Apologies
Susan’s been apologizing to me a lot lately.
She apologizes that I have to take care of all her physical needs — I need to help her stand up, keep her steady, make sure she eats, takes her meds, keep her clean, get her comfortable in bed, dress her, and other things.
I’ve told her dozens of times that she shouldn’t apologize for this, and I’m indescribably relieved that I really mean it. You see, one of my secret fears when I was younger was that when Susan and I got old, I’d have to take care of her physical needs–that I’d be a nurse. At the time, I pictured it as frustrating, inconvenient, and undignified.
The reality is a lot different.
Being able to take care of my wife right now means that I am doing something, and as long as I’m doing something I’m generally OK. More importantly, it means that I’m doing something for her and with her, and there’s nothing I like better.
Plus, even though we have family and friends staying with and helping Susan full-time now, I like to think that nobody else is as good at taking care of her as I am. Susan tells me that’s true, and I’m not asking her if she says that just to make me feel good.
Still, she says she’s sorry I have to take care of her. I’ve asked her if the situation were reversed, would I need to apologize to her for taking care of me? No, she says, meaning it.
Well, OK then, I say. You would take care of me if you could, and I’m taking care of you because I can. Fair’s fair.
But still, she apologizes. She says she’s sorry that I’m not getting out on rides right now. I haven’t told her (and she won’t find out from this blog, because she doesn’t read it anymore, although I often read the comments to her) that a couple times this week, I’ve left work to go on a ride and then have skipped it so I could get home a little sooner.
I’ll ride more later.
She apologizes for having to leave me. This is a much harder apology to hear, because often I do feel like I ought to be getting an apology for having my wife taken from me. I mean, how many really good marriages are out there in the world? Shouldn’t someone apologize for splitting us up?
But it’s cancer that owes me an apology, not Susan. I tell her this over and over. She didn’t invite this cancer. It attacked her — us — without provocation, and she has nothing to apologize for.
Really, this is Susan in a nutshell. Even though she’s been dealing with cancer for four years now, even though she’s walking on an artificial hip, even though she’s been robbed of her talents and pleasures, even though she can only sleep with the aid of a cocktail of powerful drugs, even though she has to be literally bolted to a table and radiated daily, even though she’s dying, she worries about and apologizes to me.
Comment by Mauricio | 05.7.2008 | 8:44 am
Crap
dude
said it before and will say it again
hope one day to be half the husband that you are
keep strong
mauricio from uruguay
Comment by Frank | 05.7.2008 | 8:45 am
Fatty, I read daily,but don’t respond much. I’m not much of a writer. Tears are flowing as I write this and all I can say is strenght be with you and your family. Everyone on this blog is praying for all of you and if you need anything all you have to do is ask. Thanks for sharing all of these very personal moments with us. Bike stuff can come later.
Frank
Comment by Big Boned | 05.7.2008 | 8:46 am
Fatty,
You are a good man. I hope that when the inevitible day comes that I am in your shoes, I can be too.
BB
Comment by Meghan | 05.7.2008 | 8:46 am
Susan sounds wonderful. I wish I knew more about her.
Comment by kitliz | 05.7.2008 | 8:48 am
That is a strong love and strong bond that you share.
I’ve read your blog for a while now, and while I don’t do any hard core cycling I love following your adventures. And I am both touched and humbled by your honesty and willingness to share about the struggles Susan and your family are going through with your cancer-fight.
Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Comment by Lifesgreat | 05.7.2008 | 8:49 am
No matter what happens, Susan is not leaving you.
I know that.
Comment by drKim | 05.7.2008 | 8:53 am
You have something really special. Wow. I’m so touched-your love for Susan is so apparent in your words. Susan and you and your kids are lucky to have each other. She sounds like a truly amazing person…
Keep sharing, keep fighting, keep caring.
Comment by je | 05.7.2008 | 8:53 am
Keep fighting the good fight. No matter the outcome. Keep fighting it.
And keep loving her. She’ll keep loving you.
Comment by Wes | 05.7.2008 | 8:54 am
From what I have learned about Susan, I would expect no less from her…
Comment by eclecticdeb | 05.7.2008 | 8:56 am
Unfortunately I’ve had my fair share of watching loved ones die from cancer. I’ve been angry, sad, frustrated, pissed off, worried, — you name it, I’ve felt it. Right now, my favorite uncle in the whole world is in the hospital fighting an infection brought about from treating a non-curable form of Leukemia (it doesn’t look good). I keep asking myself why does God allow such horrible things happen to such good people? The answer that keeps coming back is that God doesn’t bring the bad stuff, however He can give us the help and comfort to handle the bad stuff with grace and dignity.
You and Susan have Grace by the ocean-loads.
Comment by Adam | 05.7.2008 | 8:58 am
I find it very interesting just how versatile your writing is Elden. You have always written funny, sarcastic, fake things. All very entertaining. You have poked a finger of fun at our sport.
And now you write things that are not funny, not sarcastic. And yet the writing is still insightful, honest, inspiring. I am impressed. Both with the writing ability, but also your courage in sharing these personal, and heartbreaking moments with us.
Like I did on North Beaver Mesa at the ‘07 KTR, today I salute you. You are a good man Elden.
Comment by Sue | 05.7.2008 | 9:03 am
Hi, Jodi shared your story on Sunday at our services as we opened up for prayer requests … I’m deeply moved by your words and all that is going on … know that You, Susan and your family are being prayed for by our church in Brooklyn …
Comment by Lisa B | 05.7.2008 | 9:06 am
And if you were going through what Susan is going through, you’d be apologizing to her. It’s love, not wanting to “burden” your spouse. And love makes it not a burden.
Keep reading comments to Susan and keep using us to rage and cry and vent. That’s the least we can do for you after all these years.
Comment by Don | 05.7.2008 | 9:11 am
I couldn’t agree more with Mauricio, I strive to be the man you describe. I strive to be half that man. I feel like I fail miserably most of the time, but I keep trying. Susan’s strength, and yours Elden, is truly admirable. We’ll be Praying for you, and if there is anything else that we can do you know you have only to ask. Keep Praying, keep Loving and stay strong you guys.
Comment by Wild Dingo | 05.7.2008 | 9:12 am
Susan is grace.
Comment by bikesgonewild | 05.7.2008 | 9:12 am
…”you’re a good man, charlie brown”…& susan is a good woman…
…peace…
Comment by bikemike | 05.7.2008 | 9:15 am
i did a ride this morning, my knee hurt and i wanted to go home. then i started thinking about Susan. i’m pretty sure that she would give anything to go for a ride with her family but can’t. thinking of her kept me riding. my knee still hurt but i didn’t care. just kept hoping that staying out there because of your wife somehow also meant that the same was happening to her and she was able to push through today a little bit better. kinda hope karma works that way.
i also hope that if i’m ever in the same situation that you’re in Elden, that i can pull through with the care and love you give her. you’re both lucky. the world needs to apologize for not being more like the two of you.
i have to go now, aliens have landed in my eyes and are extracting all of the moisture from them.
Comment by Jenny in Montana | 05.7.2008 | 9:16 am
I came to your blog by way of Ree’s Blog, “Confessions of a Pioneer Woman.”
My heart aches for you.
Your family is in my prayers!
Comment by Al Maviva | 05.7.2008 | 9:18 am
How long did it take you to figure out what a good woman she is, and do you feel like apologizing to her for being surprised every time she takes it to a new level? She probably knows but like everybody needs constant reassurance, especially in her hour of dire need, so never stop letting her know.
Comment by chtrich | 05.7.2008 | 9:26 am
Bravo! Bravo! To both you and Susan.
Truly touching.
Comment by fatty | 05.7.2008 | 9:27 am
al – well, i met her in late april and we were married in august the same year, so i’d say it didn’t take me very long at all to figure out what a good woman she is.
Comment by FliesOnly | 05.7.2008 | 9:31 am
There’s really know way to describe how I (and I’m sure all the others that visit this site) feel. Yet we continue to read and send our hopes and desires for a miracle. And we do this because of the person you are and because of the person Susan is. You are both amazing people…and the only reason I can get this out is because I am typing it…not saying out loud. There’s no way I could get through it without totally losing it.
She’ll keep apologizing and you’ll keep telling her there’s no need. That’s “why” we keep coming back.
Comment by Hannah | 05.7.2008 | 9:31 am
Hello Fatty, I just found your blog through Ree’s site and I wanted to say that thank you for sharing your story. You, Susan and your family are all in my prayers, please keep up the good fight!
Comment by 331miles | 05.7.2008 | 9:37 am
Fatty — love is kind. Both you and Susan are shining examples.
Comment by JZ | 05.7.2008 | 9:40 am
Lost my wife 10 years ago. Reading your blog has been like watching all over again. From the far side I can only pray for you and every member of your family. For each and every one of you has been touched. Your ability to bear up under the strain is a credit to your faith and family.
Comment by L.V. | 05.7.2008 | 9:53 am
Is Susan no longer in radiation or chemo? Is she taking Temador?
Comment by Mocougfan | 05.7.2008 | 9:53 am
Elden,..2 points, both obvious.
First…your writing is incredible. I am impressed. As has been said before, your great at writing in so many different ways. Very impressed.
Second…THIS life is short. Eternity is long. IF Susan leaves (I hate to even write that), its only for a short time. You (like me) are really blessed with a good marriage. Congratulations on that. Life is short. Keep living it.
Chad
Comment by ronm | 05.7.2008 | 9:53 am
Fatty.
You’re one helluva man. John Wayne didn’t have nothing on you. I’ve been reading your blog for quite awhile (a year?) but don’t post much. I think what you’re going through has to be the toughest thing for any person on earth to experience… losing a loved one suddenly is tough, but knowing it’s just a few months away, and dealing with that pain must be unbearable.
May God give you both peace, and grace, and understanding. We all love you, and are praying for you.
Comment by m | 05.7.2008 | 9:58 am
we’re with you
Comment by Buzz | 05.7.2008 | 10:01 am
Elden- thanks to you and Susan for sharing ALL of this with us, everyday. I think you know your family is growing larger and larger everyday. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Comment by traildiva | 05.7.2008 | 10:04 am
You both are so very lucky to have what you have together and so hideously unlucky to have the “forever” part be so uncertain. You face your tomorrows with such courage.
Wild Dingo nailed it: Susan is grace.
Good thoughts,
mara
Comment by Boz | 05.7.2008 | 10:15 am
My co-worker lost his wife to cancer a few years ago. He confided in me that he would end his own life rather than live without her, as she was his life. He ended up spending a lot of time with his minister and family, but still went into a long funk. He pulled out of it, got better, and got married last week at age 61. And to his neighbor lady across the street, no less. Help is never far away.
Comment by Hamish A | 05.7.2008 | 10:18 am
I can only echo the words others have said – You’re a heck of a Man and Susan is an amazing woman. Thank you both for letting us witness what you share.
Still praying, still hoping.
Comment by Slowracer | 05.7.2008 | 10:21 am
Dear Susan and kids.
Yet another deeply moving update from your remarkable husband/dad.
I have lost loved ones and will lose more, thats how it is I guess……… I truly hope that I can deal with the caring,the change and the Love like Fatty.
God bless.
‘Slowy’
Comment by Uphill Battle | 05.7.2008 | 10:27 am
Susan is grace personified.
Love and prayers for Susan, Elden, and the family.
Comment by Mrs. Coach | 05.7.2008 | 10:28 am
I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story with us. I don’t know, but it seems like everyone is helping, just by coming here and caring.
Beautiful post today.
Comment by Sk8rAl | 05.7.2008 | 10:42 am
For the past week I’ve been trying to think of something meaningful to say. I have no words to convey my feelings. All I’ve got is that Susan, you, and your family are in my thoughts, and I’m doing my best to send you guys good vibes.
I sympathize with your desire to do something. I’m just some chick in Milwaukee, but would like to do something. So, you have my prayers, my LAF donations, and I have vowed to wear my pink lemonade jersey on all my rides. It’s gonna get smelly fast. (If Twin Six can run another batch, they can count me in – my fellow riders would probably appreciate it as well.)
If there’s anything we can do… just let us know.
Stay strong.
Comment by Accident Prone | 05.7.2008 | 10:44 am
I just caught up with things today after a week away and like everyone else I can’t help but be dumbstruck by the recent news.
Thank you for continuing to invite us into your life and your struggle. It’s an honor to be able to offer support.
Like some others, I’ve made the Lance photo my computer background. So I will be constantly reminded to pray for you and Susan (as well as at 2:01). Like someone said the other day, I’m praying for you and your family, for strength, for peace, and for healing.
Comment by Sarah G | 05.7.2008 | 10:44 am
Elden,
I hope my son grows into the kind of man you are.
Love and peace to your entire family.
Sarah
Comment by Swedoz | 05.7.2008 | 10:45 am
The bond between you and Susan and the strength that both of you show are incredible and inspiring.
Comment by ScottMc | 05.7.2008 | 10:50 am
Two points
1- I’ve also worried about if I’m capable of taking care of my wife in that kind of situation. The deep down honest part of me doubts I could. You give me hope that I can.
2- As my wife went through Breast Cancer and for some time after, I was incensed with what it did to her body. The baldness, the sickness, the multilation, the scars. I would look at women with all of their woman parts and be angry. Why did my wife have to be so beat up? She doesn’t deserve that! I didn’t know who to be angry with, but I was. For a long time.
Life’s not fair. I constantly tell my kids that, but it doesn’t make the anger and frustration any less. But we/you have now. You have this time with her. You have the opportunity to love her and be loved. I was lucky, she’s through it. I still have time to take her for granted – constantly try not to.
You have now. Live it well and treasure it always.
Comment by Turt99 | 05.7.2008 | 10:54 am
Amazing writing, having lost my mother to cancer a few years ago, I can completely relate to your story.
Comment by regina | 05.7.2008 | 10:57 am
dear fatty, dear susan, dear children, m said it, we are with you, we are here…
Comment by Shannon | 05.7.2008 | 11:00 am
I’m so sorry, Elden — I left your blog at the end of last week laughing about the triathalon and admiring your description of your RAWROD experience, and came back yesterday only to catch up on this sad news. Don’t know you, never met you or Susan, but your writing has reached me, as it has so many others. You and she are in my thoughts.
Comment by srobb54 | 05.7.2008 | 11:05 am
What can be said that hasn’t been voiced already. Susan, you, and your family are in my prayers daily. What incredible courage and grace you have shown.
May peace be with you.
Comment by Yoursisterlori | 05.7.2008 | 11:07 am
No, none of this surprises me at all about Susan. The amazing thing is what a great husband and dad you’ve proven to be. Not that I had doubts, ok?
Oh and here’s the real surprise: Jodi goes to church?
Love ya.
Comment by Little1 | 05.7.2008 | 11:09 am
fatty – thank-you for being so brave.
i have the following running through my mind for you and susan – again it’s tree 63 this time the song “walking home with you”
“here is the sun to light your day
here is an answer when you pray
here is the dry road through the sea
what more could you ever want from me?
written directions to my home
a promise you’ll never be alone
here is lamp unto your feet
what more could you ever want from me?
and when you fall, I’ll wait
I am always awake
All of your days, I’m walking home with you.”
2:01, we are all walking(riding) with you both and some “of us” have more powerful hands to hold you and your family than others. still praying for the miracle!
Comment by mamafitz | 05.7.2008 | 11:16 am
Please tell Susan that we love her too.
Your gracious love for her and your family is beautiful . . . and that you are able to so eloquently share it with the rest of us is a gift.
Peace and blessings to all of you
Comment by Richard | 05.7.2008 | 11:23 am
Fatty: You and Susan are truly inspirational….Love ya both.
Comment by Rob | 05.7.2008 | 11:29 am
Somewhere along the path I stopped having a “hero”. Thanks to both of you for giving me someone to believe in again. You are both amazing and I continue to pray for you.
Comment by Lori | 05.7.2008 | 11:33 am
Elden – I wish the world was full of spouses that cared as deeply as you and Susan do. The world would be a much better place. Prayers being said….
Comment by Betsy | 05.7.2008 | 11:34 am
What an eloquent entry. Thank you for sharing so honestly. I find myself wondering how you and your wife are doing, even though I’ve never met you and you have no idea who I am. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. Your strength is inspiring. God be with you both.
Comment by Len | 05.7.2008 | 11:38 am
Hi both from England,
Cant put into words how I feel but my wife has been diagnosed with terminal melanoma and I am faced with loosing my best friend and riding partner. It hurts, but we look back at the great times we’ve had and the love we’ve shared and that keeps us going.
Good luck
Comment by tim | 05.7.2008 | 11:39 am
beautiful writing Fatty, just beautiful. Beautiful wife you’ve got there too.
Comment by steve sax | 05.7.2008 | 11:41 am
Fatty-
Good insight about staying busy…make sure the kids
have lots to do helping Susan, too. Probably already
doing that, but…it will make a big difference to
them later if they know they were there, and doing
everything they could to help.
Keep fighting, man.
Comment by chris | 05.7.2008 | 11:42 am
Dude,
Reading this today sucks. You are true LOVE
Comment by adsm | 05.7.2008 | 11:47 am
So many read this blog without commenting. Me for one. All of the silent readers out there are sending bucket loads of good energy/prayers/thoughts/vibes your way. So know you’re receiving it from your “regulars” as well as from numerous “irregulars.” I’ve lost many people in my life and each one was uniquely difficult because each person was unique. You and Susan are blessed by your time together and the family you have formed. You give each other strength. And all of us out in the blogosphere are sending more (strength) to help buoy your supply.
Comment by stefano | 05.7.2008 | 11:52 am
thanks for letting us into your life, thanks for all those who are willing to share their thoughts and love with you. when my wife had breast cancer 5 years ago it was just amazing to us how people would rally and do so much for us, WITHOUT ASKING!! my wife (who, thank God, is still with us) always says the hard part falls on those who are left behind. so, let susan thank you and say you’re welcome my love, thank you for sharing yourself with me.
I continue to pray for a miracle and for God to strengthen your family.
Comment by roadrash | 05.7.2008 | 11:53 am
Elden,
Your insights on the gift of your strong marriage are one of the most profound things I have have ever read.
Please know that by sharing your thoughts & feelings, you are reinforcing all the things that are important in life (and beyond).
Thanks for helping us keep focused on what matters most.
Peace & Strength!
Comment by ricky | 05.7.2008 | 11:57 am
I read FC daily but I don’t comment much. I’m overwhelmed with all this – the pain, the suffering, the unfairness, the love, and the support. Lately all the little life sayings and quotes have been filling my head. Some I like, some I don’t like. This I know: I hate cancer. I love you both. Michelle and I will keep praying. You have made me a better person. Thanks for that.
On a lighter note, Saturday’s ride will rank up there with the great ones. I’m looking forward to it.
Stay strong.
Comment by RoadRage | 05.7.2008 | 12:17 pm
Ghandi is to have said:
“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.”
That is what sharing your life and the inspiration that is Susan has done. Thank you.
Comment by mark | 05.7.2008 | 12:18 pm
Elden, inspiring post today. If there’s anything good to come of this, it’s that you’ve helped me to appreciate my wife even more. Like you, we married four months after our first date and have had a really good marriage since. It breaks my heart to think of you and Susan, but at the same time I am grateful for the eternal blessings of a merciful God.
As I read the comments, I looked at the clock on my computer–2:01 p.m. May the much-prayed-for miracles be upon you and your family.
Comment by Jim B. | 05.7.2008 | 12:33 pm
Eldon, I have three boys who are making that transition from high school kid to adult. I have shared your story with them. If they grow into half the man you are, I would consider my job as a parent a huge success. Young adults struggle in this world to find those positive role models to pattern their life and the right ways to go about their business. Well, I know you did not ask for the job, but you are an inspiration to us out here and you and Susan are role models and I want to thank-you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story and having a positive impact on myself and my family.
Our thoughts are with you and your family.
Comment by KT | 05.7.2008 | 12:33 pm
Elden, you are an amazing man. Susan is so lucky to have such a love in her life.
Susan: I’m not going to say you’re going to beat this thing, I don’t know how it’s all going to end. I am going to say that it’s not going to get the better of you, though. You are an incredible woman, fighting an incredible fight, inspiring a lot of people with the love you share with your family, and that we are privelged to see in your husband’s writing.
You’ve got a lot of people out here in the rest of the world who are fighting right along with you. People you don’t even know have been touched by this thing you’re going through, and it’s making us all better people. I’m so sorry that this is what it takes to make us better people, but am grateful for the time and opportunity given.
Keep your chin up, Susan; bask in the love of your family.
Comment by Davie | 05.7.2008 | 12:34 pm
Fatty,
My prayers are with you and Susan.
I am not sure if you are aware or not but there is a healing revival going on in Florida right now. I felt like I should share that with you. You can find more online if you google it, or watch online live 7PM EST. @ God.TV:
http://www.god.tv/node/34
I send this to help build your faith, faith comes by hearing, and people are getting healed of cancer everyday! Believing with you that your bride will be one of those that receives her miracle.
Comment by Si | 05.7.2008 | 12:36 pm
I started reading your blog as I thought it might inspire me with mine, it hasn’t, I’m nowhere near half the writer you are…finally recognition for your blog has come this year and you should be very proud of it. You made a difficult decision some time ago and now your blog has evolved to encompass something so much more immportant and powerful than cycling…your family and your love for them. Your writing is entertaining and very impressive…but falls into the shadows when stood up against your strength of character.
Even though we’ve never met you, a whole lot of us are out here thinking of you and your family…keep strong for each other.
Comment by Cheryl | 05.7.2008 | 12:36 pm
Stay strong Honey, all of you are in my prayers and thoughts.
Comment by purduerose | 05.7.2008 | 12:42 pm
Susan has always seemed like a strong woman, I can only imagine how hard it is to have to be taken care of. If you haven’t told her that you like to take care of her give it a try, maybe it will make her feel better.
I hope you get a miracle.
Comment by steve rooney | 05.7.2008 | 12:43 pm
fatty i read your blog daily its getting harder to read
my thoughts are with you …your a fellow cyclist i feel a kinship
i lost a cycling buddy recently to the big “C”
its not a scottish man thing to say i miss him but i do
i hope the support and comments are keeping your spirits
up, i dont know what else to write
steve
Comment by The Cosh | 05.7.2008 | 1:01 pm
Fatty, I don’t come by here as often as I used to and I’ve just read the last week’s worth of entries. It seems trite and useless to say it, but I’m stunned and angered and also awed. You really are a big man and Susan is a big woman: you both have amazing heart and strength.
A long time ago, you wrote a post asking what superhero we’d like to ride with. Today that’s you.
I sincerely hope you are given all the time you need to be together.
My love to you both and your family, Pete.
Comment by Matt | 05.7.2008 | 1:03 pm
I have no words…
“Love…bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails”
Comment by rexinsea | 05.7.2008 | 1:03 pm
You’re the man Elden. You’re right, marriages like yours are awesome and should be celebrated more in our go go society. I only hope I can follow your example in my own marriage – I try. Keep up the good writing. Your journey on the bike and in life are inspirational.
Others have said and I do believe that Susan will be with you forever and I’m also one to believe you will see her again someday when it’s your turn to go to the big man upstairs. You clearly have more to do here first though. Stay strong.
Comment by Ms. Moon | 05.7.2008 | 1:04 pm
Having been through similar things with a few friends and family, what I have to offer is this- sometimes the miracle is a sort of unimagined grace making what we would have thought unbearable not only bearable but transcendent and holy.
I know that grace will surround you and your family because you will let it.
Tell Susan how much it means to you to give her every thing you can give her in whatever time she has left.
That you NEED to show your love in every way you can and that in allowing you to do that, she is loving you.
Comment by This simple life | 05.7.2008 | 1:11 pm
You all say that Fatty is an amazing man , and he is. You all say that Susan is an amazing woman and she is.
But what you are all really admiring is love. What he is doing is love. It isn’t fair he should have to lose that kind of love because it is rare. I will continue to pray for Susan and I will continue to pray for Fatty.
Comment by aussie kev | 05.7.2008 | 1:16 pm
take care
k
Comment by Rachel J | 05.7.2008 | 1:21 pm
Your love for each other is really touching. Thanks for sharing this journey with your readers. It is touching many and also teaching many.
Comment by jill | 05.7.2008 | 1:25 pm
These are powerful posts, Elden. Thank you for continuing to share.
Comment by DrCodfish | 05.7.2008 | 1:30 pm
It is a blessing. Tell her this. You’ve told us how thankful you are to be able to DO something for her (and that is our nature, action oriented problem solvers). Now tell her how thankful you are to have this time, these opportunities, to do things with and for her.
Needless to say, if you think of anything we can DO to help you, please let us know … we too would be greatful for the opportunity.
Yr Pal DrCodfish
Comment by AZ XC | 05.7.2008 | 1:38 pm
Wish there were more people in the world like you and even more importantly like the MARRIAGE that you two have. That is wonderful. Keep up the fight. Our prayers are with you.
Remember that there is a God who knows you and Susan and your dear children. Continue to have faith. Families are Forever.
Comment by Rhonda | 05.7.2008 | 1:53 pm
Today I found your blog. I read a few posts. Brought me to tears. I don’t ride a bike, but I do love my husband. I understand your love. Please know that someone in Oregon is praying for you and your family.
Comment by Barb | 05.7.2008 | 2:19 pm
I’m sorry. I don’t even know you but I’m sorry for what you, and Susan, and your children are having to endure.
That damn movie Love Story had it wrong with it’s “love means never having to say your sorry”. I think that’s a steaming load of crap. Love IS saying your sorry, even when there’s no rhyme or logical reason. That’s why cancer is a bitch who never apologizes, and I’m just a stranger who is saying that I’m sorry too.
Comment by Mike from Melbourne | 05.7.2008 | 2:23 pm
Hi Elden & Susan
We had our first committee meeting last night for my local Relay for Life event which will be held in November (www.hobsonsbayrelay.com). We raised $58K for Cancer Research last year and this year our aim is $100K. I could not help but think of you guys last night (especially Susan). I am determined to make our event the best it can be and to raise as much money as we can so that researchers can eventually find a way to beat this disease.
Much love, Michael
Comment by Alan | 05.7.2008 | 2:24 pm
That’s true love. You know, the real thing. You’re very lucky to have each other.
Comment by Tony P | 05.7.2008 | 2:46 pm
Eldon, What can I say but my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. My wife’s parents both have cancer, one is terminal, one in remission. I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through, but I see glimpses of it in the way my wife handles herself as strongly as you do. It’s not fair to say the least. Good luck my friend. I’ll see you on the trails.
Comment by Duane | 05.7.2008 | 3:09 pm
I really need to clean my house… I have some sort of dust in my eyes… causing them to water.
I can do nothing for you and your family other than to continue to offer prayers. I don’t know if that makes you feel better or me.
The amazing thing to me is hundreds or maybe thousands of people care about you and Susan and we have never met you.
Stay Strong.
Comment by Medstudentitis | 05.7.2008 | 3:11 pm
I am getting married next year and I only hope that my relationship can be half as strong as yours. You guys have me in awe.
Sending all my strength your way.
KM
Comment by Noose and Goose | 05.7.2008 | 3:23 pm
I am a new rider, my husband has riden for many years (25+). Today as I headed out the door, it was 35 mph headwinds, drizzle, but I rode anyway. I felt free and I felt I was offering a freedom to Susan.
The sad truth is she may not win this battle, but she will win the war. You both have touched many lives, many don’t know you (like me). Your love is unconditional, just like it is suppose to be.
Prayers for you both for gentle peace.
Comment by the greg | 05.7.2008 | 3:26 pm
we love you fats. not much more to say. you do not cry alone
Comment by nancy | 05.7.2008 | 3:49 pm
susan is blessed to have a husband like you. prayer for comfort and peace are going your way.
Comment by karen | 05.7.2008 | 4:05 pm
I can only say that I am in awe of both of you – today was my first day to read the blog here and I am so impressed with you guys – and saddened by the trauma that you all are dealing with.
prayers to you both
Comment by John the Lawyer | 05.7.2008 | 4:14 pm
I started a local charity ride 2 years ago to support a local cancer organization. When I get overwhelmed with the million details, I will think of Susan, you, and the story you share to make sure this ride happens again. And again.
All my prayers and thoughts to Susan, you, and your family.
Comment by Aunt Mary | 05.7.2008 | 4:15 pm
Thanks for sharing with all. You are strong and you have an amazing family. I know what it is like to care for one you love and watch them in pain. A big hug and kiss to all. God bless you
Comment by Barb | 05.7.2008 | 4:17 pm
When my patients come in for their radiation treatments I try to treat everyone with care and respect. What you have done for me in sharing your story over time is to remind me of what happens AFTER the 15 minutes that I share daily with them. It insires me to connect more with them, listen to them more closely, and remember that even when my day might go badly, theirs could be a whole lot worse. You do a service for everyone in the medical field. Im sorry it has to be this way.
Comment by KatieA | 05.7.2008 | 4:21 pm
Fatty, you are just a lovely man, husband & father. And as for Susan, she’s got such bravery & strength – words cannot describe how inspiring both Susan and you are.
More prayers, love and good karma coming in your direction.
Comment by Bree | 05.7.2008 | 4:25 pm
Praying for your family – from across the pacific.
Comment by Laura | 05.7.2008 | 4:28 pm
Duane sent me the link to your site today. He tells me about it almost every day. He told me last week about Susan. And while I’ve never met you or Susan, I feel like I do somehow…just from all of the things that Duane shares with me. And I sit here crying as a write this…wondering why this has to happen. Why this wretched disease is everywhere…and I mean everywhere. Why is it that each one of us can say we personally know not just one but several people who are fighting this disease. What are we doing to our bodies…eating, breathing, drinking etc etc that we don’t even realize??? I’m sure those thoughts run 10 fold for you. The one thing I can say is that miracles do happen. My closest friend has been fighting cancer for 9 years now. When she found out she had it, it had progressed through her breasts, lymphnodes and even her skin. They told her she had less than a year. It is almost a decade later and Teresa is still here. She has had the disease come back 4 times…the last time in her liver (too many tumors to count) and in her bones. But the latest chemo cocktail seems to be working. I tell you this because there IS hope. And for now, I will continue to pray for you and Susan…pray for strength as you continue this fight. I will also send this to my friends to add you to their prayer lists. I am so sorry for everything you are going through right now…
Comment by Laura | 05.7.2008 | 4:39 pm
be with her when you can
ride when you have to
still praying for a miracle,
Laura in CA
Comment by Abby | 05.7.2008 | 4:40 pm
Elden,
Mate, it is a tragedy that your family’s beautiful life together is being cut short and ‘changed’.
But you know, there are so many people out there that spend a lifetime searching for just a fraction of the wonderful family life that you have experienced for years. Of course yu will grieve for the time that has been artificially cut short – but also treasure the long time that you have had together. It has already made you richer than many others…….. :)
Thoughts and prayers are coming to both of you from Australia…..
Cheers,
Abby
Comment by paige | 05.7.2008 | 4:46 pm
You love each other so much and so well. No matter what happens, that love doesn’t go away or disappear. This sounds so trite or cornball but real, sacrificial love for another person is what is true and everlasting. It all goes into powering the light in the universe, pushing away the dark.
We’re pulling hard for you and Susan and your family. Be well.
Comment by swtkaroline | 05.7.2008 | 5:36 pm
Oh Fatty, I’ve been out of town for a while and I just caught up on things. As ever, know that I am praying for you and your family, and applauding you for allowing us–your readers–to be a part of your story. You are brave and wonderful people and I’m so thankful to have found you and to feel a (small) part of this community. Bright blessings and much love….K
Comment by El Animal | 05.7.2008 | 5:43 pm
This is just to let you know, I’m reading your blog and praying at 2:01 PM everyday.
Comment by amy | 05.7.2008 | 5:56 pm
You are incredibly lucky that the two of you share such a complete love. That is something that cancer cannot take from you.
Comment by Jodi | 05.7.2008 | 5:59 pm
WIN: “to succeed by striving or effort”.
She is winning every day she feels loved, every day your children know they are loved, and every day you have this love in your life. It isn’t going anywhere.
WIN Susan, Elden, and my awesome nieces and nephews!!
Comment by Dobovedo | 05.7.2008 | 5:59 pm
Thank you Elden,
I have that same ’secret fear’, and have often felt guilty about it. Now I can strive to ‘be like Fatty’ if/when the need should ever arise.
Pingback by Win Susan « Speed Skate World- By Peter Doucet- Online Since 1999 | 05.7.2008 | 6:25 pm
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Comment by AndyC | 05.7.2008 | 6:38 pm
Elden,
I lost my dear father 5 years ago and one thing that I really wish that I would have done had I known he would leave so suddenly was to capture more of who is was in a physical way. I only have one short video clip and his writings (he was a professor of English Literature) and some photos to remind me. I truly wish I had more video despite watching the it makes me very sad to watch it is good to keep his liveliness and love in front of me when I need to remember it. That reminds me of people who do video a diary for their family and especially the younger children so that they would have lasting images and audio of their loved one. Something to cherish. I truly feel for you and your family and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep up your loving support of Susan and your kids. They need your strength.
Best to You.
Comment by philocyclist | 05.7.2008 | 6:48 pm
Yeah. Going through cancer sucks, but what struck me when I was going through it was how much worse it was for those who love me. I was okay. I wasn’t happy, but I was managing the pain and I was going to be okay. But my family wasn’t able to feel the pain so they imagined it to be horrible, and they were worried about me. It can be really hard to worry about someone you love, but less so to worry about yourself. I felt bad that my family was going through all this pain.
And then you’re doing all this for Susan and she wants to feel like she can do for herself, but she can’t. And she feels bad about having you do for her. So she apologizes. You’ll just have to get used to those apologies, constantly let her know that you’re happy to do what you can because you love her.
Comment by Pammap | 05.7.2008 | 7:04 pm
Susan is a lovely person. Thank you for sharing her with the rest of us. Sending hope and prayers your way.
Comment by brian | 05.7.2008 | 7:13 pm
what can be said…you are both givers…you do these things because they need to be done for all the right reasons period. dot.
Fuck cancer.
Godspeed.
Brian
Comment by Walter | 05.7.2008 | 7:14 pm
Thank you for sharing so honestly (and eloquently), you both are truly inspirational. I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through this…
Peace,
Walter
P.S.: I sent an email to your fatcyclist.com address a few days ago — no need to respond, but wanted to make sure it didn’t get tossed by a spam filter or anything…
Comment by boots | 05.7.2008 | 7:44 pm
Fatty, It is obviously difficult to find anything positive in your family’s current condition, but I submit that focusing on the strength of your marital relationship will give you a welcome beacon. With that in sight neither Susan nor you will ever be lost. My prayers for all of you.
Comment by fan in denver | 05.7.2008 | 7:56 pm
Like others here, I’m a regular reader of your blog – I love it – but I don’t comment.
I caught up today after a couple of weeks not reading, and am just heartbroken to learn your news.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Susan and the kids. I’ve never met you but I feel like I know your family through your blog. Take care. I hope the support of your fans online can provide some small comfort in this rough time.
Comment by Paul Franceus | 05.7.2008 | 8:02 pm
This sounds so much like what we went through when my Susan was sick a few years ago. Nobody really understands what its like but it’s good to see someone articulate it. It’s hard, thats for sure, but somehow you get through the day. Take it one day and one minute at a time. It’s like a long climb or a tough day on the bike – sometimes all you can do is turn the cranks one more time, and then suddenly you are at the top.
In case anyone cares, here’s a link to a slideshow we played at her funeral: http://blueiris.smugmug.com/gallery/1899202_jdmhy
Comment by stuckinmypedals | 05.7.2008 | 8:47 pm
Riding and fighting for Susan. WIN, Susan!
Comment by Craigaroonie | 05.7.2008 | 8:54 pm
Fat Man, Keep your chin up Mate.
Some people don’t get the chance to have what you’ve got.
You’ve been both blessed and cursed.
Life is short, live hard.
You’ll be together again one day.
Craig
Comment by HarryF | 05.7.2008 | 8:55 pm
Fatty,
I’m an occasional reader of your blog and it usually brings a smile or a smirk to me. I can’t imagine the pain and suffering you’re going through, plus the pain, suffering and guilt your wife is going through. Keep your spirits up high and know that my prayers and thoughts are with you, Susan and your kids. God bless and keep sharing and ride on.
Comment by Alex from ZA | 05.7.2008 | 10:11 pm
Just checking in with more wishes, hopes and good thoughts.
Comment by Jim Glover | 05.7.2008 | 10:58 pm
“She apologizes for having to leave me.”
Bloody hell.
This kind of stuff kills me.
Cancer has taken a lot from my family and I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through.
Bless you my man and you have me at the verge of tears yet again.
The person you choose to spend the rest of your life with is a crap shoot in the world today.
And yet when you realize that the person you married is someone you can’t live without you become terrified you will lose them.
God bless you.
I’m praying for a miracle.
Comment by bobbieh | 05.7.2008 | 11:49 pm
Back again today to let you know I’m still sending all of you much love, much strength, and very many hugs…
Comment by scott | 05.8.2008 | 12:23 am
I wish you the best. If there’s anyone deserving of a miracle it’s you and Susan. The love, courage and character that I felt when I read this made me cry and smile at the same time. I’m thinking of you. And WIN SUSAN!
Comment by buckythedonkey | 05.8.2008 | 3:06 am
You are one lucky guy. You are one unlucky guy. Curse this bloody cancer! You certainly didn’t need the latter to prove the former.
I won’t be the only one in pink on Sunday, thinking of you both. You never cease to amaze me.
Thanks for writing, Elden.
Comment by Dre | 05.8.2008 | 3:30 am
Every time you put finger to keyboard I respect you more. You’ve never lied the days of life long marriages are almost over but I believe you have one. Never give up. I will keep praying for you both.
Comment by Johnny | 05.8.2008 | 4:04 am
Wow, this whole situation is just SO SO wrong. I have a military background, my heroes personal heroes were Audie Murphy and Chuck Yeager growing up. Susan has been added to that list. What an unbelievable person she is Elden, but you don’t need us to tell you that. I wish there was a way we could all reach out and ease some of this burden your whole family is carrying. The example you both have set goes beyond words.
Comment by John | 05.8.2008 | 4:20 am
I’ve been following your blog via RSS for a long time. My wife and I have you and your wife in our thoughts.
Don’t give up!
Comment by Nick | 05.8.2008 | 4:26 am
Geez. You two might be most amazing people I’ve ever known… and I don’t even really know you.
You’re in our prayers.
Comment by Georgia Tom | 05.8.2008 | 4:40 am
Good marriages are in the minority these days. Those of us who have them are blessed. I hope if ever comes a time when I have to face something like this, we handle it as well as you and Susan have. The way you two have conducted yourselves could be a study in what a marriage is all about. You two are very inspirational people. Thank you for sharing this very personal time with us. Some that are going through similar situations now or in the future will be very touched and educated by this blog. Tom S. in Georgia
Comment by Jacqui | 05.8.2008 | 4:53 am
Hi Fatty,
I love your blog and have been reading for quite some time now. You make me laugh and now cry. In November 2007 till January this year I was going through tests to see if Breast cancer was present. Those 3 mths of worry were not pleasant and I have just now read your blog with tears in my eyes.
My outcome was eventually good but I can certainly remember the thoughts going through my head when I thought “What if I have cancer?” I can empathise minimally with those thoughts that you and Susan may have.
You, Susan and the children are in my prayers. I will be praying for a miracle but most of all I will pray that God will give you all peace and reassurance that He is with you whatever happens. Keep bloggin Fatty, it is the best way..and we are all praying for you guys.
God Bless
Comment by Annie | 05.8.2008 | 5:41 am
Jesus! I found your blog via a link on Pioneer Woman. I have no idea who you people are by I am sobbing and sick to my stomach after reading the last 5 or so entries of your blog.
Your straightforward honesty is profoundly moving. Your daughters asking that Mom not die on their birthdays is positively soul crushing. As someone who has been sick, had surgeries, had tumors and endless testing that simple request from and innocent child is by far the saddest and most poignant thing I have ever heard.
Rock on Fatty! Rock on!
Much Love and Good Vibes are coming to you from Minneapolis!
Comment by Our Monmouth | 05.8.2008 | 5:49 am
Fatty -
This is a painful reminder that our time here will always be too short no matter what our personal circumstances are. After your first post on Susan’s dire situation hugs and time with my own family had more meaning.
I continue to pray for you and Susan.
Comment by Amy in NJ | 05.8.2008 | 5:49 am
Oh, Fatty. What a beautiful wife you have! God bless you both. Praying for that miracle…
Comment by James | 05.8.2008 | 6:04 am
Wow, what a truly inspiring and emotional post. I don’t know what I can say that has not already been said. Like everyone else, I want to let you know that you, Susan, and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I would imagine that it is probably at times therapeutic and at other times very difficult to share your feelings about Susan’s cancer with the readers of your blog. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings though. It is important for everyone to remember to live life with the right set of priorities in mind each day. I have never experienced anything like what your family is going thought so I can’t say I know how you feel. I can say that the more I read your recent posts, the more I admire you and Susan for the strength that you both have.
I may blog about bikes and bike products, but in the long run, all that “stuff†doesn’t really matter. The relationships we form are the really important thing in this world and it sounds like you and Susan are truly lucky to have found each other, no matter what happens next.
Comment by Mental P Mama | 05.8.2008 | 6:25 am
Susan is a very lucky lady, and you, dear fatty, are even luckier to have her. Blessings.
Comment by Lowrydr | 05.8.2008 | 6:55 am
There is a special place in Heaven for people like You and Susan. I just pray that it takes a long while till you need that space. Hope you both have a run of great days in the near future.
Have to go BikeMike’s water sucking aliens have shown up here now.
Hope & Good Karma coming Susan’s way.
Comment by kenny | 05.8.2008 | 7:11 am
Dear Readers of Fatcyclist.com,
This last week has been truly tragic learning of the down turn of Suzan’s illness. As I read these comments left by all you good people, the over all theme is the same. “What can we do for Elden, Susan and their kids?†I decided it was time to stop wondering and time to start doing. I set up a bank account in Elden’s name at a local bank here in Utah. It is linked to pay pal. The pay pal account is winsusannelson@gmail.com . If you don’t have a pay pal account you can also donate by going to my business’s website http://www.kennysphoto.com and clicking on the link in the middle of the page, where you can donate with the credit card of your choice. Please know that all funds collected will go directly to this bank account and after a two month period will be given to Elden, Susan and Family. Elden is unaware of this account, until now, of course. I’m not sure how he will react to this comment, but if he removes it, I’m going to continue to put it back on his blog and I invite you as fatcyclist readers to also put this on your own respective blogs. I truly believe that we bless our own lives, when we help others, so I hope that Elden will allow us to help him through this very trying time in his life. He truly has touched each one of us, through his writing and his friendship.
Respectfully yours,
Kenny
Comment by Daddystyle | 05.8.2008 | 7:22 am
I to am blessed with a loving wife. Peace and strength to you, Susan and the kids.
Comment by Rant | 05.8.2008 | 7:24 am
Hey Kenny,
Count me in. I’m heading over to your website right now.
Comment by Kalidurga | 05.8.2008 | 7:59 am
Elden, these recent posts have spurred a conversation between some friends and I about the nature of suffering and how it’s dealt with by different people. As was mentioned above in the Gandhi quote, you’re “shaking the world.” I don’t know if it’s of any comfort to you or Susan, but your experience, your suffering, is having a positive impact among the people exposed to it. As intensely as I wish your family weren’t going through this, I’m grateful that you’ve chosen to share it in this way.
Comment by isela | 05.8.2008 | 8:00 am
Love and courage. Both you and Susan are amazing. We are here for you.
Comment by been there, done that | 05.8.2008 | 8:09 am
Here from pioneerwoman.com…will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
BTW, something I’ve been looking into and supposedly it ‘cured’ pancreatic cancer is Green for Life by Victoria Boutenko along with blending greens.
Wouldn’t hurt to try it.
Comment by mark | 05.8.2008 | 8:34 am
Kenny, great suggestion. Count me in. Would be great to see the entire Nelson family take a trip to Italy.
Comment by Seattle M&M | 05.8.2008 | 9:01 am
I don’t know what to add to the thoughtful comments already made, except to say that I think it takes remarkable courage to go through what you and Susan are now experiencing with open eyes and hearts. Add to that the fact that you’re giving all of us the valuable chance to experience this with you. Thank you for that. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Comment by Philly Jen | 05.8.2008 | 9:36 am
Thanks, Kenny — I’m in.
Good to know that you’re doing well after an eventful summer and fall. (Hello to Natalie.)
Folks, if you’re not of the praying persuasion, then click the Paypal button at 2:01 instead. If you are of the praying persuasion, click the button at 2:02.
Comment by Sorelegs | 05.8.2008 | 9:51 am
I find myself apologizing to my wife, the chickenhawk on a regualr basis. She is my primary care taker and no one does it better than she does. I apologize because this is not what she signed up for. It is a shitty way for a marriage to end. No one deserves it, not you, not her, not me or my wife. I know it is not my fault that I have cancer but still apologizing seems to make me feel a bit better. I am sorry that it has turned out like this. It is not what I wanted to happen. Hang in there Elden.
Comment by Amy | 05.8.2008 | 10:03 am
I’m here through Diane’s blog and I can’t tell you how much this post touched me. This is an amazing testament to you and your wife both, and I pray for your family’s courage and strength in the days ahead. My thought are with you, Susan, and your children.
Comment by sarah | 05.8.2008 | 10:05 am
This is crazy, I just discovered your blog about three days ago. I have been reading about you and Susan and my heart has been broken for your family. I just found out last night that my sister has cancer! I think it is no coincidence that I found your blog during this time, thank you for continuing to write, I know it is hard but it has been helpful to read your words. Thanks!
Sarah, Seattle WA
My hubby is a Mountain biker, I raise the kids.
Comment by W.E.N. | 05.8.2008 | 10:05 am
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours. I find it admirable that you not only have your priorities straight, but that you are able to embrace it. Keep fighting, keep loving!
Comment by JamieM | 05.8.2008 | 10:31 am
Here I am sitting at my desk at work and I have tears streaming down my face.
I don’t even know you two and all I want to do is hug the both of you.
Love and support from the MidWest.
Jamie
Comment by AlicesYellowPorsche | 05.8.2008 | 1:04 pm
Susan will never really leave. Ever. I am exactly like JamieM – never met you, but want to hug you.
Alice
Comment by Clydesteve | 05.8.2008 | 4:17 pm
2:01 PDT today. The City inspector must have thought I was nuts when I excused myself for 30 seconds in the middle of a wastewater treatment system inspection. Oh, well.
My prayers are still headed your way, and those of my family for you, Elden, for Susan, and for the kids. It is important that you live these days fully, and serving Susan is unquestionably your most important duty right now. Glad to see you rightly view your duty as a tru privilege – because of your love for each other. Cherish that.
best wishes, and may God richly bless you,
Steve
Oh, BTW, the LAF just wrote me and want to interview me for LiveSTRONG PR. I expect more people will hear about you and your family.
Comment by dawn | 05.8.2008 | 6:23 pm
Can’t seem to get Kenny’s link to work – fill out form, but money part keeps resetting to zero…
Comment by Tina C | 05.8.2008 | 7:38 pm
You are so eloquent when you pour your heart out. As a wife and a mother I know that I would apologize just as she is. It’s in our nature for us to care for the family. Tell Susan it’s ok and that this a way for you to show your love for her.
Comment by Linda | 05.8.2008 | 8:02 pm
Your family’s experience has been forever imprinted on my heart. My prayers are with you.
Pingback by Pink Bunny Ears»Blog Archive » Because something is happening here, but you don’t know what it is. Do you, Mister Jones? | 05.8.2008 | 8:09 pm
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Comment by Ashley | 05.9.2008 | 6:34 am
Came here via Bummer Life…
I too want to hug you. What you are doing right now for your wife will comfort you forever. Knowing the care and love she received while so sick will fill you when you feel empty. Even if you both feel pangs of being jipped, how completely wonderful you found such love in this life. I’ll be thinking of you and your family.
Comment by Lisa | 05.9.2008 | 8:39 am
Hey – Thanks to Bro and DaveP for pointing me to your blog. Hugs to you and Susan. There isn’t probably a lot more significant to say than that. It’s nice that our circles still overlap some, even though I don’t think I’ve actually seen Susan for years. I do grin thinking of you when each time your name comes up in conversation and enjoyed working with you so many moons ago.
To hit on the blog-related analogy, you and Susan are on a tough trail ride. Low on water. High heat and humidity. Gutting it out the best way possible with all the grace and endurance you can muster. You’re great riding partners. Good for you. Hugs, love, and all the positive thoughts I can muster.
Comment by Sday | 05.18.2008 | 1:39 pm
So many thoughts of what to say…. I just can’t get it out. Your family is INCREDIBLE, AMAZING, Beautiful, and strong. Praying daily for you and your family.
Sincerely,
K day’s wife, SDAY
Comment by noble pig | 05.22.2008 | 9:03 pm
Hi, I am new to your blog and reading this…wow…unreal. I am so sorry for the pain you must feel now. May you both find comfort.
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Comment by Angie | 02.8.2011 | 9:56 am
Elden,
I have known the outcome of Susan’s battle with cancer, but I am reading the blogs in order. As it unfolds, I experience a small portion of your sadness from here in NJ. I am so sorry that she was taken from you. I am so sad today thinking of how awful cancer is. Sorry if you’re happy today and reading this reminder makes you sad. I suppose you never stop thinking of her though, so a reminder is really just the continuation of the constant thought… I am sorry.