Overly Revelatory Preview of an Upcoming Jersey Design: Free Verse Friday
Egad!
Can it be that Monday is so near?
Can it be that Monday — verily, a mere two-ish days hence! — the Latest
(And some would say greatest)
Version of the FatCyclist.com kit will be available for pre-order?
Yes!
It is true!
Shout it fro the rooftops!
Figuratively, I mean
Don’t do it for real
Because the neighbors would complain
And we don’t want any trouble
I look deep inside myself
And ask
Shall I give a hint?
A glimpse into what is forthcoming?
Of course I shall!
For I am
If not a showman
Then what?
What, indeed?
But how much to reveal?
That is the question that weighs on me
Like the oppressive weight
Of one thousand cinderblocks
Or at least a very large burrito
Eaten, ill-advisedly
For dinner last night
I have regrets
Shall I be miserly?
Shall I show only the merest glimpse?
Shall I tease and flirt?
Is such behavior becoming
From a man closer to his deathbed
Than to his birth-crib?
I do not know. Truly I do not.
Well, maybe I shall just wing it.
Let us begin with a hat
Yes! A cycling cap!
And not just any cycling cap
But one made of a technical fabric!
It shall wick and stuff!
And be very comfortable
Whether worn under a helmet, or alone
Let us check it out, from multiple angles, anon:
Is the hat all that is new?
Surely you jest!
(Respectful pause for the appropriate Airplane punchline)
For this year — like many years — there is a bottle
But this year, oh.
Oh my
What a bottle
For I have searched many a year for the ultimate, perfect bottle
And now I have found it
It is better than the Camelbak bottle I used to love
It is better than the Specialized Purist Bottle I still love
It is the Specialized Hydroflo Purist, with a Watergate cap
And I simply cannot imagine a more perfect bottle existing
For two months
In deepest, darkest secret
I have used these bottles
And now I will use no others
These are that much better
I have yearned to tell you
But I have reserved judgment
Because I wanted to know for sure
The time has nearly come
For me to hold forth
I will explain more soon
And what of socks?
Here’s a thought
What if I were to merely show
An extreme closeup
Of one part
Of a sock
That would be kind of dorky
Of me
Would it not?
Which, you must admit
Would be in character
Yes yes you say
But what of the main event?
What of the jersey?
Shall there be no hints of the design
Of the new jersey?
OK fine
Here you go
Truly, I hear you say
Seriously?
That’s all you’re going to show?
Will you reveal no more
Of this much-hyped jersey design?
OK.
I see your point.
It is bold!
It is stripey!
It looks better than pretty much any jersey
Worn in the pro peloton
Today!
And, I have it on good authority
It is quite slimming
As well
Is this all, then?
No!
There’s more
And you shall see it
And may pre-order it
Beginning this Monday
At 10:00am ET / 7:00am PT
My friends at Twin Six
Have outdone themselves
Thank you.
Comment by Jenni | 07.6.2012 | 6:53 am
LOVE!!
Comment by Nancy_in_MN | 07.6.2012 | 6:55 am
I didn’t think it was possible to need another jersey, let alone a complete kit with matching bottles and a hat. But apparently this will be essential to my existence. I can tell.
Comment by Chris | 07.6.2012 | 7:33 am
Best!Collection!Yet!
And a cap, thank you for the head shaving masses!
Comment by NYCCarlos | 07.6.2012 | 10:08 am
hmmmmm… need to see the bibs to get the full picture. if I have a pink/white stripe through my crotch, I might have to pass…
One would have to be a remarkably confident person to wear such a pair of shorts. – FC
Comment by Leigh Anne | 07.6.2012 | 10:10 am
oh wow, that stripe will gently cradle my belly providing all the accent needed for a much slower than fatty fat cyclist!
2 please, short and long sleeve
Comment by Clydesteve | 07.6.2012 | 10:11 am
O let us expand
on the film of the purist hydroflo
film
drawing conclusions where
none should be
the bottle is formed
from a big bang
of glass
you see
like my frugal but
not always careful mom
Specialized has apparently
strained out the glass shards
for purity
and rubberized them
for flexibility
but I think
like the jam with glass strained out
that mom sometimes gave me
it might be better to
toss
the water
that was in the glass
when it exploded
then again
what does not kill you
makes you stronger
unless it is
arsenic
thank you very much
Comment by blair | 07.6.2012 | 10:14 am
suddenly i need ice cream
Me too, except not suddenly. More like “constantly.” – FC
Comment by 3d brian | 07.6.2012 | 10:16 am
The great event
is upon us.
The great tour
de donut.
For long two years
have I borne
the deep and
inglorious shame
Of consuming a
pittance, yea
a tiny pittance
of donuts.
Last year schedules
clashed conflicted
and redeem myself
I could not.
Yet Saturday comes
at last
finally two years
of shame end.
The name 3d brian
I have born
for my measly
3 donuts eaten
Saturday I shall
cast of this shame
destroy the horrid
moniker.
On Monday
I shall return
risen again
with a new name.
The chance is here.
The time to
show my stuff
arrives.
An yet,
I cannot help but think
that eating more donuts
may be even more shameful.
Comment by Carl | 07.6.2012 | 10:17 am
Bad Ass!!!
Comment by Lisa in Athens | 07.6.2012 | 10:18 am
NYC Carlos, the thought of
A pink stripe through one’s crotch
On a man such as yourself
Gave me a very much needed giggle
Blue or purple would be more your color.
Thank you.
Comment by NYCCarlos | 07.6.2012 | 10:29 am
haha… well, you know I’m a remarkably confident individual!
In all seriousness though, any idea on the material the hat is made out of? 3 years ago or so, the white and pink hats were made of cotton and had a really disappointingly flaccid brim. I’m hoping for a non-cotton – some sort of performance fabric – hat with more of a rigid brim.
The hat is made of 100% centaur hide. Don’t worry, though, the centaurs are ethically euthanized and their families are sent condolence cards.
Or it’s possible that the hats are made from the same material as the jerseys, and the bill flips up nicely. – FC
Comment by AKChick55 | 07.6.2012 | 11:14 am
Love! Thank goodness my birthday is coming otherwise I couldn’t afford a new kit! Can’t wait to see the bibs! Can we use our 100 MoN certificates on our order? And yay for rain in Utah!!!
Comment by Ben | 07.6.2012 | 11:33 am
Hey fatty! Love the new jersey and I have been looking to make the dive into a super trendy cycling hat but have always run into problems with them fitting. I have a head roughly the size of a state fair prize winning pumpkin. Do you know the sizes of heads it will fit? I wear a 7 5/8 fitted baseball cap if that helps. Thanks!
Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 07.6.2012 | 11:43 am
@Fatty and NYCarlos. What are Team Fatties if not ‘remarkably confident’ persons wrapped in self deprecating humor. Bring on the pink striped crotch, and be afraid…be very afraid.
Comment by Fuzz Martin | 07.6.2012 | 11:44 am
A new kit,
I shall pre-order,
In lieu of new pedals,
In lieu of new shoes,
In the loo house with my wife when she realizes,
I spent a bunch of money at Twin Six, again.
But buy a new kit I must,
Lest fellow riders won’t know,
That I exude much girth,
and I want pie,
and I ride a bike.
If I don’t buy one, now,
And the other is dirty,
How will other riders know,
that I’m a pro-pie beefeater?
I could make a hand signal,
When other riders ride by,
Like this:
And this:
But they might not get it.
And I might lose control,
with my hands off the bars,
Which would make them angry,
And then not care that I am a fat cyclist.
I have made a justification,
Which I often do,
When there are things that I want,
But know I don’t need,
I have slimmed down a size,
And where there used to be,
A XXX before the L,
There is now too much room,
With less sexy girth,
And the Twin-X L jerseys
From Twin Six fit just fine.
No more XXX for me.
Thank you.
Comment by Susie H | 07.6.2012 | 11:56 am
For this.
I truly must wake up early.
On Monday.
Thank you.
Comment by ClydeinKS | 07.6.2012 | 12:05 pm
I. Love. This.
Will now be getting FC kit #2, BUT can I special order the crotch stripe bibs?
Comment by davidh-marin, ca | 07.6.2012 | 12:14 pm
Cancellara
Hushovd
Nelson
rulers of their ‘quad’dom
women sigh in their presence
men grumble
The Pink Crotch Bibs shall be
our mark
on the peloton
others will see us
for who we really are
Fat Cyclists
Thank you
Comment by Heidi | 07.6.2012 | 12:20 pm
And don’t call me Shirley.
Thank you.
Comment by Full Monte | 07.6.2012 | 12:23 pm
Stripes through my crotch
Nay
I think not
For as king of the mountains
I deserve a polka dot
One
Solitary
Alone
Pink and placed in front
Below the stripe
Heralding my climbing skills
Like an exclamation
Point
!
Comment by ClydesdalePilot | 07.6.2012 | 12:54 pm
I say “Lo!”
“Lo and behold!”
A new kit for the mighty
The mightiest of the mighty
Mighty hungry, that is…
On Monday
My wallet will cry
It will shed tears
For it too, shall go hungry.
Twin Six takes my money again.
I will sport the pink stripe
All across my junk and stuff
I’d prefer the ladies stare
At my junk and stuff
Rather than my belly
Or my face.
Let’s face it,
I’m not exactly Brad Pitt.
I am rotund.
Thank you.
Comment by mykill | 07.6.2012 | 12:56 pm
For the striped bibs i am unafraid
Tis not my crotch that will be displayed
But my arse to those left behind
Though it shall seem a tad unkind
A fat man in a pink stripe overtaking
Rushing home where the pie lay baking
Thank you.
Comment by Miles Archer | 07.6.2012 | 1:03 pm
Just don’t use light grey on the bibs.
Last year I rode the Livestrong Davis event. For quite a few miles, I was behind a big guy from Visalia.
(Man that limerick almost writes itself
There was a big guy from Visalia…)
Sorry, almost got carried away there.
To make a long story short, when the grey shorts get wet, they can get kind of revealing what’s underneath.
OK, no light grey on bibs. Nor elsewhere, actually. – FC
Comment by George | 07.6.2012 | 1:26 pm
tres beau!
Comment by Daddio-O | 07.6.2012 | 1:49 pm
Available in a Tech-T?
Comment by mtnbikechk@hotmail.com | 07.6.2012 | 1:53 pm
I want that cap, no,I need that cap…wait.. I HAVE TO HAVE THAT CAP, that cap will give me wings.
Comment by laura | 07.6.2012 | 2:31 pm
Looks awesome. And it makes me think of a gallon of Neapolitan ice cream with that color scheme….The lone barren strip of strawberry that was always left in the carton….Ummmm ice cream….on a hot day….Oops off topic…
Can’t wait to order! :-)
Comment by Debi | 07.6.2012 | 4:21 pm
Can’t wait! I’m getting one this year, cuz this is a great purchase for a great cause. Furthermore, I want people to know I know about fatcyclist.com and everything Fatty does to help those whose lives have been affected by that ugly disease called cancer.
Do you know who is as cool as Fat Cyclist? His followers. Love reading the comments as much as I love reading the blog.
Comment by Skye | 07.6.2012 | 4:40 pm
hahahaha
I get it now!
It really is Friday
Even though
After 2 days off
It feels like a Monday at work
Free Verse Friday
makes much more sense on Friday than it does were it actually Monday.
Good thing I don’t run the world, we’d all be confused!
Thank you.
@Fuzz and @Clydesdale,
Bonus points to both
for making me snort out loud
at my desk
on Friday, not Monday.
Thank you.
Comment by Justin l. | 07.6.2012 | 7:11 pm
My kill, I loved that poem!!!! I hate pink but love fatty gear
Comment by Gabi | 07.6.2012 | 8:16 pm
Love the jersey and the hat!
Comment by Augustus | 07.7.2012 | 5:34 am
Now I can get a pink jersey and a hat! Yeah Fatty!!
Comment by Augustus | 07.7.2012 | 5:34 am
And, it wicks!!
Comment by MellowJonny | 07.7.2012 | 9:32 am
If fatty commented on this comment that I’m commenting under the comment section of the comments of his post, it would make my day!
Comment by Anonymous | 07.7.2012 | 9:58 am
Chocolate.
Strawberry.
Vanilla.
Just looking at you
Fat Cyclist Jersey
Awakens hunger.
Not only for ice cream-
But to posses such a
Beautiful thing
And
To wear it.
Wanting it
To work it’s magic-
Of inspiration
And slimming.
There will be hard rides
Curiously Neopolitan in their
Glorious memories
Ending with a frozen reward.
A vicious cycle.
Comment by Lori P. | 07.7.2012 | 10:03 am
Lol so overwhelmed was I by the need to write poetry
I forgot to sign my post above.
Love the jersey.
Comment by Tmac | 07.7.2012 | 4:48 pm
Fatty, I sit here with tears of desire flowing down my cheeks. I love fatty and all it stands for, but alas, the clothing never fits a true fatty!!! Can we talk to twin six to get some big guy sizes? The xxl is cute, bu fits like a euro disco shirt!!! Please help me support fatty, a man can only buy so many socks, stickers, and water bottles!
Comment by Bicycle Bill | 07.7.2012 | 6:17 pm
Real cyclists
Are not afraid to wear pink
In public.
Jan Ulrich wore pink
When riding for T-Mobile.
Team ONCE wore pink
On the Tour de France.
Team Lampre
Still does.
In front of the entire world.
Fat Cyclists are expected,
Nay,
*OBLIGATED*
To wear pink.
Pink in memory of Susan.
Pink in memory
Of any cancer victim.
Pink in honor
Of any cancer survivor.
Because cancer sux.
When I am riding
I will wear pink.
I will wear it proudly.
I shall climb hills.
I shall defeat headwinds.
I shall laugh at rains.
I shall persevere.
Because I am not riding for myself
And I am not riding by myself.
I am riding with Lance
And with my aunt
And with George
And with the countless multitude
Of those whose lives have been touched
In some way or another
By cancer.
And until cancer has finally been conquered
I will fight like Susan.
-”BB”-
Comment by Paul M | 07.7.2012 | 9:29 pm
Apropos to nothing… Are they showing Golden Corral ads during the tour in all markets or just here in Austin?
I was thinking… I wonder who on earth follows the tour AND would go to GC for the chocolate fountain, and realized… it’s us.
Comment by davidh,marin | 07.7.2012 | 11:56 pm
@Paul M Yes the GC ads are showing here in No Cal and I do not know of any aound here.
Yes they are fo us…and all the other ’sports fans’ who are watching OLN, oh my bad, I meant VERSUS, oh still bad, Universal Sports. What, it’s not called that either. NBCSports…really?
Do they still have Bull Riding and Bass Fishing, or is the ‘Golden Corral’ the only thing left from the old days. Even the creepy ‘happy guy’ from the male enhancement ads is gone.
Comment by Robert | 07.8.2012 | 5:49 am
It is bold!
It is stripey!
And I WANT it!
Comment by Robert | 07.8.2012 | 5:54 am
Oh, and what about the bibshorts?
Comment by KT | 07.8.2012 | 3:46 pm
Love, love, love it!!!!
Comment by Doug P | 07.8.2012 | 5:18 pm
Neopolitan
Not my best look for today
I will pass this time.
Thank you.