A Note from Fatty: Winners of the “Meet BSNYC” contest are being notified by email today. Once I’ve got their OK, I will announce their names.
Finally. Spring is here. The weather is great, and I just can’t think of anything I’d rather do than get outside and ride my bike.
Except, that is, ride my rollers in the dead of night for 100 miles.
So, uh, why don’t you join me?
What The 100 Miles of Nowhere Is
The basic idea of the 100 Miles of Nowhere is that no matter where you are, on May 23 you’re going to either ride your rollers, trainer, or a very small outside course for 100 miles. Or if that sounds like too much, you can do 50 miles. Or 25.
But, ideally, 100.
And since you will be the only one racing in your age group, gender, category, and region, you are clearly going to win your age/gender/region/category group.
Yeah, that’s right. I’m guaranteeing you are going to win. How often do you get that kind of assurance in a race?
Oh sure, as you ride, you will certainly have qualms, and may find yourself saying things like, “I can’t believe I’m riding my trainer for 100 miles,” or “I can’t believe I’m paying to ride my trainer for 100 miles,” but then you’ll remind yourself, “But I’m doing this for a really, really good cause.”
And that cause, of course, is helping Team Fatty raise money to fight cancer. Out of the $75 registration you pay, $50 will go straight to the Lance Armstrong Foundation (the other $25 pays for boxing and shipping and stuff like that — trust me, nobody’s making a profit here).
And best of all, if you wear a GPS during your ride, you’ll get to upload an awesome ride track. One that looks like this:
Your friends will be so jealous.
What You Get
As I believe I have mentioned before, one of my most practical superpowers is the ability to ask people to give me stuff without feeling ashamed.
And for the 100 Miles of Nowhere, I have used this power on your behalf.
Here’s the valuable schwag you’re going to get when you do this race.
An event t-shirt, designed and produced by Twin Six . Twin Six designs all my jerseys and t-shirts, and they’ve never ever ever disappointed. This will be one shirt that definitely does not become a rag used to wipe the grease off your chain. Not for several years, anyway. Value: $22.00
A tube of DZ-Nuts. Yes, really. If you use chamois cream, it’s high time you try DZ-Nuts. If you have never tried chamois cream, I cannot think of a more perfect time to begin. As I have noted in my review, this is good stuff. Value: $22.00
A Banjo Brothers Seat Bag: These bags open wide and perfectly hold exactly what you need for a roadside tube change: tube, tire levers, mini tool, CO2 can and adapter. And a couple of rolled-up bills in case you need to buy a Slurpie. Every road bike should have one of these. Value: $10.99
TWOGarmin / Slipstream Camelbak Podium Bottles: I recently got one of these bottles for myself…and I liked it so much that I ordered a six-pack of them. They’re the only bottle I use now. Somehow, CamelBak has made the bike water bottle better. Alotbetter. And the Garmin / Slipstream graphics lookgreat. And how cool is Team Garmin / Slipstream for helping raise money for the Lance Armstrong Foundation? Value: $20.00
CarboRocket Single-Serve packs: How weird is it that one of my very best friends invented what I consider to be the very best sports drink in existence? You’ll get four single-serve packs (perfect for making one bottle’s-worth), letting you try each of the flavors: Kiwi-Lime, Raspberry Lemonade, and maybe some exciting new surprise flavors Brad’s cooking up in his kitchen right now. And, I daresay this is a good opportunity for you to try them out. Value: $6.00
Clif Shot Bloks: The fact that I will, if left to my own devices, eat Shot Bloks recreationally, tells you everything you need to know about them. They taste like jam, and look terrifying when microwaved. Value: $2.00
ProBar : These things taste far too delicious to be organic, and yet they are. And they’re far too delicious, I might add, to be an energy bar. And yet they are. Value: $3.29
All told, your 100 Miles of Nowhere schwag box has right around $84.29 worth of product, and it’s all stuff you’ll actually use, as opposed to the cheesy bag, limp shirt, lame hat, and coupons you won’t use that you get with a lot of your races.
But That’s Not All
Your entry into the 100 Miles of Nowhere also qualifies you for some frankly awesome random “door prizes.”
You might win, for example, the use of — for up to five nights — a beautiful condo in Moab, UT:
Maximum of 5 nights, no pets, use it or lose it — but seriously, if you’ve ever considered coming to Moab for an MTB vacation, this could turn your trip into a seriously styling vacation.
And finally, you could win one of two subscriptions to Cyclocross Magazine. Nice!
Register Today
Registration for the 100 Miles of Nowhere is open now, and will run for one week — ’til 5:00PM CDT April 30. After that, it’s closed, so don’t wait ’til it’s too late!
Then, on May 23rd (or on a day close to the 23rd that’s more convenient to you), do the ride. Make sure you take pictures and send them in; I’ll post ‘em here.
Got questions? Comments? Ideas? Post them in the comments section and I’ll answer the best I can.
A Note from Fatty:Today’s your very last day to enter the cleverly-named “Fight Cancer, meet Bike Snob NYC” contest, wherein you can fly to New York, meet my Evil Twin,Bike Snob NYC, and find out for yourself that he is actually eight feet tall, is covered with a thick coat of bright red fur (he dyes it; his natural fur color is light brown), has a goiter the size of a tangerine, and has a peculiarly-shaped bone structure protruding from his forehead that whistles shrilly when he reaches 18mph.
No wonder he values his privacy so highly.
Read detailshere, or godonate here. I’ll announce the winners tomorrow.
Another Note from Fatty:If you’ve been considering joining Team Fatty but just couldn’t deal with the $50 sign-up fee, today’s your lucky day, because there’s a one-day-only sale on registration going on right this very second. Simply click the city you want to sign up with –Austin,Seattle,San Jose, orPhilly– and then from that page click the Join our Team link. Use “SPIRIT09″ as your discount code when you register and you’ll get $15 off the registration fee. Join us today and help us help the Lance Armstrong Foundation fight cancer.
And here’s something to consider: I am currently working out the details to start a weekly prize giveaway — but it will be strictly for members of Team Fatty. More info on this soon, but let’s just say that I’m going to do what I can to give Team Fatty members extra-good reasons to work hard on raising money to fight cancer.
Oh, and if you’ve got something so cool you think people would compete for a chance to win it,email me.
Yet Another Note from Fatty:Philly Jen — the Team Fatty Co-Captain for Philadelphia — has begun a FattyCast for Team Fatty. It’s a terrific way to learn about and get tips on raising money for Team Fatty members…or for people who are interested in joining Team Fatty. You’ll find thefirst installment of the FattyCast here. As a bonus, unlike most podcasts, Jen has an honest-to-goodness great voice
Still Yet Another Note from Fatty:I have created a newforumfor Team Fatty members for the different cities to chat, and for the team co-captains to start talking about any special Team Fatty activities we’ll be having before the event. I highly recommend checking it out. It should be a good place for you to meet your teammates. You’ll find the forum atwww.fatcyclist.com/forum. That seems like a reasonable URL, doesn’t it?
1-day sale on joining the livestrong challenge. which makes it a good day to join team fatty
OK, Seriously, This is The Last Note from Fatty:I currently don’t have a team Co-Captain for San Jose and I need one. If you live in that area, have experience with leading teams, and are willing to take on the bulk of the Team Fatty San Jose-leading responsibilities,email me. Thanks!
How to Name a Bike Trail
I’ve mentioned before how much I love Draper City for building and maintaining Corner Canyon. Well, I’ve got another reason now. Jamie P, one of the guys I sometimes ride with, started going to the City Council meetings and then proposed a new trail in Corner Canyon: a trail built to be a twisty, cross-country, bikes-only, narrow, downhill-specific slice of heaven.
And Draper totally went for it.
Everyone I know who rides is so excited that many of us plan to actually help build it. Yes, I know that seems crazy, but it’s true.
So yesterday, when Jamie sent out an email asking for ideas on what to name this trail, the response was as overwhelming as it was tragic. As it turns out, very few of us know the rules for properly naming a trail. And I do not exempt myself from this sad group, for my own suggestions (including “B#,” a clever in-joke programmers will find mildly amusing and nobody else will get at all) were perhaps among the worst.
So I thought. And I considered. And I came up with what I can now confidently assert are the definitive and authoritative “Do’s and Don’ts” of bike trail naming.
These rules are as follows:
Do Not…
Use more than 3 syllables. This is not because I am lazy. This is because I am practical. If a bike trail has more than three syllables, I will not be able to curse it properly when I am climbing, because I will have to take a breath in the middle of the trail’s name. For example, if the trail is named “Revolution Revelations” (eight syllables), I will pass out if I try to say it during a climb. Also, it takes me about thirty seconds to type, and about nine minutes to text. Hence, I would simply call the trail “RR,” which wouldn’t be too bad of a name, except for the fact that it sounds like the way Mork laughed.
Call it something you cannot picture yourself saying to your grandma, or spouse, children, or ecclesiastical authorities. I just cannot imagine myself telling Susan, “Hey, I’m going to head out and ride the Dirty Mistress. I’ll see you in a couple hours.”
Use trendy slang. The thing about trendy slang is that it either falls out of use, or it becomes cliche. And also, it sounds painful when middle-aged white guys say anything ending with “izzle.”
Name it with presumption, so that it is unlikely to meet expectations. If you name your trail “The Terminator” but winds up being more like The Sarah Connor Chronicles, well, that’s a bit of a letdown, isn’t it?
Make it sound horrible, dangerous and no fun. Trails should not be named “Scab Picker,” nor should they be called “The Disemboweler” or “Twenty Foot Drop Into a Pit with Sharp Iron Spikes at the Bottom.” This is a different kind of presumption — that your trail is unrideable — and it’s even less cool than the first kind. The exception to this rule, of course, is if the trail actually does have a twenty foot drop into a pit with sharp iron spikes at the bottom.
Use puns. As you know, puns are the lowest form of humor. So don’t name your trail “ReCYCLER.” Or “CYCLone” or “Spin Cycle.” If you do, I will be forced to call the trail by an alternate name. You know how people say, “No pun intended?” What other form of humor is usually followed by a disclaimer / apology?
Use alliteration. Alliteration is lucky it’s a rhetorical device, not a form of humor. Because if it were a form of humor, it might be even lower than puns. So don’t name your trail “Seriously Sick Singletrack.” Remember: alliteration is an absolutely abhorrent avenue for assigning an appellation.
End the name of the trail with “Trail.” Of course it’s a trail.
Name the trail after current events, a song, a band, or other transitory pop cultural puffery. What if someone had named a trail after the BeeGees? Think about that before you go naming your trail after a Metallica song. Or whatever it is kids listen to these days.
Name it after drugs. Or sex. Yes, yes, this trail is as addictive as crack. And it’s better than sex. Got it. But that gag is used. As in, used up.
Do…
Be non-comedically obscure. What does “Goldbar Rim” mean? I have no idea. How about “Amasa Back?” Nope, still no idea. And “Kokopelli Trail?” Well, that violates the “Don’t end the name of the trail with ‘Trail’” rule, but I still don’t know what it means. And yet, these are all great trails with names I remember. This highlights a key point in trail naming: A trail’s awesomeness stems from the trail itself. The name will take on awesomeness in time, so don’t get in its way with kitsch.
Be descriptive. Slickrock Trail is the best known trail in the world, and it has a simple, descriptive name. Timpooneke Trail is just named after the mountain it’s on. The Ridge Trail network is a network of trails on a common mountain ridge. I can see, right now, that my “Don’t end your trail name with ‘Trail’” rule is not holding up very well.
Be thematically random. If you think about naming all of your trails before you begin naming any of them, then you can choose a theme. For example, I recommend “Famous magicians and psychics” as a trail theme. Houdini, Krespin, Hennings, and Copperfield all make terrific trail names. The names of the characters on Gilligan’s Isle is another fine trail-naming theme that has so far been sadly neglected.
Use a first name, but one that was popular with people 60 – 70 years ago. This is by far the best way to name trails. And, fortunately, there’s a handly list already made. Dolores, for example, is a terrific trail name. As is Wanda. In fact, I would love nothing better than to say, “I’m going riding on a trail called Wanda.” Marvin, Floyd, Ethel, and Lester: all terrific trail names. In fact, if I were to run for office, I would use as my platform a promise that all trails would be named after popular names of the ’30s.
Oh, who am I kidding? This is all just sour grapes. In truth, I’m just disappointed that nobody suggested naming this new trail “Fatty.”
A Note from Fatty: There are Friends of Fatty (FoF), and then there are Best Friends of Fatty Forever (BFoFF). Scot Nicol, aka Chuck Ibis, is definitely a BFoFF. Last year he donated an Ibis Silk SL to help us raise money for the Lance Armstrong Foundation. A couple months ago he made it possible for us to shave Bob Roll’s head, raising yet more money for the Lance Armstrong Foundation. And now he’s working to raise money for another worthy cause. I’ll let him explain.
Scot Nicol here, you might remember me from our little raffle from last June when many of you participated in a raffle of one of our Ibis SilkSL road bikes in Susan’s name to benefit the LAF. The result of your kindness and generosity was that the Foundation had $37,505 more in their coffers. Thank you all for that, it was a success beyond our wildest imagination.
I’m giving Fatty a day off today and will use my rickety soapbox to toot the horn of another very different and very worthy group of people out here who are fighting the good fight.
Most of us like trails, whether we’re mountain bike riders, hikers, equestrians or Australian Shepards. Somebody has to build these and maintain these trails, and more often than not that task is done by a local, state or federal government agency. There are national organizations out there that do it, the one we cyclists know best is IMBA, the International Mountain Bike Association. There are also smaller, more regional organizations too that are doing good, innovative work. The Sierra Buttes Trail Stewardship is one of these.
Since 2003, the Sierra Buttes Trail Stewardship has been quietly building and maintaining a network of trails in and around a little mountain town called Downieville. It’s a place that’s close to my heart, as I spent a good chunk of every summer since 1959 there on the Yuba River, recreating on my grandpa’s mining claim. There were trails then, but no mountain bikes. Growing up on a river in the Sierra was absolute paradise for a kid from the ‘burbs.
The Sierra Buttes Trail Stewardship (SBTS) has a unique approach to reaching their goals. They rely on a huge amount of volunteerism, and have honed their trailbuilding efforts to a science. Their efforts also include a tremendous amount of community outreach, including a youth program that involves the local schools. The longer-term goals of this group also include the development of trail systems around the thriving metropolises of Graeagle, Clio, Portola, Calpine, Loyalton, and Sierraville.
Actually, these are all destination resort areas whose economic livelihood will be greatly enhanced by the new trail networks. I’ve even heard mention of a hut system sometime in the future. You can read more about what they’re about here.
These guys also happen to put on what I consider to be the funnest mountain bike event on the calendar right now. It’s called the Downieville Classic, where the legendary Downieville Downhill was born (45 minutes of descending at warp speed for the winner, more for me). It all takes place in the tiny burg of Downieville, and events include a pixie cross (small bikes racing in a tight circuit) and the insanely popular river jump contest. They set up a huge ramp and jump bikes into the river, I got to be a judge last year, one of my proudest accomplishments ever. To give you an indication of its populariy, the race sold out in minutes this year (as it does every year).
Now, if you’ve persevered to this point, I have a little treat for you. This is the most incredible 5 minutes of bicycle related video I’ve seen today, and maybe forever. It starts out a bit slow, but is well worth five minutes of your day. Once you’re done, continue reading. This is totally unrelated to anything in this post or any that Fatty has ever done most likely. I simply thought it was incredible enough to share.
The SBTS is not shy about their lofty goals, and have spoken to me about taking their brand of advocacy and community involvement on the road, showing other communities how they do it.
One of my goals is to help them do it. And that’s where this post is headed.
We at Ibis have donated a pimpy fresh Ibis Mojo, totally decked out with all the latest gear that would be appropriate for a ride around Downieville. We are raffling this bike on April 27th, this coming Monday. Raffle tickets, like before, are five dollah. 100% of the proceeds go to building trails. The SBTS estimates that one dollar of donation to their non-profit equals about $1500 dollars of normal trail building effort if it was done by a big bureaucracy. And they say they’ve had 22,000 hours of volunteer labor dedicated to their projects since 2003. Those are compelling numbers. Figure a burrito costs 5 bucks, your raffle ticket will buy someone a burrito and they might be able to build 10 feet of trail. Or more if it’s a super carnitas with guac (hopefully you vegans will still ride the trail).
We had our uber racer Brian Lopes design the parts pick of the bike, and we thank all of his kind sponsors like Marzocchi, Shimano, Easton, KS shocks, Kenda, WTB for their generous support.
In short, why don’t you go buy a raffle ticket or twenty? You might win a very cool bike.
PS: if you liked the video above, check out this one of Brian on the very same Mojo (well, not the same Mojo, but another one exactly like it) you see pictured above. That could be you, man. Or at least it could be your bike.
It occurs to me that before long, people are going to stop answering when I call. Why? I call people I have only met online or on the phone and ask them to do strange things in the name of helping Team Fatty fighting cancer.
One of these people whom I have never actually met in person — and I am given to understand that nobody else has either, for he wears a mask and a flowing velvet cape that conceals his appearance — is Bike Snob NYC, who is best described as my evil, more famous blog twin.
Anyways, not really knowing BSNYC at all, I asked a large favor of him.
“I know you value your privacy,” I said. “So how about we run a contest where the winner gets to come over and totally violate that privacy. You know, hang out with you for a couple hours. Ride bikes with you. Stand too close to you and ask you personal questions you don’t want to answer.”
And so, beginning right this moment, you can enter the contest to fly out to NYC and meet, talk with, make lots and lots of blog entry suggestions to, and otherwise hang out with Bike Snob NYC.
What You Get
So what fabulous prizes do you get with this contest? Read on.
First and foremost, you get to meet BSNYC. In person and for real. No hijinx or anything. You’ll actually get to see what he looks like. Once you’ve met him, he gets to decide what you do next. Maybe you’ll go on a bike ride. Maybe you’ll go for lots of subway rides. Maybe he’ll spontaneously embrace you. Maybe he’ll hit you with a cudgel and take your money. As you know, New Yorkers are as volatile as they are unpredictable. I recommend bringing both chocolate and pepper spray. It’s best to be prepared.
Second and Secondmost, you get a ticket to NY and back, with US Air. Yep, the Co-Captain of the Philly Team Fatty — Jen Yuan — has arranged for a plane ticket with US Air for any day this year. Of course, this means you have to get yourself to an airport that US Air or one of its affiliates services. So you BSNYC fans in Sri Lanka may be out of luck.
Third and Thirdmost, you get a Bike Snob Seal of Disapproval t-shirt, lovingly (?) hand-delivered by BSNYC himself. It may be in your size. It may not. Do not ask if you can exchange it. As you can see here, Lance got one that is three sizes too large, and he didn’t ask for a different size. He’s wearing / swimming in it, and is happy about it.
Finally and Lastmost: In addition to the grand prize of a plane ticket and meeting BSNYC, there will be 4 second-prize t-shirts given away to random winners. I have one of these and I never wear anything else. But in all honesty, that has more to do with my proclivity to always wear a given clothing item exclusively until catastrophic failure. But hey, this isn’t about me. It’s about the hard-to-find, can’t-be-bought t-shirt you’re going to parade in front of your friends.
What You Don’t Get
Please note carefully that this is not an all-expenses-paid vacation. It is, frankly, much closer to a plane-ticket-and-nothing-else vacation. Meaning you’re on your own for hotel. And food. And cab fare.
And everything else, actually.
And don’t you go expecting BSNYC to foot the bill. In fact, maybe you should consider buying him lunch. Would it kill you, just once, to offer to buy?
Yes, all the money in this contest goes directly to the Lance Armstrong Foundation, to help them fight cancer. It’s that easy. Besides, we cannot be trusted with money.
This contest is open starting right now and will run through next Wednesday, April 22. The winner will be announced on Thursday, April 23.
General Rules and Restrictions
Here are some rules you must obey, so keep them in mind just in case you win this contest.
Timing: You need to do this on a day that works for BSNYC. He travels (to exotic and wonderful places you couldn’t even possibly imagine) frequently, so the two of you will need to work together to figure out a date that works for the two of you.
Be cool: Seriously, BSNYC wants to keep private, which I don’t understand at all but am trying to respect anyways. So: no photos of him, no smothering, and no poking. And keep what you learn about him to yourself.
Flight Restrictions: Here’s what you need to know about the ticket:
Even though there are no blackout dates, there must be “X”-class seats available on a given flight in order for someone to use the voucher (kind of like frequent flier miles). As the voucher says, “Seats are limited and may not be available on every flight.”
Also, the flight only needs to be *ticketed* by Dec 23, 2009. Travel can take place all the way up through late November 2010. Flights can be ticketed a maximum of 340 days in advance.
The voucher can be used for “open jaw” flights — fly into one city (say, NYC to meet Bike Snob) and out of another (say, Philly after cheering people at the Livestrong ride).
If the flight someone wants does not have an available “X” class seat, the voucher is good for $200 towards the total fare.
Good on US Airways, US Express, America West Airways, America West Express.
Frankly, that’s a lot less draconian than it could have been. Although the term “open jaw flights” scares me very much.
But What If I Already Live on the East coast, the Way 90% of Americans Do?
Well, then you can go visit Bike Snob and then use the plane ticket to go somewhere else. See, this ticket is actually a round-trip ticket to anywhere in the US that US Air and its affiliates service.
So, for example, you could go hang out with BSNYC for a couple hours, then fly over to Salt Lake City, and I’d take you on a ride. Road or mountain, your choice. I’ll take care of getting a bike for you. And then I’ll grill brats or burgers, your choice.
Seriously, I’m throwing that in the ring. Which may or may not be an enhancement to the contest. You’ll have to decide.
As it often happens, I wish I were eligible to enter this contest — from his blog and the several email conversations I’ve had with him, I can tell BSNYC is a very smart, funny, and good guy.
The weird thing is, afterward a bunch of you said that if I made it an annual event, you’d want to do it, too. So, foolishly taking you at your word, I am happy to announce that soon I’ll be announcing (in other words, I haven’t finalized the date yet) the 2nd Annual FatCyclist.com 100 Miles of Nowhere.
But this time it’s going to be much more awesome.
How It’s Going to Work
Well, first off, there’s going to be official registration and everything, with racer schwag approximately 300% better than most racer schwag bags. More on that in a second.
And of course, most of the money for registration will go to Team Fatty’s LiveStrong Challenge.
When you register, you will specify your category (choose from one of my pre-made categories or create your own), your race location, and the distance you will ride your rollers or trainer: 25, 50, or 100 miles.
Of course, if you cheat and decide to ride outside, I will give you a stern warning, but will not treat it as cheating outright.
Then, On a certain day in the not-too-distant future, we will all — wherever we happen to be — ride nowhere at all, in a race that is both incredibly local and impossibly far-flung. Racers who normally drop everyone else will note that they are somehow going the same speed as recreational riders.
Above all, as you ride you will have conflicting senses of pointlessness (why am I riding my bike and not going anywhere?) and pointfulness (because I’m fighting cancer, that’s why).
And it will be awesome in a whole new way.
What You’re Going to Get
I’m currently planning on having a $75.00 entry fee. $25 of that will cover shipping costs and labor, and the other $50 goes to Fatty’s LiveStrong Challenge.
And what will you get, besides a sense of satisfaction that you participated in an incredibly strange race and also fought cancer? Well, you get a schwag box of awesomeness, that’s what. Here’s what’s in it so far:
A suitable-for-framing certificate, declaring you the winner in your category and location. Yes, that’s right. I am guaranteeing you a win, regardless of who else is in the race. What other race gives you that? Oh, and by “suitable for framing” I mean that I’ll use high-quality paper in my color laser printer. Oh, and I’ll sign it, too. With a blue Bic pen.
An event t-shirt, designed and produced by Twin Six . Twin Six designs all my jerseys and t-shirts, and they’ve never ever ever disappointed. This will be one shirt that definitely does not become a rag used to wipe the grease off your chain. Not for several years, anyway. Value: $22.00
A tube of DZ-Nuts. Yes, really. If you use chamois cream, it’s high time you try DZ-Nuts. If you have never tried chamois cream, I cannot think of a more perfect time to begin. As I have noted in my review, this is good stuff. Value: $22.00
A Banjo Brothers Seat Bag: These bags open wide and perfectly hold exactly what you need for a roadside tube change: tube, tire levers, mini tool, CO2 can and adapter. And a couple of rolled-up bills in case you need to buy a Slurpie. Every road bike should have one of these. Value: $10.99
A Garmin / Slipstream Camelbak Podium Bottle: I recently got one of these bottles for myself…and I liked it so much that I ordered a six-pack of them. They’re the only bottle I use now. Somehow, CamelBak has made the bike water bottle better. A lot better. And the Garmin / Slipstream graphics look great. And how cool is Team Garmin / Slipstream for helping raise money for the Lance Armstrong Foundation? Value: $10.00
CarboRocket Single-Serve packs: How weird is it that one of my very best friends invented what I consider to be the very best sports drink in existence? You’ll get three single-serve packs (perfect for making one bottle’s-worth), letting you try each of the flavors. And, I daresay this is a good opportunity for you to try them out. Value: $6.00
Clif Shot Bloks: The fact that I will, if left to my own devices, eat Shot Bloks recreationally, tells you everything you need to know about them. They taste like jam, and look terrifying when microwaved. Value: $2.00
ProBar : These things taste far too delicious to be organic, and yet they are. And they’re far too delicious, I might add, to be an energy bar. And yet they are. Value: $3.29
That is not a bad amount of stuff. In fact, if my calculations are correct (and they may not be, because I am far too lazy to double-check my work), the retail value of the FatCyclist.com 100 Miles of Nowhere schwag box is $76.28.
Yes, that’s right. You pay $75.00, get $76.28 worth of stuff, and you’re still donating $50 to Team Fatty’s LiveStrong Challenge.
How is that even possible? I do not know, but it is.
How I Need Your Help
Want to help out? Great. There are a couple things I need.
If you’ve got pull with a company and think they might want to be a sponsor: I would love to make you a sponsor. You can be a sponsor by either donating something very cool to go in the schwag bag, donating a very cool random-drawing prize (like a bike or a car or a lifetime supply of Diet Coke), or donating a good amount of cash to Team Fatty’s LiveStrong Challenge. E-mail me and we’ll talk about details.
If you’re thinking about participating: Just start talking to your friends and family about how insane it would be to ride your trainer for 100 miles (or 50, or 25). Once they agree, tell them you’re going to do it as part of this race, so you can do something completely ridiculous and noble at the same time, and you’d like them to donate to your LiveStrong Challenge page in support of your effort.
We’ll be starting registration soon. As soon as I pick a date. Which I believe will be around the end of April. Yeah, I know I should have done this when it was too cold to go do anything outside. But as it turns out I sometimes have other things I have to take care of in my life. So feel free to not give me any grief about waiting ’til now to get to this. Or I will bite your head clean off.
Don’t test me.
FAQ
A few people have asked questions in the comments section, and a couple of questions have occurred to me that I expect some people might want to ask but are simply too shy.. I will try to answer them here:
Can I use my spin bike / stationary trainer? Sure. Why not?
I’m more of a runner? Can I do a running version? Of course. It seems that the runner’s equivalent of this would be to do a marathon on your treadmill. Your T-shirt will still say you did the 100 Miles of Nowhere, but you can edit it with a Sharpie.
What about riding a really small course outside? Yes, please do that. The smaller, the better. And please have a GPS with tracking on and send me the an image of your ride. I will post it.
My computer is mounted to my front wheel. What do I do? Mount a computer to your rear wheel, or, alternatively, just guess how fast you’re going. Guess low.
What if I’m not available on the day you pick? Do it on the day before. Or the day after. Or something like that. With all the time zones and date lines involved, it’s not like we’re all going to be riding at the same time anyway.
If you’ve got more questions, ask in the comments and if they seem general enough, I’ll answer them here.
PS: A bunch of you should be getting the bracelets you had Susan make for you (and I’ve gotten really nice emails from several of you saying how much you like them already; thanks!) over the next couple of days. She’s only got about 20 more to make, and she’s hoping to get them done between this week and next. Susan wanted me to let you know that each of the women’s bracelets has one squarish pink bead, which you should think of as her signature and a reminder of what this is all about. Susan also says that once she’s done with the remaining bracelets on order, she’s going to put jewelry making aside for a bit, so she can concentrate on finishing writing her novel.
PPS: Yes, that’s right. My cancer-fighting wife, having just raised north of $8K for the LAF by meticulously hand-crafting more than 80 bracelets, is now hard at work completing her first novel. How awesome is she? (Answer: very)
It occurs to me that before long, people are going to stop answering when I call. Why? I call people I have only met online or on the phone and ask them to do strange things in the name of helping Team Fatty fighting cancer.
