Let’s Get Serious About This Fight

06.2.2009 | 10:07 am

We’re less than three weeks away from the first LiveStrong Challenge: the one in Seattle (June 21). I think this is a good moment to point out a few interesting facts about Team Fatty in general and Team Fatty-Seattle in particular.

  • The combined Teams Fatty have 439 members, making us the largest team, by far.
  • The combined Teams Fatty have raised $252,482 as of this moment, making us the top-earning team, by far. We have — as of this morning — crossed the QUARTER MILLION mark!
  • Team Fatty-Seattle is the second smallest of the Teams Fatty, but has raised the second most amount of money — $84,692 — and is very close to overtaking Team Fatty-Austin.
  • Team Fatty-Seattle is the top-ranked Seattle team, and has raised more than three times as much as the second-place team. Who is the second place-team? Microsoft. By the way, as a former ‘Softie’ myself, I issued a challenge for a friendly fundraising competition to Team Microsoft, giving them a generous handicap in spite of the fact that they’re a giant multinational corporation with a charitable contributions matching policy, and I’m…a blogger working out of a corner of my bedroom. They declined. Which is just as well, because we would have crushed them anyway.
  • The Team Fatty-Seattle Co-Captain — and very frequent commenter — ClydeSteve, is by far and away the top-raising Team Fatty-Seattle fundraiser, having raised an incredible $17,535 so far. In fact, ClydeSteve is currently the top-raising individual of all of Team Fatty. ClydeSteve, you are a superhero.
  • The only Team Fatty member — and coincidentally the only company in Team Fatty — to have earned more than ClydeSteve is Twin Six, currently at $26,986. Team Fatty-Austin is lucky to have Twin Six, because otherwise Team Fatty-Seattle would be way ahead. Twin Six, you guys are incredible.

And now for a few factoids we can — and will — definitely improve upon:

  • There are 51 members of Team Fatty-Seattle (more than half) who haven’t raised the $250 necessary to participate in the LiveStrong Seattle event yet.
  • There are 16 members of Team Fatty-Seattle who haven’t raised any money yet.

But I’m not here to bust your chops, Team Fatty-Seattleites. No, indeed. I’m here to give you a reason to give it all you’ve got for your final sprint.

Team Fatty-Seattle: Win a Revolution Wheelworks Road Wheelset

Revolution Wheelworks has donated a road wheelset — their very popular REV-30s — for me to give away.

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Check out the specs on these:

  • Rim: 30mm Aero Alloy
  • Hubs: Ultra serviceable sealed bearing hubs with 15mm aluminum axle and alloy freehub body 82g front / 222g rear
  • Spokes: Pillar 14/17/14 bladed – 24 Radial front – 28 2x rear
  • Nipples: Brass
  • Weight: 1530 per pair

These wheels are in such high demand that they’re sold out ’til July. Which means the only way you can get a pair is by winning them.

And the only way you can win them is by being a member of Team Fatty-Seattle.

Here’s What You’ve Got to Do

First of all, let me make it perfectly clear: this contest is only for members of Team Fatty-Seattle. So Team Fatty-Seattle members — all 96 of you (I’m making ClydeSteve and me ineligible) — are the only ones who can win this nice wheelset.

To win, between now and Sunday (June 7) at midnight (MDT), you need to raise money, donated to your own LiveStrong Challenge page. For every $5.00 you raise, you get a virtual ticket, and then I’ll choose a number randomly for the winner.

Bear in mind that this contest is for money you raise between now and Sunday, not for money you’ve already raised.

Extra Incentive For Those Getting Started

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, there are quite a few Team Fatty-Seattle members who haven’t hit the $250 mark, and several who haven’t raised any money at all, yet.

Well, here’s a reason for you to start sending out email to your friends.

  • If you haven’t raised anything yet, you will get an extra 5 tickets (as if you had raised an extra $25) just for getting started.
  • If you haven’t raised $250 yet, you will get an extra 5 tickets if you can get to that magic $250 mark.

So, yes, if you haven’t raised anything yet and during this next few days can get all the way up to $250, you’ll get an extra 10 tickets — 5 for getting started, and 5 for reaching $250.

And of course, no matter how much you’ve already raised, every $5.00 you can get someone to donate at your Team Fatty-Seattle LiveStrong page gets you another chance at those wheels.

And For Those of You Not on Team Fatty-Seattle

Don’t you worry; there will be contests for each team as your LiveStrong Challenge event gets close. Nobody will be left out.

And if you’re not on a team at all yet, well, maybe it’s time you join one and start getting seriously involved in the fight against cancer. There are links to each Team Fatty city page in my sidebar; click the city you want to sign up with, then click “Join Our Team” from that page.

There are going to be more and more giveaways, and raising money to fight cancer as a member of Team Fatty is going to be one of the best ways you can win.

A Final, Personal Note

Right now, I’m sitting at home, waiting for a company that does home X-Rays to come take some pictures of Susan’s left shoulder and collarbone. Yesterday when she was rolling over in bed, there was a nasty “pop” from that area, followed by a huge amount of pain — pain that a serious amount of morphine and Lortab have only been able to lessen, not stop.

I don’t know what’s wrong, but I’m pretty freaked out. I hate the sense of helplessness I have: a husband should be able to take care of his wife, and when stuff like this happens, I can’t help at all.

What helps — a little — is to know that I, along with you, am at least doing something in this fight. It’s not enough to help Susan, and I hate myself for not having done more sooner.

But it is something, and you’re all helping me feel like I’m doing something important. And that helps me. Thank you for that.

PS: If you don’t plan on attending any of the LiveStrong Challenges, you can now join Team Fatty with no signup fee. Just go to the Team Fatty HQ page for one of the cities — Seattle, San Jose, Philly, or Austin — and click the Join Our Team link from there. In the Fees area, select Virtual Challenge, and you won’t have to pay an event fee. So, if you’ve been sitting on the fence about joining Team Fatty, there’s your reason to join up.

 

Mano-a-Mano

05.28.2009 | 3:00 am

Here is a universally-understood cycling axiom:

  • Any time two or more cyclists of approximately equal ability share a ride, that ride will become an impromptu race.

And here are the universally-understood corollaries to that axiom:

  • At no point shall any party to that race state that a race is about to begin.
  • At no point shall any party to that race acknowledge that a race is in progress.
  • After the race, the loser shall decide whether to acknowledge the winner’s superiority, or to instead make a lame excuse.
  • If the loser makes a lame excuse, the winner shall treat the aforementioned excuse as implicit acknowledgment of the loser’s loss, and may in fact treat said excuse as more valid than an explicit admission of the winner’s superiority.

All those axioms and corollaries go out the window now, though. Here’s how it happened.

Last Sunday evening, I texted Dug, letting him know that due to the rain, I was seriously considering on bailing on the race at Corner Canyon the following morning. It just seemed unlikely that the trails were going to be good, and I didn’t want to pay $40 to ride trails I ride all the time anyway, albeit with much fewer people on the trail and with the trail not being a muddy mess.

Dug concurred.

I then admitted something: the only reason I was interested in the race at all was because I wanted to see who is faster: him or me.

Dug admitted he was curious about the same thing. (More about the reasons for our shared curiosity in a moment.)

So I proposed something I have never proposed before, in the history of my entire cycling life: how about — once the trails dried out — he and I race the originally-proposed Draper race course (with some minor modifications to remove the parts he and I agreed were strictly for traffic control and hence didn’t apply to us).

In fact, I don’t believe I can recall any instance of any two cyclists agreeing before the start of any ride that the ride was actually more than an “easy day,” and was in fact really a race. With an agreed-upon start and finish line, and contingencies for a tie (no finish line sprint, since our finish line is on the far side of a busy street — so if we’re together when we get to the street, it’s a tie).

But Dug agreed. So today, after work, he and I are duking it out. Two laps, Draper race course.

We’re going to find out which of us, right at this moment, is the less pathetic of the two.

Why We’re Interested In This Race

Dug and I have been riding together for 15+ years. Yeah, really: 15 or more. And at any given moment, we both had a clear idea of which of us was the faster of the two.

For the first few years, Dug was much, much faster than I was, both in climbing and descending.

Starting in my fourth or fifth year of riding, though, I got serious about climbing and became the faster of the two of us in climbs, although still lagging far behind in descending skills.

And that’s the way it’s been for several years.

This year, though, Dug’s outridden me or at least matched me on more than one climb. For example, he demolished me at RAWROD — not just in the climbs, but altogether. In our most recent road ride together, I was unable to shake him in the climb.

But that’s not the only change.

A switch has flipped in my brain and this year I’m finally at near-parity with my friends in descending speed. Part of that’s due to my owning some exquisite bikes. Part of it’s due to my finally having internalized some lessons BotchedExperiment taught me a couple years ago. Part of it has to do with my having found that I am about ten times more confident in my braking when I single-finger brake with my middle finger on the lever.

In any case, I can mostly hang with Dug on the descents, now. Or at least not lose major time.

In other words, for the first time in years and years, I don’t think Dug nor I would be confident in calling the outcome of this race.

And that is why it must happen.

Points of Consideration

Dug and I each have riding strengths and weaknesses. We’ve been riding together long enough that I’m sure he knows everything I’m going to list here (though I am terrified he is holding something in reserve that I don’t know):

  • Dug is a slow starter: Dug takes a while to get his motor going. I have an easy opportunity to get to the long singletrack climb (Clark’s Trail: about 13 minutes at our rate) before he does, after which it will be difficult for him to pass me.
  • I run hot off the start line: I am blessed / plagued with massive amounts of adrenaline at the beginning of a race, and I will fly off the start line, apparently without effort.
  • Dug is a strong finisher: In every race I have ever seen him, Dug seems to become less tired as the race progresses.
  • I fade badly: If I don’t manage to rein myself in at the beginning of the race, I often find myself all out of matches long before the race is over.
  • Dug is a better tactician: Dug will often think about race strategy during the race. He will make actual judgement calls and everything. I, on the other hand, tend to be a little bit…um…stupid in my race strategies. As in, I ride really hard until I can’t, at which point I slow down a lot.

In other words, it’s easy to imagine a scenario where I shoot off the front, thinking I’m winning for 75% of the race, only to have Dug pass me right after we climb “The Wall” for the second time and I have gone into survival mode.

What is at Stake

Since neither Dug nor I did early registration for the Draper race, we now each have a theoretical surplus of $39. The winner gets the losers race registration money.

But both of us know that the money is the least of what’s at stake.

And later this afternoon, we’ll — once again — know which of us is faster.

I’d like to go on record as saying that I would like it to be me.

100 Miles of Nowhere: Still More Racers’ Reports

05.26.2009 | 7:33 am

A Note from Fatty: This is the fifth in a series of who-knows-how-many posts about racers experiences with what I am now certain will be the annual 100 Miles of Nowhere. If you’re just now re-joining the blog after a long weekend, you may want to read previous posts to catch up. And if you were a racer and want to get your certificate, be sure to read this post, which gives instructions on what you need to do.

Another Note from Fatty: The Kona Cadabra contest is now over. This evening I will do all the necessary spreadsheet magic (more work than you might think), choose, and notify a winner.

You’ll be excited to note that when we began this drawing, we had raised $197K for the LAF. We have now raised $230K. That’s $33,000 in one week!

Thanks so much for your donations and work in raising money to fight cancer.

Ryan T: Riding Part of the Course on a Big Wheel Division

Ryan is a friend of mine from way back. When I first started riding, Ryan had most-trusted-mechanic status. He’s moved on to other things and it’s been a while since we’ve ridden together, so it meant a lot to me to see that he did the 100 Miles of Nowhere.

I was even more pleased that he did the final lap on his Trek Mod — an adult-sized Big Wheel, basically.

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From what I understand, Ryan and his friends now do night descents down Squaw Peak (the same descent where Kenny turfed it a couple years ago) on their Mods. I am evidently invited to joint them sometime. I just have to bring my own light setup.

I admit trepidation. But also intrigue.

Read all of Ryan’s race report on his blog.

200905252238.jpgBruce B: Extra Mileage Division

Bruce had the outstanding idea of turning his race into a fundraiser, with the promise he’d do extra miles for extra donations. So he rode 111 miles on the block surrounding Heritage Park on Randolph Air Force Base.

One of his co-workers ran a half-marathon opposite him–so they saw each other about a zillion times.

You can read the complete report — including a torrential downpour, visits from friends, and contemplations on a dead bird he passed 120 times at Bruce’s site.

Jon S: On the Road, But Still Going Nowhere Division

Jon didn’t want to miss the great riding weather Saturday, so decided to take his rollers on the road:

Here’s Jon riding the rollers up Squaw Peak:

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Almost made it…

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And now, on the flats as he goes around Utah Lake, he’s just flying:

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Says Jon, “I cheated and took off all the resistance (and pumped up my tires nice and firm) so I could lock in a hard gear and ride like mad.” Jon finished in 3:36:20, with a 27.7mph average. Nice!

I’m a little concerned about the fact that he chose not to wear a helmet, however.

Michael M: Internally Geared Hub Pugsley Division

After dropping my son off at the dayhome, I headed home to gather up my gear and head out and see how far I could push my Pugsley in a day. My plan was to ride around the neighborhood and map all of the streets and alleys within 1 km of home with my GPS. However, I couldn’t find my GPS. I searched the house several times but to no avail (I did later convince myself that the number of times I did those stairs should count for 2 km). No worries though, I know the loop at the local park is 8 km long and it’s a 2 km long downhill jaunt to get there.

Prior to taking off, I decided to weigh my bike and associated gear (snacks, gatorade, water, rain gear) to see how much weight I’d be pedaling today. It came in at an even 50 lbs! (Is there an additional category for heaviest bike?)

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I got the usual stares associated with riding 4″ tires, but I think some people were just curious why they kept seeing me over and over again. If they’d asked, I’m not sure what I would have told them. I returned home at the 52 mile (read: km) mark for some lunch. Cold leftover pizza and chocolate bars, a true meal of champions. After watching the beginning of The Dirty Dozen, I returned to the Pug and the seemingly endless loop through Edworthy Park. By mile 70 (km) I started to think my newish Brooks saddle was finally broken in (I later concluded that the nerves in my @ss were just numbed).

I returned home at mile marker 98 (km), tired and aching, but not too bad. Good thing I had those 2 km of stairs earlier to top me up to 100 km! I told myself I could push for 100 miles, but I had to cut it off there as it was time to pick up my son again (I also had several other excuses at the ready in case I needed more convincing). I know 100 km is well short of 100 miles, but I figure I’m not selling myself short since my tires are at least 4 times the width of most other bikes in this race, and my bike weighed in at what is likely twice the racer average.

My overall time (minus lunch) was approximately 4.5 hours. I credit my win to selecting a category requiring an obscure bike that is likely the least desirable long distance road bike ever created (and I knew that Jill Homer was like 3000 miles away from her Pugsley).

200905252220.jpgDenville, NJ Tag-Team Division

Team Phillips, riding in the Denville NJ division, were split between two categories. Mrs. Team Phillips, an amateur by her own admission, was riding in the women’s not-quite-40-by-mere-days category. Mr. Team Phillips was competing in the men’s more-than-40-but-nowhere-near-50-thank-you-very-much category.   

Mrs. Team Phillips, while fully committed to this event, was not able to complete a full century, but did ride for 2.5 hours (3.5 hours total elapsed time). She admitted to “feeling weepy” near the end of the ride, saying “I was becoming physically whipped, my blood sugar was low, and besides, watching ER (the TV show) always does that to me.”

Despite the fact that legally she did not finish the race, the rules were consulted… and it turns out there were no rules. Congratulations go out to Mrs. Team Phillips for her gutsy win. In her post-race interview, she specifically thanked Fat Cyclist for dreaming up this insane concept, her husband, Mr. Team Phillips, for buying her the trainer (which can now be found on Craigslist for $12), and especially to DZNuts, for “not being specifically formulated for the male anatomy.”

Mr. Team Phillips was confident he could complete all 100 miles, but in his own words, “not on some [expletive deleted] trainer”. To his credit, it was quite a beautiful day in northwest NJ, and he took full advantage of the regularly scheduled shop ride to complete the 37 mile first stage of the race. The second stage was 19 laps on a 3.4 mile loop, with minimal climbing (although steep, requiring him to get out of the saddle on every loop), beautiful scenery, and the warm spring sun (resulting in a distinctive cyclist’s tan by the end of the day).

200905252222.jpgAlthough Mr. Team Phillips provided his own support (drinks, food, gels, and even an extra bike), he did get some additional support and photographic assistance from his friend Jay, who even rode along for 6 laps. Total riding time for both stages was 5 hours 50 minutes, with an average speed of 17.3 mph.

Without question, Mr. Team Phillips was the clear champion of his more-than-40-but-nowhere-near-50-thank-you-very-much category. In his post race interview, he muttered something unintelligible about “the alpacas” and thanked his wife, Mrs. Team Phillips, for encouraging him to sign up for this particular brand of torture.

Team Phillips celebrated with a nap, a hot shower, and a lovely dinner at a local Italian restaurant, where “scads” of pasta and bread were consumed. In reflecting on their respective wins, the members of Team Phillips were united in their emphatic statement: “This was never about us, it was about all the people who are fighting the good fight against cancer. We are just glad we were able to partipate in some small way in this battle. WIN Susan!”


100 Miles of Nowhere: More Racers’ Reports

05.25.2009 | 11:13 am

Let’s start this batch of race reports with what I consider to be the holy grail of 100 Miles of Nowhere Rides: Doing it in a cul-de-sac.

Bull Schuck: Cul-de-Sac Division

I did finish today’s 100 miles of nowhere today and I think I locked up the “cul-de-sac” division. Precisely it was on two cul-de-sacs. Check out the GPS map. You can even see where I took off after my dog ran out the front door.

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I get all my maps from www.bimactive.com, which uses the GPS in my phone so it’s not as nice as a Garmin. It tries to smooth it to the road and it doesn’t recognize the roundabout nature of a cul-de-sac. This image shows 15 miles but my odometer (I swear, I only used one magnet) showed 27.

I did about a mile and a half all in the one circle of the cul-de-sac. It finally got to be too much for me, but for the GPS smoothing algorithm (OK, sorry if that math-speak gives you tired-head) errr, the way the phone sees GPS, the circle was too small. It interpreted it all as noise. So I got one dot.

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One solitary dot for all that work. Total ride to nowhere. Effort-but-no-achievement-goodness.

We also had a bake sale. The girls made apple bread muffins and sugar cookies. I think we made close to $50 and we still have some left.

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I’ll also be riding another century next week with Will and his group out at the velodrome. I’ll be on a trainer since I’m not track certified. Maybe I’ll try out my son’s rollers. Riding a century to fight cancer is like good food. If it’s worth eating, it’s worth getting seconds. So maybe I’ve locked up the “involving cute girl-children to sell overpriced carbs” division and am on the fast track to ace everyone else out in the “so fat he needs to do two centuries” division.

I ended up taking about 8 hours and 18 minutes because you just can’t go fast when all you’re doing is turning. My max speed was about 15 and change.

Someone told me on FB that I’m an animal for doing this as my 1st century ever. I told them, of course, a barnyard animal. And I ride like one, dumb and strong. I also climb like a mother. Well, more like a grandmother.

Gotta sleep. I’m officiating some real races tomorrow and I have to be there, in the shadow of the velodrome, at 7:15 tomorrow.

Leroy: How I Dominated the Brooklyn 100 Miles of Nowhere

The course: The three and a third mile loop around Prospect Park in Brooklyn, New York.

The strategy: My one chance for victory was to break away at the outset and stay in front for the entire ride.

The secret weapon: I chose the starting time and told no one.

I arrived early to study the course:

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Being first to the rest areas more than made up for leaving lesser cyclists to draft each other:

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Next year, however, I will re-think my strategy of drinking all four bottles of Carbo-Rocket as a pre-race breakfast:

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The feed zones along the course were well-stocked, even though valuable seconds were lost fumbling for correct change:

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It takes serious bike handling skills to keep the mustard on a Brooklyn energy bar while maintaining a proper cadence:

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After dominating the field, the reception at the podium was a little anti-climatic:

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I‘m sure the crowd gathered by the time the rest of the riders arrived. But I had to leave to track down the barbecue I smelled on an earlier lap.


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Philly Jen (Team Fatty Philly Co-Captain): 100 Miles of Junk Food

We rode in Dave’s living room, through the following scenery:

  • 36th Chamber of Shaolin, a 1978 martial arts classic with some of the best training sequences ever committed to film.
  • Monsters, Inc, the only Pixar film I had never seen
  • Still Crazy, an obscure 1998 British film about a reunited glam-rock band. The title was quite fitting for the later hours of Ride to Nowhere.
  • The (taped) second half of the Barcelona-Osasuna soccer match

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Then there was the mass of extra calories that several consecutive hours of cardio work leaves you at liberty to consume:

  • Jelly Belly jelly beans
  • Trader Joe’s cheesy puffed corn, aka Pseudo (Pirate) Booty
  • Dark chocolate wafers
  • Freeze-dried bananas
  • Dried apricots
  • Chocolate soymilk
  • Ice cream bon-bons!

I swapped out my saddle sometime after the first couple of hours, and spent a little time riding on Dave’s recumbent. Barcelona match + ‘bent + trainer = BarcaLounger.

I also wore my special argyle socks so I would match the new water bottles (go Slipstream!).

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Doward H: Late Entry Division

I’ve been kicking myself for weeks that I missed signing up for the 100 Miles to Nowhere . . . and then I remembered that I almost never actually pre-register for any of the rides I do. As any chronic-registration-procrastinator knows: we just pay the fee and forego the schwag.

So I woke up this morning and decided that I would donate the 75-bucks to the Fatty Livestrong Challenge page and do the 100 Miles to Nowhere anyways. My chosen course was a 1/3 mile bike track located on the Rice University campus, but that track was closed, so I instead headed to the Braeswood Bayou trail, which is a roughly 28 mile loop and very flat except for a few ramps that descend/ascend to the upper/lower trails. My route, which was five feet wide, was shared by walkers, joggers, roller-bladers and the like. According the Italian media, a rider strike was organized by none other than Lance Armstrong over these crowded conditions (apparently one of those times he dropped back to get Levi water bottles, he dropped WAY back to Texas). The ride went on anyways.

Now, I realize that a 28 mile loop is a bit of a cheat, but rest assured I was punished. Around mile 70 it started raining (which was nice on a hot day), but around mile 80 the thunder and lightning began (which drove me to cover). I spent a couple of long rain delays hiding in bus booths . . .

The best part of the 100 Miles of Nowhere: lunch was at home where my wife fed me all my favorite foods and I got to use my own bathroom instead of a port-a-john or a gas station restroom.

This event was a brilliant idea. I’m glad I decided to take part even if I missed the actual “registration.” I rode today thinking of my grandmother who died a month ago after complication from metastasized cancer and for Dr. Bill Wilson, my friend and mentor, who passed away in January after a very short fight with pancreatic cancer. I also, of course, thought of Susan and your family, as well. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to spend quite some time on the bike thinking of them (6 hours 6 minutes in fact – we weren’t exactly pushing the pace!).

WIN SUSAN! and LiveStrong!

Lorie F: “Elvis is My Copilot” Division

Due to rain this morning in good old Missouri, my solo ride (with Elvis of course) was changed slightly as my husband joined me on the trainer to ride. I’m sure it was the lure of the Elvis movie (“Viva Las Vegas”!!) and not just that his ride was cancelled. We decided to do this ride as a team, each being sure to ride their 33.3333333 miles.

Elvis started out early this morning, getting his miles done first thing. Notice that he’s even color coordinated with my bike.

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I then hopped on and rode throughout “Viva”, with Elvis on the handlebars/stem in aero position. I think he really just wanted a good view of the big screen tv and himself, of course, in all his glory. He also wanted to claim a metric because, well, he’s the King!

The ride was completed by my husband John who, after having some stomach issues (could it be the Elvis movie or the fact that he had some chocolate while on the bike??), finished strong.

All in all, I know that John and I rode each rode around 2 hours, not sure what Elvis did…….

Thanks for a great idea! It’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time and all for a great cause!

100 Miles of Nowhere: Racers’ Reports

05.25.2009 | 9:54 am

A Note from Fatty: Today is the last day you can enter the Win a Cadabra contest. Go here to read about what, how, and why, and then go here to donate. Thanks!

Huge congratulations to everyone who raced — or will soon race — the 100 Miles of Nowhere.

And an even huger thanks to everyone who sponsored it: DZNuts, Banjo Brothers, Garmin/Slipstream, CarboRocket, Clif Shot Bloks, Twin Six and ProBar. Without all the schwag, well, it would have just been an extra-long and incredibly awful training exercise.

Get Your Winner’s Certificate

I have chosen to commission two well-known local artists to create the winners’ certificates for the 100 Miles of Nowhere, and am pleased to unveil the blank versions here:

Version 1:
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Version 2:
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To get your personalized winner’s certificate (I plan to pay my 13-year-old $0.25 for each certificate, letting him learn a little about Photoshop and earn some money at the same time), send me an e-mail with the name you want on the certificate, the division in which you won, and your finishing time (i.e., how long the race took, not what time you finished it).

I — or rather, my son, acting as a proxy for me — will email you back your certificate as a ready-to-print PDF. I recommend printing it on very, very expensive paper, triple-matting it, framing it at a custom frame shop, using their very most expensive materials and museum-quality glass, and then hanging it in a prominent place.

Like in your garage.

And now, here are your stories from the day.

Doug: Recumbent Exercise Bike in His Own House Division

I used an indoor, recumbent exercise bike that’s got a built in computer for “distance”, “speed”, heart rate, cadence and power. I didn’t bother to try and use my Garmin 305… I would have only been able to record the HR information anyway.

I started sometime after work and getting things set up a bit. I completed it all, just after 1 AM the next morning. Here’s some of the results reported:

  • Elapsed time riding: 375 minutes (6.25 hours) — does not include breaks
  • Miles: 100.0
  • Average speed: 16.1 mph
  • Average cadence (estimated): around 90
  • Calories: 2529 kcal

I didn’t put in too hard of an effort, as this machine really puts a lot of stress on my knees. Putting higher resistance levels, especially for long periods of time, feels like climbing a super steep hill in a big chain ring for me, and I wasn’t going to do that for 6+ hours. I had to take breaks every 30 minutes or so and get up and walk around for a minute or two. Every hour, I mixed up a new bottle of CarboRocket to keep hydrated, and for two of my hourly breaks sometime in the middle, I took a bit of a longer break to get some solid food.

I did pretty good for a couple of hours, watching some DVDs and switching to the Universal Sports broadcast of the Giro. Toward the end, I kept questioning “why am I doing this”, but kept on going. It was pretty anti-climatic when the miles went from “99.9″ to “0.0″. I was kind of hoping for a kill screen or something like that. But, that has been my longest ride ever (indoors and out), by far. My knees and quads were killing by the end, but were fine the next day.

But, yeah, I did 100 miles, and I went nowhere.

Chris and Andy: Manchester or Possibly all of New Hampshire Division

Chris and Andy went head-to-head in their garage, using no resistence, massive gearing, and watching Revenge of the Nerds.

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Read their whole story here.

Aaron P: Qatar Division (Yes, Really: Qatar!)

This was my first century attempt of my life. I’ve only been riding since November and only consistently since February. My wife and I live in Qatar where we teach elementary school. When I heard of this event, I had no choice but to sign up. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a couple of months ago and it’s been tough being half way around the world.

I decided to do my ride outside as I don’t have a trainer or rollers here. I picked a stretch of road that we ride often at the Losail International Circuit where they hold Moto GP races. The track has some access roads around it that are well lit and very low traffic so a lot of area cyclists frequent it there and have group rides to do laps after dark. I took one stretch of it and rode it roundabout to roundabout, 50 times.

Alarm went off at 1:45 AM and I popped up and made some oatmeal. Grabbed the breakfast burrito my wife had whipped up the night before (what a great domestique!), filled the cooler with ice and headed out the door. Got to the course at about 2:45 and wanted to be on the bike by 3:00.

There was the normal jitters before an event. Am I ready for this? Will I embarrass myself? Will I get smoked by a guy on a knobby tired singlespeed? Will someone be wearing the same jersey as me? As luck would have it, I was the fittest, best looking rider with the best bike at the race, but not too nice a bike that I seemed silly to be on it and be so fat. It was all right in the sweetspot.

I put the iPod on, fired up my favorite podcasts and hit the road. First pedal stroke at 2:58 AM, right on schedule. I rode as long as my first bottle held out and stopped at the car to refill. Checked the computer, 42 km (26 miles) in and feeling really good. Light was starting to crack over the horizon and my pace was higher than I expected.

Got back on the bike and rode another 20 km when my wife and a couple of friends on the way to the airport in Doha stopped by to say hi at 5:30. My wife, LIndsay, stayed around for the rest of the ride handling all the domestique duties. She was awesome and I couldn’t have done so well without her. Got a few rolling bottle exchanges, cleaning the sunglasses, keeping the food coming.

Rolled on to the 100 km mark and took a break for some food and hydration. The quads were definitely getting a little sluggish at this point. If I stood too long I’d get some cramping. Tried to drink more water and calm them down, but what are you going to do?

The sun was still coming up and making the day quite a bit hotter. It was getting into the 38 C (100 F) area and I was trying to get done as fast as I could. Another cyclist showed up, a triathlete and he got in and rode a few laps after we offered him some water from the cooler and explained what the hell we were doing out there. 135 km down.

25 km to go and I was feeling good that I was going to finish and quicker than I had originally thought. I was counting down the laps and my rear was getting more and more sore (longest time I’ve been in the saddle and my DZ Nuts didn’t get to me obviously before the race). The last few laps I definitely was thinking about the people this event would help, my mother-in-law, my uncle, my grandfather I never met, my wife and her sisters who have a genetic condition predisposing them to colon cancer, Susan. The thought of everyone else riding this ridiculous and pointless event for such purpose pushed me on and I raised my fist as my odometer rolled over 100 miles. I limped in to where my wife and two friends were waiting, cheering me in.

We headed home as the mercury climbed to 42 C (108 F) and fired up the grill for some celebratory burgers and dogs.

  • Finishing time: 9:30 AM
  • Final Distance: 161.97 km (100.64 miles)
  • Saddle time: 5:39:51
  • Average Speed: 28.5 kmh (17.7 mph)
  • Max Speed: 41.7 kmh (25.9 mph)

Joe R: Freewheel Rumble on Ridgewood

Just finished the Freewheel Rumble on Ridgewood against former TdF namesake Neil Stephens. On the line was the “Liege Jaune” (Yellow Cork), which would decorate the Champion’s handlebar for the next few months.

The setup was 2 stationary trainers, without resistance, in my garage, while watching Hell on Wheels and Breaking Away. To add some difficulty to the event, I placed a box fan up front to create a bit of a headwind.

Unfortunately, I was not up to the challenge and was beaten to the finish by nearly 30 minutes! My first thought was, “he must be on something” but I didn’t have any evidence.

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After having a short conversation with my opponent I was shocked to discover that he had not paid to participate in the event. He was, in fact, a bandit. I don’t know about you, but from where I come from, they hang people for less.

After consulting with a course official (my beagle, Rocky), Neil was disqualified and I was declared the Champion! I’ve never been prouder of myself or my ability to use the “rules” to my advantage. I can’t wait to defend my title next year!

Mikeonhisbike and Jenny-Jenny: Marysville, WA Division

Here’s a picture of Mikeonhisbike and Jenny-Jenny at the start of our ride this morning. 24 is in the background on the TV.

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We’ve never seen 24 before so we borrowed the first season from a neighbor. I agree with you, it made for some great trainer TV watching. Thanks for putting this event together, although it was tortuous at times it was a lot of fun and a heck of a challenge. By the way, Mike won the Marysville WA division of the race.

More Race Reports Soon…

My copy-and-paste fingers are getting tired. I’ll post more race reports later today.

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