Fat Cyclist » 2011

100MoN Race Report #7: Justified-Breaking-of-the-Rules Edition

06.7.2011 | 10:00 am

In April when registration for the 100 Miles of Nowhere opened, my collarbone was, in the words of my orthopaedic surgeon, “a jigsaw puzzle.” An unpleasant side-effect of hitting the pavement at high speed. A week later, I had some very expensive titanium hardware installed. Unfortunately, it was not on my bike.

It also came with instructions not to ride anywhere for a while.

I could still ride nowhere, though. Since my surgery, I’ve ridden 721 miles on my indoor trainer.

Today I didn’t do 100 Miles of Nowhere.

I did 32 Miles of Somewhere.

In the sun, and wind.

It was better.

–Mike W.

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100MoN Race Report #6: Women 50-55 Office Park in Mansfield, MA, on Saturday Morning Edition

06.7.2011 | 8:00 am

A Note from Fatty: This race report reprinted (with permission and everything) from Edie’s Elicit Substance blog.

This morning was the 4th Annual Fat Cyclist’s 100 Miles of Nowhere to raise money for the LiveStrong Organization and it’s the first year I’ve been able to participate. I was sure I wouldn’t ride all 100 miles as it’s just too early in my training but I still wanted to do something to contribute to the cause.

Since I don’t have an indoor trainer, I had to take my efforts outdoors. The first thing to consider is of course, the availability of a restroom. This is imperative to avoid any UCI (Urinary Cycling Infection) issues. I figured the office park where my gym is located would probably be ideal. I was also pretty sure I could get a podium spot in the Women 50-55 Office Park in Mansfield, MA, on Saturday Morning Division.

The route is pretty self-explanatory and it’s really no different from the satellite view as it is from the street view.

I had a couple more things to address. One was that I STILL didn’t get a new battery for my bike computer so I had to count the laps I would need to do to get the job done.

Trying to determine the number of laps I would need to do, I did some quick math in my head at which time I realized that I’m 50 years old and can no longer do quick math in my head. I brought up the MS calculator, plugged in the numbers, and it came out to about 45 laps.

How to count the laps was the next obstacle because I’m pretty sure I would lose count after about number 3. After toying with the idea of using pennies, I came up with a better method…

Actor’s portrayal of author’s Sharpie

As the laps would wear on, I would wish it was retractable.

Getting started was a bit of a challenge. As usual, I showed my husband where I would be riding (in case he needed to send out a search party) and, since I was getting an early start, told him not to wait up for me.

I found a space in the parking lot, loaded up with GU and gunk or whatever – the cool stuff that came in my swag bag was consumed within a day or two of delivery (except for the Bike Monkey mag, Banjo Brother’s bag, and the Twin Six t-shirt – not sure if I accidentally ate the Leverage voucher) and put my plate on the bike. I decided to put it on the front instead of the back so drivers coming up from behind wouldn’t clip me trying to read it.

I’m (way) Off!

The first time onto the course, the bike felt sluggish. Wait – did I remember to check my air pressure? Ummm… no. Plus, there was a headwind messing with the brim of my cap. Wait – did I forget to put on my helmet? Ummm… yes. Back to the car to work out the issues.

A morning without coffee is like a morning without coffee.

Take Two

After about two laps, I realized that I needed to shorten the ride to about 2 miles to avoid a stop light that did not change for cyclists or, out of frustration, I was going to be riding in the 100 Miles of Oh, Just Pack It In.

After seeing the same squirrel about 5 times in a row, I decided that I really needed to pinpoint a new mileage goal. It was odd how I started feeling guilty that I wasn’t going to hit 100 miles but my total base miles for the year only added up to 248 so common sense (common sense is another strange phenomena that happened to me at 50) told me to play it safe. A metric century (62 miles) seemed the logical choice – longer than the 50 that I had done earlier in the week and a viable alternative on any event-type ride.

What about those extra miles? Well, it occurred to me that there are actually two charities that people are riding for today – LiveStrong and World Bicycle Relief. Since Team Radioshack’s director, Johan Bruyneel, is such a great guy to join in the efforts today on behalf of WBR (his favorite cause), I decided that for every mile I didn’t ride, I would donate a dollar to WBR. Ahhh… that felt better.

After that, it was a matter of crossing railroad tracks three times for every lap. I was so tired at the end that I didn’t even bother standing up. My butt was so numb that it failed to notice.

I had to make an unexpected stop at mile 54. I realized that my right foot was asleep. It was cramping and bonking (there’s a rap in there somewhere) that I was waiting for, so imagine my surprise when I noticed that my foot had no feeling in it.

Hanging out in a parking lot, straddled across the bike with one shoe off, I worked some stretching exercises in until the feeling came back. Then I just pushed off to the end.

Finally, VICTORY!

My laps completed, I headed home to claim my trophy and make my donation.

Last but certainly not least, I’d like to thank the local road kill for reminding me to stay safe today – especially that nasty headless bullfrog at the turnaround (photo omitted). You made a difference.

– Edie

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100MoN Race Report #5: NowhereMan Triathlon Edition

06.6.2011 | 3:00 pm

A Note from Fatty: Eric’s email pointing me to his story was a powerful reminder of what matters. In it he said, “My mother is in the end stages of terminal lung cancer and this was my last chance to do something like this for her when she could see it.”

Thanks, Eric, both for participating and for sharing your story (which I am shamelessly lifting from your blog, where the original version can be found). I’m sure I’m not the only one who wishes you peace and strength, and your mother a painless passage.

NowhereMan Triathlon

I signed up to do Fatty’s 100 Miles Of Nowhere. It’s 100 miles on rollers or a short course and is a fundraiser in the fight against cancer. I have a special reason for participation this year. My Mother is in the end stages of terminal lung cancer. This is the one and only time she’ll be able to see me complete this event. In that light I decided the day deserved the best effort I could give. If 100 miles on rollers is good maybe something more would be better. I settled on a triathlon. But how? I can’t swim and even if I could doing laps in the tub seemed kinda boring. But I can lift and have this humble but really cool, mostly equipped gym right at my house. Presto, the NowhereMan Triathlon was born (With all due credit and respect to Fatty for the name. Please don’t kill me).

It’s a triathlon with a twist; 100,000 pounds lifted, 10K run and 100 miles on a bicycle, all without leaving the comfort of my home gym. I planned on doing it on Saturday but wandered around the house all day Friday, thinking about it and playing it out in my mind. Shortly after 2:00 PM I decided heck with this. I gathered up Lu and headed out to the gym to get things rolling.

Ma. This is for you.

A partial view of the gym with the bicycle already hooked up to the rollers. That’s the official 100 Miles Of Nowhere plate on the bike. The whole thing was done in my humble home gym out behind my house. The gym equipment for lifting, the run on a treadmill and the bike on rollers. Never left the gym except once to use the facilities which were in my own house. How cool is that?

2:30 PM and the official start.

The scoreboard, depressingly free of completed disciplines.

Lifting was up first. As the Big Board shows, I did 7 exercises. The totals went like this:

Bench Press – 100 reps @ 185 pounds = 18,500
Barbell Curl – 100 reps @ 70 pounds = 7,000
Dips – 100 reps @ 245 pounds = 24,500
Rows – 100 reps @ 185 pounds = 18,500
Overhead Extensions – 100 reps @ 100 pounds = 10,000
Shoulder Raises – 100 reps @ 55 pounds – 5,500
Deadlifts – 60 reps @ 200 pounds = 12,000
Squats – 20 reps @ 200 pounds = 4,000

If my math is correct that’s 100,000 pounds in 680 repetitions for a 147 pound per lift average. The first time I did 100,000 pounds in training for this it took me 1250 reps. I started to do squats, intending to do 100 reps but at rep number 10 felt a twinge in my right knee. On the second set of 10 it went from a twinge to a full blown owie and squats were out and maybe the entire triathlon.

I switched to deadlifts and managed 60 reps before the pain became too great. I added some weight and reps to shoulder raises (I was only planning on doing 60 at 50 pounds) and made up the weight.

Take a look at that face. It was about this time that I recognized there might be a problem and was considering how to continue.

Here’s Lu loading plates. She spent the day and night setting up, bringing me food and drinks and just generally coaching and cheer leading. Not to mention the recovery massages. Love that woman.

Here’s the what the final board looked like. Not exactly according to the plan but done.

With lifting done it was to event number 2. I was planning on biking at this point but Lu convinced me that my arms were so pumped that supporting myself on the bike might be problematic so the 10K was next.

The problem knee. It kept me from running the pace I wanted but held together long enough to finish. I did no better than a fast walk and a light jog but I finished every step.

6.2 miles aka 10 Kilometers. The time was disappointing but I finished.

The mid point meal complete with a smile and a thumbs up. Mac and Cheese with bacon bits (because everything is better with bacon), whole wheat bread and a glass of milk. I went through about a gallon of water, a half gallon of Gatorade and a tall milk. Yes, that is indeed a drill press behind me. Don’t ask.

Ok. On to the bike. My arms were still pumped but I considered this the easiest part of the whole deal. Hey, we’re all wrong from time to time. Right?

The obligatory Zero miles shot.

I was going to do the whole ride in my official Team Fatty Jersey but…

Fatty, I love you and Twin Six but by this point my arms were still so pumped the jersey was cutting off circulation to my hands. I went with something a little more…open.

Man, this is hard. In addition to a triathlon this was my first Century on the bike. I found myself looking down at the odometer thinking “I must almost be done by now. Come on, let me almost be done by now” only to discover I still had 75 miles to go. Oof. It was grind it out time so I put my head down and put in the miles.

The finale was most satisfying.

And just like that it was done! The clock on the wall said 11:26 PM.

The official time was kept by Lu on her official Ironman Timex

8:55:42. 8 hours, 55 minutes, 42 seconds.

The final Big Board.

I wanted to do this event for a couple of reasons.

First to support Team Fatty and all his good works and do my part in The Fight.

Second to prove to myself that I could do it.

Finally, and most importantly, to let my Mother know how I feel about her. Ma, I love you more than I could possibly say. I did this because you couldn’t. It’s my small way of honoring you, your life and your fight. Cancer may separate us but you will ever be in my heart. Fight your fight and know I’ll be beside you the whole way. And when your fight is done I will take it up as my own. That is my promise to you.

And so it is done. My legs feel like a bag of angry cats. Lu has been taking good care of me with plenty of Tylenol and leg massages. I’ve spent the day sleeping and eating anything and everything that gets near me. Now, as far as I can tell I’m the first to do this particular brand of triathlon. If so I believe that makes me the world record holder. If not I’m still the record holder in the Male, 51.9 year old (I’ll be 52 in a couple of weeks), Clydesdale, Hurricane Utah, Home Gym, Balding division. I declare myself satisfied. And hey, maybe someone else will step up next year and go for my title. Oh, almost forgot one thing. I started the tri at 245 pounds. After it was done I weighed myself again, thinking I’d see how much weight I’d lost. Kinda like the last chance workout on Biggest Loser. I weighed in at 247. I have to be the only guy in America who can do 9 hours of straight exercise and gain 2 pounds. Jillian would be so disappointed.

Thank you to all of you, my friends, for your support and encouragement. A big Thank You goes to Fatty. The fight goes on my friend but as long as people like you exist how can we possibly fail? Thanks for letting me participate and honor my Mother. I owe you.

– Eric “Six”

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100MoN Race Report #4: 34th Anniversary Edition

06.6.2011 | 1:30 pm

We have a running joke in our normal Saturday morning ride. At some point, Barry will say, “We need to cut this short, today is my anniversary and I need to be home by noon, so I can re-propose to her, since that is our tradition.” He is so consistent in this remark that when I was starting to explain to another one of the guys that I had a conflict for today he immediately asked “what’s the matter, is it your anniversary?”

Well, today is not only the 100 Miles of Nowhere, it is actually our wedding anniversary. 34 years ago we were married, in one of my life’s great over-achievements.

In order to try to live up to Barry’s principles of getting done early for the anniversary, and with temperatures predicted in the 90’s, an early start seemed in order. So at a little after 4 am I started the course. Early mornings are a good time for reflection. I realized our neighborhood is really dark, and bugs seem to be strongly attracted to my headlamp. I did also have time to think about the charity aspects of the event, as my laps passed by the home of a friend who is in a very serious fight with cancer.

Other than 3 flats in the first 43 miles, eventually leading me to switch to my commuter/touring bike for the last 57 miles, the ride went along smoothly. I was able to dominate the race, never even seeing the competition. In addition to dominating the local venue, I’d bet I’m in for a podium spot in the world wide “55 and over anniversary” division.

Thanks to Fatty for a fun event, fellow participants for their stories, sponsors for some cool stuff, and to God for including my wife in his blessings to me.

Attached is a photo of my favorite podium girl presenting my award post-race.