How to Deny — But Not Defy — Physics
At this moment in time, I am very angry at physics.
Here’s why.
I have been having a remarkably difficult time sticking to good eating habits lately. This has to do with the perfect storm of me having more time to eat, and having the kitchen about six feet from where I write, and having the terrible habit of eating whenever I’m working on writing something difficult.
And pretty much every single paragraph of Fight Like Susan is difficult.
And in short, I haven’t weighed myself in several days because I am confident it will not be good news. And as someone who’s dealt with plenty of bad news lately, I’ve taken to avoiding bad news (e.g., the scale) whenever I can.
The Plan
Yesterday, The Hammer went on a pre-birthday run with her friend Lynette, and then to see her mom, and then to a work-related dinner.
Which meant I would be exercising by myself. A rare thing. But also an interesting opportunity, because I had this terrific plan I was excited to execute:
Find out how fast I am.
It was a good plan, because I hadn’t had time during the day to ride, and I was running out of daylight. With the short hour of time I had for exercise (Note to self: write a post about how cycling is the only sport where an hour is a short workout), I could attack a couple of climbs and figure out how I’m doing.
The Execution
So that’s what I did.
I suited up, got on the Felt FReD 9, and took off, with the intention of giving it all I’ve got in two climbs in Lambert Park: Spring, and then Up Rodeo to Middle Spring. See if I could really push myself. See if I could maybe set a new PR.
And I did push myself. I put in a truly big effort, went as hard as I could go. Suffered intensely and thoroughly.
After knocking myself out for two very intense — but let’s face it, short — climbs, I lazed about on trails for a few more minutes and then rode home, immediately uploading to Strava.
The Aftermath
I was not happy with what Strava had to say to me. On Spring, the 0.7-mile, 309’ climb, I was hoping for a PR trophy. Or at least a 2nd-best or (worst-case scenario) a 3rd-best ribbon.
Nope. Nothing.
Here is, in fact, where yesterday’s full-blown Spring climb effort lies in terms of my attempts:
Well, for one thing it’s interesting to note that I’ve gone up this climb 54 times since I’ve started using Strava. But I haven’t tried to go my fastest up this climb many times at all.
Yesterday, I got up there in my fourth-best time. Fourth. Which wouldn’t bother me so much if that weren’t almost forty seconds slower than my fastest time.
Forty seconds slower than my best, in a five-minute climb.
Sheesh.
Next, I checked my time up Rodeo Up – Middle Spring. Now, I didn’t really expect a new PR on this climb, because for some reason I actually own the KOM for this climb, nailing this twisty one-mile, 293’ climb in a miraculous 6:11 I never expect to replicate.
However, I did hope to get close. You know, some time in the sixes.
Nope.
8:14 was my time yesterday. More than two minutes slower than my best. I added a full third to my best time.
I stared at the screen, Surprised and saddened. Dumbfounded and dismayed. Ambivalent and alliterative, apparently.
How? How could this be happening? How is it I did my best, but managed to be slower?
Then The Hammer got home and asked if I had succeeded in my mission to be King of Lambert Park, giving me cause to sulk even more.
Reality
Of course, the truly amazing thing is not that I’m slower on climbs. No indeed. What in fact is truly amazing is that I somehow thought that I would magically be faster on these climbs, simply by applying grit and a winning attitude.
As it turns out, physics are a real thing. Which means that even though my power is up, my weight is up too. Disproportionately so.
In short, I’m stronger than I’ve ever been, but I’ve got more pudge to carry up the mountains.
Which, to my astonishing astonishment (by which I mean it’s astonishing that I was astonished), is not exactly a formula for KOM success.
Which further means that I need, beginning right this second, to prepare myself for the absolute certainty that I am going to suck when I race at the 6 Hours in Frog Hollow this weekend.
Or, to elaborate further for the sake of clarity: I am going to suck, and suck bad.
Because there’s a lot of climbing. And I’m ten pounds heavier than the last time I did this race. For climber types like me, power is nice, but power-to-weight is much more important. And I’ve got some work to do, weight-wise.
Wake Up Call
I have three races coming up that matter to me. Rockwell Relay. Crusher in the Tushars. Leadville MTB 100. All three of these races are custom-made for climbers.
But even more importantly, I’m going to be going somewhere as a guest of my friends at DNA Cycling, one month from yesterday. Somewhere where it would be really good for me to be really strong and light. Because there are mountains in this some place. And I’m going to be photographed.
Yikes.
So. Ten pounds. in one month. It’s going to happen.
Because I don’t exactly want to be fat when I tackle the mountains of Italy.
Comment by Jeff Dieffenbach | 04.12.2016 | 3:11 pm
Back during what I think was the first Fat Cyclist weight loss competition (the one where making one’s goal earned one a free spot in the 100 MoN, if I’m not mistaken), I took the challenge seriously and got to my lowest weight in a long time (159, if I’m not mistaken, which goes beyond heroic).
At the time, the combination of workouts every single day and being super-disciplined about food let me shed between half a pound and a full pound a day.
Last year, I thought I could fire up that same commitment and discipline. Well, I did, but the pounds didn’t come off. Not even close.
What changed? Well, roughly 4-5 years of age. I don’t have proof, but I think that somewhere in that period, my metabolism has changed enough to make shedding weight a lot harder. I’m 189 now, working toward 179, thinking that getting/staying in the 170s is best case for me.
So, maybe you need to accept that aging is making bigger inroads into your weight than you think. Not sure what to do about it other than eat in a healthy and sustainable way and live with the result.
Cheering for you for your big 3 … and Italy!
Comment by 331miles | 04.12.2016 | 3:50 pm
Chuck Norris, Alexander Supertramp, Joe Dirt, and Smokey the Bear. You are faster than all of them.
Comment by MtlDan | 04.12.2016 | 4:05 pm
For me, willpower only exists in the grocery store. Once it’s in the house, I’m gonna eat it because, like Fatty, I’m around the house most of the day. So this spring I’ve gotten the family to buy into the “no snacks in the house” diet. In the evenings I sit at my computer and watch a steady stream of family members wander into the kitchen, open various cabinets, and walk out again empty handed and empty stomached. When you look in the cupboard and see that the choices are cooking up some lentils or sticking to your diet, you’re going to stick to your diet.
Comment by Lauri | 04.12.2016 | 4:05 pm
I’m refusing to step on the scale because I’m pregnant. For me that means gaining 5lbs in a week, usually after a week of extra exercise & eating well.
I dreamt about running & racing my bike last night – I guess that will have to be enough for now.
Comment by Bob S. | 04.12.2016 | 4:39 pm
10 pounds in one month? Pretty aggressive. You can do it, but I’d be concerned it may also have a negative short term impact on your riding. Either way, good luck Fatty!
Comment by miles archer | 04.12.2016 | 4:55 pm
I was thinking about honey nut cheerios all day because of you.
I’ve yet to try it, but I bet it would be awesome to take a bowl of honey nut cheerios, no milk, and add salt and cayenne pepper. Eat like popcorn. nom nom nom that would be good.
This isn’t going to help with our fitness goals.
Comment by leroy | 04.12.2016 | 5:29 pm
I’ve spent the past four months in cardio rehab, hoping I was maintaining some sort of fitness.
I’ve ridden during that time, but not like I usually do, and not enough to stave off 10 pounds of winter weight.
Now that I’m rehabbed (with a certificate as of last Friday to prove it), I figured I would go out Sunday to climb some hills and assess the damage.
The bad news is physics really is really real… really.
The good news is I rode more than 50 miles and went up a mile long hill three times that, for the past four months, I’ve only seen when I closed my eyes while hooked up to electrodes and spinning on a stationary bike.
That wasn’t chopped liver (although I could have done without the 18 mph headwind for the 15 miles home).
I’m delighted to have for-real-live hills ahead of me instead of the ones I have to picture from memory.
For me, if I enjoy the process, the goals take care of themselves.
Now I have to pick a course for a belated 100 Miles of Nowhere. My dog was heartbroken when I had to cancel last Fall.
He assumed I’d be out all day, invited friends over, and rented a tiki bar for the occasion.
Just goes to show you: you can’t take anything for granted.
(And to the guy in the light blue Rapha jersey who towed me for a mile or so at 27 mph on the south end of River Road before I said goodbye as the road started to go up: Thanks. For a few minutes, I felt like me again.)
Comment by Heidi | 04.12.2016 | 5:36 pm
This probably isn’t the time to point out the Pioneer Woman posted a recipe for Cap’n Crunch Chicken Strips yesterday…
Comment by Edwin | 04.12.2016 | 6:23 pm
Look for the positive: you have a fantastic opportunity to set some PRs on the downhills!
Comment by Corrine | 04.12.2016 | 10:21 pm
Wow, Leroy, sorry to hear about the cardiac rehab but glad you are on the other side of it now and I assume the dog is happy, too.
I didn’t gain weight but I too keep thinking I can defy physics or time or something. I’ve started road biking now the snow is about gone in Fairbanks but dang, I’m so slow compared to previous years. I know I had bilateral knee replacements with some complications but that was 6 months ago. I’ve been doing some fat biking and cross country skiing. I can’t believe my fitness isn’t back yet! Isn’t 2 months enough time to be totally fit again? Oh yeah, I keep forgetting I’m getting older, too. Maybe I can use that as my excuse this summer.
Comment by Dan | 04.13.2016 | 4:12 am
Fatty, here’s a crazy idea, given all the heavy, stressful projects you’ve undertaken recently, why not cut yourself some slack with your riding? Perhaps spending the coming months or year riding without electronic devices and Strava stats, but just on feel and for the pure pleasure of of being out on the bike would prove more beneficial to your physical and mental health? Sure you can race and race hard, but why worry about placement or even compare performances with previous years’ results. Perhaps just getting satisfaction from knowing you competed as hard as you could that day will do the trick, maybe, perhaps, hopefully…
Whatever you chose to do, bon courage!
Comment by spin_echo | 04.13.2016 | 4:46 am
Maybe you were in some type of time bubble where time was distorted due to the locally increased gravitational well….. and that made the times longer :)
Comment by Tom in Albany | 04.13.2016 | 6:23 am
Fatty, The answer seems obvious to me. You need to go to the library and write. Or somewhere you can camp out and not have food as a possibility. And ride your beater bike – do you even OWN a beater bike? – so that you don’t have to worry about parking it in front of the library – or wherever. Finally, like someone else above mentioned, I noticed that my metabolism has slipped in increments as opposed to steadily. Seems to be the case for you as well?
Good luck, Fatty. The Giro is waiting…
Comment by Ferde | 04.13.2016 | 6:41 am
I wouldn’t put too much stock into one effort. There are a lot of other variables including the fact you could have just had an off day. Give it a go in another week or two see how you do then after having a couple easy days to rest.
Comment by MattC | 04.13.2016 | 8:19 am
Having nothing at all to do with dieting or eating, I seem to have hit my annual “I’m slower than I should be” slump. I have no idea what causes it…but STRAVA proves that I’m now slower than I was 3 months ago (when I was with absolute certainty in worse shape). For whatever reason I seem to hit this wall every year, and like a dam, when it finally breaks it’s like nothing was ever the matter.
But it kills me to KNOW I’m in better shape than I was in January, yet posting slower segment/overall times…I should be posting PR’s on most every segment on every ride just now. I blame all kinds of things on this…wind (true…the central coast spring winds are quite fierce nearly every day for a month or so starting typically mid March’ish)…the trails being slower (also true…we get sandier by the day here after the rains stop)…the planet alignments, my tires, pretty much anything I can to keep from laying blame likely where it should be…ME. (and I can’t blame my weight either…I’m at my “tour” weight already…having to notch my belt 1 hole tighter this last 2 weeks). I hate being slower than I KNOW I am. Oh…I don’t equate age into the excuse list, though likely it’s a top culprit. I refuse to get old, thus it can’t be any of the problem. However I did hurt my knee while SLEEPING the other night…what’s up with THAT?
Comment by cycingjimbo | 04.13.2016 | 8:28 am
When I look at your times on those two climbs, I see that you were pretty consistent with your usual performance, and what really sticks out is that on March 31, 2013 you were wicked fast! Your times on that day were way better than all of your other times, by a whole lot. So, it seems you have little to worry about for this stage of your preparation for your racing season.
Good luck at Frog Hollow this weekend. I think @Dan has it right – enjoy yourself for a while doing this racing thing that you love to do, without putting pressure on yourself. Just go out there and do your best, and know when you are done that you have given it everything you could.
Comment by Arizona Guy | 04.13.2016 | 8:29 am
Tom – I think Fatty’s beater bike is last season’s S-WORKS Epic with Aluminum rims. He doesn’t even bother to lock it when he stops for coffee (and pastries apparently..)
Comment by chickenbocks | 04.13.2016 | 8:51 am
10 el beez in a month for me, too, Fatty. I need it off before I go on my bike trip to sunny, scenic Utah. I can do this. YOU can do this. May the Force be with you!!
Comment by Kenneth | 04.13.2016 | 9:58 am
I dropped 52 pounds in 3 1/2 months last year on the C.A.T. diet. C.A.T. stands for carrots, apples and tomatoes and this is how the diet works. Start your morning by eating at least 600 grams of carrots, 400 grams of apples, and 500 grams of tomatoes. This should take up most of the morning if not all of it and leave you feeling full so that your appetite for the remainder of the day will be lower than normal. Foods that are low calorie can be substituted for any of the listed foods you might not like, just do a calorie check to make sure the sum of all three foods doesn’t exceed 550 calories. Do this every day until your weight loss goal is attained. Good luck!
Comment by Mark in Bremerton | 04.13.2016 | 10:13 am
While I don’t have the weight loss dilemmas, I do suffer from the “why aren’t I as fast as before?” syndrome. Getting old sucks, and physics just doesn’t care.
I agree with @Dan above – when I’m feeling down about it all, I leave my Garmin and computer home and go. I get as hard and satisfying a workout as I’ve ever gotten, and dream about how fast I was. Much nicer.
Italy! Whoa, can’t wait for those posts, plus all the races, too.
Comment by BostonCarlos | 04.14.2016 | 8:37 am
if you don’t make weight by Italy, feel free to send me as punishment :)
Comment by owen | 04.14.2016 | 10:06 am
were your fastest times on the SS rigs? maybe you aren’t attacking the climbs like you used to when you had to stand deliver
Comment by Dave T | 04.14.2016 | 10:19 am
I have for the first time this year started a new job that allows me to work from home several days a week. I’m 20 feet away from the kitchen with a set of stairs. Not enough distance though I find my self with out thinking wandering into the kitchen for a small snack several times a day. This has lead to my current weight, 20lbs over my race weight. I have increased my early season riding in hopes that would make the difference. Nope just holding off more weight gain I guess. The cereal diet is sounding pretty good. Hey the plus side of the physics faster down hill speed. We have that going for us which is nice.
Comment by DREWPUGH@YAHOO.COM | 04.17.2016 | 6:14 pm
Dear Fatty,
Just a quick note to remind you of your awesomeness. Because of you I’m a mountain biker. A mountain bike that, after reading all of your posts did Leadville (we met in 2014, I’m exceedingly handsome and the Hammer was obviously checking me out, you’ve probably tried to block that out of your memory) and I’ll be doing it again this year. So before you go kicking yourself for not hitting some arbitrary supermodel weight target or missing out on a Strava PR (B!tch, please!), you should reflect on all of the people you’ve inspired over the years, the joy you’ve shared, the lofty goals you’ve destroyed.
I don’t know if you need a hug or a kick in the pills, but count me in for both when I see you again in August. Better wear a cup, dude!
Your pal,
DP
Comment by Tom in Albany | 04.18.2016 | 9:02 am
@DREWPUGH
I’m a little verklempt. That has to be the most beautiful comment I’ve ever read. sniff. sniff. Tawk amongst yourselves..