Meet Zach, The Team Fatty Crew Chief for 25 Hours in Frog Hollow
A Note from Fatty: Earlier this week, I posted a blog entry asking for help on crewing for Kenny, The Hammer and me at the 25 Hours in Frog Hollow.
I was astonished at the number of people who said they’d like to volunteer. Or, more to the point, I was astonished that anyone at all wanted to volunteer. So, a huge thanks to everyone who emailed me, saying you’d like to help. Thanks (but not as much) also to all of you who commented, saying you’d like to help but have a good excuse for why you’re not going to.
I did, I am happy to announce, pick a crew chief. Today’s post is his application.
Crewing Application
Purpose and Vision: To be the best damn Frog Hollow Crew that has ever crewed for the best damn single speed blogger that had ever blogged…and single-speeded (?)
I’m Zach…and to make my pitch short and sweet, I’ll start by saying simply that I’ve ridden countless road, mountain, and cyclocross races in my lifetime. And I’ve owned, operated and wrenched my own bikes for decades. I’ve put more miles on my bikes than all my cars combined.
But that’s not what makes me the most qualified person to be your crew chief for the 25 Hours of Frog Hollow. What makes me the most qualified crew chief is Fred.
Who’s Fred?
Fred, in the simplest terms, is to a crew chief what Kit was to the Knight Rider. Fred is the most self-sufficient, sophisticated, and highly trained Recreational Vehicle you have perhaps ever witness. He makes Kit look like a child’s toy.
Why? Well, he’s handled no less than 10 grown men sleeping, eating and pooping in him over long weekends in Moab and on the White Rim Trail. (Handling the cooking and waste disposal alone is a task that should earn Fred the position. We’re talking about crewing for Fatty, right? The king of pooh and eating? Ok then…)
Fred has nimbly danced down the Horsethief Bench, all while towing a trailer filled with mountain bikes in the middle of November on a layer of snow and ice and slippery red clay. And then turned around and gone right back up that trail, taking us to safety.
Fred has warmed the bodies and souls of racers and riders at various events, and brings with him an ambiance and secure “homey” type feeling that a person needs when they’ve been running on gels and waffles for 18 hours.
Fred knows what a racer needs when he’s in distress. And he translates that need directly to me, and others who he has trust and faith in. Fred is a refuge for the struggling and a beacon to the hungry.
I’ve also started the TOSH cycling team and have plenty of support crew buddies at my disposal.
Fred and I await the mission, should you choose to accept us. And we promise nothing short of excellence, precision, and enough jocularity to keep you going for at least 26 or 27 hours…if that’s how long it does take you to finish the 25 Hours of Frog Hollow.
xoxo,
Zach Terry, and Fred
Comment by Doug (Way upstate NY) | 10.18.2013 | 7:11 am
Speaking as one who is currently deeply involved in the hiring process. I think we need to see Fred’s resume in print form. Also, does Fred have references and can we call them to verify the claims made?
This is for Lisa after all. And we want to make sure she is well cared for!
Comment by fuzzy | 10.18.2013 | 7:15 am
Nice one Zach (and fatty).
What we need to know however is, does Fred have the accent of a True English Butler or is it Faux English?
Luv ‘n Stuff
Fuzzy from the UK
Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 10.18.2013 | 7:16 am
Awesome! Sounds like it’s going to be great time!
Comment by fuzzy | 10.18.2013 | 7:18 am
Well done Zach (and Fatty).
What we need to establish now is this- does Fred speak with the accent of a True English Butler (You rang M’Lord?) or does he speak faux English?
Luv ‘n Stuff
Fuzzy from the UK
Comment by fuzzy | 10.18.2013 | 7:20 am
Sorry about the double reply- problems with my connection to ‘tinternet.
Luv ‘n Stuff
Fuzzy from the UK
Comment by Jacob | 10.18.2013 | 7:24 am
I think pooh is a bear. A silly bear, but still a bear.
Poo is what you normally worry about disposing of properly.
Please don’t put Pooh Bear in the toilet.
Comment by MattC | 10.18.2013 | 8:30 am
Personally I’d have waited to hear what Leroy’s dog has to say about this before making such an important decision Fatty.
Zach, that has to be the bestest support crew application in the history of support crew applications! (that’s just me talking, still waiting to hear from Leroy’s dog tho before I’ll commit fully).
Comment by christym | 10.18.2013 | 8:53 am
Awesome application, I hope we’ll get to read a recap from the crew and Fred’s perspective when this is over.
Comment by wharton_crew | 10.18.2013 | 9:05 am
Zach, please take lot’s of pictures of what Fatty *really* looks like during a race. I expect to see stages similar to the “5 stages of grief”, only racing style, like this:
1. Intense competition
2. Realization that you’re using up your reserves too fast
3. Fear! Bonk with 10 hours to go!
4. Intense (but short-lived) competition as Kenny and The Hammer pass him for good while snickering
5. Whimpering…sad sad whimpering, but not stopping until he falls off his bike at the end
And you can document the photos with his responses to this classic question: “Remember, this is for posterity, so be honest…how do you feel?”
That is all, thanks for volunteering!
Comment by SteveB | 10.18.2013 | 9:07 am
I am truly humbled by the awesomeness of this application.
Good luck to all.
Comment by bikemike | 10.18.2013 | 9:29 am
“Of course, we’ll be flinging poo.”
Comment by MattC | 10.18.2013 | 9:41 am
Oh, and Zach…to add to what Wharton_Crew said…maybe you could take a facial picture of them all (Fatty, Hammer, and Kenny) as they roll in at the end of each lap (along with a “start” photo showing how happy and energetci they look BEFORE the race), thus we’d have a fun pictoral ‘timeline’ as the 25 hours unfurls…we could watch the self-destruction after the fact….just a thought. I’d wager the Hammer’s last shot would still show a smile and very closely resemble all the rest of her shots, while Fatty’s will look a little ‘less’ enthusiastic after 25 hours of ‘fun’.
Comment by Wife#.667 | 10.18.2013 | 9:47 am
Pretty sure I just fell a little bit in love with Fred. Don’t tell my husband though.
Comment by Wife#.667 | 10.18.2013 | 9:48 am
Oh and Zach…. for the love of all that is good and right in this world, do not let Fatty near any Red Bull!
Comment by centurion | 10.18.2013 | 9:52 am
“10 grown men sleeping, eating and pooping in him over long weekends” Bring lots of Fabreze.
Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 10.18.2013 | 10:19 am
Well done Zach and snaps for Fred. The fact that 10 men have slept and pooped within his confines makes me think MoN Hammer is going to sleep on the roof.
I assume Fred is going to have a ‘makeover’ before this event. Some of that ‘bus wrap’ graphic stuff to properly identify him as the “Fatty Palace’.
Oh. And Wife #.667. I’m ok with Fred, but only until my cast comes off.
Comment by AKChick | 10.18.2013 | 10:39 am
Wow. I’m super jealous! I wonder if I could lure Zach and Fred up for the Fireweed 200…heck with a motorhome, I could do the 400 (as part of a relay team). SUPER jealous! Can’t wait to read about and see photos! Please have Zach take lots of photos of the crew! And it would be fun to get his perspective (and Freds) in a separate post. Great writer! Loved his application! Thank you for sharing. Also, good luck this weekend (not that any of you need it).
Comment by AKChick | 10.18.2013 | 10:42 am
I can pretty much predict that in all photos, The Hammer will be smiling. Cause she is just that awesome.
Also, @Jacob – good catch. That spelling looked weird to me but I haven’t had much latte yet this morning. Yes, please, do not flush Pooh. Step away from the bear. :)
Comment by cyclingjimbo | 10.18.2013 | 10:57 am
Nice application, Zach, and it sounds like the references of you and your cycling friends for Fred are more than sufficient to establish his awesomeness and qualifications to be part of crew for Fatty and The Hammer, and yes, Kenny, too, at Frog Hollow.
Good choice, Fatty!
Looking forward to the report, and now it look slike you will have to include a report about and/or by the crew as well.
Comment by Ellen | 10.18.2013 | 1:22 pm
Yeah, Zach!!! He sounds perfect.
Comment by Sunny | 10.18.2013 | 4:02 pm
I can’t do a single thing but I would sure love to come and be a part of the whole Fred experience…..oh, and cheer Fatty on too!
Comment by Zach | 10.18.2013 | 4:28 pm
Thanks to all for their interest and support in Fred. As to the “pooh” spelling it was meant to be a long drawn out expretional poo to relate to the one and only elden fatcyclist. And yes my wife, who is a professional photographer, will be coming along to document. Play ball!
Comment by UpTheGrade SR, CA | 10.18.2013 | 4:59 pm
Well done Zach and Fred, awesome application!
Is Fred by any chance the ‘original’ Fred, the category of which Bike Snob New York City BSNYC refers to so often?
Fatty is truely lucky to have such a well qualified, enthusiastic, talented and well ensconced crew chief for what is sure to be an epic event with multi-episodal blog posting – I can’t wait.
Comment by Jeff Bike | 10.18.2013 | 6:26 pm
@Zach “And yes my wife, who is a professional photographer, will be coming along to document.”
Wow a crew chief, The Fred and the Photo Wife all in one catch. Good job Fatty.
Comment by M | 10.18.2013 | 7:18 pm
And Fred doesn’t look like he has a “security” flashing light.
Comment by Davidh-Marin,ca | 10.18.2013 | 8:13 pm
Between Zach, Fred, and the Photographer Wife. I think we will finally have some veracity to these “stories”.
I’m not sure about Zach and his wife, but I’m confident Fred can’t be bought.
Comment by Rach | 10.19.2013 | 8:15 am
Did Zach buy Fred from Walter White?
Comment by SteveB | 10.19.2013 | 9:32 am
Now the only question is: @Zach, does Fred do road trips? Livestrong Davis next year? (10-ish hour drive by my calculation)… I’ll chip in for gas.
Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 10.19.2013 | 11:26 pm
Fatty. Saw this special invitation just for you. Hailey, Idaho, you already know how to get there. Lot’s of beer, but the real ‘hook’ is it’s cyclocross!
http://crosstoberfestidaho.com/
Comment by Jenni | 10.20.2013 | 11:52 am
Holy cow that application reads like a work of fiction, it can’t possibly be true. You’ve struck gold Fatty.
I am in awe of your generosity Zach. Man, good people doing good things to help each other, that is the stuff of life.
Comment by Nadia | 10.20.2013 | 8:08 pm
Awesome, looking forward to hearing about more of Zach…and Fred, of course :)
Comment by LidsB2 | 10.21.2013 | 10:19 am
Does Zach wear fingerless gloves?
Comment by Bill H-D | 10.21.2013 | 10:51 am
Point of order: Pooh is a bear. Poo is human feces. As you were.
Comment by Clydesteve | 10.21.2013 | 2:05 pm
@Rach at 10/19/2013 @ 8:15am Gasp! Choke! Noooooooo….
Comment by Jim | 10.21.2013 | 7:37 pm
I was considering doing this but then I discovered that Fred has neither a jacuzzi, nor a minifridge stocked with free bourbon. I don’t need pay, but as a High Quality Volunteer™ I have come to expect certain amenities.