Which Superhero Would You Ride With?
In yesterday’s (very, very long) post, Dug equated riding with Rick Sunderlage (not his real name) to riding with Superman. In my in-line comment, I noted that I wouldn’t want to ride with Superman. While I admit that he’d be good at taking long pulls, his cape would always be whipping around in the wind, snapping in your face like a wet towel.
Plus, I have personality issues with Superman: he’s such a boy scout. How interesting would it be to ride with someone who had unlimited power and was altruistic, to boot? And furthermore, I’m suspicious of Superman: he’s clearly so strong that there seems to be nothing he can’t lift, so how’d he get to be so muscle-bound? How does he get a good resistance workout?
In short, I would like to reiterate: I would not want to ride with Superman. Which begs the question, which superhero would I want to ride with, then? This is a serious question, and I’ve given it some serious thought. Here are the superheroes I gave serious consideration.
Batman
This is the first superhero who came to mind, mostly because he’s the only superhero who I find really interesting. And he’s got the utility belt, so he can probably fix any mechanical either of us have while riding. And since he doesn’t have any actual superpowers, he’d be less likely to drop me, or at least to drop me quite as hard.
However, once I think about it, I have to admit that while I find the angry, vengeful, ready-to-snap personality interesting from a distance, I don’t think Batman would make a great conversationalist. Plus there’s that whole cape thing again, probably always getting stuck in the chain (though Batman probably has a gadget in his utility belt to prevent that).
I’ll bet Batman would totally kick butt at doing solo 24 hour races, though. He’s good at suffering.
Spider-Man
The best reason to ride with Spider-Man is his Spidey-sense. Riding with him, you’d always know when some fool in a car is going to suddenly hang a right directly in front of you. Or when you’re flying down a road descent at 50mph and your tire’s about to blow. Or when you’re going to mix two energy foods unwisely — Cytomax and a Clif Bar, for example.
The problem with riding with Spider-Man, though, is that mouth cover his mask’s got. Oh, sure, he gets enough oxygen for when he’s swinging around from building to building or fighting crime, but if he tried to wear that mask at altitude while cycling up to Alta, while in 100+-degree heat, he’d never make it. And then you’d have to loan him a water bottle and cart his sorry Spider-Butt home.
Also, the hyphen in his name really grates on me.
Green Lantern
With the Green Lantern, you wouldn’t even need to own a bike. You’d just say, “Hey, Green Lantern, let’s ride,” and he’d magically make a bike appear. And it would be a killer bike to ride, because it’s made of light. You can’t get much lighter than actual light. furthermore, you wouldn’t have to choose between road and mountain. You ride on your green-light-bike on the road until you get to the dirt, and then you have him change it to a mountain bike. If you were nice, you could probably get him to adjust the pressure in your tires, too.
The problem with riding with the Green Lantern, though, is you never know which Green Lantern you’re going to get. It turns out they’re some kind of intergalactic police force, and so while you might be hoping you’re going to ride with the happy, easy-going, sure-let’s-use-my-super-powered-ring-to-make-magical-bicycles Green Lantern, you could instead wind up with the Green Lantern who’s going to throw your butt in intergalactic prison for even suggesting the notion.
Really, though, the big problem with riding with Green Lantern is that every so often, his ring’s got to be recharged at the actual green lantern. So if he’s been forgetful lately and you’re out riding with him when the battery in his magic ring goes pfffft, you’re both suddenly sitting in the dirt, bikeless, and you have to listen to him make lame apologies.
The Winner: Daredevil
Sure, he’s “blind,” but the sonar more than makes up for it. And since Daredevil is a lawyer in real life, I expect he has some interesting stories to tell. And if you got hit by a car, he could help you sue the jerk. Or just beat him up, if that were the right thing to do (sometimes it is).
Daredevil’s outfit, while bright, is nowhere near as gaudy as some (Spider-man and Superman, I’m talking to you). It doesn’t look a lot different than a time trialist’s skinsuit, to tell the truth. And his little horns would probably fit through existing vents in the helmet.
And just consider how awesome a “Man Without Fear” would be at the technical stuff on mountain bike trails.
You wouldn’t have to wear a heart rate monitor when biking with Daredevil, either. You could just ask him, “So, what’s my heart rate right now?” And he’d tell you.
Or say you’re riding along and your chain’s about to break, or your frame’s about to snap. Daredevil would be able to hear the creaking in plenty of time to avert danger. And he could also tell you if you need to lube your chain. He’d be the best rolling mechanic, ever.
So yeah, I’m going with Daredevil.
And You?
So, which superhero would you ride with, and why? Or, if you’re in the mood, which superhero would you absolutely not ride with?
PS: Note to Every Straight Man (and Gay Woman) Who Reads This Blog
I know you’re planning to say you’d ride with Wonder Woman. Allow me to try to persuade you to reconsider, for the following reasons:
- Your significant other will find out. And then you’ve got to say, “No, I’m not interested in her. How could I be? I love you. And your significant other isn’t going to buy that at all.
- An invisible bicycle would be very freaky and annoying. How can you tell where it is? How do you adjust the cables? Where’s the chain when you want to apply lube?
- Her uniform is going to be very uncomfortable, and then she’s going to whine, whine, whine. Look at that thing and tell me it’s not going to ride up on her. And when it does, she’s going to be going on and on and on about how she just wants to go home and change into something more comfortable. And if you even think about telling her it was her choice to wear that get-up, she’s going to backhand you with those bullet-proof bracelets.
- That tiara’s going to be a problem. She’s going to have a devil of a time finding a helmet that fits over that thing.
Comment by Big Boned | 03.4.2009 | 7:28 am
If you rode with Aquaman, you wouldn’t have to clean your bike after your ride…
Comment by MikeonhisBike | 03.4.2009 | 7:30 am
My choice would be Mr. Incredible. No capes darling!
Mike
http://www.mikeonhisbike.blogspot.com
Comment by Hat | 03.4.2009 | 7:42 am
She may not be a superhero in the strictest sense, but I’d really really like to ride somewhere with Catwoman. I’d even carry her whip.
Comment by Jorgex | 03.4.2009 | 8:10 am
I vote for Snake Pliskin. He would be very useful during the long mtb journey.
1st – Inject some sort of poison or explosives charges in his bloodstream that will last 24h…
2nd – Drop him on the event with a gps tracker and nothing more. He must capture enemy bikes to complete the task.
3rd – He have to neutralize any bikes in front of my, making me finish the event in first place.
4th – Give antidote and run way very fast from him.
This is too bloody. Perhaps T-1000 from Terminator is better.
He could morph in to “morphing bike”. Forget U-Turn, lock out or pro pedal because it adapts instantaneously to the terrain conditions. Big tyres in a second, small travel in the other second and stuff like that. And smart internal gears too!
T-1000 is awesome! =P
Comment by BikeCopVT | 03.4.2009 | 8:13 am
Fatty,
My first thought was Wolverine, but then again the constant punctures and him healing every time he gets hurt while I slowly get torn apart. Maybe not so good. I’ll go with Captain America; hey he is already dressed to be a national champion.
Win Susan
Elden Won!
LiveStrong!!
Comment by Di | 03.4.2009 | 8:17 am
I’m out of superheroes! I think it’s time I did some brushing up with Cartoon Network. ;-) I’m pretty sure Batman’s cape problem could get fixed. Imagine how he could be on the drops…
Comment by Jenny | 03.4.2009 | 8:17 am
Can’t I just become a superhero?
Comment by Jim | 03.4.2009 | 8:20 am
The problem with Batman is that you’d have to put up with his annoying sidekick Robin, who would always be sucking on Batman’s um… wheel. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Comment by Evan | 03.4.2009 | 8:31 am
I love this question. How about the Blue Beetle, he’s got a great since of humor and his costume has built in goggles.
Comment by Jorgex | 03.4.2009 | 8:31 am
Tandem with Batman and Robin?
Is that allowed?
Comment by MOCougFan | 03.4.2009 | 8:40 am
I’d love to say Dare Devil as well, but I’d get killed or maimed trying to stay with him.
Can’t be wonder woman either. Hate getting beat up a hill by the girls(tho it happens frequently enough).
I’m going with Captain America as well. He looks nice enough to let me hold his wheel. And not drop me when he could.
Comment by Patrick | 03.4.2009 | 8:46 am
I would have to go with The Tick but with the understanding that Arthur would be left behind or would be in the sag vehicle. The Tick would have great stories and would provide and endless entertainment as he tends to do things that most of us would think twice about first.
Comment by snobound | 03.4.2009 | 8:48 am
The only superhero I could ride with right now is the World Champion Hotdog Eater – I didn’t see him on your list…. :)
I’ve awarded you with a lemonade award for your blog! Come to my blog to get the details for what to do next! ~b~
Comment by Baz | 03.4.2009 | 9:14 am
Don’t have a link to the panel to hand, but batman rides a road bike in Batman: Year One (he ‘borrows’ one off a passer by to continue a chase near the end). Fortunately, he’s disguised as a motorcyclist at the time, so his cape didn’t get snagged.
Comment by Jouni | 03.4.2009 | 9:34 am
I agree with Patrick. I’d ride with The Tick: brute force and ignorance ALWAYS prevails.
Spoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!
Comment by The D | 03.4.2009 | 9:43 am
+1 the Tick.
Can you imagine that guy’s slipstream?
Egad, chums… the boots of justice are SPD-compatible! Move aside, Evil-Doers… Make way for the Tick and the Wheelsuckers of Decency.
Definitely want Sewer Urchin in the sag van. Yeah, definitely.
Comment by bo | 03.4.2009 | 9:57 am
I’d ride with the Flash. He already has a skinsuit. He’s used to speed. I could only hope to keep up with him if he were riding a BMX bike, though.
Comment by Tinker | 03.4.2009 | 10:12 am
I’d still ride with Wonderwoman, Just a little slower, and in a commuter mode, not in race mode. (And how do you know that one of her Powers is not to ride in uncomfortable clothes and be fine with it?) InvisiBike? Not a problem, it means I would not have to assist with any repairs. Not going to argue, let me just say two words “Lynda Carter!” Not listening any more, La la la la, sticking my fingers in my ears!
Comment by Kathleen | 03.4.2009 | 10:36 am
I agree with Jenny…wave your magic wand and make us all superheros.
Comment by Andy in WV | 03.4.2009 | 11:35 am
Fatty…are you saying that an invisible bike is a BAD thing? That’s nonsense! When the wedge occurs, you have nothing obstructing your view…mmmmmm Wonder Woman Wedgie!!!
Comment by Scrod | 03.4.2009 | 12:09 pm
I had already made up my mind to say the Tick for the reasons already posted. what does that say about the readers of this blog, when they would rather ride with an oversized simpleton than an intelligent person with possible superpowers?
Besides, doesn’t that already describe the normal Thursday night ride?
“Gravity is a harsh mistress” -Tick
Comment by oilcan racer | 03.4.2009 | 12:11 pm
ha!!
thats easy i would ride with the “riddler”. that way my green lycra outfit with all the question marks on it doesn’t look so out of place.
besides you can get a pysical and mental workout by trying to figure out his riddles while we ride the trails.
here checkout his lunacy:
http://www.break.com/usercontent/2008/7/Top-10-Riddler-Riddles-538762.html
Comment by Fifth Column | 03.4.2009 | 12:45 pm
Ghost Rider, but you’d have to change your tubes all the time…
Comment by Kt | 03.4.2009 | 1:44 pm
Space Ghost.
But Cartoon Planet Space Ghost. Not the serious cartoon Space Ghost.
Or the Tick, I love that guy. I would have a hard time riding because of all the laughing, though!
Hey, maybe Arthur can fly ahead and have the spare water bottles and snackies ready when it’s time for a break?
Or, if it’s Space Ghost, you can have Brak in the sag wagon yelling encouraging things (“I like beans!”)
Comment by Clay | 03.4.2009 | 2:12 pm
Hawkeye
or Beast (because he’s a Clydesdale)
Comment by Elizabeth | 03.4.2009 | 2:27 pm
I’d ride with The Incredible Hulk. He’d be perfectly normal looking with an average build, and would only bulk up and become ferocious if somebody was up to no good. I would have to be worried about being accosted by strangers, cut off by a rude driver, or falling down a steep slope.
Oh…and no cape to hang in the chains/spokes.
Comment by gail | 03.4.2009 | 4:54 pm
Does Scooby-Doo count? He would be good company for me and could comfort me when I realize how stupid I was to think I could ride.
Comment by Hamish A | 03.4.2009 | 5:24 pm
Amazed that there were so many wanting to ride with The Tick! So, +1 – worth it just to yell SPOOOOOOOOOOOOON as I overtake (or more likely) get overtaken on the trail.
Comment by indoorrollypolly | 03.4.2009 | 5:34 pm
the Tick would be a good superhero buuuutt I also think it would be fun to ride with
Spawn, if you broke a chain he could just make you a new one that’s much stronger.
Blade, but his pig sticker would probably get stuck in his spokes.
or Brock Samson from Venture Brothers, he may not be a superhero but he would be a great motivator! and I could laugh at his mullet.
Comment by slowerthensnot | 03.4.2009 | 6:25 pm
Still gonna have to go with wonder woman….
I’m a single dirtbag mtn biker… still prob wouldn’t have a chance :)
2nd choice would be Rick S though
Comment by Evan | 03.4.2009 | 6:55 pm
Everyone loves the Tick, but who would ride with Little Wooden Boy?
Comment by Miles Archer | 03.4.2009 | 7:52 pm
Spooon!
Comment by BamaJim | 03.4.2009 | 9:25 pm
I’m voting for Rocky and Bullwinkle, even though it is still probably cold up in Frostbite Falls. The constant puns would be entertaining on a long ride.
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[...] Cyclist » Blog Archive » Which Superhero Would You Ride With? – Too bad none of the Watchmen superheroes made it into the blog post. Stay to the end for thoughts [...]
Comment by Sara | 03.4.2009 | 11:04 pm
Storm of the X-Men. You know you wouldn’t get stuck in a downpour or strong winds. She does have a cape but I am sure she can control it with her power over the wind.
Comment by Adrian | 03.4.2009 | 11:34 pm
It would be Thing from Fantastic Four… on the other hand, maybe thats because one of my riding mates is big and solid and tends to go through things rather than around them.
As for Wonder woman, everyone who rides on the road already knows that not only is their bike invisible, so are they. SMIDSY.
Comment by Clydesteve | 03.5.2009 | 12:42 am
Sonic the Hedgehog. That guy is faaast!
Or, maybe, Pinkie, of Pinkie & The Brain. I think I could drop him.
Comment by Jake | 03.5.2009 | 2:59 am
I seem to recall that Wally West, the current (?) Flash, can ‘lend speed’ – that is, can gift anyone part of his speed power.
Thus, the best superhero to ride with would be the Flash, because just as you’re really feeling it, you could tap him up for some more speed power and hoon away.
Blimey, that’s probably the geekiest thing I’ve *ever* written…
Comment by jilrubia | 03.5.2009 | 12:47 pm
Haven’t biked in years, but if I did…easy.
The Greatest American Hero. Next to him, I’d look like a pro and also because of his awesome theme song.
“Believe it or not, I’m walkin’ on air. I never thought I could feel so free-eee-eee. Flyin’ away on a wing and a prayer. Who could it be? Believe it or not it’s just me.”
There, unstick THAT from your brain. :~)
Comment by alameda | 03.5.2009 | 2:43 pm
Iceman from the X-men- especially on a hot summer day, on a climb- instant A/C. Also, he could chill your water bottle once it heated up.
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Comment by Aimee | 03.7.2009 | 12:22 am
Hate to say it but your choice of superhero riding buddies is flawed…You do realize its ass face Affleck under that mask don’t you?
Comment by Wandern | 05.2.2010 | 3:15 am
My Hero: Maddrax thats a german bastai Hero, i like the Story !