The 100 Miles of Nowhere: Winner of the Black Rock Divison

10.27.2014 | 9:02 am

A Note from Fatty: I’ll be posting 100 Miles of Nowhere reports all this week, while I work hard on a project I’ll be unveiling very soon. It’s a project that’s been a long time in the making, I’m very proud of it, and you should be able to have it in your hands by Christmas. 

Another Note from Fatty: Today’s 100 Miles of Nowhere race report is written by Kristie P, but is about Bobbie R.

The Noodle Made Her Do It

It was Fatty’s idea but the reason Bobbie got on the bike at all is because the @thenoodleater made her do it. The “Vehemence of Suckage” she wrote, as a descriptor of the ride a few years ago, May 2009. Janeen rode her bike indoors for 100 miles. The true spirit of the 100 Miles of nowhere challenge by the Fat Cyclist, Elden Nelson is to ride 100 miles in a small and ridiculous circuit. An indoor trainer definitely qualified as a small circuit.

The following year she did a small loop circuit. The year after a one-mile circuit of hill repeats at 8% grade. The year after 5 back-to-back days of 100 miles riding to a town called Nowhere.

So why does it matter what Janeen does? It matters because she writes and video blogs about her adventures. Her writing takes you inside that place in your head where stupid plans happen that are both physically and mentally challenging. She captures the quirkiness of the moments, of the suffering, in a way that makes you say, “Hey, I want to suffer like that.”

And Bobbie did want to suffer like that.

No More Misses

Bobbie has signed up for the “100 MoN” for a couple years only to take a pass on the event for varying reasons that life hands your way. This year was not to be missed.

For 2014 Fatty decided that the inane race event would be held in October rather than May. It is still a fundraiser for Camp Kesem and the sponsorship list has grown. I think the tipping point this year was the new sponsor of The Sufferfest. Fatty and Twin Six teamed up with a pretty rocking jersey to commemorate this race. Gu Energy, CarboRocket, The Feed, Banjo Brothers, DZ Nuts, with a race plate by Bike Monkey. On October 18, 2014, Bobbie would race the nearly mile loop around Black Rock Estates, our neighborhood.

Morning came and Bobbie and I got up, dressed, and had the usual bacon and egg breakfast. At about 7:30 we hit the street. Bobbie took off and I made a u-turn back to the house.

I had forgotten my helmet, duh.

The Plan, Executed

The plan was to ride your own race around and around for 100 miles. Bobbie had downloaded the new audiobook by Cary Elwes, As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride to keep her company. This turned out to be a brilliant idea. If you are going to ride in insane circles for hours on end, a story about the making of the greatest adventure is surely good company.

It seemed that if we were going to do a race we should start in the race corral. So here is Bobbie is the starting corral with all her competitors.

It was a cold morning, hovering in the fifties, and overcast. Bobbie and I were split on the course so I didn’t see much of her.

Around and around.

The route, when we walk the block every day, is a straightaway followed by a slight uphill and then downhill, then a smaller straightaway, then another uphill/downhill.

Repeat.

This never seems like a big deal when we walk the dogs. It didn’t seem like a big deal the first 5 or so miles until the realization hit. The fastest you could ever pick up steam was the longer downhill and you would only top out at 20 miles before the turn. The straightaway was actually a slight incline so 16 mph was probably the best you could do here.

After 10 miles we met up and flipped direction, now riding the left hand circuit. This had a steeper climb but longer downs.

I pulled off at about 12 miles and decided this day was not for me. Bobbie carried on—with Cary Elwes keeping her company—around and around.

10 miles one direction, flip, 10 miles the other direction.

Here she is somewhere around twenty-ish miles, after Mom got up: a snack break of fresh cinnamon rolls.

And then, back at it:

Around the 50 mile mark, Bobbie came in for lunch and had a bit of a break. The hills were adding up and she was already at 3,000+ feet of climbing.

And the wind had started to pick up. The wind had made the left hand circuit a longer headwind direction so she had switched exclusively to right hand circuits.

The boredom was growing.

The Crowd Goes Wild

Back on out Bobbie plugged on, while I stayed inside to do chores.

Then, about 90 minutes later I wandered out with an armload of snacks and drinks and found a rider coming around the corner. We stopped for a chat and a drink and then back on the route for Bobbie.

Around and around.

Anita, the resident musician, was finally up and ready for the day. It was getting close to the time Bobbie should be just about finished. We grabbed a tuba and trombone and went out to the corner.

Each time Bobbie came around we played some kinda fanfare (since I don’t play tuba it was definitely some kind of something!)

One of the neighbors, Kris Lewis, and her daughter stopped by.

“What’s going on?”

“Oh, Bobbie is riding 100 miles around the block and we are playing music for her.”

Of course.

Bobbie was nearing the last couple laps so Anita raced back to the house and got a table and some water to look like a snack stop.

Around Bobbie came and we cheered with music, cute stuffed flowers, a honking neighbor, and a table of water.

Another neighbor stopped as she drove by, “What’s going on?” We responded the same way and the teenage daughter sitting in the passenger seat looked like this must be the stupidest idea ever, lips curled over braces. We smiled.

Victory!

Finally, the last lap arrived and Bobbie completed a hundred miles in the headwind, on hills, in a boring-ass loop around the neighborhood. Her book ended as she was done and we all went back to the house.

Bobbie ended up with about 7,000 feet of climbing on that hill we don’t think much of. The wind held steady throughout the afternoon at 12-15 mph and gusts up to 20 mph.

The 100 miles of nowhere was a tough riding day. It sucked. It was hard. It was done. The vehemence of suckage was experienced.

A smile spread across Bobbie’s face. She was rewarded with a pile of pastries from Saffron Bakery and she inhaled a fresh baklava.

And then, a long hot bath.