3.2008 | 3:43 am

dude, tough stuff
you are not alone for the ride
Comment by matt | 05.3.2008 | 3:52 am

I’ve been following this blog for a long time,I don’t normally comment, but I felt I had to this time, I don’t actually know what to say that’s not been said already, so I’ll just echo all the comments above.

Good luck, guys, I hope the radiation as is as successful as it can be.
Comment by Philly Jen | 05.3.2008 | 3:59 am

Susan, you look so beautiful in the photo, mostly because of your shining spirit. Thank you for being generous enough to share your journey — good hair days, bad hair days, no hair days, and all — with the thousands of us who are wishing you well. You’ve already won, just because of who you are, and how you choose to be in this world. We’re lucky to know you.

Your Fatness, no more apologies for not bringing The Funny, okay? Don’t misunderestimate us. Besides, your readers will sic an insanely large clown posse on anyone who asks where all the laughs went, packing seltzer bottles and wetting chamois-es in every corner of the blogosphere.

Meanwhile, if you fall back on photos of Kenny’s questionable eyewear, we’ll understand.
Comment by Jennifer | 05.3.2008 | 4:08 am

Bless your bones. I know it can’t be easy sharing this, this, which is so personal and painful. Please know you’ve got a huge number of people cheering you guys on and wishing you well and praying for a miracle.

All my best wishes,
Jennifer
Comment by Keith Jackson | 05.3.2008 | 4:08 am

Thousands are praying for a miracle…

I’m praying for a miracle and that God’s hands of comfort are felt by Susan and the whole family. Lord please be with Susan as she goes through this radiation.
Comment by Don | 05.3.2008 | 4:22 am

Elden: Hey man! I posted something on my blog yesterday regarding your post yesterday. It was heartfelt and I meant every word of it. To sum it up I talked about I talked about the post and asked anyone who might come across it and not have seen it to read it and Pray for you and your family. I spoke of how over the last couple of years of your blog, you’ve opened your lives up to us, and in my opinion made all of your readers feel like family, not just readers. I sat and cried, again, this morning reading the news. Knowing what I know of how cancer effects more than the person who has it, and thinking about how it must have you in a myriad of different thoughts right now. All I can do is keep you, Susan and the kids in my thoughts, heart and Prayers which I fully and completely intend to do. You do what you need to for Susan, yourself and your family. We’ll always be here to lend a kind word of support. Though I’ve never met you or Susan you guys really feel like family over the years, and my family will be Praying for yours.
Much love and many many Prayers,
Don
Comment by Mocougfan | 05.3.2008 | 4:37 am

Elden,
I couldn’t help but think of what a beautiful woman Susan is in that pic. One of those ladies that just smiles love. I feel for you and your family. Much has been said about prayer and religion. I add my two cents to the power of prayer. It can heal all things.

Thanks for sharing your life.

Chad
Comment by John | 05.3.2008 | 4:46 am

Elden-

I don’t know what else to say that hasn’t been said by everyone else; we’re all hoping for the same that you are. My thoughts will always be with your family.

-John
Comment by Maile | 05.3.2008 | 5:02 am

I am so sorry–what a gut-wrenching day. I do agree with the other posters who say Susan’s spirit shines through in the picture, though. What a great lady!

It’s a good thing Twin Six makes really high quality jerseys, because I am only wearing my pink Susan jersey on rides from this day forward, until a miracle happens or it wears completely out. I’m voting for the miracle.

Best aloha to Susan, you and your family,
Maile in Florida
Comment by Sean | 05.3.2008 | 5:03 am

I rarely have the right words for anything and this is no exception. I’ll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
Comment by Kalidurga | 05.3.2008 | 5:07 am

If I ever experience anything 1/10th as terrible as what your family is going through, I’m going to remember that photo of Susan’s smile and hope that I get through things with 1/10th of the grace she has. She’s incredibly inspiring, as are you, Elden.

Here’s to therapeutic bike rides…
Comment by Uphill Battle | 05.3.2008 | 5:07 am

I am speechless. My heart is heavy with sorrow at this news. For Susan, I will pray for a miracle, for comfort and peace, and for days free of pain. Elden, for you and the family prayers are being offered for strength and courage to help Susan through this difficult time.

I wish there was more that I could do. And with regard to this blog…don’t stop. I, for one, am with you through the good times and the bad. In 2006, while my daughter was recovering from a near fatal car accident, some days it was the humor of your blog that got me through the day. It gave me a few minutes of “normal”. So, please continue sharing your thoughts with us if it helps. We owe you so much for the happiness you bring.
Comment by VA Biker | 05.3.2008 | 5:12 am

This is sobering news indeed.

If 300+ fans write in, what’s your blog audience like, I wonder? 10x that number reading daily? That seems like an awful lot of positive energy. Miracles can happen, and I sure hope one does this time.

After the radiation, I hope you and Susan can make it to Italy. Your entire family will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace.

P.S. Write whatever in the heck you feel like.
Comment by eclaire | 05.3.2008 | 5:15 am

fatty and susan, i read all these heartfelt comments, and i visualize an outpouring of love and hope streaming from around the globe and centering on you and your family. i’m praying for a miracle too. now i gotta go hug my husband. eclaire
Comment by REDRUDY | 05.3.2008 | 5:19 am

Elden,
Like many here I have been reading for many years, but do not often comment. The last few days after reading I have just sat at my computer and cried for you, for Susan, for your family and everyone else who has ever had to go through this crap. I have never had to watch my spouse fight, struggle, suffer and inevitably succcumb to cancer, but I have watched my mother. I have no words of wisdom that will make this easier for you or anyone in your family, but while you still have your beloved Susan around, live every moment with her to the fullest. I’ll remember Susan and your famly in my prayers.
Comment by James | 05.3.2008 | 5:23 am

Yo Susan and Elden-

We are with you in spirit. Nobody deserves what has come your way, but you are paragons of grace and strength in the face of adversity. We hope and pray that you get your miracle.

James
Comment by Pammap | 05.3.2008 | 5:26 am

Eldon & Susan, again words feel insufficient but please write whatever is in your heart and we’ll keep reading. You have my heart-felt prayers and support. I believe in miracles.
Comment by mhernandez | 05.3.2008 | 5:40 am

we’re pulling for you.

full gas.
Comment by Erin | 05.3.2008 | 5:41 am

Elden and Susan -

I’m a new cyclist and your blog has been a daily read for me. I’ve never commented, but have come to feel as if I knew you and your family which is actually pretty weird seeing as I’ve never even stepped foot in Utah. Some of your posts have hit so close to home as a family member is battling lung cancer and a close family friend is battling breast cancer. I used to question why such horrible things happen to such incredible people. At some point I realized I’ll never get that answer.

Yesterday was just heartbreaking for me to read about Susan and today leaves me breathless. I’m so so sorry Elden, Susan, and the kids of the Nelson family. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. There’s a lot of prayers going up to the big G for you so I’m hoping we can pull out a miracle.

And Susan, I can only hope I have an ounce of the strength, grace, and beauty you have. You are the definition of an incredible woman.
Comment by from ellicott city | 05.3.2008 | 5:55 am

Susan,

Your courage and strength through this ordeal just amazes me. You truely are an inspiration. I will be praying for a miracle along with thousands of people you have touched through Elden’s blog.
Comment by Rant | 05.3.2008 | 6:00 am

Elden,

I hope your ride brings you solace and strength. Long solo rides on a fixed gear or a single speed can do incredible things for one’s perspective.

You and Susan sound like strong people facing the worst possible news with courage and grace. We’ll be praying for you and Susan out here by Lake Michigan.

Best wishes to you and your family. Hang in there.

- Rant
Comment by JohnO | 05.3.2008 | 6:01 am

About a year ago I was spending an awful lot of time at the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston helping to take care of my Dad. He had been in and out a few times but, by late April, it was clear that he wasn’t coming back out again, except to go into a hospice facility.

Amazingly, I have a few good memories of that time. We talked a lot and I remember, in one of our last good conversations, telling him that I was thinking about adopting a kid. I think he was both shocked and pleased at the idea of being a grandfather. I also remember popping wheelies with his wheelchair and driving him through the hospital like that with his arm stretched out to point where he wanted to go. It got a bit hard to him to speak eventually and I remember, for his last MRI, telling him that I was right there in the room with him, wearing a fashionable lead apron. He gave me a big thumbs-up for that. And, of course, I remember my brother, my self, and my Dad all holding hands and saying how nice it was to be together and to be getting along (for once).

Anyway, sometimes it was a bit much. Near the end, the middle of the night, I left my brother with him to go home and started heading home. As I waited for the valet service to get my car I was chatting with the doorman, an 18 or 19 year old hispanic kid working the overnight shift. He asked what I was doing up so late and I explained that I was here helping to take care of my Dad.

“How’s he doing?” the doorman asked.

“He’s dying,” I said pretty flatly, and I felt pretty shitty myself at that point.

“Well, pray to Jesus and everything will be okay, man. Everything will be okay.”

I have to admit that I’m not a big “pay to Jesus” sort of guy, but until that point I had never really considered that dying and everything being okay weren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. That turned out to be a pretty empowering thought and even now, a year after he died, it still crosses my mind from time to time.

2007 turned out to be the worst year of life, hopefully never to be topped, but there were bright spots even during the darkest times. Reading your blog and a few others that reminded me of the simple pleasures in life, like How to Avoid the Bummer Life over at Swobo, helped me stay balanced and brought a lot of comfort. It reminded me, and still reminds me, that while bad things happen there are still very good parts to life.

All you guys take care,
John
Comment by Betsy | 05.3.2008 | 6:05 am

I haven’t commented on your blog before. I found it a few months ago. I am a (very) ameteur biker with family in Alpine. I’ve really enjoyed all your posts. So sorry to hear your news. Thanks for being so honest and sharing all that is going on. Interesting how you can feel connected to someone. What a nice community you have set up. You and your wife will be in my prayers.
Comment by Megan | 05.3.2008 | 6:09 am

If you keep writing, we’ll keep reading. We’ve laughed with you (a lot), and now we’ll cry with you.
Comment by Denise | 05.3.2008 | 6:13 am

My heart is crumbling into pieces numbered great enough to match the torrent of tears from my eyes. I cannot fathom the emotional gambit you all have been sentenced to run.

I urge you to blog as much or as little as your heart and soul need. We are here, your support group, your friends, to read whatever you are compelled to write. Of course we will offer up our not so professional, unsolicited advice and support with big heapings of love, laughter and tears to top it off.

In my heart, you guys are FAMILY and are loved as such. I will never quit praying for your miracle.

With much love and prayers,
Denise Gilman
Sikeston, MO
Comment by tim | 05.3.2008 | 6:17 am

lost for words again. will ride one for you guys today. thanks for your eloquent and open words on such a terrible day.
Comment by cat | 05.3.2008 | 6:17 am

I want so much to write something that will put a little mortar between the bricks. But everything I write, I erase. It pales beside your words.

I am so sorry, more than words can say, but so very grateful for the privilege of bearing witness to your life with Susan and your family.

Thank you Elden.
Comment by Pop | 05.3.2008 | 6:18 am

Wow! I just read your blog for the first time, the result of a post on Bike Journal. I’m an old guy in great health, and I now feel so helpless. I have no words to express my feelings, but please know that I will pray for your family, and that I will continue to read your writings…please continue to share. God bless.
Comment by Susan (another one) | 05.3.2008 | 6:21 am

Darlin,
You write whatever you want, open & close comments as you need, vent like hell.

That’s all fine with us.
Comment by Scout | 05.3.2008 | 6:23 am

Dude, I don’t know what to say, except that I’m going to be praying for you and Susan, for healing, for strength to get through whatever comes, and for joy in the time that you do have together.
Comment by Reagan | 05.3.2008 | 6:33 am

Elden & Susan –

I’m not sure what your particular flavor of religious beliefs are (if any), but, as my husband and I were praying for you yesterday, I thought about how comforting these passages were.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled…. if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also”. (John 14:1,3)

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me… I’ll show you how to take a real rest…. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace”. (Matthew, 11: 15, 26)

Know you are well loved by a cyclist and a runner in Ontario, and if a cross-continent tour is on Susan’s list of “things to do”, you have a place to stay when visiting Southern Michigan or Ontario. We wish there was something more we could do. We are thinking of you and praying for you.
Comment by KeepYerBag | 05.3.2008 | 6:37 am

- weep -
Comment by Rich | 05.3.2008 | 6:43 am

YESTERDAY IS HISTORY,
TOMMOROW IS A MYSTERY,
TODAY IS A GIFT,
THAT IS WHY WE CALL IT THE PRESENT.

It is important to be thankful every day
for what we have.My prayers are with you.
Rich……………..
Comment by Jon Downey | 05.3.2008 | 6:45 am

I feel your pain. I had to tell my mother and her family that she was dying not once but twice. After the first surgery the doctors said they had all the cancer – until the symptoms returned. Then the doctors said they hadn’t gotten it all and never would.

We made it a week past Mother’s Day, about two months past the final diagnosis.

I am my mother’s little boy, her firstborn, even at 47, and I miss her everyday. Its been two years and the hole is still in my heart, never to be filled.

Take care of your wife and children. Don’t forget yourself.
Comment by Alston Family | 05.3.2008 | 6:48 am

Elden & Susan,

We keep your family in our thoughts and prayers daily.

Erik & Stephanie
Snoqualmie, WA
Comment by jdott | 05.3.2008 | 6:53 am

Medical miracles happen everyday. You guys have all of our prayers and well wishes, plus the assistance of medical staff with more skill, dedication, and compassion than anyone can ask for. Add to all this the tremendous love and beauty of your family, and it seems very reasonable for one of those miracles to come your way. Good luck, and never forget that hope is always justified.
Comment by Big Boned | 05.3.2008 | 7:04 am

Fatty,
I’ll be praying for your miracle. You believe.
I haven’t been on my SS road bike in a couple of weeks, and I have a hill workout today. I caught this post just before heading out the door to train. I’m SS’ing.
Big Boned
Comment by mary | 05.3.2008 | 7:15 am

Write about cycling, write about life, write about whatever you like. I will continued to read and feel a part of you and your families life. All your readers are heartbroken- but if we can each take a small piece of the grief, frustration, pain and heartache for you we will. I am so sorry.

Use some of your blogging time to write up details about your ordinary days (and special days) with Susan. Make sure Susan helps, the stories will comfort you in the months and years to come.
Comment by ellen | 05.3.2008 | 7:34 am

Like so many others who have written I came here to read your hilarious stories about biking, but I come back too often to read about your life. It is hard to be funny when writing but I believe so much harder to be honest. Write what you want and what helps you and I promise I will still read it.

thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

e
Comment by yoursisterlori | 05.3.2008 | 7:38 am

Hey.
Thinking about you all the time. I’ll be there soon but wish I were there now.

Love (from the uncle and cousins too.)
Comment by Mike Hardy | 05.3.2008 | 7:47 am

I have had these conversations. Funny how that’s such an immediate shared experience even though I don’t know you! I feel for you deeply, and I hope you and your family get as much as you need with the time you’ve got.
Comment by MonsieurM | 05.3.2008 | 7:49 am

Lost for words… I don’t know what to say. Never met you, but I’m still devastated by reading this. I’m sending every kind of positive thoughts I can your way. Bon courage, ne perdez pas espoir et continuez la bataille!
Comment by SurlyCommuter | 05.3.2008 | 7:55 am

WIN Susan. WIN Elden.

You’re likely riding as I write this. I pray the wind is at your back and the loop is downhill all the way, but I suspect you’re looking for something brutally steep that you can stomp.

I am praying, our congregation is praying, our community is praying. I like the post from yesterday, I think it was your sister – “Everything turns out good in the end. If it isn’t good, it isn’t the end.”
Comment by Ryan @ T6 | 05.3.2008 | 8:10 am

I’ve been a bad blog reader for the last few months. Busy spring, new kid, wrapped up in my own little world. But for some reason, I decided to go through all of my bookmarks this morning, the first of which was yours.

I read.

Then I got up to put some laundry in the washer, still somewhat in shock to what I’d just read. As I was loading in clothes, I stood up and rammed my head into the corner of a door from a cabinet over the washing machine. Hard enough to make my legs quiver, hard enough to break the skin, hard enough to create a bird egg sized mound.

But the spilt second it happened, I immediately realized that this wasn’t pain, and that I really had no idea what pain was, and this certainly should not be “hurting me”.

The pain that the two of you have dealt with is unimaginable to most. I marvel at your strength and love for one another. Enjoy the day. Every single day.

Ryan
Comment by Lori | 05.3.2008 | 8:11 am

My god, how I hate cancer! I cannot come up with the words to express my heartache for your family. But I will be saying prayers on your behalf.
Comment by Flahute | 05.3.2008 | 8:12 am

Life is so short … I think it’s time that we all start living it to the fullest.

I think a long, solo bike ride today will do me some good as well.
Comment by Paul | 05.3.2008 | 8:16 am

Keep fighting, writing and riding.

My heart goes out to you.
Comment by Barb | 05.3.2008 | 8:22 am

Statistics are statistics: for every 95% who don’t get through something like this there are the 5% who do. Never give up hope. Also, as a radiation therapist, and having made and used hundreds of those masks over the years, we call that look Waffle Face. One day at a time, Eldon.

More good thoughts from Oregon.
Comment by Jeff | 05.3.2008 | 8:34 am

I too have written and deleted my thoughts several times. Three days in a row, I still can’t come up with the right words to express the heartache we feel for your family. Our family is praying for you guys.
Comment by cheapie | 05.3.2008 | 8:35 am

i don’t have much to say but just wanted to join the other in offering my prayers and support. if it’s frustrating for those of us who want to do something but can’t, i imagine it’s 1000X times worse for you.
Comment by randomhigh | 05.3.2008 | 8:35 am

everything I want to say feels inadequate. write on and we’ll be there. thank you for sharing your life with us. My prayers are still with you and your family.
Comment by Roberta | 05.3.2008 | 8:36 am

I’ve never met you and your family and never will, I’m not a cyclist but read your blog every day because you’re good, and I feel I’ve gotten to know you and Susan and your friends. Write what you need to, I don’t care what it is. I am so sorry. If good thoughts help, you have mine from Albuquerque.
Comment by Kathy | 05.3.2008 | 9:04 am

Like others, what struck me is how beautiful Susan looks in the second photo, despite the lacy pattern left on her skin. What a brave woman to allow you to share her story with us all. You both inspire us and remind us to cherish our family and loved ones every day. Didn’t know a bike blog could teach me so much. Will continue to pray for you and your family.
Comment by BamaJim | 05.3.2008 | 9:13 am

Solo road ride works for me today too. We’re continuing to pray for you, Susan, and the family.

May:
24 ” ‘ “The LORD bless you
and keep you;

25 the LORD make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;

26 the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace.” ‘

Numbers 6:24-26 (NIV)

Jim
Comment by Allie | 05.3.2008 | 9:20 am

Thank you for sharing. Thank you for making us think outside ourselves. and thank you for making me remember the same road we ventured with my Gram.
Comment by Lucky Cyclist | 05.3.2008 | 9:21 am

Hey man, I am ready to forget about the rocks on white rim. Obviously bigger things on your plate. You seem like a good man, Probably because ,like me, you were blessed with a good wife.

Good Luck, Not sure if you know what I’m talking about but I am putting your name on the Timpanogos Temple Prayer Roll today.
Miracles happen,even for schlubs like us.
Lucky
Comment by TrialsDude | 05.3.2008 | 9:29 am

Elden,

You have faced many trials and been able to pass through them relatively unscathed. This is just one more for you and Susan to face. I know how you all feel and I know that this will be the hardest journey yet, but you will be able to face this with your heads held high, and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. There will be sadness, and there will be happiness, and we all hope for your miracle.

Just spend as much time as you can together, and be able to forgive and forget anything that may be done or said during this time.

You and your struggle has changed the lives of many people who comment here. Good luck and thank you for sharing your story with us all. We will keep you in our prayers and be hoping for your miracle.

JT.
Comment by W27 | 05.3.2008 | 9:31 am

Fatty -

I believe in miracles – I’ve seen them happen. Make whatever plans you must but please don’t give up hope. If possible, get a copy of Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life – The Movie” and watch it with your family. Some may think it’s new agey hoo-ha but at the very least it’s a couple hours spent watching something entertaining and very inspirational. Please add my love and prayers to all the others here. There is great power in all these caring thoughts.
Comment by Nahual | 05.3.2008 | 9:37 am

Your family’s strength is elevating many people. I pray for you and that the prayers of your family, and all who are aware will be answered. May the spirit and science overcome this condition.
Comment by tim | 05.3.2008 | 10:07 am

Eldon, Susan and family – I am holding you all in the light, peace and healing in the midst.
Comment by John Galloway | 05.3.2008 | 10:27 am

Simple post. Enjoy the blog, feel strangely connected to you and yours as a result. Thinking of you and wishing you the best.
Comment by judi | 05.3.2008 | 10:28 am

I am gonna pray for a miricle too and try to stop these tears from flowing everytime I think about you and Susan and your beautiful kids.
Comment by cat | 05.3.2008 | 10:52 am

It took talking to my “friends” at Sara Best’s blog to plumb the depths of my feelings….

I’m sitting here wondering why someone I’ve never met cause such tears that I cannot type. Why I feel such pain and loss and empathy. Perhaps it is because when someone so eloquently shares observations and insights into their own life, it cannot help but touch you. I believe it opens parts of yourself you can’t always reach alone. You are very adept at that, Elden. You are eloquent, funny and generous. You’ve shared intimate feelings of pain and fear, the courage of your wife and even the bravery of your children. We have been given the honor to bear witness to your experience. What a gift.

Often people talk about miracles at times like this. Miracles for remission, cure, absence from pain. I think the miracle is that we don’t merely survive life, but transcend it. The miracle is the love and care and vast ability to place others needs before ours. To accept the fact that it hurts to live and not turn away from what ever it gives us. Susan and Elden are such a miracle.
Comment by bednie | 05.3.2008 | 11:01 am

Every bit of mojo and positive thought I can muster is headed out to you and your family. Stay strong.
Comment by Bob | 05.3.2008 | 11:04 am

Eldon,

There’s a verse in Psalm 139 that says the Lord knows our days before we live even one of them. I share this, because no doctor can tell you whether you will live or die – that is not within their power. All they can do is quote statistics. I encourage you to seek Him. I pray he will surround you and your family with His peace, and I will pray for healing.

God bless!
Comment by geckonia | 05.3.2008 | 11:04 am

This blog puts so many things in perspective for me. Thank you for your honesty and courage. You and your family are very inspirational. As my heart is breaking for you all I also feel like it is expanding to let you in. You are all in my heart now.
Comment by AlicesYellowPorsche | 05.3.2008 | 11:09 am

Fatty,

I have never met you, nor is it likely. But here I sit, crying because I’ve grown so attached to you and yours. I am not religious, but I am still hoping for a miracle. They do happen, and it would be high time for yours. Please know that I have your family in my thoughts, and I wish you the very best. Remember to take care of yourself. Thank you so much for letting us continue to witness the journey you have been on, it has been a beautiful ride (pun intended). Your writing has made me laugh and cry, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. Love, Alice

P.S. Please excuse the haphazardness of that, but my thoughts are a little scattered right now.
Comment by Paul Sonda | 05.3.2008 | 11:13 am

Hi Elden, Susan, and kids,
This is Paul’s son in Ann Arbor, Mi…Diane and I have been thinking of and praying for you all. We will redouble our efforts. May God’s love and the love of your extended family and friends sustain you. We will be asking for a miracle along with you.
Comment by Nick | 05.3.2008 | 11:19 am

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Susan. Take care of her, and remember that you can never tell her that you love her enough.
Comment by Barb | 05.3.2008 | 11:20 am

One of the websites my patients talk about often is this one:http://www.caringbridge.org/ . You may not have any need for it as you have all of us, but it never hurts to have other places to look. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Comment by BellaCroix | 05.3.2008 | 11:21 am

Any chance of Team Six re-running the pink jersey? Never wanted to ride in pink but for some reason I feel compelled today (of course it might be because of the rain falling right now – should be able to hide tears behind sunglasses if my face is already soaked).

Thanks for letting Elden share your picture, Susan. Your smile is so heart-warming, I’ll remember that picture the next time life seems to toss me a curve, or the next time I’m half-way up a mile long climb with a 20 MPH headwind – I’ll smile through either remembering “Kramer Hair”.

Best wishes you guys – make sure to spoil the kids.
Comment by Rebecca | 05.3.2008 | 11:24 am

When I ride Philly LiveStrong in August, Susan’s name will be on my bike. It would have been there anyway, but now it will be in bold!

http://philly08.livestrong.org/teamfitnesskick

If the new shirts aren’t out in time, I’ll rock the one from last year. Go Susan!
Comment by Derek | 05.3.2008 | 11:26 am

As a fellow cyclist, I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and have shared it with my family (non-cyclists) many times. It’s made me and my family smile on many occasions.

Thank you for sharing these rough times as well.

Simply…we’d just like you (and your family) to know that our thoughts and more importantly our prayers are with ya’ll. No sage advice here, just wanting to tell you that there are people you have not met that have been touched by your lives and we are thinking about you.
Comment by Chris | 05.3.2008 | 11:40 am

Eldon,

I don’t often comment but I always read. Marni and I are so sorry and will do anything we can for you guys. We’ve only met a couple times (Leadville ‘06) and briefly post KTR last year but I just wanted to say Susan, you and your family will be in our thoughts and if there is anything needed in/from Denver or money or anything we’ll do anything we can.

Chris and Marni Plesko
Comment by Richie | 05.3.2008 | 11:46 am

I can’t say that im religious but i am praying for that miracle. I’ve only started reading your blog and I find your strength amazing. All my thoughts are with you
Comment by Chris B | 05.3.2008 | 11:49 am

I’m another reader who doesn’t normally comment, and I can’t imagine what you and your family are going through. But I’m going for a big ride in Wales tommorrow and I know I and the guys I’m riding with will be thinking of you all.
Comment by philocyclist | 05.3.2008 | 12:09 pm

Fatty,

Your blogs are often funny, but better than that, they are honest and heartfelt. That’s why I read them and I bet that’s why others read them too. But more important than your readers are Susan, your kids, and yourself. Take care of the important people in your life first. If that means writing your blog, fine (whatever you write). If not, that’s fine too.

In the meantime: what can we do for you?

Any way we can help that trip to Italy happen when Susan has her “period of improvement?”
Comment by iamsdm | 05.3.2008 | 12:16 pm

Our family is involved in Relay for Life and the LAF since we have been touched also by this disease. I agree that we should not make promisses that we can’t keep, but lots of us strangers out here in inernet-land can promise that we will do whatever we can to make sure that your kids don’t have the same conversation with your grandkids.
Comment by Beej | 05.3.2008 | 12:21 pm

I, like so many others, read but don’t comment. I gasped when I read today and cried. I am so sorry that any one has to go through this. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. Thank you for sharing your world with us.
Comment by Bob | 05.3.2008 | 12:29 pm

What a terrible thing to go through. You’re making me cry. Friends aren’t supposed to make friends cry.
Comment by Lifesgreat | 05.3.2008 | 12:30 pm

I am guessing you and your family are some sort of religious persuasion. Please draw on the strength and peace your beliefs can bring and all of us out here, religious or not, will be drawing on what we have too.

You are in our prayers.
Comment by Dad and janel | 05.3.2008 | 12:38 pm

Elden and Susan,
We have been reading your blog and couldn’t figure out how to write a comment. We are so sad about the news with Susan. We too are praying for miracles and believe they can come if it it God’s will. We are asking for that. We asked Kellene to pick up a calling card for you, please call when you want. We would love to talk with you but also know that you both have so much to think about now. We have been reading some of the messages of dear friends from everywhere, what nice things they have said. Thanks to them from us.

We love you and your sweet family.
Comment by Wheels | 05.3.2008 | 12:52 pm

Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.
Comment by Wonderdyke | 05.3.2008 | 12:52 pm

Elden – My kids are older but I can’t even imagine doing what you’ve had to do. My thoughts are with you.
Comment by TomE | 05.3.2008 | 1:20 pm

I don’t know what to write…so I will type what I feel…SHIT!!
My ride today was in honor of Susan. 52 miles of road riding with a nice little 6 mile mtn bike in the middle (thanks to a local bike shop demo). Stay strong, but remember, it is OK to cry and be mad as hell right now – I am!
Comment by highwaymunky | 05.3.2008 | 1:23 pm

Elden,
Blog what the hell you want mate, I’m sure it will help to write stuff out and if you want to share it, you have massive support here.
Love to your family, My kids are praying for Susan now in our bedtime prayers.
Keep Strong.
Rob
Comment by Fai | 05.3.2008 | 1:31 pm

My heart is breaking for all of you. Will Susan be well enough to travel after the radiation treatment? Is there any way I can contribute to a send-Susan-and-Elden-to-Europe fund?

I haven’t been on a bike in ten years. (I know, I know….) Today I bought a new road bike and spun it around. I’m going to order myself one of your jerseys. So now there’s another fat cyclist out there. Thanks.
Comment by bikemike | 05.3.2008 | 1:40 pm

it’s 5:30 here in Florida and i came back to read more of the comments and cry some more. i wish the whole world cared about each other the way these awesome people who come here to comment feel about Susan and your family.
Susan, just know that you have touched so many lives in such an inspiring way that we can’t even begin to thank you enough for your spirit of hope and love.
we are with you in spirit and hope. together we will not give up, we will come together as one in prayer and hope. we cannot give up, we will not give up.
fight the good fight every moment, every minute, every day. fight the good fight every moment, it’s the only way.
Comment by Jim Glover | 05.3.2008 | 2:03 pm

I got tears in my eyes when I read this.

I’ve lost so many family members to cancer it scares the hell out of me.

I can only wish you the best and I hope you can make the best of the time you have left and I hope that time is longer than your own life time.
Comment by Minx | 05.3.2008 | 2:11 pm

I’m another regular reader that hasn’t posted before. I went for an early evening ride here in the UK – singlespeeded a route that I usually don’t, in the hope you’d somehow know that one more person is thinking of Susan and sending love and positive thoughts to you and your family.
Comment by Glenda | 05.3.2008 | 2:30 pm

To the Nelson family…good thoughts and prayers…good thoughts and prayers…good thoughts and prayers…good thoughts and prayers…good thoughts and prayers!

the Daspit family
Comment by twoshadows | 05.3.2008 | 2:32 pm

Elden, it’s Jeff, your brother-in-law. Just got the phone message from Karen and came straight to the blog to hear it from you. I’m so sorry.

I find myself looking at Christine while she sleeps, and I wonder what the odds are that my wife might go through what Susan is. And I wonder how I would deal with it.

The truth is, I wouldn’t. Oh, I’d look like I was. But I’d… I don’t know what I would be doing inside. Judo, I guess. Trying to move energy around. Trying to move through the problem. Trying to make solve it and make it through to the other side. From the posts it looks like there are a lot of people praying for a miracle. You know that we are as well.

Keep moving.

Jeff
Comment by Tom Stormcrowe | 05.3.2008 | 2:33 pm

Elden, I am so sorry to hear this news. Our thoughts are with you and your family, buddy.
Comment by HP | 05.3.2008 | 2:35 pm

I can’t really express what I’m thinking and feeling right now. Or tell you why I’m crying so much. Please know that miracles do happen and I can’t think of anyone more deserving of one right now.

You are in our thoughts and prayers. You and Susan will be with us every day we ride.

Heather & Scott
Cleveland, OH
Comment by christy | 05.3.2008 | 2:43 pm

I just came across your blog and am deeply touched.

I am thinking of you, Susan and your kids. You are all in my prayers. Keep the faith and enjoy every day!
Comment by 29er | 05.3.2008 | 3:08 pm

There were a bunch of Fat Cyclist jerseys at the icup race today, and after seeing your comments page I get chills thinking about how many people are pulling for Susan and your family. We will keep praying for you all as well.
Comment by Dobovedo | 05.3.2008 | 3:19 pm

As mentioned in your prior post, I said I would ride the Calvin’s Challenge 100mile TT for Susan and today I did just that. My LiveSTRONG band was on my arm the whole time, wrapped on the outside of my arm warmers so I could see it.

It’s funny, as I was pedaling for 5+ hours in pouring rain and 20mph winds gusting up into the mid 30s and fighting to keep my bike on the road, it seemed like it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I am wiped out, my muscles are sore, I have multiple abrasions where my wet clothing (your hated knee warmers BTW) rubbed my skin raw, I have multiple aggravations of aches and pains that came as a result of a dog knocking me to the ground earlier in the week.

And then I got home and read your blog entry, and suddenly it doesn’t seem as though what I did today was all that difficult. All of that stuff from my ride is temporary, and (except for the dog) self-inflicted.

You mentioned that anyone who hasn’t had “that talk” can’t know what it is like, and you are correct. I tried to comprehend what it would be like to sit down with my wife and… nevermind.

The one thing I did today that DOES relate to Susan and you and your family is to NOT GIVE UP. Don’t quit. Even if the only options left is praying for a MIRACLE. Miracles do happen.
Comment by Robb | 05.3.2008 | 3:20 pm

what a tragic post to read. I am filled with love and empathy for your whole family Elden & Susan. You will be in my prayers, please keep writing and letting it out!
Comment by bashzilla | 05.3.2008 | 3:22 pm

Lots of people, all across the country are hoping for that miracle too, Fatty. Make this time count as best you can.
Comment by Donna Frey | 05.3.2008 | 3:27 pm

Dear Elden and Susan, I am so sorry about what you and the children are going through. My thoughts are with you. My dear brother passed away from brain cancer, and we still miss him so much. Nothing to say except you can know there are thousands of us who have gone down this difficult road and really feel with you.
Comment by juliem | 05.3.2008 | 3:28 pm

I, too, am heartbroken by this turn of events, and am very much at a loss for words. I am praying for all of you, Susan, Fatty, and your children. I am training for a marathon; my training partners and I are running our 18 miles tomorrow in honor of all of you. Be well.
Comment by UncleFred | 05.3.2008 | 3:29 pm

The good karma will keep flowing from here to you and your family Elden. Your blog has made me laugh, cry, spit coffee over my keyboard and in some strange way made me feel a strange connection to you that I can’t describe, I consider you a friend who I have never met and share your tribulations. I will continue to wear my Fat cyclist jersey with pride and if Team Six print any more Pink jersey I will buy one.

Peace to Susan, You and the Kids.
Comment by Debbie | 05.3.2008 | 3:33 pm

The love you and Susan have for each other just takes my breath away. It is a supreme gift that you’ve probably had to work very hard for, but you know is worth more than anything you’ve ever done. And your children will be blessed their whole lives long because of it. I offer heartfelt gratitude that you are willing to let us all peek in and see how you do it.
Comment by Holden Lewis | 05.3.2008 | 3:36 pm

Elden,
Write what you damn well please.

A blog that was good for a few laughs just a few months ago has been transformed into a community of readers who care about you and Susan. That in itself seems miraculous — a faceless crowd of strangers has turned into a worldwide legion of friends.

When my mother-in-law was dying, and my wife was therefor going through hell, we would go to the movies or the supermarket and I would think, “In this room, there’s at least one other family that’s going through the same thing.” It wasn’t exactly comforting; I don’t know what it was. So many people go through this, yet every family feels like they’re going through it alone. That’s why a well-meaning social worker’s effort is so impotent.

You and Susan aren’t alone. We’re here.
Comment by Daddystyle | 05.3.2008 | 3:40 pm

Elden, Susan and family, we will pray for a miricle my friends.

Elden, blog on, it is good for your soul. We will not abandon you.
Love the Stanhope’s, Halfmoon Bay, BC
Comment by Adam | 05.3.2008 | 3:42 pm

Not sure what to say. We will be praying for a miracle as well.
Comment by Cheasty | 05.3.2008 | 3:42 pm

I am so sorry, Elden.
Comment by Yukirin Boy | 05.3.2008 | 3:43 pm

Praying for a miracle here too.
Comment by Jot | 05.3.2008 | 3:46 pm

All day I wore my Fat Cyclist shirt and thought of you and your family. I apologize that I have nothing to offer you but support, something that is woefully inadequate at times like these.

Cherish your wife. Adore your children, for they need both of you now more than ever, but they won’t know why.

You’re in our thoughts.

-Jot
Comment by bradk | 05.3.2008 | 4:08 pm

Dude, your post brought me to my knees. I love you guys!
Comment by Duane | 05.3.2008 | 4:10 pm

My dad has added you and your family to the prayer list at church.

Stay strong for your family.

Write when you can – even if you don’t post. Writing appears to be your outlet.

I will be sporting the Fat Cyclist shirt @ field day this week.
Comment by Clydesdale | 05.3.2008 | 4:14 pm

Susan you have uplifted many and now all we can do is try to return the favour. Sleep well and fight hard as we know you will.
You have done such a great job bringing up the two boys, the twins and Elden. Always with a smile from what we can see. All over the world people are fighting for you while you gain their strength just because one of your kids, Elden, has the courage to include us in your lives.

If you will have us we will be here always to lean on and provide any resources you need, all of you… Even your biggest there with all the bikes….
Comment by MTB W | 05.3.2008 | 4:15 pm

Elden and Susan,

My breath was taken away from your post. I don’t know you yet I feel so bad for you and your family. I don’t have any magic or helpful words but I can offer my love and support. You and your family has given me many laugh out loud moments through your blog and it is clearly now the time to help repay you for your kindness and generousity to this blogging world. We, friends of Fatty, will help your and your family throught this time in any way we can.

As you already know, doctors can’t predict the future much better than weathermen, only give liklihoods. Two friends of mine are both brain cancer survivors so you can take that for whatever its worth. No matter what, you can always hope and pray. Cancer can’t take that from you. Susan is clearly a fighter and, despite all odds, always seems to take whatever is thrown at her (no matter how unfair it is) and beat it down. Even when given this news, she can still smile like she did in the picture. She has a heart of gold.

Write whatever you feel like, including venting. I hope it helps you deal with the situation. We will understand and offer out support.

My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Walter
Comment by Greg Evans | 05.3.2008 | 4:22 pm

I, too, will be praying for a miracle. Hang in there.
Comment by chtrich | 05.3.2008 | 4:25 pm

Great job on the unlimited mix-in shakes. Go do everything to the max with your whole family! Take lots of pictures and videos; your kids will love to look back on them.
More prayers for miracles from here.
Stay strong!!
Chris
Comment by scott russel | 05.3.2008 | 4:33 pm

My heart and energy goes out to you. I have the same radiation pics from when my pop was sick….I can only say take things 1 day/hour/minute at a time….It would appear that a lot of people care about you guys and to me that means something…Love and luck to you guys….Scott Russel
Comment by Barb | 05.3.2008 | 4:34 pm

It strikes me as I read these postings how you and Susan have affected people all over the world. Do you think a visual representaion of this would cheer Susan up? Get a world map and add a “stick pin of love” for her. Put mine in from North Plains, Oregon.
Comment by KT | 05.3.2008 | 4:41 pm

Fatty– Elden– I’m adding my voice to the others who are urging you to write whatever you want. You don’t have to be funny all the time, or write about bikes all the time… this is YOUR blog, after all, you can do whatever you want with it.

That said, I hope you do keep writing.

I’m also sending my prayers for miracles and my good karma vibes from Oregon. There’s a river of goodness heading your way from all over the world. Stupid cancer surely can’t stand a chance!!

PS: I have a friend who has a daughter who had brain cancer– she had radiation therapy and luckily, the cancer all went away. However, she can never have radiation therapy again, and she’s only 5. She’s doing pretty good now, and I’m hoping that Susan responds as well as Rebekha did!

WIN!!!!!!!!
Comment by Rick Cummings | 05.3.2008 | 4:48 pm

Elden,
I have followed your writing for months in my RSS feed and It saddens my heart to read today’s post. I applaud your bravery, many would be crippled by the news. Now I have to go tell my wife and family that I love them.

Your in our prayers-The Cummings Family, Longmont, CO
Comment by Rick S. | 05.3.2008 | 4:52 pm

Elden, Susan and Family – I don’t have the words. My family is praying for you and thinking of you.
Comment by Karst | 05.3.2008 | 4:52 pm

Day by day, making every one count…good luck…

Those interested in a rational basis for hope for some sufferers of some types of cancer might wish to consult

http://www.cancerguide.org/median_not_msg.html

an essay “The median isn’t the message”, by Stephen J. Gould.
Comment by minermike | 05.3.2008 | 5:01 pm

Fatty,

I’m sure you’ve heard this before but “when you bring sunshine to the lives of others you can’t help but bring it to youself”. You’ve created a lot of sunshine for a lot of people…it will come back to you. Always look for it no matter how bad things get!
Comment by Steve | 05.3.2008 | 5:08 pm

Eldon and Susan,
My family and church’s heart breaks for you. Prayer Warriors are on their knees fighting for you right now. This is NOT finished. Susan,there will be a day when this pain isn’t yours to bear anymore. There’s healing to be had in this life or the next. You cocentrate on getting better and loving your husband and children every day. Don’t you dare worry about them. Eldon’s been shown more love and support than any man has a right to, he’s an awesome father and they’re going to be fine.
Eldon, if you can, please find a song by Mark Schultz called “Walking her home” I hope to have the privilege of loving my wonderful (and often taken for granted) wife this much and I know you do as well.
Again, everyone on this blog loves yall and are here for you in whatever way we can be.
Steve,Melissa,Adam,Kyle and Kayla
Comment by nikki | 05.3.2008 | 5:23 pm

Eldon -
You and Susan have touched so many hearts and now so many of us hurt along with you. It’s a deep family we as fans and readers have for each other. We laugh together, we cry together. We get through things together. You and your family are deep in our hearts and thoughts and prayers are here for you.

I too wish I could write something more but words are not here right now as tears have filled the eyes and inner strength is searched for. Cherish EVERY minute and live like there is no tomorrow. Laugh at every opportunity and hold tight the moments meaning the most.

We love you and we are here for you to share and vent and laugh and cry with. Always.
Comment by joel | 05.3.2008 | 5:23 pm

Our thoughts and prayers are with you. To claim to understand or to try to comfort you and your family feels frail and hollow compared to the magnitude of what you are going through.
I share the only words that have brought me through my own depths of despair which pale in comparison to yours.
“Be still and know that I am God.”
I cannot understand why such challenges are brought to our doors, so most days I just hang on to a faith that God is in control and one day it will all be worth it.
We believe in miracles and pray for yours.
Comment by Jodi | 05.3.2008 | 5:25 pm

My favorite time with Susan, apart from a few months ago, was when I stayed with her after you guys were engaged. She was totally hot and rebellious, sweet as could be with a killer fashion sense and mischievous eyes. I see her there in that photo, exactly the same.

Elden, you are one lucky man to have been hooked up with this lady, and the children you have are the proof. You two have always been kind to each other, and live lives worth having. I don’t know what will happen in the near or far future, but I do know that her love for you is undeniable, as is yours for her.

I am so happy for you that you have had even one day of Susan Nelson in your life.
Comment by Evin | 05.3.2008 | 5:38 pm

Fatty,
I find myself terribly humbled by the strength and grace in which you and Susan exhibit in sharing this experience with your cycling family. My prayers for peace, and miracles goes out to you both.

Tomorrows ride is dedicated to Fatty & Family

God Bless,

Evin
Comment by brett | 05.3.2008 | 5:45 pm

that was tough to read. i’m hoping for a miracle for your family. susan, you are an amazing woman. in between tears i cracked a smile because you smiled for elden post-mask making. i’m glad you two have the chemistry that puts a smile on your face.
Comment by Beth | 05.3.2008 | 6:12 pm

Elden,

Thank you for sharing your and Susan’s story. I am praying for and thinking of Susan, you, and your family on a regular basis. I am deeply sorry the news is not better.

May God send you comfort and guide the hands, hearts, and minds of Susan’s health care workers.
Comment by stuckinmypedals | 05.3.2008 | 6:13 pm

I said a prayer for you today. Tomorrow I will wear my pink jersey and keep fighting for Susan. Take care of each other.
Comment by Moabmedic | 05.3.2008 | 6:17 pm

You and your family are truly in our thoughts and prayers….its not just a figure of speach. Our hearts go out to you at this extremly difficult time.
Comment by Donna | 05.3.2008 | 6:20 pm

I have no words. I cannot type anything that comes out right.

Please know you are in my thoughs and prayers.

Take care of yourselves and your family and NEVER give up!!!
Comment by DougG | 05.3.2008 | 6:51 pm

“So, absent a miracle, Susan only has months to live.”
What do I say after reading that? Keep up the fight!
Comment by Texas | 05.3.2008 | 6:58 pm

May the Lord bless you and keep you.
Comment by stewOZ & miss | 05.3.2008 | 7:06 pm

Anything you need, just let us know. There are so many people that have you and your family in their hearts. I am going for a long solo ride today too. Stay strong.
Comment by Merckx | 05.3.2008 | 7:10 pm

Enjoy your solo ride, but there will be many of us clipped in for the journey along with you, again thinking and praying for your family and a miracle.
Comment by bikerchick_IL | 05.3.2008 | 7:12 pm

Elden & Susan,
I feel rather inadequate saying “ditto,” but I’d like to add my heartfelt thoughts for many miracles for the Nelson family. Thanks for posting the lovely photo of Susan so we all have that radiant smile to focus our healing thoughts and prayers.

Hug your kiddos tight tonight, and let all of us join our arms with yours around Susan.

Sadly,
Barb
Comment by Carl | 05.3.2008 | 7:32 pm

It is amazing how much you feel you get to know someone from reading their blog. I don’t have any words of wisdom, but I will pray for Susan, your children, and you Eldon.

Carl
Boardman, OH
Comment by Dean Cahow | 05.3.2008 | 7:39 pm

Elden, Susan,
I had a fine day today; the kind of day to thank God for. I then read your blog; the news is terribly dissapointing, but the strength of your spirits is humbling and magnificently uplifting. Claire and I and our family continue to pray for you and thank God for your gift to us.
Dean
Comment by Scott Baryenbruch | 05.3.2008 | 7:44 pm

I found out about your blog by wondering who the heck this “fat cyclist” was that T6 was pumping goods for. Been lurking for quite a while and trying to win a contest of yours once. Today your entry put a bit of perspective on my day to day life. I’m not a prayin’ guy but my thoughts and feelings are with you, Susan, and the kids every day.
Comment by sleepy | 05.3.2008 | 7:44 pm

Elden,

I was in the parking lot at the equestrian center waiting for my wife to show up for a ride this morning. While I was waiting, I decided to read your blog on my iPhone. I read through your post this morning and I wept. You and your family have a strength I cannot understand. We are thinking and praying for you and your family.

the Gaoirans
Comment by Dr. K. | 05.3.2008 | 7:48 pm

This news has simply left me heart-broken.

My thoughts are very much with Susan, you and your children.
Comment by Erik | 05.3.2008 | 7:57 pm

I’m so sorry to hear the news and my thoughts are with you and your family and will remain so. May you find some peace and joy in each other in however much time you have left, and may that time be way way longer than any experts think. We’re pulling for all of y’all.

As for the blog, write whatever you please, so long as it is good for you. As everyone notes, we’re all happy to read whatever it is that you write. Any if it isn’t all happy & funny, we’ll do what we can from afar to provide support. If the blog isn’t working for you, then by all means stop, but for damned sure don’t punt for our sake. As for this being your largest body of writing, I actually think you should talk to the velonews press folks and publish a book of the posts. I’d certainly pay for one. Namaste…
Comment by Teresa | 05.3.2008 | 8:23 pm

Fatty,
Long-time lurker here. I will certainly be praying for a miracle for your sweet wife, you, and your children.
Comment by Mark B. | 05.3.2008 | 8:24 pm

Right now, I cannot describe the rush-and-tumble of emotions I’m feeling….

Elden, I just found this blog TODAY.

I don’t know anything about you and your family, except that you have wonderful kids, a passion for riding, and a loving and loved wife. But in this one blog, you have let me in to the intimacy of your family, and your life-staggering circumstances. I will add my prayers, and hope that when the time comes, there will be ease and a lessening of pain.

Curious, in that my daughter and I just discussed her future baptism this evening, a conversation that filled me — and now, in reading your well-written words, I am filled again, in a different yet similar way.

It can only be the fullness of Messiah that we are feeling, and for that I am grateful. I wish His peace to you and your beloveds. I will ‘favorite’ your blog, and I can only hope to provide maybe a word here or there that makes something just 1% easier for you all.

Blessings, strength, and peace.
Comment by Dawn | 05.3.2008 | 8:32 pm

I wore the pink jersey in the SLC Half Marathon a couple of weeks ago… You wouldn’t believe how many people recognized it and are pulling for your family.

I wore the pink jersey on my long ride today… One of the guys on the ride was lamenting that he hadn’t ordered one in time.

I’ll wear the pink jersey next Saturday when I run the Race For the Cure with my 5-yo daughter.

You don’t know me, but I keep wearing the jersey in hopes that the support and positive vibes help. We are all pulling for you and your family. I will pray for your miracle too.
Comment by Bill F. | 05.3.2008 | 8:38 pm

Elden,
If there is ever anyting the Freedmans can do, we stand ready to help you through this. I promise we will be praying daily to bring you comfort.
Comment by Mathew | 05.3.2008 | 8:41 pm

I am crushed to read the blog today.
You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.
Comment by KanyonKris | 05.3.2008 | 8:43 pm

Tomorrow our family will be praying and fasting for Susan. We’re asking for a miracle – why not shoot high? And thanks to your post I’m also praying specifically for nothing bad to happen on the twins birthday – I believe God can handle it and I think He should backup your promise. I’m very hesitant to offer advice, but I feel impressed to say: Keep your minds open to possibilities.
Comment by Alex | 05.3.2008 | 8:46 pm

I’ve been reading this blog for a few months now, usually laughing my head off. I’ve only commented a few times, but I just wanted to say that I’m hoping and praying for the best for you and your family.

Good luck.
Comment by Coelecanth | 05.3.2008 | 9:14 pm

I am well acquainted with loss, both my own and others. The thing that has struck me about it is how unique each one is. Unique as the people involved. We on the outside can offer nothing but faint understanding and an empathy born of our experiences and that seems like so little. And yet people are strange creatures, social creatures. For whatever reason shared pain is lessened and shared joy is increased. Just as many hands make light work, many souls lighten the burdens of grief. In an on-line world full of fluff and nonsense it’s not often we are allowed to make even this small difference. Thank you for sharing. I hope beyond all measure to share in the joy a miracle will bring.

Steve Connor
Comment by Susan | 05.3.2008 | 9:15 pm

You don’t know me. I don’t even own a bike. (Well, I do – it’s old, rusty and doesn’t go!) I stop by every so often.

I’m so sorry to hear about your Susan. Every day is a miracle. I’ll pray for many miracles for you and your family.

Keep talking. Keep writing. Keep believing.
Comment by Kim | 05.3.2008 | 9:36 pm

Hugs and love from another person you’re not likely to meet. I have no sage advice, nothing adequate to say, but I’ve been told I have some great hugs, so I’m sending them your way. I hope someone local will take care of final delivery.
Comment by PeterUK | 05.3.2008 | 10:07 pm

Fatty- I love Cycling but a couple of weeks ago I had a bout of the Blahs, I just couldn’t be bothered to fill up the Water Bottles, pump up the Tires and go through the whole routine that us Cyclists do every time we go out, after re-reading a couple of your old Blogs I actually felt excited about going for a ride, and that’s what I did, I rode some paved Trails I’d never ridden before, I just went exploring and had a great ride! You inspired me to do it!!
Then, over the last couple of Days I’ve been reading your Posts along with all the comments and I was inspired once again, this time I was inspired in a different way, you reminded me to call Friends I hadn’t got around to calling for a while, to love my Wife, who is a Cancer survivor, even more, to appreciate everything and everyone around me and for that I owe you nothing but gratitude, your writing is an inspiration to me.
You Fatty, are an awesome writer, you have an awesome Gift, I hope you never stop but understand if you do.
My thoughts are with you, Susan, your Children, Family and friends of which you have many.
Take care Buddy.
Comment by gh | 05.3.2008 | 10:15 pm

You don’t know me, nor I you but, twoshadows is a friend of mine and when I heard of her sister’s struggles (some time ago) I was heartbroken. This latest news brings tears to my eyes. It honestly does.

It’s more than clear how much you, she and the rest of the family love Susan. My thoughts and prayers are with her and all of those who love and care about her.

May that much-desired miracle come soon.

- Steve
Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 05.3.2008 | 11:32 pm

Don’t miss the chance. Book the tickets to Italy for 6 weeks time.
Comment by Daryol | 05.4.2008 | 12:29 am

Elden and family,

I’ve only just found your blog in the last few months and over that time you’ve had me laughing and crying, both tears of joy and sadness, almost in equal measure so to hear this news is awful but all our thoughts are with you and your family.

I was going to write something much longer but really only one thing is right – thinking of you all and hoping for that miracle.

Take care
Comment by Linda | 05.4.2008 | 12:35 am

Adding my name to the long list of people praying for a miracle. I don’t ride a bike but have come to love this blog, and Susan has become someone I greatly admire. Right now my heart is aching for all of you and you’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Comment by Mogule | 05.4.2008 | 2:47 am

Remember your talent: You know how to keep going. Keep turning those cranks!
Comment by DD | 05.4.2008 | 3:06 am

My prayers have been with you ever since I started reading your blog – and I haven’t cried more than I have the past few days. I wrote to the Twin Six guys to beg them to run more Susan Jerseys – I just feel like I need to wear one for her and wasn’t a reader when they first came out. Hopefully others will contact them with the same request. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Comment by Travis | 05.4.2008 | 3:38 am

I can’t think of anything to say, write what ever you want, we’ll still be here, be strong, and enjoy every moment
Comment by suzi burns | 05.4.2008 | 4:06 am

Elden and Susan,
I have been following your blog, reading it everyday, even though I am not a cyclist…go figure! My husband is though, and I sent him your link. He is the one who told me last night about Susan, as I had not read it yet. Our hearts are with you and your family. We have 3 children and cannot imagine how heartwrenching the last few days have been for you. I teach at a private Baptist Kindergarten, and tomorrow at morning devotions, all 35 teachers will be sending prayers up for Susan and your family. We will continue to do so…. Keep faith, hold tight. Miracles DO happen, and why not Susan? She is already an inspiration to so so many. This blog is a powerful tool. More powerful than I believe you may know. Thousands of people are being changed because of Susan’s story, so many that you will never know who or how.
If anyone should be blessed with a miracle, it is your family…. so I personally am praying for one.
Suzi from Washington , D.C.
Comment by paige | 05.4.2008 | 4:22 am

Susan and Elden,

There are just no words. I’m a kindergarten teacher, too, and my class and I have been praying for Susan. We’ll continue.

Cherish each other.
Comment by Kalgrm | 05.4.2008 | 4:38 am

Too hard to read all the comments with tears in my eyes.

Good luck,
Graeme
Comment by Father Youssef | 05.4.2008 | 4:57 am

Susan and you and your whole family will be in my Morning Prayer intentions, all well as the intentions of my Sunday Masses today and the next nine days. And I will ask my friends Charbel and Seelos to pray for a miracle. May God bless you with peace and courage.
Comment by Megan | 05.4.2008 | 5:16 am

Does anyone know if the PO Box Fatty and Botched set up (a long time ago as a surprised for Susan) is still good? I pulled the address off an old post – but didn’t know if they still pay for it each month.
Comment by joe | 05.4.2008 | 5:21 am

We are friends of Jodi and Anson here in bklyn. Today, our hearts are heavy. Please know that you guys are in our thoughts and prayers.
Comment by Rob | 05.4.2008 | 5:25 am

I haven’t cried or prayed in a long, long time. Today I did both. Stay strong.
Comment by nosferaustin | 05.4.2008 | 5:31 am

Like most here, I’ve never met you guys, Elden, though I’m just up the road in SLC… maybe that will change sometime. I cried at my desk when I read like dandelion seeds on Friday and again this morning. I want you to know that Friday evening when I mowed my “lawn” full of dandelions, I did so with an extra dose of vengance and I’m not sure I’ll ever look at dandelions the same again.

I cannot fathom what you are going to. And I cannot fathom the courage to share it with us, your mostly unknown readers. Stay strong, all of you and know that, known or not, your friends out here are thinking of you and hoping for you and sending every extra measure of hope your way. For your kids, for you, Elden and especially for you, Susan.
Comment by jenni | 05.4.2008 | 5:52 am

Please lets have another run of pink jerseys!!
Comment by Kendall | 05.4.2008 | 5:53 am

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Susan and your kids.
Comment by Flyin' Ute | 05.4.2008 | 6:15 am

Fatty,

Keep writing bro. I think we all care about the events that are transpiring. We have gotten to know you better than most people we actually bike ride with because of this blog. and we really do care.

Susan, bask in the love so many people have for you. Ther is a God of hope who has a Master plan that will eventually make sense to us all.

Lucky, thanks for taking the time and caring enough to add Susans name to the Temple prayer roll. Good Work.

Miracles really do exist. Prayers are powerful. Let’s all stick together and pray for a miracle.
Comment by Liz | 05.4.2008 | 6:23 am

I wish there was something I could say that would give you at least one glorious moment of relief, but I know I can’t. We were given “the talk” by our doctor regarding our son, and I can empathize with the feelings you are having. For me, I remember feeling almost emotionless (after the 30 minute hard, hard cry). I would walk around and not feel a part of my body, or the world.
At this time, the best we can do is hope and love.

Love well, be strong.
Comment by Tomac | 05.4.2008 | 6:28 am

Eldon,
I live and ride the same trails as you here in town, people are always asking if anyone has read the lastest blog, Im sure all there thoughts and prayers will be with you. May God please you and your family with inner peace at this time.
Comment by Tina C | 05.4.2008 | 7:05 am

We’re all praying for a miracle for your family.
Comment by Steve | 05.4.2008 | 7:55 am

I attend a small college in south west Virginia. We have three regular riders here, and we all read your blog. Needless to say we are all pulling for your family right now. Keep fighting.
Comment by vertigo | 05.4.2008 | 7:55 am

Praying for a miracle.
Comment by John Daigle | 05.4.2008 | 7:56 am

Thank you Elden, and thank you Susan, for sharing all of this with all of us. You are beautiful people, with beautiful and talented children. You amaze me with your courage and your generosity.

Susan… thank you for living. Thank you for being the person you are. You have enriched my life without ever meeting me, which is amazing.

I’ll keep reading, and hoping, but whatever happens, you’ve already won your battle with cancer. You’ve won because of how you’ve fought, and the things you’ve refused to surrender, things like humor, and hope, and courage, and love.

I love you both.
Comment by Becky King | 05.4.2008 | 8:00 am

Elden, Susan and family -
I add just one more voice lifted up asking for a miracle, believing in a miracle. God bless you all.
Comment by lady clay | 05.4.2008 | 8:12 am

Another reader in Atlanta thinking of all of you. Best wishes for the road ahead.
Comment by adp | 05.4.2008 | 8:18 am

I’m joining others here and will pray for a much deserved miracle.

This blog is precious because in addition to being about cycling, it’s (more importantly) about a courageous lady and her amazing family.

Best wishes to you all.
Comment by Sans Auto | 05.4.2008 | 8:21 am

We’re thinking of you and praying for you. I really don’t know what else to say. You know my email address and if you need anything I’d be there. I’d even drive to get there faster. With that said, I would bet that you have many other offers from people you have met more than three times, but I want you to know that I am available and eager to help, just let me know what I can do. Until then you are definitely in our prayers.

Garrett
Comment by bertus | 05.4.2008 | 8:29 am

Elden,Susan and family

My family and I in South Africa will pray for you and your family.

Take strength in God.

Bertus
Comment by Julie | 05.4.2008 | 8:35 am

Elden, thank you for sharing Susan with us.
Susan, thank you for sharing Elden with us.
The beauty, joy and love you both have created, here and in your family, illuminates the darkest night.

Take care.
Comment by Dutch Girlie On a Bike | 05.4.2008 | 9:03 am

Talk. Talk some more. And don’t stop. Talk to Susan, the kids, the neighbor, every dog you see, to us, the tree in the backyard. Talk to your bike when riding. Tell Susan everything you’ve ever wanted to tell her (if you haven’t already) along with the kids. Use this time wisely.

((((((((( Susan )))))))))))
((((((((( Elden )))))))))))
((((((((( family ))))))))))

Love from The Netherlands
Suzanne
Comment by simon | 05.4.2008 | 9:05 am

Just another cyclist who loves your blog, and have passed it on to all my bike riding friends. I really appreciate your willingness to share Susan and your stories with the rest of us, and continually look to you for inspiration of all kinds – love of family, love for one another, love of the ride, and love for life.
Comment by Jason Lewis | 05.4.2008 | 9:45 am

I don’t know what to say. I read your last two posts to my wife this morning and we both cried. Our hearts go out to you, Susan and your children. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
Comment by Slowerthensnot | 05.4.2008 | 9:55 am

hugs and prayers from Denver! For your whole FAM!!
Comment by Emily | 05.4.2008 | 10:11 am

Stay strong, and keep writing if it helps you get through it all. Your kids’ reactions were amazing– you guys are raising some strong and brave little people! Thinking of you all.
Comment by bostonlondontokyo | 05.4.2008 | 12:08 pm

Dear cyclist – I have read your blog a few times as I’ve followed the Landis case on TBV, and info on Rant’s site. I’m very glad I was able to read this last post of yours. I cannot think of words to pass along that have probably not passed through your head already, and there is probably too much mental space in use at the moment that there is only so much you can process.

What I can tell you is that your wife is extraordinarily brave – I’m glad you provided that photograph of her smiling, it really is touching. The Web has such contraints on us, and yet provides such intense intimacy – it’s very befuddling. But know that an artist in Boston, at 4:05 p.m. ET has read your very personal account, and has been deeply touched by it, and extends his prayers and thoughts to you and your family. And I also hope that there is still room for laughter and smiles in your family over the next weeks.
Comment by KDAY | 05.4.2008 | 12:25 pm

Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong and keep your head up… you have an amazing support group with you every step of the way.
Comment by Linda in Boston | 05.4.2008 | 12:59 pm

Elden,
Haven’t spoken to you in a couple of years (since we worked together at Learning), but have been following your journey through mutual friends and now your blog posts…

Like so many others, your courage and honesty has moved and inspired me. My heart aches for you, Susan, and your kids.

I am going to let my six year old twins have some ridiculous dessert tonight, read to them even longer than usual, and hug them until they protest.

You all will be in my prayers,
Linda
Comment by Jennifer | 05.4.2008 | 1:17 pm

John Assaraf, one of the teachers from The Secret (the book and DVD) and a well-known speaker on personal transformation, shared with me his affirmation for health that he repeated 30-50 times a day to recover from an insidious disease many years ago – not as bad as cancer, but he healed himself nonetheless. And he’s shared it with many thousands of people around the world who have indeed healed themselves from many diseases, including cancer. It is worth the effort. But what must go along with it is belief. Here it is:

My body and all its organs were created by the infinite intelligence in my subconscious mind. It knows how to heal me. Its wisdom created all my organs, tissues, bones and muscles. This infinite healing presence within me is now transforming every atom of my being making me whole and perfect. I give thanks for the healing I know is taking place now. Wonderful are the works of the creative intelligence within me! I am now perfectly healthy.

That and the thousands of prayers from around the world can do a world of good combined with the wonderful team of doctors you seem to have found. I am sending my prayers now…
Jennifer, a fan in Vail, Colorado
Comment by Saso | 05.4.2008 | 1:26 pm

Tough reading. I do not believe in miracles but if they happen, I cannot think of people who deserve it more than you and Susan.

I urge you to keep on writing. I will keep on reading. And thinking of you two.

It is not over till it is over. Wish you and Susan all the best.
Comment by Steve | 05.4.2008 | 2:02 pm

I realize this is just one more decibel in what’s already a deafening chorus of support, but I want to add it anyway. You and Susan have been on my mind a lot the last few days. I was thinking back to the story you told, Elden, of how Susan crewed for you at Leadville. It was inspirational to hear about her courage and fortitude. Something else that struck me was how she was thinking of others, mainly her sweaty man, when it would have been so easy to focus only on herself. It said a lot about the kind of person she is.

Elden, I appreciate you motives in sharing the news with your big following. It’s gratifying, I’m sure, to see such an outpouring of support. Susan is quite a special lady, and I’m sure you realize that every single day.

I can’t help closing with one more observation. You’d be so lucky to have hair like Susan and Kramer.
Comment by Sylvan | 05.4.2008 | 2:09 pm

Like so many others, I have never posted and don’t bike. I stumbled across your blog over a year ago and have been with you every day since. I am so, so sorry to hear this terrible news. I am not a crier, and I sat at my computer and wept for you. You and Susan and the kids are in my thoughts and all my good karma is headed your way from Fairbanks, Alaska.

I hope all the virtual support you are getting from the many, many people you have touched will help you and your family know how many people care about you. We’re all pulling for you and hoping and praying for a miracle. You deserve one if anyone does.
Comment by KatieA | 05.4.2008 | 3:01 pm

All of us on here praying for a miracle for Susan and you, and the family. So much love and support sending your way.
Comment by DrCodfish | 05.4.2008 | 3:14 pm

If we could;

We’d lift you up, hold you near, shield you from the pain, reverse this terribly unjust sentence, or DO SOMETHING, anything to actively help. I know this is true of every person who responds to your post.

One of the hardest things for me, aside from the ache of the loss, was the incredible frustration of knowing that that though I would do anything to solve the problem, there was absolutely nothing I could do. whether I was ambivalent or passionate the scenario would play out, unaffected by me. It goes against our nature, we are doers, we are drawn to problems confident in our abilities and engergy, that we can influence the outcome.

Everyone accpts this terrible news differently, (if only therapists could accept that ‘one size’ does not fit all!). So what is left for the doers? All we can ‘do’ now is pray, and let you know that though you and Susan and the kids bear this terrible burden, you are not alone. we pray for you and offer you our support in any way that you find helpful.

I rode my bike today, it helped me sort out my feelins and my words. This is all I have to offer after several days and many false starts with this post, it seems so inadequate, so little done.
Comment by Anne Marie | 05.4.2008 | 3:21 pm

Can I just say, as someone who lost a spouse to a sudden illness (heart attack) I think the miracle may already have presented itself in the form of having time to prepare. I’m of the “que sera, sera” camp so I feel like my husband was to die regardless, but I would have given anything to have had a few weeks to prepare.
I hope your family gets a second miracle.
Comment by John Gilliland | 05.4.2008 | 4:08 pm

I can’t imagine what you’re going through, and I’m so sorry you and your family have to face this situation.

I know I speak for all who enjoy your writing that we’re sending our most heartfelt prayers, thoughts, and good vibes your way.
Comment by Mary Sue | 05.4.2008 | 4:10 pm

You and your family will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Comment by Debamundo | 05.4.2008 | 4:25 pm

Still crying, still praying, still thinking of your family.
Comment by Saddleseat | 05.4.2008 | 5:14 pm

Elden and Susan,
A lifetime of making intelligent decisions has created the wonderful marraige and family you have today. Trust yourselves to continue to make choices that make sense for your family. We’re all hoping that you’ll find comfort in pouring out your heart to us.
Comment by Christy | 05.4.2008 | 5:16 pm

I’ve been thinking about you and your family for a while and will continue to send thoughts of strength and love your way. Yesterday, in my Pink FC jersey, I ran into a ‘friend of fatty’ during Tour de Fire in LV.

Your fellow readers/friends are here for you.
Comment by kentucky joe | 05.4.2008 | 5:46 pm

what to do…a sentence of death would be unimaginable..but what about a “susan’s wish ride” for your blog reading faithful? a new fc jersey with proceeds going for college fund for “susan’s kids”? a ride of some sort that can be done across the world that we sign up for and pay for with proceeds going to some type of trust fund? I know there is no way FC needs to organize this, you are carrying the weight of the world these and I have no experience but it seems like collectively we could pull something like this off. Turning tragedy to triumph, Cycle for Susan, we could do this.
Comment by Jewel | 05.4.2008 | 6:04 pm

I will pray for strength for you and your family. I know how hard this must be for your family. My brother lost his wife in November. She went through the same kind of treatments as your wife. The only difference is she wouldn’t talk to anybody about losing her fight with cancer. I guess she thought that would be giving up. My brother wishes she would have talked to him, he had a lot of questions he would have like to ask her. He would have loved to find a letter from her. I wished she would have written to her kids.
Be Strong
Comment by j | 05.4.2008 | 6:17 pm

may ALL of the energy within the universe focus on you, susan, your family, hold you, love you and and heal. heal.

j
Comment by Sherry | 05.4.2008 | 6:21 pm

You have been making me laugh since 2005, and today I cried. I would love to say some profound thing to make you feel better but I know that is not a possiblity. Instead I will join the many others here and offer up prayers for your family.
Comment by sk8ermom3 | 05.4.2008 | 6:29 pm

I’ll leave my notes BEFORE I read everyone elses, that way I respond to your post Fatty, and not to the comments. Funny how daily life keeps happening and doesn’t stop to give you a minute to just DEAL with what’s going on? If you could just push pause until you get a handle on things, or even get a breath, wouldn’t that be helpful? But no, you have to fix the roof, get your car inspected, and participate in life in general. There is a book out by a man who has terminal pancreatic cancer called “The Last Lecture” that addresses this very issue.
May God grant you time.
Comment by Lori | 05.4.2008 | 6:38 pm

You guys have been on my mind all weekend. I hope you have been able to get some rest. I can’t help but remember my experience with “the conversation”. But I was on the receiving end (I was 10) – my Mom had inoperable brain tumors. I will be praying for a miracle and saying special prayers for your children.
Comment by TNSatellite | 05.4.2008 | 6:57 pm

I’ve only been reading this blog for a couple weeks, but I could already tell what a remarkable family you have! You’ve been on my mind, and you all are in my prayers.
Comment by MagicHands | 05.4.2008 | 7:02 pm

May you radiation tech have ocd and get every last “seed”!
Comment by Rocky | 05.4.2008 | 7:08 pm

My thoughts have been on the two of you and your boys and those angel twins all weekend. I can’t recall a single day since diagnosis that you have not been in our prayers – all of them. I suppose that offers a little comfort on some level, but nothing terribly tangible. The truth is, it is a helpless feeling on this end. I am a grab-on-and-do-something kind of guy – I am not so great with the words. However, I can’t seem to find a handle to grab onto here. With that, our prayers will continue on your behalf – not as a mundane occurrence – but with an added measure of fervor and of faith. Miracle…that is what we seek. All my love.
Comment by matt | 05.4.2008 | 7:38 pm

I, with a lot of people read your blog very often. I am greatly saddened. Please know that I’ll have you and your family in my prayers.
Comment by BellaCroix | 05.4.2008 | 7:48 pm

I went out on a “Susan” ride today after getting out of a Mass said (secretly) in Susan’s honor, after tipping a glass (openly) to Susan last night. After how much I’ve cried over you and your family’s situation over the last three weeks I have one thing left to say:

Susan, get better; NOW!!! You might not understand how important (and difficult) it is to stay properly hydrated on a long road ride but crying and praying for you and your family is taking its toll on my pace. You’re messing with my performance now. I’m going to have to find a place for three more water bottles soon.

You and your family are my inspiration right now. This year I’m riding for my aunt who passed away from MS several years ago but you’re in my mind every time I clip in. Keep smiling!
Comment by Nancy | 05.4.2008 | 7:54 pm

I will pray that God will wrap his arms around you & your wife and family.

I was 18 when my brother,who was 15, was given the news that he only had months to live. The shock, was something like that of a person who looks down and realizes he has been shot. Don’t feel presured to live up to others expectations (social workers/doctors). I had to hang onto God with both hands just to fight the overwhelming fear.

I’ll pray and keep on praying.
Comment by Mel | 05.4.2008 | 8:02 pm

All choked up again and it usually takes a lot. I found myself wishing I was religious so I could pray for you.

All the best Elden, my thoughts and best wishes will be with you and your family.
Comment by Greg | 05.4.2008 | 8:08 pm

I have been following your blog for some time now and love the way you make us readers feel so part of your life, both on and off the bike. My thoughts are with you both. I hope you can find hope and strength.
Comment by Triflefat | 05.4.2008 | 8:23 pm

You’re a better man than me if you can read the comments above without choking up. From your attitude to your situation, I suspect you may already be a better man than me. You have a lovely family who has a lovely man as their father and husband. Enjoy them and love them for the rest of your lives together.
Comment by Randy | 05.4.2008 | 8:31 pm

I believe you are one of the best writers I have had the pleasure of reading. I believe you have moved me more than any one can. You truly have a gift. I have never been able to express my feelings in words but will think of you all. I am truly sorry.
Comment by Alister | 05.4.2008 | 8:51 pm

Like most here, Iâ€™ll probably never meet you or your family.

In spite of that, youâ€™ve created a family of those who watch your, and Susanâ€™s, progress. Iâ€™m utterly gutted for you all. The talks youâ€™ve had with your sons and daughters are the sort of thing that no parent should ever have to go through.

For what itâ€™s worth, you will be in the meditations and prayers of us tonight and onwards. Iâ€™d love to make a pithy and inspirational comment, but the muse has deserted me.
Comment by Stites | 05.4.2008 | 9:06 pm

I’m sorry to hear about the change in your wife’s condition. You and your wife’s attitude and openness through this situation is inspiring. Your wife and family are in our prayers.

Hopefully I’ll see you on the road or trail.
Comment by pinkbike | 05.4.2008 | 9:47 pm

Please know that there will be constant prayers coming your way from our household. Susan, you may have days or you may have years, only God knows this. Whatever plan He has for you, know that He’s there with you every step of the way. Keep the faith, and both of you, absorb every bit of the love that’s coming to you from all of us out here, and let it give you strength and comfort as you turn onto this new path in your cancer journey.

Every day is a blessing.

…With love and hope, two fellow cancer folk in So California (one of whom is also a redhead named Susan and a breast cancer survivor. Stay strong, my Sister!).
Comment by Dan Devlin | 05.4.2008 | 9:57 pm

Eldon & Susan,

Our thoughts and prayers are with you…

Dan & Mary Devlin
Breckenridge
Comment by Little1 | 05.4.2008 | 10:25 pm

Susan, Fatty and the whole Nelson crew.

There is love and prayers coming to you all from across all the oceans.

A South African band Tree 63 have an album “Sunday” with a track “Alright” these words are for you – “Though darkness overcomes you now, morning will break through some how”

Riding with you always.
Comment by Alex from ZA | 05.4.2008 | 11:14 pm

Dear Fatty and Susan
Love and support from South Africa and the globe. We’re all rooting for you.
Alex
Comment by flossy | 05.5.2008 | 2:09 am

Stay strong and take care, our thoughts are with you and susan
Comment by Lowrydr | 05.5.2008 | 4:12 am

What a shocking bit of news to find after being gone for the weekend. Write what ever you need to here as we are willing to help you pour it out to relive the pressure. Rant, Cry, Scream and anything else needed, and know that our Prayers and Karma wishes are flowing Susan’s way. And of course for the rest of the Family also.
Comment by FliesOnly | 05.5.2008 | 4:32 am

I read this blog at work each morning. I had to shut my door for a while until my eyes cleared up. It’s strange that I feel this way for a family I’ve never met, but as everyone at this site knows…we all feel like some sort of extended family. I hope for a miracle.
Comment by neca | 05.5.2008 | 5:30 am

Write whatever you want – we’ll be here no matter what. Love to your family, and always, prayers.
Comment by traildiva | 05.5.2008 | 6:05 am

Love, hugs and good thoughts to you and your family.
Comment by craig z | 05.5.2008 | 6:41 am

Fatty– thanks for your willingness to share, Please know that our prayers are with you and your family.
Comment by elf | 05.5.2008 | 7:14 am

Like many who read your blog, it feels as though we are old friends…and I am at a loss for words. I can’t imaging what you are going thru but thank you for sharing. Hopefully writing to us lightens your load; knowing there are many people out here who care about your family. Sending you peace and love…
Comment by brokeMBA | 05.5.2008 | 8:27 am

Holy sh*t. I’m crying at the office. Remeber that Miracles can happen. Please stay strong guys.
Comment by Chris | 05.5.2008 | 8:50 am

You and Susan don’t know me but I’ve enjoyed your blog for a long time. I cried for you today in my cubicle. Thank you for sharing and making me thankful for everyone I have in my life. Take care and stay strong. Peace.
Comment by mikeb | 05.5.2008 | 9:10 am

I have twin daughters the age of yours. That conversation is beyond what my mind can handle. However, your twins, sons and beautiful wife are a miracle unto themselves. Thank you for sharing and I will continue praying for your healing miracle.
Comment by Timb | 05.5.2008 | 9:27 am

“We havenâ€™t given up. Weâ€™re not giving up. But I am scared.”

These words apply more than ever.

Never give up!
Comment by Bets | 05.5.2008 | 9:29 am

I read you blog every day that I can, I have spent a good deal of time laughing with you, and now I will spend a good deal time crying for you all. I will pray for your miracle, and your piece of mind.
Comment by Derek | 05.5.2008 | 9:44 am

Very sorry for the tough news. I’m about as far from a doctor as one could get and I’ve never dealt with anything like this. Still, I felt compelled to spend a few hours reading up on metastatic cancers that spread to the brain. You mention that chemo is ineffective and indeed it does seem to be largely so.

I’m sure you’ve done plenty of your own reading and research but on the off chance you didn’t stumble on to what I came across, I figured that I would post it here:

“Generally, chemotherapy that does not pass the blood brain barrier is of no value in the treatment of metastatic brain tumors. The blood brain barrier is a natural protective mechanism that restricts the entry of substances into the brain. There have been a few studies that demonstrated the effectiveness of some drugs. Some forms of chemotherapy can be effective against metastatic brain tumors from breast cancer including cyclophosphamide, 5-FU, and methotrexate. Tamoxifen may also be effective.

Currently, clinical trials are testing a variety of drugs. Intra-arterial chemotherapy is being tested for the treatment of lung cancer metastases to the brain. Manipulating the blood brain barrier so that drugs can enter the brain is also being studied. The ultimate role of chemotherapy, alone or in addition to radiation and surgery, remains to be determined.”

SOURCE: http://neurosurgery.mgh.harvard.edu/abta/mets.htm
Comment by CyndiF | 05.5.2008 | 10:14 am

Elden,

I have been lurking on Fat Cyclist for several years and have enjoyed your vibrant, humorous writing. My heart goes out to you, Susan, and your family. There are no words, but I offer my best wishes to you all as you navigate the next several difficult months.
Comment by Clydesteve | 05.5.2008 | 10:19 am

Dear Elden, Susan & Family,

Don’t take this wrong, Elden, keep on writing WHATEVER you want. But I have been afraid to read the blog all weekend. (Wimp!) My family and I have been to three memorial services in the last seven days. All cancer deaths. One fast, two slow.

I attended Terry’s (wife of a friend) memorial service as you went through your trial described in this post. The most wonderful thing at that service was that Terry had her youngest son read her own remarks, what she had to say. That was very moving, and very nice.

I am not a crier, but I am crying tears for you. For Susan, for the twins, and the boys.

But, and I am convinced, more importantly, I am praying for you all. May God richly bless you and keep you.

Steve
Brownsville, Oregon
Comment by regina | 05.5.2008 | 10:42 am

Elden and Susan, My mind races trying to find the right thing to say…I have nothing, I will borrow from your truly beautifu son… Praying for a miracle. reg.
Comment by RB | 05.5.2008 | 11:42 am

Elden,

I don’t know what to say, but good luck and we are thinking about you
Comment by Carl | 05.5.2008 | 11:48 am

Elden,

You should write about whatever you want. I think I speak for many readers when I say that we dont just read your blog because it is about cycling. We read it because you are a great writer. You write in a way that we can all relate to, regardless of the subject. And in that process we feel like we know you, if only just a little. If you dont want to write anything, then dont write anything. We understand.

We care about you. That means we care about your wife and your family. We have all seen miracles in real life, and now we will pray for another miracle.
Comment by Island Girl | 05.5.2008 | 12:08 pm

We’re praying for you, Susan and the kids in the Bahamas and Florida.
I wish there were more words, but know that you and your writing touch the hearts of many people around the world, and all of our hearts go out to you right now.
Comment by Jen | 05.5.2008 | 12:09 pm

Fatty, I was crying for my friend Susie in the middle of a race yesterday; it felt pretty good until the trees got blurry and I thought I’d better snap to before I hit one.

I hope you can keep writing. I think you say what many people can’t (who cannot write so well) and it’s not like watching a train wreck, it’s reading a love story. Except it’s real and you have stolen our hearts and I’m more than willing to give you as much heart as I can spare to all of you for the journey ahead.
Comment by rainycamp | 05.5.2008 | 12:44 pm

I’ve only been reading your blog for a few months, but it was one of the few that got me going on my own blog. Now, I feel as though someone who has been an inspiration to me has been given a raw deal, and it saddens me and angers me at the same time. I’m sending you both positive energy. Hang in there.
Comment by Marla | 05.5.2008 | 2:10 pm

I’m a newer reader to your blog and enjoy it immensely. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Comment by Jay | 05.5.2008 | 4:12 pm

I cannot imagine what you and your family must be going through right now. Our hopes and prayers are with you.
Comment by chad | 05.5.2008 | 5:20 pm

wow, I don’t have words to describe… Tell Susan we all are praying for a miracle and her comfort. Sometimes there are words. Hang in there.
chad from charlotte nc
Comment by mt | 05.5.2008 | 6:41 pm

Just found your blog. In prayer for you and yours.
Comment by Chris Ireland | 05.5.2008 | 7:20 pm

I just want to thank you for sharing your journey with us…a sense of humor, a love for family and a bike will get you through this. I wish I could believe in miracles. I do believe no matter what happens you will find the strength to make it through this. My heart aches for you guys. I know I’ll be thinking about you all tomorrow morning as I ride and I’ll be crying too…it’s the perfect place to cry sometimes.
Comment by cocheese | 05.5.2008 | 8:15 pm

My heart goes out to you and your family in this trying time. You and your family are certainly in my prayers. When I hear what you are going through, I immediately put myself in your shoes. I applaud you for your strength. I’m not so sure I could be as strong as you have been. If my wife were diagnosed with cancer, I honestly do not know what I would do or how I would go about trying to handle it. I’m not sure how I would go about explaining it to my two young children. The mere thought of it makes me choke up. I have lost a step brother to cancer and have a stepmother who is in remission. I have seen that door swing both ways. My heart goes out to you in every possible way.
Comment by BurkeInTheOzarks | 05.5.2008 | 9:36 pm

Elden, I have had conversations with my wife that now seem surreal – where will the girls and I live in order to have help, what kind of person will my second wife be (traits, options among her friends – which was beyond surreal), what will I tell the girls about who she was and what mattered to her, what type of letters/video should be made for them, etc. My wife is now in full remission, although that’s not to say she is without daily pain and limitations brought on by the chemo, radiation and surgeries.

However, always in the backs of our minds is the situation you are now facing. Despite the dialog we have already had, I cannot say with any degree of certainty how we will react if that moment comes. Truly, nobody can until they are faced with it.

There have been a few books that have helped us in these times. One that comes to mind is “The Same Kind of Different As Me”. I really can’t say if it will make a difference in your outlook – I can only say it has helped us and has stuck with me ever since I read it. One quote that stands out is something said by a homeless guy who has absolutely nothing, but is smiling broadly as he comes to the shelter for a meal. When asked what he was so happy about he responded, “I woke up!”. He was simply happy for another day.

Please cherish every day.

Also, know that if she is called before what seems to us to be her time, that it is exactly that – a calling. There is a much bigger plan that we can fathom and, if she is called from this earth to heaven, it’s because she must have an important role to fill – whether it be there or by her affect on others here, possibly even upon particular readers of your blog. His ways are not our ways.

These are thoughts that give me some level of peace. I can only hope that they help you in some small way as well.
Comment by mike | 05.6.2008 | 1:04 am

I’ve been on the reciving end of some of thosde conversations you mentioned in this blog. In my opinion your probably going through one of the worst parts now. I know there isn’t much anyone on this blog can do for you. but if there is let us know!
Comment by Scott Morrison | 05.6.2008 | 2:34 am

My wife suffered from very serious medical problems, and at one point was not supposed to survive UNTIL surgery, less than an hour. Then she shocked them by surviving the night, the day, the week, the month. One complication was a stroke. They told me she wouldn’t walk, then walk without a walker, without a cane. She walks fine unassisted now. She wants to get a bike now and ride with me. Miracles can and do happen. I will be praying for you and your family.
Comment by Bree | 05.6.2008 | 3:07 am

My heart and prayers continue to go towards your family. Strength is all we can offer.
Comment by Sara | 05.6.2008 | 3:42 am

I couldn’t read your blogs without crying myself.
I have no words…
Praying for a miracle.
Comment by velogirl | 05.6.2008 | 7:01 am

my heart goes out to you, Susan, and the kids. I am sending miraculous thoughts your way.
Comment by Jeremy | 05.6.2008 | 9:44 am

If conventional medicine can not instill hope in you or your wife, maybe you should look into some alternatives like chiropractic, natureopathy, and things like the ideas in The Secret. If you believe she is going to die in a matter of months, then she most likely will. You have nothing else to lose. I am not saying she will survive if she does those things, but at least it is possible…

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ydDzUdJrL6M
Comment by Jeremy | 05.6.2008 | 9:56 am

Please dont take my previous post as being insensitive. I lost a very close friend of mine to brain cancer a few years ago so I know how it feels. Your family will be in my prayers. As a chiropractic student we believe disease is caused by thoughts, traumas or toxins. If your thoughts are not positive, I do not believe your wife will get any better with or without conventional medicine. So please take what I said seriously about The Secret. Also, I dont know how your diet is, but toxins in the body and deficiencies also contribute to sickness. If you are not already, I would highly reccommend eating nearly all organic fruits and veggies to help the healing process. Good luck to your family…
Comment by Asthmagirl | 05.6.2008 | 10:25 am

Crap.
I used to read your blog a lot a few years ago when I got asthma and was trying to figure out how to make my lungs like cycling.
I never thought I would come back to find this. PW sent me….
I’m so sorry about the diagnoses and I’ll continue to hope for a miracle.
I’m so sorry….
Comment by Katie | 05.6.2008 | 11:18 am

I think I’ve heard of your blog before, but hadn’t read it until it was linked today on PW. When you mentioned the Purple Turtle, I knew you must live close by. We are in Provo. Good luck to you all.
Comment by siobhandee | 05.6.2008 | 11:20 am

I’m just another faceless reader who has enjoyed your blog for a long time. And I’m not a very sensitive person, but these last posts, especially regarding your kids, are heartbreaking. I’m just so very sorry.

Crying at work sucks.
Comment by wanpablo | 05.6.2008 | 2:02 pm

I’m sorry, really sorry. Thoughts, prayers, and every other kind of positive energy I can send your way…I’m sending.
Comment by Julie | 05.6.2008 | 3:35 pm

my husband reads your blog religiously. he is a cyclist and we live i am guessing not too far from you since the purple turtle is about 20 miles away from our house. he often comments on your blog or sends me the link to a post you have written…yesterday i stayed home from work as i wasn’t feeling well. i could tell something was wrong when my husband got home and i asked him to tell me what was going on. he climbed into bed with me and put his head on my shoulder and told me about your dear wife and we both cried. we will be praying for a miracle too. you and your family are in our hearts and in our prayers.
Comment by Christopher | 05.6.2008 | 4:27 pm

i apologize it has taken me so long to comment, i just don’t know what to say. here’s a little poem, it’s all i have. my family and i are praying…

rain falls gently in the fog
tears i don’t know wet my heart and face
surrounded by your beauty
Comment by Logan | 05.6.2008 | 4:43 pm

I’ll be praying for all of you and sending positive thoughts your way. Remember to breath.
Comment by Kenny's neice | 05.6.2008 | 5:14 pm

Like so many others, I can’t pen in what I think. It took me a while to get a grasp on it all. If this makes me feel terrible, then I can’t imagine how you are feeling.

I love your honesty when it comes to your blogging. Even though it is hard, you tell us, you humble readers. It takes lots of guts to tell people, some of which you don’t, about major serious problems in your own personal life. I like it. Believe in yourself and Susan and everything else and things will work out. I’ll be thinking of you!
Comment by John R | 05.6.2008 | 11:11 pm

Elden, you’re right. It’s even harder for you than I can imagine, so all I can say is – best of luck. May what time you still have together be as good as it possibly can; may your memories of it be precious. And Susan, know that there are so many, many people that have you in their thoughts.
Comment by Makita | 05.7.2008 | 7:10 am

I just discovered your blog and am humbled. Like others, I can’t express how my heart bleeds for you and your family. I appreciate your honesty though and can’t help but be strengthened by you. Keep writing. Keep riding. Both avenues will help you to stay strong for your family. Meanwhile, the rest of us will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
Comment by JKRunning | 05.7.2008 | 12:49 pm

I think you have quite a few people praying for that miracle right along with you and your family.
Comment by Joe | 05.8.2008 | 5:02 pm

Sir, I am humbled by what I’ve read today.
All the troubles in my life are now small by comparison.
I too will join the others here in praying for a miracle.
Good luck, and may God be with you.

Joe
Comment by Heather | 05.8.2008 | 9:37 pm

I’ve been reading you off and on for years now, and have never commented. Before now.

Just want to say: I’m sorry. I truly, deeply, sincerely hope for a miracle for you and your family.
Comment by Jen | 05.9.2008 | 6:11 am

I am new to your blog but I want to thank you for sharing your life with us. I am truly sorry your family is going through this and you are all in my prayers.
Comment by agnes | 05.9.2008 | 6:13 am

Hi,

Just found your blog today. Do not normally comment, but wanted you to hear one more person saying a prayer for your family.

Sincerely,

Agnes
Comment by Todd | 05.9.2008 | 7:17 am

Elden: my thoughts are with you and your family. -Another two wheeled acoustic-powered rider among many.
Comment by Jenny Oh | 05.9.2008 | 9:08 am

Dear Elden,

I just learned about you and your family through some cycling colleagues and was very moved by how supportive and positive you all to each other during this tough time. I wish you much love and strength.
Comment by Michael R | 05.9.2008 | 9:42 am

Elden, Susan and kids,

Oh what a hard time. Reading your story brought memories of my father’s last few months of life.

Enjoy what you can, endure what you must, make the cancer work for everything it takes away.

We’re praying for miracles too.
Comment by George | 05.9.2008 | 10:24 am

My prayers are with you and your family – good luck through these dark times.
Comment by Monica C. | 05.9.2008 | 11:51 am

I am brand new to your blog and came here by way of “The Negative Split.” I just wanted to add my voice to the hundreds of others sending well wishes your way. You and your family are in my prayers.
Comment by Stephanie | 05.10.2008 | 5:26 pm

Keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Comment by minx | 05.14.2008 | 5:00 pm

bikesnobnyc’s directing traffic your way, elden. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Comment by Pete D. | 05.14.2008 | 6:05 pm

Terrible things happen to good people. I have a wife and two children and I am blessed. I have no problems. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Be strong for your family. Ride strong.
Comment by mb | 05.27.2008 | 5:01 am

Our family will keep Susan and your family in our prayers.
Comment by Andrew Pueschel | 08.19.2008 | 6:59 pm

I know exactly what you’re going through. My wife Ekizabeth passed away in Feb.2007 from Inflammatory Breast Cancer. It’s the rarest form of breast cancer. She was given 6 months to live 3 months after the birth of our daughter. She lived almost 2 years. We also went through brain radiation and I wish I could tell you better news but as you know it will be back stonger in about 4 months. Just make every moment as full as possible. If you would ever like to talk get back to me and we’ll talk. My prayers are with you both.
Andrew Pueschel
Comment by Sarah | 03.15.2009 | 2:58 pm

Hey Lorachristine — stop sleeping with other people’s husbands.
Comment by Pratik | 07.29.2009 | 8:27 am

I have read somewhere ( I think ” How to stop worrying and start living ” by Dale carnegie ) about a particular man who was given a few months to live by his doctors. On getting this information he went about on a sailing trip to satisfy all his desires in life….enjoying every moment of it.When he returned he was cured.sounds too simplistic and may not be true…or may be works for some and not for others..but I recently read a true incident from a newspaper.A man who had been given a similar ultimatum by his doctors went about spending his lifetime savings to enjoy his last few days.After about six months,after a routine checkup the man was told that the life threatening tumour was actually some harmless stuff. That the man decided to take legal action is a different matter. The point I am trying to make is maybe there is something there. Maybe instead of waiting for death to arrive,how about trying to achieve everything that one wanted to achieve in the next 30 years in 3 months.The high that one experiences could lead to hormone secreations in the brain that increase immunity.I am convinced that miracles are possible……..they occur every day in our body…….and the ability to fight this disease will come from within.
Let us all pray for this miracle to happen
Comment by Laura | 10.16.2010 | 5:58 pm

Please contact me- I have some info that may prove very useful.
I offer this freely in hopes you will utilize it

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