Purple
Today’s post may be unsafe for work. I’m not sure. Depends on your work, and whether you have someone looking over your shoulder who is very offended by the very thought of certain anatomical realities.
I can safely say, however, that if today’s post had photos, it definitely would be not safe for work. So, a promise from the outset: today’s post will not have photos.
You’re welcome.
With that out of the way, I need to do some disclaiming. Today’s post requires that we acknowledge a part men have that women don’t. Yes, you are correct: today I will, in fact, mention the portion of the male anatomy that is often called a “penis.” Although, to make you more comfortable with this post — I understand some people find the word “penis” offensive and prefer to not ever hear or see the word “penis” at all — I will not use the word “penis” throughout this post. Instead, I will use a codeword for “penis.” The word I will substitute for “penis” throughout this post is “snipe,” which I have chosen because it is an anagram of the word “penis.”
By the way, “pines” is also an anagram of “penis,” but I chose not to use it, because it is plural, which would be confusing. Also, it could be considered unnecessarily metaphorical, not to mention boastful.
So, “snipe” it is. And I’m going to stop putting quotes around the word snipe, because hitting the quote key twice per word so often is a lot of work.
Also, one final disclaimer: I am not just talking about any snipe. I am talking about my snipe. So, if you find you are capable of reading a story about a generic snipe but not about an actual snipe belonging to a beloved, multiple-award-winning cycling blog celebrity, you have two obvious options:
- Stop reading.
- Pretend I’m actually talking about someone else. A fictional someone, even.
You also have an easy third option, which is to read this post and then send me an angry email, saying you simply cannot fathom how I would dare to write about my snipe. But since I am about 1900 email messages in arrears at the present time, your message may not receive the attention it deserves, at least not in a timely manner.
And now, at long last, on to the story.
My Third-Most Painfully Memorable Crash
Among the strange-but-true axioms of mountain biking is this: Slow crashes can be every bit as painful as fast ones. If you’re not moving in the horizontal plane quickly — or at all — your body can take the vertical brunt of your fall in one place.
Thus, while my most painful crash of all — rocketing off the road and down a boulder-strewn embankment — was definitely fast, my second-most painful crash happened at approximately zero miles per hour: I stalled out and fell over sideways while attempting a technical move on Porcupine Rim, and separated my shoulder on impact.
And my third-most painful crash — which is the subject of today’s post and to which I swear I will eventually get around to talking about — was low-speed, as well.
The reason for the crash was quite ordinary, as was the crash itself. Namely, it was an uphill endo.
Specifically, I was climbing Tibble Fork. About a mile and a half up the trail, there is an eight-inch ledge where an exposed root crosses the trail. On its own merits, there’s nothing especially difficult about this ledge. But, since you’ve just done an incredibly difficult 1.5 miles of climbing by the time you get to that ledge, the level of difficulty for cleaning it rises significantly.
Anyway, as I approached the ledge I wheelied to put the front tire over the root and onto the trail beyond.
But not high enough.
My front wheel hit the root solidly, bringing the front of the bike’s momentum to a halt. The front wheel magically became a fulcrum at that moment, levering me up and — partially — over the bike.
I then, naturally, crashed down heavily, landing with my center of gravity — located at that moment at my snipe, alas — on my bike’s stem.
Eventually, I hit the ground. And commenced to writhe. The pain was so overwhelming that I really, honestly, thought I had severed my snipe’s ancillary componentry. I had waves of nausea. I groaned. I expressed interest in dying, right there, just to be done with it.
Looking back, perhaps I should upgrade this crash to second-most painful. I’m pretty sure that, at the moment of impact at least, it hurt worse than separating a shoulder.
After some time — minutes? hours? days? — I found that I no longer wished for death, and found furthermore that I could stand without feeling like I would heave.
And in fact, after verifying that my snipe and all associated hardware were present and — amazingly — intact, I finished the ride.
The Next Day
Aside from some expected soreness, my snipe gave me no special reason to pay attention to it for the rest of the day. And so I did not. Pay it special attention, I mean.
Overnight, however, a change occurred.
The thing is, though, while the change was as startling as it was obvious, it was located in such a place that I could not exactly show it off to strangers in the street. At least, not without legal consequences.
However, there was one person who I knew would appreciate what had happened. And so I called Dug into my office — we both worked in the same building, on the same floor at Novell at the time, and as you may expect accomplished a lot every single day — and said, “You have to see this.”
Then, I made appropriate disclaimers about how what I was about to do should be in no way construed as anything untoward, nor should any undue significance be attributed to said action.
After which I of course showed Dug my snipe.
Which was completely, entirely, and utterly the deepest, darkest purple imaginable.
I had planned to ask Dug whether he thought maybe I should go see a doctor, but I then thought better of it, because Dug was collapsed on the floor, laughing so hard he could not breathe.
To this day, I fear uphill endos more than any other kind of bike crash.
Comment by dug | 11.30.2009 | 12:47 pm
ian smacked his snipe using a tramp board in the backyard recently. in the ensuing melee, he must have used the word “snipe” along with “feels like i have a rabid ferret in my pants” a dozen times.
if that word feels uncomfortable generally, imagine how uncomfortable it feels coming from your 14 year old son.
i wish we had given HIM code words when he was younger. teaching the real words to your kids is overrated.
Comment by BellaCroix | 11.30.2009 | 12:49 pm
When I was younger my friends took me “snipe hunting”… you mean THAT’S what we were looking for in the woods? I’ve have looked more closely if I thought you’d lost your snipe. A snipe is a terrible thing to lose!
Comment by Michael Rhodus | 11.30.2009 | 12:54 pm
You and Dug must be very good friends for you to show him your purple snipe. Everyone should have such a friend. I think.
Comment by MM | 11.30.2009 | 12:58 pm
Brings back memories of my hernia surgery a few years back. 2 nights after surgery, I went to bed as usual. The next morning, I awoke from my painkiller-induced haze and went to make the morning water. The twig AND berries had turned dark purple/almost black overnight! Horrifying!!!!
Comment by Road Divit | 11.30.2009 | 1:01 pm
Worst crash – Instructions: Up the hill, down the hill, over the ramp. Repeat until the street lights come on.
No where in those instructions does it say “Front tire come off. Crash. Mesh up the side of your face. Do not repeat.”
Mom was more mad because school pictures were the next day. I smiled big. Mom didn’t order pictures that year.
Comment by Jim | 11.30.2009 | 1:03 pm
Wow. I hate whacking my snipe on the stem. It really hurts.
But not as much as when I jumped onto my bike, catching my scum rot on the back of my saddle during a recent ‘cross race.
Comment by Jennie | 11.30.2009 | 1:13 pm
OK, haven’t read today’s entry will totally go back and do so but just had to post since my friend finally sent me pics of his mo I just now joined the movember team fatty with his Mo …I’m in time right? just under the wire? Anyway, everyone can donate here (I hope): http://us.movember.com/mospace/512277 (and/or laugh at my friend’s progress pics)
off now to try to convince people to donate in the last hour… back later to actually read
Comment by sam | 11.30.2009 | 1:17 pm
ooh ouch ouch – even as one without a snipe I find myself crossing my legs and wincing in deepest sympathy.
Comment by Kimberley | 11.30.2009 | 1:17 pm
Makes me glad I am snipeless!
Comment by tim | 11.30.2009 | 1:18 pm
eugh, I can feel the pain…..
reminding me of a recent snipe (minus the e) problem.
That went purple too.
And I didn’t cycle for ten days….
Comment by Larry | 11.30.2009 | 1:22 pm
I crashed once where I flew off my bike and landed on a downed tree. A branch from said tree impaled my snipe. When we regrouped I had to show my snipe to the doctor in our group (he is a veterinarian). He had the same reaction as Dug.
Comment by James | 11.30.2009 | 1:23 pm
You’ve been saving that one, haven’t you?
As someone once told me, regarding injuries in the snipal area: “The bad news is, the swelling goes away.”
Comment by Nick | 11.30.2009 | 1:25 pm
I’m sure discoloration is bad, but in addition to being purple, after my hernia surgery a few years ago, my snipe and one of his friends (the asymmetry made it all the more noticeable) were significantly swollen for almost a week
Comment by bikemike | 11.30.2009 | 1:28 pm
i will now proceed to dug’s blog to see pictures of a purple snipe.
Comment by cece at work | 11.30.2009 | 1:34 pm
OMG! I am eating my lunch and trying not to choak…laughing my head off….did Larry say “vegetarian?” veterinarian?” This is killing me! I am reading and laughing so hard the words are getting blurry! LOL!
Cece
Comment by JoeDell | 11.30.2009 | 1:42 pm
wow, I came on here today to see some MO-stashes … and what story did I get instead … purple snipe. lolz… good luck with that
Comment by Weiland | 11.30.2009 | 1:43 pm
Now I’m afraid to go over to Dug’s blog in fear that the a forementioned picture that doesn’t appear here will someday show up on Dug’s blog.
The worse snipe crash/wracking I’ve seen was in high school, playing hockey. Before the game we were warming up, firing pucks at the goalie one after another from the blue line. I fire off my shot when a freshman goes skating infront of my shot. The puck is elevating at a trajectory that goes between his legs and targets his frank and beans. He got the double wammy as it not only hit his beans from the backside but the jolt sent them banging against his protective cup. He was carried off the ice, he never returned to ice hockey again. It was a 1 in a million shot as normally it would just hit you in the backside and no real harm, but on that fateful day he was Mr. Million.
Comment by The Lone Roller | 11.30.2009 | 1:45 pm
My son, about 10 at the time, was rather into skateboarding. He did a kick flip, but the skateboard landed on its tail sticking straight up. His 10 year old legs were not long enough to straddle the ‘erect’ skateboard adequately and thus he landed on the end of the board with the brunt of the impact directly on we’ll call it his snipe sack. Said snipe sack split wide open. When this injury was disclosed to me by my wife telling me it required my attention, I, as you did, became nauseous and moaned and groaned and wished death for myself even though it wasn’t even my snipe sack. Thankfully, there have been no long term side affects of this, other than the utter horror experienced when seeing a kick flip
Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 11.30.2009 | 1:51 pm
Oh my gosh! How freaked out must you have been upon discovery of such a hue! I hope it gets better quickly!
Hitting a top tube hurts as a woman. I can only imagine how it feels for a man. Youch!
Comment by Powerful Pete | 11.30.2009 | 1:53 pm
Wow. I bow to your genius. As a budding blogger, I wonder what to write about, how to sound witty and all that.
Maybe it’s my Southern European upbringing. But I would never describe snipe injuries (especially my own snipe injuries) in such awesome detail.
And to then admit to showing off your black and blue snipe…
I am in awe. You sir, are a blogging snipe (or snipe blogging?) genius.
Bravo.
Comment by Gillian | 11.30.2009 | 1:57 pm
I’m a chick, but I did this the other day and turned my, er, “delores” purple. GAWD in freaking heaven did that hurt. Ouch ouch man alive ouch. I can only imagine what it would do to the snipe on a man.
Comment by Jeff | 11.30.2009 | 1:58 pm
I doubled over in my chair when I read that. Partly from empathy, but mostly (I’m afraid) from laughter.
I am going to have some explaining to do when I burst out laughing the next time I hear the word “snipe”, I know that for sure.
Comment by bobbie | 11.30.2009 | 2:00 pm
Thank you for my morning big belly laugh!!!
Comment by MattC | 11.30.2009 | 2:02 pm
I’m not sure why we laugh at other peoples pain…but Fatty…so very sorry to say, but I’m ROLLING with laughter reading todays post! I can’t stop snickering either…people are wondering whats wrong with me even! Snipe smacking is surely a NOT very popular sport. Any guy who’s not had a snipe smack situation please raise your hand. Hmmmm…not very many. Maybe thats why it’s so funny…misery loves company. Hopefully your snipe doesn’t require any medical attention. My last smak-down eventually required an MRI and then a trip to the urologist, where it turns out they have a snipe-cam that peers into the deep dark recesses of what SHOULD be forbidden territory. Scary stuff my friend.
Comment by Clydesteve | 11.30.2009 | 2:23 pm
Listen, I am 1/2-way through converting my 30-year old road bike into a CX bike.
Now I will never take it up the slick clay road behind the house for fear of snipe involved injury.
I’l probably never even finish the project.
Not ot be sniping, but Thanks!, Fatty.
Comment by Dan O | 11.30.2009 | 2:36 pm
uphill endo’s are the worst you are almost guaranteed to hit your snipe. I did one on the slickrock trail in Moab a few years ago. My buddy asked me “how in the hell did you go over your bars going UPHILL?”
Comment by Thom P. | 11.30.2009 | 2:39 pm
The “snipe shot” can be scary. At least with a classic nut shot you know that, eventually, the pain will subside and normal pain-free life will follow. Perhaps after the vomitting.
That being said…
once, on a ride with my buddy Bob, he took a hit so hard in the netherlands that he, after writhing on the ground for an insane amount of time moaning, got up and tucked his pants into his socks. “What the hell are you doing Bob?” I inquired. “I just don’t want anything to fall out on the ride home.”
Comment by Jim B | 11.30.2009 | 2:40 pm
Phew. For a second there Fatty, I thought you were going to brag that you got a purple snipe when it got caught in the chain.
If that had happened I would have asked if you are now more, er, circumspect.
Comment by Philly Jen | 11.30.2009 | 2:40 pm
People of the Interwebs:
My extremely purple bike encourages you all to join us when the gates go up tomorrow on Team Fatty 2010.
Come to Philly! Yes, the other co-captains have snipes, but I have longer hair. Than all of them. Combined.
Comment by Jenni | 11.30.2009 | 2:49 pm
I knew it. As soon as I saw the title, “Purple” I just knew it.
Ow ow ow.
I can’t unread it.
Comment by Kristina | 11.30.2009 | 2:57 pm
Thank you for the giggle. The mental image of you showing your coworker your junk has me giggling uncontrollably. I think a Special Edition Purple Snipe Team Fatty jersey is in order now. I’ll order one, in appreciation of All Snipes Wounded In Combat.
Comment by joe blow | 11.30.2009 | 3:02 pm
Rare to hurt the snipe and note the, um, “settes”.
Comment by Lowrydr | 11.30.2009 | 3:08 pm
WOW, thanks for that mental image, now everytime I hear “Snipe” I’m gonna cringe in mental crotchtal pain.
And I’ll never try to get the freshmen to hunt for “Snipe” on the golf course again, it’s now just to gay.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
And maybe try a cup next time.
Comment by Marla Gnarla | 11.30.2009 | 3:11 pm
Oh how I feel lucky to not have a snipe! Maybe you can contact Lizard Skins and ask them to reissue the Ball Frog as a SNipe Frog?
I second the special edition Fatty jersey in purple!
Comment by eric | 11.30.2009 | 3:16 pm
I too have had snipe to stem impact. I would rank it as my most painful mountain biking experience, and I did not have any color change. I cannot imagine how bad your impact was.
Comment by Kathleen@ForgingAhead | 11.30.2009 | 3:26 pm
Ouch!
Comment by KanyonKris | 11.30.2009 | 3:41 pm
Elden, excellent crash/injury story.
And thanks to all sharing their own stories.
If you’re wondering what an uphill endo looks like, I believe this video of me should be instructive:
http://kanyonkris.blogspot.com/2009/09/my-best-recorded-crash.html
Comment by Linda | 11.30.2009 | 3:56 pm
We have a Snipe Road in my town. That road will now be changed in my mind forever. A road full of snipes? If I see any purple cars on that street I will know you were there.
Comment by bubba seadog | 11.30.2009 | 3:57 pm
every male on here has had a snipe injury at one time or another but that one takes the purple icing. remember rice. rest ice compression and last but not least the big e. elevation ….do these three things and your snipe should smile again.
Comment by Dave Mull | 11.30.2009 | 4:08 pm
That is quite possibly the funniest things I have ever read!!!
Comment by Bike Rog | 11.30.2009 | 4:26 pm
You’ve just given a whole new meaning to the term “snipe hunting,” and made me recall the uncomfortable feeling I had the weekend following a Friday vasectomy … but above all, thanks so much for NOT including photos. That would be too much information, surely.
Comment by Erik | 11.30.2009 | 4:46 pm
THREAD HIJACK ALERT!
This comment has nothing to do with how painfully funny I find the condition of Fatty’s Family Jewels, nor any self-admission of the numerous times I have duplicated such a feat. Rather:
I CHALLENGE ALL FATTY’S AND WANNA-BE FATTY’S: I will be the first to register for Team Fatty 2010 Austin tonight at 12:00:01am CST. Who thinks they can beat me? How many people can we get registered in the first 12 hours?
Thanks to Philly Jen for heavily recruiting me to TF10 in Austin.
Looking for any Colorado Fatty’s. My wife says I need riding partners. I think it’s so she doesn’t have to come get me when I double-flat 75 miles out of Denver and I’m closer to Kansas than Colorado.
Why doesn’t Fatty have a Forum?
Comment by Gordon In Melb, Australia | 11.30.2009 | 4:48 pm
A friend of mine who was a bicycle courier had a similar incident when he tore the the bag that covers the twins (I think 3 stitches). The doctors report simply stated “Ouch” and suggested his employer allow him some time off work.
Comment by JB | 11.30.2009 | 5:16 pm
Longtime reader, i listened to you interview on the Bicycling Magazine podcast. During the interview you mentioned a forthcoming partnership with a bratwurst/sausage company. Please telle they are not planning to market a purple Snipe sausage.
Comment by Bryan (not that one) | 11.30.2009 | 5:48 pm
bubba seadog, how do you elevate a snipe? Never mind, forget that I asked that.
Comment by AngieG | 11.30.2009 | 6:04 pm
FC and FOF’s- I can’t recall laughing this hard in a very long time. I have boundless empathy for those who have experienced snipe to bike contact. It is unfortunate the swelling doesn’t stay around longer.
MattC- I have three letters for you TMI!! At first I thought you were going to blame the dent in your top tube on a snipe to tube contact. :-)
I also agree we need a purple Fatty snipe jersey. The Twin Six boys should have a field day with that.
Philly Jen- You Rock!!! Miss Ya Sista
Comment by sarah | 11.30.2009 | 6:09 pm
wow. thank you for your frank discussion of snipes and related issues. i didn’t realize that laughing and cringing were such a natural combination.
Comment by Scrod | 11.30.2009 | 6:09 pm
I could show you Bryan, but you’d have to buy me a drink first.
Comment by Joel P. | 11.30.2009 | 6:12 pm
Could you please clearify again what “snipe” is an anagram for. I don’t think you stressed it enough in the beginning of your blog. All I can say is OUCH!!!
Joel P.
P.S. Purple is now and forever shall be no longer one of my favorite colors.
Comment by Heidi | 11.30.2009 | 6:19 pm
Perhaps purple is the new black? Though it doesn’t rhyme as well. (Once you’ve had black…)
Comment by jill | 11.30.2009 | 6:46 pm
Although I’m sure it pales in comparison, this kind of bike-body contact hurts for women, too. I was riding downhill on a snowy slope in spring conditions when the front wheel suddenly plummeted down a posthole and I rocketed forward, taking the full brunt of the impact right between the legs. I too recall waves of nausea, but not so far as wishing to be dispatched quickly. Still, I feel your pain, even as I laugh along with everyone else.
Comment by Tommy F | 11.30.2009 | 7:04 pm
I see an emerging market for biking shorts with kevlar front panels…
Comment by rokrider | 11.30.2009 | 7:37 pm
I think it would be a stunning addition to your next jersey design.
Comment by Swanny | 11.30.2009 | 8:54 pm
Tomorrow blog will be titled….”My Snipes Mo.”
Comment by NoTrail | 11.30.2009 | 9:02 pm
Having done something similar before (sans the sharing of my snipe with my co-workers), I would be in favor of a Fat Cyclist jersey in purple. :)
Comment by Steve | 11.30.2009 | 9:16 pm
Me ‘n Bubba used to hunt snipes out back of our shack, in the woods down in the holler near Greasy Nose Creek, but we never saw no purple ones…
Bubba
Comment by scoty in salida | 11.30.2009 | 9:22 pm
Start watching at 24:20
http://www.hulu.com/watch/107556/family-guy-presents-seth-and-alexs-almost-live-comedy-show
Comment by justrun | 11.30.2009 | 9:37 pm
For something I don’t have, that sure seems like the most awful thing ever. Wait, not thing. Occurrence. Yeah, occurrence.
Comment by MikeL | 11.30.2009 | 10:17 pm
I can so appreciate this post. This takes me back to’92 whenI was still doing endurance horse racing. I had just taken steps to ensure no more “accidents” after finding out my wife was expecting again. I needed to get a long training ride in a day or two after the procedure. No problem thought I seeing as could stand in the stirrups. On a long uphill my faithful steed decided to shy at a branch on the ground thereby throwing me onto the horn of the saddle. Bad words words and nasty names came forth. By time we returned home things wre quite “enlarged” and had taken a very deep purple and lavendar hue. I ended up missing several weeks because of it. To this day I can not ride that hill without a certain pucker factor.
My sympathies.
Comment by Dan O | 11.30.2009 | 10:59 pm
Ouch. Painfully funny post.
I’ve also done the near zero mph shoulder separation – ‘cept mine was while assisting during a mountain bike class. Luckily, the other instructors lead the students away, before they saw the result of my spectacular “Laugh In” style fall.
So far, no “snipe” injuries for me – knock on, uh – wood. Sure, a few hard knocks to the “beans”, but “Mr. Frank” remains intact and injury free.
Comment by Jv | 11.30.2009 | 11:06 pm
I had the snip snip scheduled for we’d morning. Maybe I should reconsider. If they charge a last minute cancelation fee I am sending the bill your way snipey
Comment by Sasha | 11.30.2009 | 11:29 pm
Oh Fatty – that is hilarious! I’m so glad I didn’t read this at work as I work in a cubicle and I would have been howling with laughter and trying to explain what a “snipe” is and why I think that is funny, etc. :) Thanks for the smile! And the laughs!
Comment by buckythedonkey | 12.1.2009 | 2:16 am
You know you have great mates when you share your most painful secrets with them, and they laugh. :-D
Comment by Tiff | 12.1.2009 | 4:31 am
I’m so glad I’m not at work, but it’s almost as bad being at home . . . my kids keep asking me “What is so funny mum?”. Just when I catch my breath I start chuckling all over again.
BTW I’m sorry about your snipe (& that word will now always cause me to laugh inappropriately). At least you have evidence to show for the horrific pain you endured.
Comment by Leslie | 12.1.2009 | 4:59 am
I want to express some empathy for your pain, but like Dug I can only laugh.
I can’t bring myself to say, “I hope your snipe feels better,” either.
Sorry…no empathy for your pain today, but thanks for the laugh. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. Leslie
Comment by aspiringcyclist | 12.1.2009 | 6:28 am
Um… wow. Can’t believe you had the balls (pun intended) to invite the internet to envision your purple snipe. As a female, I can relate to almost nothing in this post. And yet, it was quite the entertaining read. I laughed, cried, winced, and, finally, when there was nothing else to do…. commented.
Comment by tink | 12.1.2009 | 7:02 am
….hmmm I was hoping for a picture ;)
Comment by Bantam Paul | 12.1.2009 | 7:06 am
Fatty – 20+ years ago I had the same problem following a fall – YOU MUST GO TO THE DOCTORS – I didnt and to this day still have an issue with my snipe. It did cause one helll of a lot of hilarity in the office though!!!
Comment by Den | 12.1.2009 | 7:32 am
Ahh, Elden, thanks for the good laugh.
@Gillian – I’m still trying to figure out the anagram for “delores”… I’m pretty sure it isn’t “eel rods”.
Hmmm…
Comment by anon | 12.1.2009 | 7:33 am
I’ve never managed to injure my snipe in such a manner, but a couple of years ago I had a prostate biopsy with equally notable results. The procedure involves an ultrasonic probe and spring-loaded needle inserted where the doctor’s finger normally goes. After a dozen surprises with said needle, I get the information that I may see some blood for the next several days. Have slightly reddish urine wasn’t so bad, but other emissions being emitted a dark reddish-brown was truly disturbing.
And yes, a grade 4 AC separation IS truly highly ranked on the pain scale.
Comment by Paul H | 12.1.2009 | 7:35 am
I’ve felt that pain, Seen those hues, and felt the need to share the views…
About two months prior I had taken 13 stitches below my elbow due to an endo. This time I was determined not to go over. Instead I hung way back off the seat going slowly down the hill, and when I hit the rock with my front wheel, I was forced violently upon the backside of my seat, sliding up and over it, draging my snipe and berries (blue berries) with me. I did not endo!
I took no pictures, and didn’t share the view, although the coloring was spectacular.
No permanent damage.
Comment by Bill | 12.1.2009 | 7:37 am
Awesome – just plain old awesome.
Glad it was your snipe and not mine!
Thanks for the morning laugh!
Comment by Dave | 12.1.2009 | 8:45 am
Fatty – As Michael R. noted way up top, the fact that you could show Dug your snipe must mean that he is a great friend. Tha fact that he then fell over laughing indicates that he is also a very, very cruel man.
Someday I will tell the story of my street luge accident.
Comment by Big Shorty | 12.1.2009 | 9:14 am
My wife has my snipe in her purse to prevent incidents such as this.
Comment by Claire | 12.1.2009 | 9:26 am
Oh god can’t breathe too funny…sorry I should not laugh at your pain. I am assuming your snipe recovered fully and therefore I feel slightly less evil for my laughter.
Comment by Mt. Wannahaukalugi | 12.1.2009 | 9:48 am
@Den (Re: Gillian) — it’s from Seinfeld, where Jerry forgets the name of the girl that he’s dating, only that her name rhymes with a part of the female anatomy…
Fatty, I feel your pain.
Comment by Charisa | 12.1.2009 | 12:50 pm
This post should probably go up on your best post list along with the Open Letter to Assos!
Comment by centurion | 12.1.2009 | 2:31 pm
First, you the first I’ve ever heard about doing an uphill endo, congrats.
Second, holy crap, a completly purple snipe, and you ask if you should go see a doctor. HELL YES you should go see a doctor if any extremity is all purple.
Third, doctors need a laugh now and then too.
Fourth, I would have shown everybody I knew, and some I didn’t. How often do you see a purple snipe.
Comment by Laura H. | 12.1.2009 | 3:21 pm
HAHAHA…sorry to hear about your purple penis. You can take comfort in that purple is the “it” color this winter. :)
Comment by Sara | 12.1.2009 | 4:19 pm
I’m just curious to know how many hits Dug received on his blog today. hee, hee
Comment by gumoore | 12.1.2009 | 8:22 pm
OMG, I just peed myself laughing.
First thought: glad I don’t have a snipe.
Second thought: it’s so nice you have such a good friend, all disclaimers aside, to show your snipe to.
LMAO
Comment by Doug Gage | 12.1.2009 | 9:17 pm
I have a friend who managed to crush one of the twins on the crossbar this year. It swelled up to the size of a potato and after two weeks the doctors had to remove it. They said it was completely pulverized. He pulled out of the pedal while going up a steep hill.
Comment by Beast Mom | 12.1.2009 | 11:43 pm
You know, oddly, I’m not cringing at all.
Comment by McDicDoc | 12.1.2009 | 11:48 pm
Dude – It just so happens that a urologist is reading your blog. My condolences on the recent snipe trauma. It would be very rare to do much damage to the snipe in this situation. A common problem would have occured if you had your impact focused below the snipe sack, AKA the taint. In this area you can actually disrupt or damage the urethra. If your impact was actually on the snipe itself, then the odds are in your favor. That being said, snipes do not turn purple for no reason. You should have this checked out by an MD. If we are talking minor bruising, no worries. An eggplant looking snipe is a different story. This would be akin to an injury in which the snipe is fractured, which really only happens when the snipe is excited. Other things to watch out for would be bleeding from the urethra or actually having blood in the urine. Go to the doctor, my friend. A snipe is a terrible thing to waste.
Comment by Eber | 12.2.2009 | 7:21 am
Wow. I will now feel much more uncomfortable the next time I am together with you and Dug. Usually we all wait for the next thing to come out your mouths, now we have to worry what’s gonna come out your pants.
I was wincing by proxy reading your story. Right up to the point McDicDoc commented about fractured snipes. Oh lordy.
Comment by Den | 12.2.2009 | 9:07 am
@Mt. Wannahaukalugi & @Gillian,
My bad…I can’t believe that I missed a Seinfeld reference! Apologies to everyone!
I still thought “eel rods” was funny though…
Comment by Crowbar | 12.2.2009 | 10:25 am
Perhaps Team Fatty should consider changing its name to Team Purple Snipe? Might attract some (albeit terrifying) new sponsors…
Comment by Pat in Oak Ridge | 12.2.2009 | 12:05 pm
I’m sorry, but that is so funny!!! I wish you had a pic of the purple snipe. Either way, you have made my day. Thanks!!!
Comment by Jim Miller | 12.2.2009 | 11:06 pm
Happened to me twice in high school. Both times were the result of being injured during wrestling practice. The first time really freaked me out. Had to ask my dad if anything was wrong. Amazingly we never went to the doctor and I was fine . By the second time I just brushed it off and went on with my life….amazingly I never felt it happen either time….just all of a sudden I had a purple “snipe” area
Comment by a chris | 12.3.2009 | 7:08 am
@Fatty: you make me laugh and cry, often at the same time.
@Pat in Oak Ridge: something makes me think maybe he does have a pic of the purple snipe. He’s just too classy to share it with us here.
@Lots of other people: thanks to your generosity in sharing your experiences, I am enlightened and nauseated and slightly better prepared for the care of any future sons.
Comment by Cathy | 12.9.2009 | 7:13 am
Sorry about your snipe. I hope it heals in time for the holidays. Love your blog. It’s what my blog aspires to be.
Comment by Dr. Randal Mandos | 12.9.2009 | 8:36 am
Beyond the spurts of sympathy, I extend my heart-felt thanks to those who have taken up my worthy cause of demystifying medical terminology in hopes of eliminating the human body as a source of shame and embarassment once and for all. “…er, Dolores…” is a particularly beautiful example of the dizzying heights of purple prose genital pain and mutilation can inspire. Keep up the good work. Alas, my own modest contributions to the field are limited to spontaneously re-naming the defacatory process as “fecal-ation,” but that is another story.
In for San Jose century!
Comment by mcapsu | 12.9.2009 | 9:58 am
This reminds me of when my childhood friend and I had built a ramp for our bmx bikes at 11 yrs old… we were jumping it… he went off and his snipe sack landed on the rear wheel… slamming him into the frame! He immediately fell to the ground writhing in pain – then looked at it… it was bleeding.. his sister sat by laughing. I was doubled over from just witnessing the horrific chain of events. Luckily we were kids and healed quickly.
Sounds like one of these could have saved you….
http://lizardskins.com/products/view_product.html?type=mountain&product_line=accessories&product_id=20&name=Ball%20Frog&name2=&page_number=2&page_number=2
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