The Marathon Chronicles, Part I
A Reminder-Style Note from Fatty: I need your help in my ongoing quest to be a perpetually award-winning blogger. So please do me a favor and nominate me for a 2010 Bloggie, in the “Best Sports Weblog” category. Details on what you need to do — as well as suggestions for other blogs you might want to nominate (cuz you have to nominate at least three blogs (not necessarily in the same category, though) — are in my post from Friday. Today and tomorrow are the last days you have to nominate me, so please don’t delay in facilitating my admittedly pathetic obsession. Thank you.
In less than a month, I’m going to be running a marathon. No, waitasec, “running” is not an accurately descriptive word, because I know I won’t be running the whole time. Maybe I should say I’m “performing” a marathon? Executing? Attempting?
Doing?
Regardless of the description, On February 6th, for the second time in my life, I will be trying to do the Death Valley Trail Marathon (a writeup of my first time is here).
Which means I kinda need to get serious about this whole running thing in a very short period of time.
General Observations on Running
A long time ago I wrote a post about how I’d never take up running again. Which just goes to show that you should never believe anything you read on the Internet.
The truth is, cyclists and runners should understand each other better than any other two kinds of athletes. Consider:
- Both sports require you to earn your legs over a period of several years
- Both sports let you start from home and go
- Both sports encourage you to wear a lot of brightly colored, reflective polyester
- Both sports let you see stuff and go somewhere
- Both sports require dedication, but can be extremely satisfying, eventually reward you with a zenlike state as you ride / run
- Both sports are likely to get you honked at by people in trucks who have just been forced to veer slightly and go around you, thereby making them very, very angry
And you know what? I really seriously believe it: cyclists and runners generally understand what the other guy is doing and why.
But none of that helps me right now, because I’ve got a problem, which was brought on by the following sequence of events:
- About two months ago, The Runner and I signed up for the Death Valley Trail Marathon.
- Concurrent to this signup, I began trail running with aplomb.
- About six weeks ago, I started really enjoying trail running and abruptly upped my mileage, going from five-mile runs to nine-mile runs.
- I immediately messed up my right knee and left achilles tendon.
- I could not run at all — and in fact only barely hobbled along when walking — for several weeks.
- At about the beginning of the year, I began running again. Just a few miles.
So. To recap, I just started running. A month before the marathon I’ll be doing.
That’s OK, though, I’m sure I’ll be fine. I just won’t have much of a “taper” period before the marathon.
How to Fool Yourself
As part of my crash course in preparing for a marathon, I am running four times per week. Mondays, I run six miles. Wednesdays, I run eight. Friday, I run four. Then I do a long run on Sundays. With the “long run” getting a couple miles longer each week.
Yesterday, for example, I ran thirteen.
OK, “run” may once again not be a perfectly accurate word.
I will explain.
The Runner and I planned a thirteen-mile out-and-back run: start at home, go 6.5 miles and turn around. I have to say: out-and-back courses are an excellent tactic for running: you feel fine during the first half of the run. You get to fool yourself: “Oh, I’m just going for a 6.5-mile run right now.”
And then when you turn around, well, you’ve got no choice. You’ve got to get home. Because when you get home, you get to lay down. Which can be an incredibly strong draw.
And I must say, I was going pretty strong for the first half of the run — there was a few miles of relatively flat running, followed by about a thousand feet of climbing in three miles. And running uphill is definitely my strong suit — I was able to even sorta kinda stay caught up with The Runner.
Problems, In Ascending Order of Severity
Once we turned around, though, problems began to occur. And for whatever reason, these problems increased in severity.
First, my gassiness increased a thousandfold. I think it’s all the jostling. And the thing is, when I run, there’s no getting around the farts. They’re coming out. Furthermore, they’re coming out loudly. And still even furthermore, they’re coming out in rhythm to my footfalls. Frrrp-FRAP-frrp-FRAP-frrrrp.
The Runner tells me that there are clearly-stated rules of runners’ etiquette mandating that I drop behind her whenever I’m going to fart. I don’t know if there really is such a rule, but I don’t think our relationship is at such a point where I ought to challenge her on that.
So I just run behind her all the time. It’s the safest thing to do.
The second thing that happened on yesterday’s run was that I was caught in a conundrum: I was hurting, I wanted to slow down, I wanted to whine, and I still wanted to appear tough. But that’s a real problem: the “being tough even though you’re hurting” thing is mutually exclusive with the “wanting to whine and slow down” thing.
I came up with an ingenious compromise, though, one which let me have my Cake of Pain and Pity, and eat it too: Grunts of Pain. Every few minutes — I would time them — I would emit a short “ugf” sound, and then not comment on it.
The Runner — dutifully — would ask, “What’s up?”
“Oh, you know. Nothing,” I would answer, in a terse, manly staccato, letting my my pain and resilience be the subtext of the message.
“OK, good,” the Runner would reply, not slowing down at all, and definitely not calling me a brave soldier. Which means I clearly need to help her understand subtext and the meaning of staccato pronouncements sometime before the day of the marathon.
Third, I got cold. This manifested itself in the following ways:
- Nasal pendulum: Sweat mingled with snot coming out of my nose, and dripping off the tip. This viscous nastiness would hang off my nose and swing back and forth in time to my running. If I swung my head little, I could get it to do a loop-the-loop. Sadly, The Runner never saw this, because I was running behind her and farting at the time. Which makes me think: I’m quite a catch, aren’t I?
- Slurred speech: As the run went on, the sun went down and it got cold outside. Before long, I could feel a slowness in the way my face and lips moved, especially my cheeks. Then my speech became sluggish-sounding and slurry. It occurred to me that I was probably hypothermic and should probably be on the lookout for dangerous thoughts such as, “I think I’ll lay down in the snow, just for a minute. It looks warm and soft.”
- Giddiness: I said to The Runner — in a slurred voice, natch — “I think I’m going to go lay down in the snow for a minute. It looks warm and soft.” And then I started giggling uncontrollably at my joke, even as I realized it wasn’t that funny of a joke. “Hm,” I thought to myself, “I believe that my mind has been affected by the cold.” This made me laugh even harder.
Fourth, I ran out of gas. This was a weird and revealing experience for me. When on a bike, I can pretty much always stay on the bike. Even if I bonk, I can still turn the cranks. But around mile ten, I had to walk for a while. I simply didn’t have the power to continue running. “Sorry,” I said to The Runner. “I suck.”
“That’s OK,” she replied. But you know, it’s not all that comforting to be told that it’s OK that you suck. Which I did not tell The Runner, because I was preoccupied with how inviting a nearby snowdrift looked.
In a minute (or three), we started running again. After a mile or so, I had to stop again. This time I didn’t even say anything when I slowed to a walk, because I kind of hoped she would just keep going, seeing as how she was running easily and comfortably.
It was then that it occurred to me: the places that I was having a really hard time with were the flat sections. When running uphill, I’m still at least sorta using my cycling legs. When running downhill, gravity is my friend. But flats — those are not easy for a non-runner. Flats are where you find out that you have not yet developed a good stride or running cadence.
Plus, there’s the cyclist’s mindset — an expectation of how fast ground should be covered. On the flats, cyclists can just haul, especially if you’ve got gears. Distances disappear quickly and easily when you’re riding on flat ground. When running, though, flats take time and energy, and you’re only incrementally faster than when you’re running uphill.
In other words, the flat sections got into my head.
Afterward
Eventually, we made it home. And while subjectively it seemed like I had been out forever, really it had just been a couple hours.
And that’s maybe the single biggest difference between running and riding: how long it takes for something to feel epic. On a bike, two hours is nothing for me. I can go hard for two hours and still be fine when I finish. Have a normal day.
Two hours of running, on the other hand, left me completely blown. I was exhausted for the whole evening, went to bed early, and slept hard the whole night.
And today…well, I can make it up a flight of stairs, but I do have to plan for extra time to do so.
So now I’m considering that in under three weeks I’m supposed to run twice as far as I did yesterday.
Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem. At all.
Comment by mateo | 01.11.2010 | 1:32 pm
The price of fallin in love with a runner is a slow, arduous death run? Following girl cyclists is a lot more fun…
Comment by MattC | 01.11.2010 | 1:40 pm
You have reminded me why I will NEVER be a runner…thanks! It just sounds SO dang awesome (NOT!) Gosh Fatty…couldn’t you have fallen for someone with a slightly less…um, er…FUN hobby? Like a Bank Robber or something??
Good luck…I’m sure after your intense training and then the full marathon that your knees will regain some tiny amount of function after a few months. But hey…who needs knees…they are overrated.
Comment by bikemike | 01.11.2010 | 1:57 pm
to the pain.
Comment by Mike Robson | 01.11.2010 | 1:57 pm
I tried to run the ING marathon here in atlanta a few years ago. Broke my foot in training. There is a big difference between a half marathon and a a full. Always remember the 1st guy to run a marathon died when he finished.
Comment by VA Biker | 01.11.2010 | 1:59 pm
Elden,
Interestingly, I’m sort of doing the same thing, though I’m not quite as ambitious. I am a cyclist planning to a half-marathon run in late Feb. I’m still doing the 10% increase in “long distance run” mileage per week.
I am doing this because, unlike you, I’ve never managed an event run past 10k. So, it’s a test to see if I can get that far, plus doing weight-bearing exercise for my would-be weak cyclist’s bones.
My path to stress/relatively pain-free running has been to… stay off the bike totally. That element of training has been far harder than running, but it’s been great to be injury-free!
Comment by AndreW | 01.11.2010 | 1:59 pm
The bonking probably comes from so much (and such frequent) running; your body is probably having a hard time re-stocking (imagine you’re going out each day with a tank that is only half-full – it takes more than a day or two off to restock past the half-way mark). Your long run (and everyday run) paces might also be contributing to this phenomenon. Many folks run their everyday runs, and their long runs, too fast.
Most of your reaction to 13 miles is normal, but think again what 26 will be like if you haven’t had a chance to either do (or recover properly from) anything approaching 26 miles. Most training programs limit the longest long run to 20, but none would try to shoehorn that in your timetable.
I’d question shooting for that marathon on such a compressed training schedule.
***
The gas issue, on the other hand, has a simple solution: just yell “ducks on the trail” each time – it’s your get-out-of-jail free card. ;)
Comment by geraldatwork | 01.11.2010 | 2:00 pm
I can do a century, although slowly but for whatever reason I can’t even run a mile. Now that I had a total hip replacement I have an excuse not to even think about it.
Comment by dug | 01.11.2010 | 2:06 pm
you run with a plomb? is it heavy? does it swing around and knock into you, like when you run with car keys in your pocket?
Comment by Jeff | 01.11.2010 | 2:07 pm
Welcome to the dark side…
Comment by Laura | 01.11.2010 | 2:08 pm
The East Bay Marathon team (SF Bay Area Team in Training) has two rules: the first is “No Wimps”, which you obviously get. The second is “Never let ego overrule good judgement”, which you may have to work on :)
On the other hand, there doesn’t appear to be much flat in that marathon, so you may be okay. The last 14 miles are downhill, and you’ve got the quads for that. I would advise maybe 15-16 miles the weekend of the 16th, 18 the next weekend, and then taper after that. It’s gonna hurt, more than likely, but it’s do-able.
Comment by sandy | 01.11.2010 | 2:10 pm
Come on Elden, If Oprah can do it so can you!
Comment by stevez | 01.11.2010 | 2:10 pm
Take luck. I too have a GIR (girl induced running) problem.
Comment by Happy to be Cyclist and Not a Runner | 01.11.2010 | 2:11 pm
Yep, that about covers all the reasons I hate running (other than when playing tag with my kids).
Comment by David Hendry | 01.11.2010 | 2:12 pm
Pain. slurred speech, disoriented thoughts. I think you weren’t hypothermic. I think you were having a stroke. This is common for anyone who gives up the beauty and fun of a bike for the pain and grinding of running. Do not do this it is very very bad for you.
Comment by Happy to be a Cyclist and Not a Runner | 01.11.2010 | 2:12 pm
a* Cyclist, doh
Comment by eric | 01.11.2010 | 2:14 pm
I too am a FAT CYCLIST (6′5″ & 250lb) that ran a marathon. May I suggest something called an Aqua Jogger. It is a foam flotation device that keeps your body suspended chest deep in a pool. I used this to mimic the running motion without pounding out the miles. Interestingly enough, I met my “Runner” while training for said marathon. Through all the highs and lows it was all worth it. Good luck.
p.s. I always went backwards of the group to get rid of my running puffers as well. No written rule but thought that might detract my “Runner” from post marathon activities.
Comment by trytrytri | 01.11.2010 | 2:16 pm
There is a good reason for Lance Armstrong to have siad that the marathon is the hardest thing he has ever done. It was not just hyperbole.
That said, all you cyclists who are saying “Thanks for reminding me why I don’t run” or even worse the “Oh yeah, I run when something very large is chasing me!” (ar, ar) it is time to suck up the challenge of facing the truest of all things…running. It is how we evolved…we are runners first. Come out of the Matrix and embrace it.
Comment by Bob | 01.11.2010 | 2:20 pm
Here’s the deal: Bicycling is a form of transportation. Walking is a form of transportation. Running is what you do when you need to get away from something quickly and, as such, it is not sustainable for long distances, unless the danger continues to follow you. This is why The Runner told you to run behind her – it wasn’t the gas, it is because she perceives you as a dangerous manly-type creature and having you behind her gives her a reason to run.
Next time try giving her a knife and have her run behind you yelling “Slow down and I’ll have you singing soprano, bike-boy!”.
I think your time will improve.
Comment by Frankenhip | 01.11.2010 | 2:22 pm
What you need is a legit medical reason why you can never run again. Even better, this will be a reason why you may suck at running. This worked wonders for me! Good luck…
Comment by justrun | 01.11.2010 | 2:29 pm
But it’s soooo great!
I once wrote a post, How To Fool Yourself Into Becoming a Runner. I would suggest it, but I think you are past that point.
Good luck! I know you’ll pull it off, and probably faster than I ever have.
Comment by DrBryce | 01.11.2010 | 2:39 pm
FC: the Marathon Chronicles of ‘the Chronic pre-Marathonitis’???
Sounds like you are paying the price for the off-road running learning curve.
May I suggest you review page 78 of “Zinn’s Cycling Primer” and what he says is an amazing treatment that has “consistently made a significant difference for him”.
Likely you are a very good candidate with your off-course adventure @ Leadville.
I’d consider it a priveledge to help!
Until then, RFR! (Run Fatty, Run) :)))
Comment by DrBryce | 01.11.2010 | 2:40 pm
Edit: FC: the Marathon Chronicles of ‘the Chronic pre-Marathonitis’???
FC: the Marathon Chronicles “OR” ‘the Chronic pre-Marathonitis’???
Comment by Ryclist | 01.11.2010 | 2:42 pm
Running makes me hurt and yet I do it. Not rational. Cycling makes me hut and yet I do it. Not rational. Why oh why are we addicted to pain?
Comment by Ryclist | 01.11.2010 | 2:44 pm
I am not sure yet why cycling makes me hut, nor am I really sure what that means, but if it is written on the internet it must be true. Thus, apparently, cycling makes me hut.
Comment by Chad | 01.11.2010 | 2:49 pm
What a very well constructed argument against running, thank you. I’ve tried running before, but can’t remember why. I loved the detailed explanation of the swinging snot and farting though, that was awesome. Made me remember this.
A couple years ago, I was training for the Indy Half Marathon (injured groin, never made it) and I ventured out in -4 weather. I had several layers on so I was protected, but I also had a windbreaker on the outside. The best thing ever was when I finished my run, I pulled the windbreaker off so quickly that the layer of frozen sweat between my wicking layers and the windbreaker exploded in a cloud of sweaty snow. Some runners doing their post-run stretching downwind were not as amused as I.
OH YEAH! I just got off the phone with Twin Six this morning and ordered one of the last 2010 Fatty Jerseys they had! Can’t wait to see it.
Comment by Teri | 01.11.2010 | 2:50 pm
oh fatty….the hard reality is that it takes years for the body to make all the adjustments necessary to become a comfortable, smooth, natural runner. I’m coming up on my eleventh year of running and I finally feel like a runner. Yes, I’m primarily a cyclist, but the running is something to do when winters turn cold, gray, and wet. You may be biting off more than you can chew right now, in spite of your best efforts. but don’t lose hope. Maybe go for the half?
t.
Comment by rexinsea | 01.11.2010 | 2:51 pm
I’ve had Achilles issues last fall. Don’t let it get too bad or you won’t be running much later. I tried to run throught the tightness and made recovery much worse. Make sure to do lots and lots calf raises and stretches. It helps. Sounds like you bonked on the last few miles. I’ve found nutrition on the bike is very different then nutrition on the run. My stomach can tolerate just about anything on a bike but on a run I have to be very careful. I’m sure the runner has told you this already though.
Is there a ½ Marathon option?
Good luck!
Comment by tite | 01.11.2010 | 3:01 pm
YOGA: that’s the answer. You are still in time!
Titeyogarunner, Italy
Follow mw on Twitter
Comment by Leslie | 01.11.2010 | 3:02 pm
Fatty, forget about the girlfriend for a second and listen to me: you shouldn’t be doing this race. You’re not ready. And you’re going to hurt yourself in ways that will take a lot of time to heal. I know, it hurts the ego to admit that, especially when you factor in The Runner. But if she’s really a serious runner, she should know that and should be talking you down from this, not letting you do this to yourself. That kind of mileage takes months to build, so your bones and musculature have time to develop the strength to take the pounding. It’s not the same as the bike, ask Lance!
At the very least, take the 1/2 marathon option if there is one, and do the event on a run/walk ratio. You’ll last longer if you have regular walking breaks. Normally you’d start out running 5 minutes, walking 2 or 3, rinse and repeat. Some people just walk for a minute or two at each mile. Try it and see what works best for you, and I promise you’ll see a difference in how you feel at the end of the run immediately. I have a number of friends who PR’d in marathons by using a run/walk method (Google Galloway!)
Be careful. It’s not worth crippling yourself over, man!
Comment by Fat Cathy | 01.11.2010 | 3:02 pm
You are nuts.
Comment by Isela | 01.11.2010 | 3:06 pm
Fatty, perhaps you should reconsider and sign up for a marathon later on…you kind of need to be able to walk around :). Get the base down, try a few halves and then go for the full enchilada
Comment by plum | 01.11.2010 | 3:10 pm
Fatty Fatty Fatty. I have some reading for you.
Running 26.2 on 8 weeks of training:
http://www.chasing120.com/2007/11/your-mileage-may-vary.html
Running a half marathon on (???) training:
http://www.chasing120.com/2008/11/manchester-city-half-marathon-215.html
Comment by RunR | 01.11.2010 | 3:12 pm
“Running is what you do when you need to get away from something quickly and, as such, it is not sustainable for long distances, unless the danger continues to follow you.”
Actually, Bob, you should read Born to Run. Humans are designed for sustained running more so than speed.
Comment by Sasha | 01.11.2010 | 3:22 pm
Fatty, seriously, I don’t think you should run that marathon on that little of training. You run a serious risk of injury even though you are an elite athlete (no, I’m not sucking up. Okay, maybe just a little.)
Running is a high impact sport, cycling is not. I am a converted cyclist from running. I was never a good runner, really I was a jogger. In cycling, I have found I can excel and be rewarded tenfold with hard training. Something I’d never found in running.
I’ve done a few marathons and helped a few folks go through the Leukemia & Lymphoma’s Team in Training marathon program. I am by no means of The Runner’s caliber. Not even a teeny tiny smidge close. However, through my experience with L&L TNT, I have had access to world class coaches, sports medicine professionals, doctors, shoe specialists, etc. I have watched countless people grind through the pain only to become injured and not able to do anything for months. Please be careful!
There is NO shame in walking during a marathon (I did it in every one of mine). Well-known marathoner Jeff Galloway has a successful program where he includes walking in his running. The rest helps you finish faster and stronger. You should google him and see if you can find something online about his technique.
No doubt about it, running is a much harder sport. No offense to cyclists, because I consider myself one, but running is a while different kind of beast. Though I never experienced gassiness (maybe something you’ve been eating that doesn’t affect you cycling but does running might be the culprit). Also, we trained for the Honolulu Marathon in sub-zero temps. We did a long run of 20 miles at -10 or so below (yeah, call us crazy). I did it with Smartwool socks, Sporthill pants, patagonia lightweight long undies, a fleece vest, ear muffs (xc ski kind), a midweight patagonia top, and fleece gloves (which were removed along with the ear muffs because I got to hot). I think it warmed up to about 5 deg eventually. Good times. And, the irony of training for a 80+ degree marathon in Alaska wasn’t lost on any of us. :)
Sorry for the booklike post. If you do it, be careful, go slow, don’t push yourself to be as good as The Runner. You don’t have to be and you’ll be much happier and able to walk afterwards. By the way, as long as you stay hydrated, taking an ibuprofen or two partway through the race will also assist you greatly. :)
Comment by Keenedge | 01.11.2010 | 3:26 pm
Fatty I’m with Leslie,in theory of course, your cycling legs give you the lungs and strength to do some damage. You really need to build up to the pounding to your bones and joints that distance running does to you.Sounds like you can do a 1/2 but 3wks till doing a full could be ugly.
Comment by Kathy McElhaney | 01.11.2010 | 3:27 pm
I’ve been running for years and my longest single run is still only 22 miles. The marathon I signed up for a few years ago was canceled and I have never gotten the mindset back for the training required. There is no way I would attempt 26 miles a month from now.
I’m going to enjoy this series immensely…
Comment by Jen Gatz | 01.11.2010 | 3:28 pm
Obey the 10% rule! Increase by more than that and you are asking for injury to smack you down. At least the trail is a bit moreforgiving on the legs than the pavement is, you’ve got that in your favor!
Comment by Sigmund | 01.11.2010 | 3:37 pm
Fatty,
I think you need to examine your motivation for running. It would appear you are doing it because your new girlfriend is a runner. This doesn’t bode well for the relationship. You should stay true to your self, e.g. be the biker you are.
Comment by skippy | 01.11.2010 | 3:42 pm
Fatty have you heard of the “Hash House harriers”, they are a running group that works up a thirst for the pub.this is a longer term fun way to enjoy running,you even get to run behind the girls when you feel like taking it easy.
now if i want to run that is the way i prefer it! that is why you will find me at the back og the “chaingang” enjoying the view in front. The runner knows that you need inspiration to keep you going but i think you are trying to do more than you are ready for and she does not wish to challenge your decision.
rest up mate read my tweets @skippydetour or visit http://www.parrabuddy.blogspot.com and i will let you into a few memories from “hashing”. This can take you worldwide and get you into all sorts of mischief in a fun way. When you are in Oz or HK ask about Mr Smelly, and it was not about “farting”.
Hope Lance isn’t reading this as he surely wouldn’t want you laid up!
Tweeted a big Hurryup to my following for your nomination, looks like your team has it in the bag for you!
read Ranulph Fiennes, mind over matter and you will forget the few acky pains.
ON ON!
Comment by fern | 01.11.2010 | 3:45 pm
No offense, giving onself a month to train for a marathon sounds really stupid. I envision total disaster, as well as serious orthopedic injuries. I am happy for you that you and the Runner are enjoying life together, but this spontaneous marathon business is dumb. It seems like being in love has compromised your judgment…again, no offense. Maybe you should start with a half marathon… or plan to run a marathon several months from now, giving yourself adequate training time. Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide and I’m sure I’ll enjoy reading about it.
Comment by Allie | 01.11.2010 | 3:45 pm
Elden man – I think it’s great that you’re running. Really. Welcome to another great sport. I run and ride – the sports compliment one another nicely and trust me – in combining the two sports body fat doesn’t stand a chance. However…a full trail marathon one month from now? Heck half the fun is enjoying the training to your first marathon. Why not meet the Runner at the half way point and accompany her the final half ‘thon? What’s the rush? Your ego is not worth more injury that could hose your cycling too…give it a good think and then…good luck with your decision, whatever it will be. I’ll be reading one way or the other!
Comment by Drew | 01.11.2010 | 3:46 pm
Am I imagining that if you say “Marathon Chronicles” very quickly it sounds like “Martian Chronicles” with a slight speech impediment?
Among the people that might have noticed this, am I the only one that thinks Fatty might have done this on purpose, self congratulating over the hidden, goofy pun?
Comment by Heidi | 01.11.2010 | 3:46 pm
Yo Fatty, if she loves you like she says she does, maybe she’ll encourage you to try a half marathon. It certainly beats pursuing the possibility of breaking yourself; if you’re broken, you won’t be able to ride either. And then you’ll be really crabby.
Comment by AngieG | 01.11.2010 | 3:46 pm
FC-Because you are an experienced athlete I have faith you know your own breaking point. I too have at times bitten off more than I can chew and have lived to tell the tale.
Some times you’ve got to hang it all out there, this may or may not be one of those times, that is your decision.
All I can say is, Give it your all, listen to your body (I’m sure you’ll be able to hear it over the farts), be careful, and tell The Runner when its getting hard. She cares about you and will give you sound advice to make it through. However you have to ratchett your testosterone down a notch and tell her HONESTLY. This isn’t like asking for directions. :-)
Can’t wait to hear how it goes.
Comment by Jason | 01.11.2010 | 3:54 pm
If your marathon is in only a month – I’d definitely do the half. Most people train for their first marathon for many months – and have in their rotation long runs of 20+ miles once per week, and the last couple of weeks of training are light to facilitate muscle healing. In fact one month before the marathon you should be able to do 23 miles without wanting to die. I hate to sound like a negative Nancy – but you should possibly hold up on the marathon and get alot more base miles in for one later in the year.
Comment by P | 01.11.2010 | 3:55 pm
Sounds as though you will get round but it won’t be pretty and you could do more damage to your achiles. Why not do a marathon later on when you have built up the miles and your legs have got used to it? I’m originally a cyclist who switched to running, thought my cycling fitness would get me through and also had bad achiles and calf problems. It’s taken over a year to get to the stage where I can run comfortably for long periods.
Give the event the respect it deserves.
Good luck if you go ahead.
Comment by Ryan S.@athletic-diabetic.com | 01.11.2010 | 4:02 pm
Wow.
For what it’s worth, I struggled through my first marathon, training horribly, and ended up walking about 19 of the 26.2 miles.
That said, I finished.
But man, it was tough. Harder than the centuries I’ve done.
I’m now considering trying for a marathon again later this year, aafter, of course, Livestrong Philly.
Comment by TXBuckeye | 01.11.2010 | 4:06 pm
Ha! You just wait until she gets you to try a triathlon and you run your first “brick.” I love cycling and running both and I did tris for a couple seasons a few years back. Just about the worst I have ever felt in either sport was that first half mile after the bike. Ugh.
Comment by bubbaseadog | 01.11.2010 | 4:07 pm
the things we men do for our women. maybe you shold try a street race first then move to the trail. i hope your kids will be their for encouragement. cause buddy the runner is gonna leave you flat….she has her own race to run and idont think she is planning on hanging back for you. dont worry you wont be completely alone you will have the gas co. for company.when after the race you come to what little sense you got left get back on the bike and stay there…after all you are the fat cyclist not runner . good luck
Comment by Shawn | 01.11.2010 | 4:09 pm
I’ll skip all the run advice you already have received here. 10 years ago when I was in college, I use to bike and run. Sounds like you and I share the same love for running. — I gave up running until July 09 when I reached my cycling goal for the year in 6 month. Spent the June and July thinking about what’s next? Do Leadville and Wilderness 101? Someday, but not yet. So I got the insane idea to train for the Ironman. Ha! I haven’t swam since I was a teen and I “love running”. Ended up doing a half marathon in Nov and am cross training for a marathon in May. The cross training has helped my cycling and I can run 10+ miles now without it becoming an epic endurance routine. — Anyhow, good luck and maybe you’ll be Iron-struck like I am.
Comment by sam | 01.11.2010 | 4:16 pm
running sucks and its the reason why bikes were invented.
Comment by Anonymous | 01.11.2010 | 4:17 pm
I “ran” a marathon with only 4 weeks training… training which consisted of 4 games of basketball and a couple of 6mile runs a week. Once I’d completed the race, really slowly I will add, that afternoon I did a nutrition course and played a basketball grand final.
I would not recommend my training tactics.
Although, that being said, the basketball did get rid of a lot of the lactic acid and I could actually walk the next day…
Comment by Clydesteve | 01.11.2010 | 4:18 pm
dug – a plomb is what Fatty was describing coming out of his nose. I think they are more irritating than heavy.
fatty – don’t whine to me if you need a knee replacement soon. this running stuff is bad mojo.
Comment by OziRider | 01.11.2010 | 4:18 pm
Jeez Fatty, this is one hilarious post. I may have done a little wee such is the extent of my laughing……. In all seriousness though, PLEASE DONT DO THIS MARATHON. Although I have never met you, I feel like I know you. I like you. I care about you. Its madness in its purest form. The pain will last a lot longer than you think. The chance of injury is nearly 100% (no, this is not an embelishment). In other words, unprepared this marathin will wreck you like no other. HAZCHEM FATTY, HAZCEHM!
Comment by Karrie | 01.11.2010 | 4:22 pm
Male cyclists are the biggest babies when it comes to running. My boyfriend did a half marathon last year and I’ve never heard someone complain so much during their training. I’m obviously a runner, and now I’ve turned into a cyclist. My payback to him is my constant complaining during our long rides- cycling hurts!
BTW- he hasnt run 1 mile since that race
Comment by Jason @ guyknowledgy.com | 01.11.2010 | 4:31 pm
I love cycling and have made it a goal to hit the Hotter-Than-Hell here in Texas this year. Running on the other hand hasn’t been something I’m good at.
However, I’m supposed to go out to San Fran in July and run a half marathon, which will be about 13 miles longer than I’ve ever run.
Any suggestions on a good place to start training?
Comment by danielle | 01.11.2010 | 4:41 pm
You’ll be fine, as long as your marathon is all uphill!
Comment by George | 01.11.2010 | 4:53 pm
Fatty- The last time I ran was when the cops were chasing me. It wasn’t fun then either.
Comment by Christina Barkley | 01.11.2010 | 5:00 pm
I personally think you’ll be fine to run the marathon.
Of course, everyone is different – but I did a marathon after only having run a half about 3 weeks before the marathon & only doing 2 “long runs” (1 was 18 miles & the other was a 12 miler) during those 3 weeks leading up to the marathon.
Also, bear in mind, the 18 miler I did in preparation was my longest run EVER before this marathon I am talking about. I had very little run experience prior to this block of training.
Be conservative in your training over the next few weeks (max of an 18 miler before the actual marathon) & you’ll have less chance for injury.
Good luck!
Comment by John | 01.11.2010 | 5:14 pm
Yo Fatty -
I raced with you at 24 Hours of Moab, and just finished the Disney Marathon yesterday (qualifying for Boston) so I know it can be done.
You’ve already figured out one good secret, a pace booty makes the miles more tolerable. You’ll need to be flexible, as one booty may not last the whole race, but there is always another one coming by. The Runner will look the other way if this gets you to the finish line.
More seriously, read ‘Born to Run’ by Chris McDougal. He covers both the zen and the physics of running in a truly great book. I helped me this weekend.
Finally remember the two rules of trail running:
1) Walk all the hills
2) You can call anything a hill
Comment by TimK | 01.11.2010 | 5:17 pm
When you said “Fourth, I ran out of gas.” I thought maybe this was a good thing, then I realized you weren’t talking about the farting.
You should take up rock climbing and yoga in addition to the running.
Comment by axel in texas | 01.11.2010 | 5:23 pm
this man has done the kokopelli trail race, so finishing a marathon is no big deal. They usually give you 8 hours to finish, so you run some, you walk some, you get to the finish line. Finishing the race is really not that hard for the experienced but undertrained endurance athlete…as long as you run your pace, and not ‘the runner’s’.
so the main objective has to be to not get hurt in training. I found going 4 times a week too hard on my knees, twice a week much better. A 40+ year old body needs rest… And I did my first marathon after running up to 10 miles in training. That led to me being miserable and slow from about mile 15 on, but never in danger of a DNF.
Comment by Outdoorgrrl | 01.11.2010 | 5:31 pm
Listen to all these nay-sayers, doubting both your running and participation in the race! Shame on them! You’d think they’d know by now how strong you are – mentally and physically. Both will serve you well during training and at the race. Have fun and bring us the report!
Comment by Sandra | 01.11.2010 | 5:53 pm
Funny that you would so willingly take up the spot behind the Runner with your gas problem since she may have been having the same problem as you.
Comment by Jane | 01.11.2010 | 6:16 pm
I still vote for Ride and Tie. Please the twins will love the horse you have to buy to compete in Ride and Tie. Oh wait, they’re twins, you’ll have to get them each one. Then you can do twice as many Ride and Ties.
Comment by db | 01.11.2010 | 6:23 pm
Try wearing compression shorts on your runs. Hasn’t completely solved the gas issue but it has made a major difference.
Comment by Robin | 01.11.2010 | 6:27 pm
Hey Fatty, my daughter and I were crackin up reading your blog!
She suggested that you think of your farts as a “power booster” he he he
Glad to read that you have someone who inspires you however if you kill
Yourself running how will you be able to enjoy eachother?! ;)
I ran/walked 7 miles and was sore for a week! Dang! I will stick
To riding my bike thank you very much :)
Good luck if decide to do it!
Comment by RL Julia | 01.11.2010 | 6:45 pm
Miles 10-13 are when you really start having equipment failures (like all of a sudden your socks are made of shards of glass-to which I say Smart Wool). I’ve only done a half marathon but this is what I know – when you hit that wall and just can’t run anymore – that’s the time for some of those disgusting gel packs of goop. take one every two or three miles until you are done with the race.
The preventative taking of Advil is also highly recommended. This will allow you to get out of bed the morning after the race and stand up before wondering what you were thinking when you decided to run that distance. A few hours in a hot tub after the race and some tiger balm are also recommended.
Also -wear a hat. It will help keep some of the sweat out of your eyes.
I know you’ll make it!
Comment by RL Julia | 01.11.2010 | 7:03 pm
Oh yeah, one more thing – after forty -cross train. I figure 10 miles on a bike is equivalent to a five mile run and so on. Also – its easier to buy a new pair of shoes than get a knee/hip/or ankle replaced. Running shoes wear out after about 500-600 miles. As for whether or not you should do this race or not…..well, you are a grown up and know your limits. In my experience however, there are no glamorous, interesting running accidents that entertainingly explain why you are now wheelchair bound. Its always ….and then I felt this pop/click/grinding noise and my leg/toe/toe nail/liver fell off….
Comment by Alyson | 01.11.2010 | 7:13 pm
Oh Fatty ~ I have not laughed so loud in a while!! TY!
Firstly, did you sign over your life insurance policy to the Runner???? Because I tend to agree with the others above…you really do need to train a little longer for a marathon. Having said that, there is no shame in walking most of the marathon…probably more than 50% do, and still make the cutoff. What little I know of you, you are not going to back out…so please run 5 miles, walk 3, run 5, walke 3…you get the idea.
Secondly, I make my husband walk behind me when we are hiking or just walking the dog! He says it is the “fresh” air & stress free environment that makes his body relax and fart! Yeah right! So am not sure if it a “runners” rule, but it is def. a female rule! lol:-)
Good luck Elden…you still rock, even if you are a bit insane at the moment!!!! :-)
Comment by GBMike | 01.11.2010 | 7:13 pm
I just found you Blog yesterday and after browsing through some of your previous entries I couldn’t wait for you next one. Todays entry was hilarious. Maybe the half-marathon would be best …. oh heck go for it. The story about a 13 mile run was so good I can’t wait to hear about the 26+ mile run. Thanks!!
Comment by Sara | 01.11.2010 | 7:18 pm
I just need to get my husband on board with dropping back when farting…
Good luck with your marathon.
Comment by Jeff C. | 01.11.2010 | 7:26 pm
Isn’t it sad how one day you think you are really fit and can take on the world… Then you try to run and realize how pitiful and fat you really are :o)
Maybe that’s just me…
Comment by Pinky | 01.11.2010 | 7:34 pm
Cheer up Fatty, you are at least in a better starting position (albeit marginally) when compared with Sir Ranulp Fiennes. He ran 7 marathons in 7 days on 7 continents, less than 5 months after heart bypass surgery – when he was 59 years old!
Man, that’s tough… But good luck! I look forward to sharing your pain (from the sidelines, after the event, via your perennially award-winning blog)…
Comment by outdoorbetty | 01.11.2010 | 7:40 pm
Fatty, Literally in tears reading this one. Listen, you need to let your body recover, drop back to three days per week, add a cycle day if you want but don’t run four days per week. Add flexibility too, especially for that achilles – yoga is awesome for that stuff, even Lance has discovered it. I would think about the 1/2 marathon if possible but if not pace yourself and walk at all the water stops. I know you’ll do it whatever you do. I just want a healthy Fatty keeping up with his blogs. Best of luck!
Comment by Haven (KT) | 01.11.2010 | 7:42 pm
I was thinking about taking up running since I’ll be living close to my runner-brother for 4 months this year– plus, I have a dog who loves going faster than I can walk, so it should be right up his alley, right?
Ha! I always forget about my messed up knees, and my dog’s bionic re-engineered titanium knee.
I guess we’ll trot the route while Brother runs it.
Good luck, Fatty, on your Marathon…
Comment by RobertFrapples | 01.11.2010 | 8:30 pm
Didn’t you write an article about how any fit cyclist could run an ironman with no training?
Comment by Surlyrider | 01.11.2010 | 9:00 pm
As a “track” coach, I was never a fan of running, that is why I coach the throwing aspect of the whole track thing. Then I got to have a good relationship with our long distance guys. They taught me to enjoy running, and I have found those same parallels you are talking about between cycling and running. I found that it also lets me view the trails in an entirely new light and allows me to think about different lines on the trails that I ride and run.
Comment by Frank | 01.11.2010 | 9:57 pm
I can see it coming, IRONMAN. The sweet siren call of ironman, it’s calling you…
Comment by BamaJim | 01.11.2010 | 10:02 pm
I used to run marathons before becoming mostly a cyclist, and I figure anyone who can ride a century on rollers should be able to get through a marathon. I’d recommend going out very conservatively though, it will likely get tough the last few miles.
Comment by Deb. | 01.11.2010 | 10:19 pm
I don’t run. I don’t bike. But Fatty, I read you for the laughs. Maybe I should get off my butt and do something. I know, I shall jog to the kitchen! cookie anyone?
Comment by Big Mike In Oz | 01.11.2010 | 10:26 pm
Fatty,
Since you’re already aware that you won’t be “running” the entire distance may I suggest a technique which may serve you well. I personally used it to complete a half marathon (tacked on the end of a 2km swim and 75km cycle – I refuse to use the T word)
The Cliff Young shuffle allowed a 61 year old to knock 2 days of the Sydney to Melbourne ultra marathon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGFA2N0oS1Q
Comment by Adam | 01.11.2010 | 10:36 pm
I started running last Feb because I had to to be able to do triathalons. I hate it so much I have done a couple of half marathons. Nothing wrong with running a couple of minutes then walking one, keeps the heart rate in the aerobic zone and should help you get through. I am also guessing on a 2 hour bike ride you would have something to drink (carbo rocket?) make sure you stay fueled.
One other thought. I am guessing it is cold from your description, ask the runner to wear some tights so that you can follow her and have “pace booty.” Amazing what can motivate a person to run 26 miles when their mind is on something not run related.
Comment by Tiff | 01.11.2010 | 11:12 pm
Ha ha! When you said near the end of your post that you “ran out of gas” I was thinking that you had emptied the air out of your body from all that farting!!
I trained for a marathon last year but couldn’t run it because I was down with the flu. I hated every minute of that training & haven’t run since.
Good luck. I look forward to reading the entire saga!
Comment by Rie | 01.11.2010 | 11:15 pm
It’s so exciting to hear about all the new aspects of your life. So happy for you! I’ll be running a marathon at the end of February for the first time, so I definitely understand the pains, both physical and mental, brought on by those long runs. In fact, I’m limping around a bit today trying to recover from my 18-mile run. Anyway, I can’t wait to hear your race report. Don’t push too hard, and try to have as much fun as possible while training for and executing those 26 miles. BTW, I’m so jealous of your cyclist legs that let you just haul on the flats….
Comment by Moabmedic | 01.11.2010 | 11:24 pm
Hey Fatty I’m excited for you to do this marathon. I did the Moab marathon a few years ago with roughly the same training. It hurt, I bonked hard, couldn’t walk for a few days, but I’m proud to say I ran a marathon. I have not run much since. Strongly prefer LOTOJA. Good luck! Win!
Comment by John | 01.12.2010 | 12:08 am
I don’t know much about running, but I do like the Ray Bradbury reference in the title. Am I the only ancient SF tragic here?
Comment by ChefJT | 01.12.2010 | 3:43 am
Haven’t laughed this hard in months! You have plenty of advice offered already (it’s cute how so many women sound worried about injury. a lot of internet crushes on you Fat Man).
My advice is to simply follow the racing mantra of the Tortuga Golden Striders of Southern New Jersey.
“Start slowly, then ease off.”
Have fun!
Comment by Redbull - Perth | 01.12.2010 | 5:34 am
Crikey Fatty.
How many times have you been riding along and see some middle aged bloke huffing and puffing and shuffling (yes barely lifting the feet of the ground)getting ready for a coronary and you think “Mate get ya self a bike”
Most of them have that glassy eyed stare aka “The Dead Elvis Grimace”
One fundamental difference between cyclists and runners
You never see runners smiling while they are running whereas you often hear cyclists laughing, whistling, hanging crap on each other and generally just enjoying themselves.
Comment by Born 4 Lycra | 01.12.2010 | 6:10 am
Don’t do it Fatty. Just go along and support the Runner this time. I’m sure ahe will appreciate that more than waiting around for hours for you to finish in an ambulance (or whatever the rider equivalent of a sag truck is). You’ll only see her at the start and then she’ll be gone. Not worth it mate. Hang on I’m sure the runner is worth it but the damage to your riding equipment isn’t.
Comment by Kathy A | 01.12.2010 | 7:51 am
Me thinks you would be fun to run with!
Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 01.12.2010 | 7:59 am
You can do it! But you’re going to need to take fuel with you. I had the exact same problem when I ran a half marathon. I bonked at mile 10 and really struggled to finish. I didn’t realized it at the time, but I needed calories. Gels or chews would be easy to consume while running.
So keep it up and be encouraged! You’re doing amazing! Nothing to 13 miles in such a short time is quite a feat!
Comment by gail | 01.12.2010 | 9:11 am
Wonderfully realistic descriptions. By golly, no wonder we women think athletic men are so sexy.
Comment by sarge@mach5 | 01.12.2010 | 9:43 am
Marathon = DUMB!
Comment by Charise | 01.12.2010 | 9:49 am
I’ve run a marathon as well, and while I’m not doubting your physical prowess, I think running a marathon on less than 2 months of training is crazy.
That said, you’re now 2/3 of the way to Triathlete! ha!!!
Pingback by Stones Cry Out - If they keep silent… » Things Heard: e101v2 | 01.12.2010 | 10:34 am
[...] When cyclists run. [...]
Comment by core team | 01.12.2010 | 10:58 am
It truly saddens us to see you cross over to the darks side, even if your motivation for doing so is the purest form of the male libido. You’re like a bird, albeit a little chubby bird that we must let loose to fly. Fly strong our chunky parakeet and if you come back, our bro-mance is true and you can take your place back in the pace line. If you’re gone forever than we never had you to begin with. Valla con dios, fatrunner.
Core team
Comment by Susie | 01.12.2010 | 11:05 am
I have been running for almost 2 years now (interestingly about the same amount of time I’ve been reading your blog, but I digress), and I am just now beginning to really consider myself a runner, albeit a slow runner. (about to crack the 12 minute mile if i do say so myself) That said, I cannot fathom in a million years how you guys get used to that skinny little bike seat!
Comment by cyclingjimbo | 01.12.2010 | 11:08 am
Wow, lots of strong sentiment on both sides of the question. Do it. Don’t do it. You’ll figure that part out for yourself – just listen to your body and don’t be afraid to wait for another opportunity if you aren’t really confident you can do this thing without wrecking your body. Believe it – a marathon is more grueling and punishing than any century. The toll on your body can be dramatic. We may be made to run, but unless you do it a lot and work on your form, odds are you really beat up your body whenever you go out.
That said, there is something really, really rewarding about taking on and finishing a marathon. If you do it, stay within yourself; start out slower than you think you should, and for at least the first 20 miles run slower than you feel like you should – and when your body tells you it is time to slow down or walk, listen to your body and do it – or your body probably will not be your friend for awhile. Pace, water, nutrition – be mindful of all three and you will get through it.
Have a ball, whether you do the run or just go as a spectator and cheerer-onner. I look forward to your posts as you prepare for and experience the event.
Comment by cece | 01.12.2010 | 11:19 am
I often feel that I am invincible…especially when new love dawns…but then quickly reallize that I am over 40 and my dreams move faster than the body wants to. This has been incredibly clear to me in beginning my rehab from shoulder surgery in the past few days.
This is a basic as it gets. Tried to put on my sports bra on day 4 after surgery thinking I was gonna do some light cardio and what happened instead is that I ended up is so much pain I could not get the bra off…when I finally did, I had to ice and rest it the remainder of the day.
My point? rehabbing injuries puts us out of commission from the things we love…and even if we are strong and strong willed…rehab still takes lots of time.
I will not say play it safe because we never will…but I will say play it smart!
Cece
Comment by GJL | 01.12.2010 | 11:30 am
Cycling and running have many similarities, but I have observed one significant difference. I have never seen a runner, in the midst of a serious run smile. :-)
Comment by Global_explorer | 01.12.2010 | 11:42 am
You need to stop this immediately! Methane emissions are 10 times more harmful than CO2 in their effect on global warming.
Comment by Lowrydr | 01.12.2010 | 12:06 pm
All that running advice is great. But I can’t believe no one hit on the solution for that problem you have.
Just hide your bike at the half way mark of the days run. She’ll understand, of course she will.
Good luck, this should be really entertaining when you write it up.
FLS, run like Fatty.
Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » The Marathon Chronicles, Part II: Wanna Make a Bet? | 01.12.2010 | 12:09 pm
[...] « The Marathon Chronicles, Part I [...]
Comment by Janneke | 01.12.2010 | 12:41 pm
You made me laugh so hard I had some gas issues myself while reading this… If you think you can do it, just do it.. But don’t come moaning to us about it afterward, or maybe yes, do come moaning, make us laugh some more…
In all honesty and seriousnes, do what you feel you can but don’t let pride run you… F***ed up achillestendons and/or knees are no fun at all, as you already have experienced…
FLS Forever
Comment by Doug (WAY upstate NY) | 01.12.2010 | 12:52 pm
Fatty
This post does NOT make me want to get out and run. Just too much pain involved. Course my runner friends have no desire to ride all day either :)
Comment by Philly Jen | 01.12.2010 | 9:50 pm
Core Team, you slay me.
(What is the sound of one chunky parakeet Tweeting?)
Comment by Frank | 01.13.2010 | 11:15 am
I am good for $50 but I would like it to go to the brain aneurysm foundation, at http://www.teamcindy.org. And by the way if you are considering an ironman, we would love your support.
Comment by Jenn | 01.13.2010 | 4:40 pm
I’m sorry – you were actually able to get to the end of the run unmolested? Why, howEVER did this woman keep her hands off of you, what with the snot-slinging and the panty percussion?? You. Crack. Me. UP!
Comment by Lisa T | 01.15.2010 | 2:00 pm
When you said you “ran out of gas” I thought you meant you actually ran the gassiness right out of yourself. That would be impressive.
Comment by Feldmarshall | 01.18.2010 | 11:53 am
I always found, that running is interesting only becouse you have to focus completly on going one step further instead of dying on the spot.
This is terrible sport, where you are fighting for all the time with your body, which is telling you “GIVE ME MORE OXYGEN” and you just keep using that little it has. It’s almost like suffocating yourself a little just for fun.
Having said tajt, I think it is obvious bike seems to be soooooo much better idea :).
Any way – good luck and stay alive for whole marathon ;)
Comment by Bret | 01.22.2010 | 1:37 pm
Your blog was sent to me by a friend that knew I was running the DV Marathon on Feb. 6th. I enjoyed and laughed at your blog. I am not a cyclist but we are on similar paths. I broke my back in August, compressed vertibrae, and didn’t run for about 3 months. I only have about 3 years total of running in my legs, I started late, I am 47 now. About a month ago, my running pal talked me into running DV. I have amped up the miles and going through the same strides as you…cramming in training and no taper. We are going to run 24 on Monday. I have run DV once before, about 2 years ago. Very cool run, my favorite, but hard for me. Uphill is NOT my strength and there is about 12 miles of it. Honestly, I’m dreading the imminent pain. Last time I also lost both of my big toenails from the 14 miles of downhill. They were already black and purple the next morning following the run. Anyway, I might see ya there. My estimated time will probably be around 5 hours…mostly due to the 12 miles of up. Good luck.
Pingback by Fat Cyclist » Blog Archive » Spin Class | 01.25.2010 | 2:27 pm
[...] Saturday should have been the source material for Part III of The Marathon Chronicles (read Part I and Part II here) — the part where The Runner dragged me on a fifteen mile [...]