An Open Challenge To Every Cyclist In The World
A Note from Fatty : This is Michael Harper. He wants to lose a bunch of weight, and he needs our help. He wants to be selected in Kansas City Fitness Magazine’s Weight loss challenge, but he needs to get a whole boatload of Facebook “Likes” in order to do it. So here’s what you need to do.
1. Go to the Kansas City Fitness Magazine on Facebook and click the Like button.
2. Go to Michael’s entry for the contest on Facebook and click the Like button.
That’s not too hard, right? And I’m sure Michael thanks you from the very depths of his heart.
An Open Challenge to Every Cyclist in the World
Dear Really Fast Cyclist Person,
I’m sure you’re a very fast cyclist. Probably even faster than I am. But I’m nevertheless quite certain that I could kick your butt in a race this Saturday.
As long as the race in question is this year’s FatCyclist.com Tour de Donut.
Yeah, that’s right, fast guy. I’m the title sponsor of a race. You think you can beat me at my own freakin’ race?
Come on, fast guy. I’m calling you out. Show me what you’ve got. Come on over and see if you have what it takes to beat a middle-aged, paunchy cyclist with little or no race experience.
Be sure to bring along a ten-gallon drum of humility, by the way. You’re going to need it. After all, you’ll be racing against one of last year’s podium finishers of this event (me). Here I am with the winner of the event:
Please bear in mind that this was before I was experienced at this race. This time, I’m going to totally own this thing.
How the Race Works
So, fast guy, I don’t want you to go making excuses about not being prepared because you didn’t know how this race works, so I’m going to explain the rules (you can get a more thorough explanation here).
You will ride three laps around a seven-mile course. After the first and second laps, you will eat as many donuts as you think you can handle. And — this part’s important, so pay attention — for each donut you eat, three minutes will be subtracted off your total time.
That’s right, fast guy. Three whole minutes. Per donut. So it’s possible — in fact, it’s been done — to finish the race with a negative amount of time racing.
So, fast guy, you’ve got to ask yourselves some very serious, hard questions:
- How fast can you ride 21 miles?
- How many donuts do you think I can eat?
- Do you honestly think you can ride faster than I can eat? I mean, honestly?
Why I’m The Title Sponsor of This Race
There are two very good reasons why I am sponsoring this race.
The first one is that the sponsorship money I have agreed to put up (which I am going to have to raise, so expect news of a unique contest I am developing very soon) goes toward a very simple, meaningful objective: to buy a blanket warmer for the Huntsman Cancer Institute Cancer Center in American Fork, UT. Those of you who have had cancer know that a little bit of comfort during treatment can make a big difference. This is where Susan went for chemo, and I like the idea of making others who go there for treatment a little more comfortable.
The second one is because I can think of no better-suited race for me to sponsor than the Utah Tour de Donut.
Come Race With Me
So, fast guy — why don’t you register for the race? You’ll be doing something good. And you’ll get a lot of donuts out of it. And you’ll get to say that you raced against — and let’s face it, probably lost against — me.
Here. Just to give you an incentive, I’m going to give you a code for 15% off the registration cost. When you register, use the promo code fatcyclistdonuts2011.
Come on, fast guy. Come race me at the FatCyclist.com Tour de Donut.
If you’re not afraid.
Kind Regards,
The Fat Cyclist
PS: Live too far to race, but want to donate or buy a Tour de Donut jersey? You can do that. Just click here.
PPS: Just so you don’t forget, the Fat Cyclist 2012 collection is now on pre-order. Read here for details, and click here to go order stuff. For example, I highly recommend getting yourself a nice Tech-T, like this one:
I wear the 2011 version all the time. Awesome for MTB riding, not to mention running. And trampoline-jumping. And carousing. In fact, I would go so far as to say that this is the most ideal carousing-oriented Tech-T you could ever possibly buy. So do.
Comment by Jenni | 07.14.2011 | 10:19 am
When is it?
Day after tomorrow. I suck for taking so long to get to this post. – FC
Comment by Jennifer Rader | 07.14.2011 | 10:23 am
I LOVE DONUTS but I suck at cycling yet….might get my hubby on this one.
But, I just thought it was funny that Special K Low Fat Granola came up as the page sponsor at the bottom of le Tour de Donut.
You’re awesome, Elden!
Comment by Fat Cathy | 07.14.2011 | 10:29 am
If I lived in Utah (or anywhere even close), I’d so be there.
Comment by longmontrunner | 07.14.2011 | 10:36 am
This needs to come to Colorado.
Comment by GenghisKhan | 07.14.2011 | 10:38 am
I think we need a full blog post on what the donut options are; cake? If so, what flavor, frosting and sprinkle options. Glazed? If so, will holes be an option? Fancy? If so, what are the options here? Let’s hear much, much more about the donuts! ;o)
Last year, the donuts were big and glazed. I will have much more to say on the subject of the donuts themselves on Monday, I suspect. – FC
Comment by Cody | 07.14.2011 | 10:44 am
I wish I were closer. This sounds like a lot of fun.
Comment by Franky | 07.14.2011 | 10:44 am
Would it be possible to have a team where one eats doughnuts while the other one races? I just have to find a rider…
Comment by Casey | 07.14.2011 | 10:51 am
I wish I lived in Utah,
Comment by Justin | 07.14.2011 | 10:54 am
Sooo when do we find out who won the Amazing Trek Bikes and trip. Have they already been notified? Details Fatty!! LOL!!
p.s. Try dipping the donuts in milk before eating to reduce size for maximum consumption
Comment by Anonymous | 07.14.2011 | 10:55 am
the “each donut you keep down” part is key.
will there be a designated hurling zone, and will there be a penalty for missing it with said hurling?
Comment by Mike@Squirrelhead | 07.14.2011 | 10:59 am
Awesome jerseys for an awesome race! I wish I was closer to Utah for this. Good luck Fatty!
Comment by David Lazar | 07.14.2011 | 11:03 am
I’m out of state, but I will eat some donuts on my training ride Saturday! Seriously, is the Tour de Donut jersey available? If so, how do I get one?
Comment by GenghisKhan | 07.14.2011 | 11:19 am
Fatty, please post your pre and post ride weights…
Comment by rich | 07.14.2011 | 11:27 am
this is awesome Fatty….just wish I was in Utah, I’d be all over this one. I’m a trained professional when it comes to eating donuts….
Can we order t-shirts even if we’re not there?
Comment by Canadian Roadie | 07.14.2011 | 11:32 am
I would totally be there if I lived in Utah. Hmm, can I create a Canadian West Coast edition, with the money going to a charity of my choice?
Comment by AngieG | 07.14.2011 | 11:35 am
Even though many of us are not able to go enjoy the delicate balance between ridng hard and consuming massive amounts of sugar. The balance being the strength of your esophogeal sphincter, we can still support this amazing cause.
So Fatty, for those of us who will have to particpate vicariously through you….what can we do?
Comment by BigShorty | 07.14.2011 | 11:50 am
At the Illinois Tour de Donut (the original and 23rd annual) a rider put down 40 donuts and another 38 to finish 1 & 2 respectively in the 31 mile race.
Hope Utah has some eaters ready!!!!
Comment by John Juge | 07.14.2011 | 11:52 am
hey there Elden!
so how do I get one of the jersey’s if I cant make it out there on such short notice? I gotta have a Tour De’ Donut jersey!
STP was awesome this year! cant wait to see you and the Hammer out here for next year’s ride! Take it easy!
Comment by Mike H | 07.14.2011 | 12:23 pm
Thanks Fatty!!! Please vote for me!
Comment by Paul A. | 07.14.2011 | 12:34 pm
I am registered and ready!!!!
Comment by Obstinate Roadie | 07.14.2011 | 12:35 pm
Barf-a-licious!
Comment by Dan O | 07.14.2011 | 2:18 pm
I can’t agree more about blanket warmers, they are essential to people benig treated for cancer. Sometimes the rooms are cold, but most of the time, you get cold while being taken out of your room to go to some for of test, such as x-rays, the warm blankets help take the edge off of those cold hallways. I’m looking forward to helping support the purchase of the blanket warmer.
Dan
Comment by AK Chick | 07.14.2011 | 3:04 pm
Well darn, too bad you aren’t in Alaska cause I’d enter. I’m not fast, but I’m not a big fan of donuts either (they hurt my stomach) so I might be able to force feed you donuts so I could actually beat you. :)
Since this is sponsored by Team Fatty, shouldn’t it be the Tour de Pie? Just sayin…. :)
I LOVE this cause. How truly awesome is that. They will get that blanket warmer, I have NO doubt about that. Team Fatty rules!
Comment by AK Chick | 07.14.2011 | 3:08 pm
Oh yes, I also liked Kansas City Fitness Mag AND liked Michael Harper’s entry. :) Hope he wins! But how can he lose with so many Fatty fans supporting him.
Also, I forgot to chide you on the middle aged and paunchy comment in your post. Your fans are too polite to tell you that you are too fit and too thin to be called paunchy and your site is really now run by the ThinandFitCyclist. I think you need to eat more donuts. And pie. And gain about 50 pounds. :) And middle aged? You could ride circles around people half your age, heck probably even people 3/4 of your age. You aren’t fooling me! :)
Comment by Mike H | 07.14.2011 | 3:55 pm
Fatty Fans:
I need about 50 votes tonight to get back into this thing…..can we do it? The competition ends tomorrow at noon!!!
Thanks for the support in advance!
Mike
Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 07.14.2011 | 5:06 pm
No race experience??? What’s Leadville? A morning ride for coffee…and donuts?
Wish I was so paunchy (proportionately) as you. Looks like I’m bring ‘donuts’ to Levis Gran Fondo. Now if I could just get Justin to bring some ‘bacon maple bars’ from Portland we’d be all set.
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Comment by Doug (way upstate NY) | 07.14.2011 | 7:59 pm
Interesting post. Starts with needing help with a weight loss contest and goes to a doughnut eating contest…hum……..
Sorry I cannot be there. I have a long ride through the Adirondacks scheduled for Saturday.
Comment by Dave T | 07.14.2011 | 10:38 pm
Not so sure about the tour de donut but a tour da IPA might spark my intrest.
@mike H you have my vote I hope you win.
Comment by Darren | 07.15.2011 | 5:22 am
If there are any extra jerseys they would make great prizes for A donation contest. Or, they would be good for those Canadians that can never win the other contests.
Comment by Sharon | 07.15.2011 | 7:27 am
Best of luck to you, Mike! I did my part! :)
The Tour de Donut is THE best race idea ever. I’m so totally putting this on my calendar for next year!
Comment by Jenni | 07.15.2011 | 8:14 am
I would have seriously considered taking a trip (I’ve got miles to burn) if this were posted with MORE NOTICE.
Have a great time. Nice sandbagging btw.
Comment by Turn The Damn Cranks | 07.15.2011 | 8:29 am
This is admittedly posted in the wrong thread, but I figure folks are reading this, and not scrolling back looking for new comments on old posts. So, here’s Jens Voigt blogging about yesterday’s tour stage and writing about a subject near and dear to Fatty’s helmeted head: “But I didn’t get a break from Mother Nature, because at one point I was climbing along and a bee worked its way under my helmet strap and stung me right on the Adam’s apple! Now, this is not a serious thing. I’m not allergic to bee stings or anything. But, boy, who needs that when they are riding in the Tour de France?” So I guess even pros need a face shield!
http://bicycling.com/blogs/hardlyserious/2011/07/15/tour-de-france-stage-12-pulling-up-the-tourmalet/
Comment by Richard from Calgary | 07.15.2011 | 9:12 am
Fatty,
I wish I could be back in Utah for this weekend. This is a race I can compete in and win. Look forward to being there next year.
Comment by Paul Guyot | 07.15.2011 | 9:41 am
My 8-year-old son Jack and I raced in the Staunton, IL Tour de Donut last weekend. The ORIGINAL TDD.
It was my boy’s first group ride, first ride over 13 miles, and he crushed it. We ate four donuts on the route and after being the very last two starters of the day (there were over 1,300 riders) we managed to finish ahead of nearly 200 people.
But the best part was my boy not only finished the 31 mile course, but out of the 53 “16-and-under” participants, of which only one (Jack) was under 12, he finished 40th.
Scariest thing we saw was the “gentleman” at Donut Stop #2 who had consumed… wait for it… wait…
31 donuts, and was on his 32nd when we rode away, our stomach’s clenching.
Comment by Mike H | 07.15.2011 | 11:26 am
Well, the contest is over and I didn’t crack the top 2. Thanks everyone for your votes and well wishes!
Just gonna have to do it on my own, sounds like a country song…
Mike H
Comment by RedNBlondies | 07.15.2011 | 1:54 pm
Word got out about the Tour de Donut on the FOB I’m stationed at. There are a handful of us seriously considering doing our own, stationary Lifecycle (does that even qualify as a bike?) donut tour for the fun of it. It would be a Tour de Donut of Nowhere!
Blanket warmers are amazing! I can attest to that from both a providers perspective and a patients perspective.
I love the new Fat Cyclist Gear. I’m so wanting to purchase a few items I can wear when I finally get home to Colorado, but my fridge at home blew up and the hubby had to spend the paycheck to fix it! Hoping the insurance will reimburse us in the next few days.
Comment by JR | 07.15.2011 | 8:25 pm
Any chance we could get fat cyclist gear in other colors besides burnt orange?
Comment by Anne | 07.17.2011 | 6:49 am
So funny Fatty. LOL.
Some times I wish I did live across the pond. I am convinced you will come in at a negative time. I just took 60 min. on my indoor cycle trainer.
Enjoy!
Comment by MattC | 07.17.2011 | 10:43 am
Hmmm…I think the TdD needs weight-class divisions (I mean, SURE, I can eat some SERIOUS amounts of donuts, but can I reasonably be expected to be able to eat like FORTY? I have a tiny belly…I’d look like Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke after eating those 50 hard boiled eggs…and then to RIDE?? However I’m pretty sure I could do a negative time in this race. Pound for pound I’m pretty scrappy when it comes to eatin’ and ridin’!
Anyway, it all sounds very cool Fatty…wish I was anywhere NEAR Utah (and that I had even a few HOURS of vacation left…sadly I’m totally tapped out just now). But you did lure me into ordering the Tech T…I of course ordered the jersey last week and somehow then had the willpower to NOT order more…but I just caved and did the T…an impulse buy (I haven’t had much sleep or food)…I’m gonna have to get a part-time job soon if I can’t get some overtime…this cycling stuff gets expensive!
Good luck on your sponsorship…I’m SURE you’ll do fine, and you have chosen a great cause as always.
Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 07.18.2011 | 11:38 am
Having trouble getting to Michael’s entry page on Facebook. It’s tell me that the content is no longer available. Any ideas?
The contest is over is why. Thanks for trying though! – FC