News Flash: Armstrong to Either Race or Not Race 2010 Leadville 100
LEADVILLE, CO (Fat Cyclist Fake News Service) – Seven-time Tour de France Winner Lance Armstrong announced recently that he, along with RadioShack teammate Levi Leipheimer will race in the 2010 Leadville 100 mountain bike this Saturday, August 14.
Armstrong has also announced that he will not be racing the 2010 Leadville 100 mountain bike this Saturday, August 14.
“To clear up any confusion, I would like to announce that I either will or will not be racing in Leadville this weekend,” said Armstrong. “This either is or is not a very important race to me, and I would like to tell my fans and co-competitors that I am both looking forward to seeing and racing with them, or not.”
“Could go either way,” added Armstrong. “Depends on whether I can find someone to take care of the kids for the day.”
(Armstrong’s children could not be reached for comment.)
“Plus,” continued Armstrong, “I haven’t really put together a crew, and I’d be kind of embarrassed to ask someone to scramble their plans and spend their whole day shuttling from one aid station to the next.”
“But I dunno,” said Armstrong, evidently to himself. “Maybe I could put together a few drop bags and just use the food from the aid stations.”
“Probably too late for me to get a hotel room in Leadville, though,” mused Armstrong.
Speculation Runs Amok
Many people have reacted to the fact that Armstrong will likely not race the Leadville 100.
Levi Leipheimer: “You know how there was always this guy in college who’d beg you and beg you and beg you to come to this party you weren’t even interested in? Eventually he’d beat you down and you’d show up at this party just because that guy said it was going to be so awesome, and then it turns out that this guy didn’t even show up? Yeah, it’s kind of like that. On the other hand, I’m sure glad that I picked the Leadville 100 as my first mountain bike race, ever! It should be a blast racing it against Dave Wiens — the guy who’s won this race more times than he can count — as well as nine-time national mountain bike champion, Jeremy Horgan-Kobelski.”
Johan Bruyneel: “As you no doubt know, Lance has been involved in an intense training program to learn to change a flat tire. His progress has been outstanding, but there’s still work to be done. I think that barring any future setbacks, we can look forward to Lance changing his own tires by 2012. At which point, can you say ‘Comeback 3.0′?”
Citizen Pictures, Creator of last year’s Race Across the Sky Documentary: “We were of course very excited to be filming a followup documentary to our very successful film last year. And of course, we fully intended to make the sequel revolve around Lance again. With him out of the race, we’re thinking we’ll make the documentary anyway, and it will still focus on Lance. It will be called Lance Hangs Around Aspen With His Kids. It will be a heartwarming look at a day of Lance. Hanging around in Aspen. With his kids.
Concluded the representative for Citizen Pictures, “We think it will be huge.”
Final Resolution
“I just want to be perfectly clear,” said Armstrong. “I will probably be there, racing the Leadville 100 mountain bike race. Unless I’m not.”
“Or who knows, maybe I’ll just ride part of it.”
Comment by Clydesteve | 08.10.2010 | 10:08 am
at least Levi is dependable! or not.
Comment by centurion | 08.10.2010 | 10:33 am
How’s the shoulder? Have a good race, or not.
Comment by Daisy | 08.10.2010 | 10:34 am
Fatty, I know this perfect loop that will be ideal for your race taper. You should ride it tonight. Lance may or may not be there, too.
http://www.3pinkdrinks.com/3pinkdrinks/2010/08/jen-i-have-a-crush-on-a-boy.html
Comment by bahama mama | 08.10.2010 | 10:41 am
Brett Favre is riding Leadville 100 for sure.
Comment by SactoDave | 08.10.2010 | 10:54 am
It’s a sad testimony from the future Governor of Texas regarding his waffling, fence riding, and indecision about participating in Leadville this weekend. Perfectly political!
Must be the special interest groups steering him!
Comment by Brent in Elkhart | 08.10.2010 | 10:55 am
Send Alphonse in his place!
Comment by McDeb | 08.10.2010 | 10:56 am
I second that! Send Alphonse!
Comment by NoTrail | 08.10.2010 | 11:47 am
I’m guessing that Lance definitely might race on Saturday. I know this for fact because a friend of mine was training on the course and might have bumped into Lance along the way. They may have even ridden together for about 20 miles. I think my friend just might beat Lance this year!
Seriously … this happened!!
Comment by Nurse Betsy | 08.10.2010 | 12:20 pm
Yea, send Alphonse! If I was there I would throw soft cheese at him.
Comment by Yaroslav Popovych | 08.10.2010 | 12:48 pm
dungarees or jean pants? I can’t decide
Comment by Al | 08.10.2010 | 12:50 pm
Is it weird that I read Johan’s statements with an accent?
Comment by Non Sum | 08.10.2010 | 1:50 pm
This means one less celebrity to steal your thunder — or not.
Comment by Meredith | 08.10.2010 | 2:11 pm
Hilarious! Levi’s “statment” is classic. Thank you for bringing a little ray of light into an otherwise difficult day.
Comment by Golden | 08.10.2010 | 2:19 pm
My fearless prediction is when Lance wins Leadville, or doesn’t, the crowd will be seen “raising French babies and throwing soft cheeses, as is the custom (t)here”
Also, the fatty fly SS will miraculously sprout gears and Fatty will break 9 hours, or it’ll stay a single and he won’t.
Comment by Greg @ Greg Rides Trails | 08.10.2010 | 2:20 pm
Nothing like commitment
Comment by Bryan (not that one) | 08.10.2010 | 2:23 pm
Lance says he will definitely respond to this post. Or not.
Comment by Steve the BigRide | 08.10.2010 | 3:07 pm
I believe it all.
Comment by mtb w | 08.10.2010 | 4:01 pm
From today’s Denver Post article, Chris Carmichael and Ken Chlouber are still calling and working on him to change his mind to race – so he may, or may not, race. And Mr. non stop twitterer is curiously silent on this on his twitter page.
Comment by Ken G | 08.10.2010 | 6:36 pm
And Dave is relieved. Or not.
Comment by bikemike | 08.10.2010 | 6:51 pm
Dug needs to seriously do this race. His story would be 10 times more entertaining than Lanceses. Here’s the Lance story…Lance arrives 5 minutes before start…race starts…Lance goes to the front…Lance wins. Here’s Dugs story…crap, there isn’t enough room here to cover the 5 minutes before he leaves his house to go to Leadville.
Comment by AK_Chick | 08.10.2010 | 9:47 pm
I think Lance is actually afraid of The Runner (she’s no ordinary mom. Obviously ;-)Why is he afraid of The Runner? She came in SECOND overall in the ride last weekend. I think she is MUCH faster than many realize. As a matter a fact, I think Fatty crashed deliberately because he was afraid The Runner would beat him at Leadville and he need a good excuse to “take it easy” and if The Runner beats him, then he has a good excuse.
Or I could be making this all up. Or not.
Comment by Lori Scheel | 08.10.2010 | 10:12 pm
I laughed so hard at this post that my family gathered around my computer to see what all the fuss was about! Thanks not so Fatty – I needed that! :0)~
Comment by Kathleen@ForgingAhead | 08.10.2010 | 11:27 pm
Levi is a such a nice guy. Hope you get to hang with him Fatty!
Comment by bikesgonewild | 08.11.2010 | 1:53 am
…i may or may not have read this post…
…thus my comment may be relevant…or not…
Comment by roan | 08.11.2010 | 5:00 am
AH…Fatty, excellent precise. As always you are to the point. I had a most important statement to make but it seems to have slipped a gear and my brain is running on a flat. Any way best of luck supersub-9 rider.
Comment by Chris | 08.11.2010 | 8:02 am
I might or might not have heard a rumor that when Lance does or doesn’t finish Leadville, he will or will not drink a Michelob Ultra.
I think he should stick to Shiner Bock, but what do I know?
Comment by Decker | 08.11.2010 | 8:11 am
I have never used PEDs. Or Not.
(this is 100% accurate!)
Comment by Philly Jen | 08.12.2010 | 10:49 pm
Floyd Landis’s Leadville 2007 bike bought at a Kentucky yard sale for $5.
Okay, I’m making this story up.
Or not.