The Best Place in the World

09.14.2005 | 10:29 am

I like living in the Northwest. I like riding in green countryside. I like the incredible forests. I like the big evergreens that surround my house. I like all the lakes around me. I like that it never really gets unbearably hot, nor unbearably cold.But today as I rode my bike to work, I started thinking about Tibble Fork, and now I miss Utah something awful.

Tibble Fork — the reservoir and the trail that starts at the reservoir — is at the North end of American Fork Canyon, in Utah County. It is all singletrack and is, from a purely objective analysis, the best mountain bike trail in the entire world.

Wrong Way
Most people — in fact, everyone I’ve ever seen, except my own little group — rides Tibble wrong. They take a shuttle to the summit of the Alpine Loop and ride their mountain bikes down. There should be a law against that. In fact, I hereby decree: henceforth, all descending on mountain bikes must be earned by corresponding climbing on said mountain bikes. So let it be written, so let it be done.

There, I feel much better now.

First Mile: Ow.
That said, there’s a reason most people ride Tibble Fork down, not up. It’s because it’s unbelievably steep. The first mile, in particular, is pure agony (but it’s the good kind of agony). It’s steep and often loose, with a couple of near-impossible switchbacks at impossible angles, followed by a quick maze and climb over roots and rocks. When / if you clean that first mile, you haven’t had just a good day. You’ve had a red-letter day — the kind of day you talk about in your Christmas letter to friends and relatives.

Please, allow me to illustrate. A few years ago, my college-age niece told me her boyfriend would like to go out mountain biking. I tried to get a sense of what he could do as we drove out toward the Ridge Trail network (of which Tibble is a part). When he said, “Oh, whatever you can handle. I don’t want to put too much hurt on an old guy like you,” I made up my mind: Tibble.

Instead of riding behind a guest as a good host normally would, letting the guest set the pace, I took off at race pace up Tibble. I was seeing purple spots, but it was worth it, because “the boyfriend” as I now called him in my head, was dropping off the back, fast.

I got to the end of the first mile, which is where we usually regroup and rest for the next third of a mile, which is considerably steeper than the first mile.

I waited. And waited some more. After about 5 minutes — remember, I had only gone a mile so far — he rolled up, got off his bike, knelt, and threw up.

It was my proudest moment ever.

A Brief Respite
The next third of a mile is about as severe a climb as can be ridden on a mountain bike. It’s also very muddy in the Spring. Horses tromp through it, churning up the trail and leaving postholes with every step (yeah, it’s the bikes that are ruining the trails). When the mud dries, this section of trail is pretty choppy for the rest of the year. And there are a couple of logs and waterbars you’ve got to wheelie over. And some boulders.

Once you make it past that climb, though, you’re in for a treat — a beautiful mountain meadow, with a beaver pond at the far end. A thin line of singletrack cuts through it, and your legs stop burning for the first time since you got on the bike. And that’s one of the things that makes Tibble great: intense climbs are always followed by a little flat spot where you can get your air back.

I’ve snowshoed up to this meadow in the Winter at night, during a full moon. I was the first person up there since a big snow. I tromped out to the middle of the meadow, flopped onto my back, and for a little while was the only person in the entire world. I apologize for any inconvenience I caused in making the rest of you disappear. My bad.

Anyway, a couple hundred yards later and you’re climbing again — in fact, you’ve got two more miles of climbing. It’s still small ring climbing, but you can ride parts of it in second and third gear.

The Blair Witch Move
Next up, the Blair Witch Move. This is a jumble of embedded rocks and a big root ledge. There are basically two ways you can try to ride up: the rocks or the ledge. The jury’s out as to which is better. Sometimes I can clean this on my first try, sometimes I can’t clean it no matter how many tries I have.

Why is it called the “Blair Witch Move?” A group of us were riding at night, trying this move, when we heard the most hideous screaming/yelling/dying-by-murder-most-foul sound I have ever heard. Human? Animal? We couldn’t tell. It sounded close, though. “It’s the Blair Witch,” someone said. We finished our mandatory three tries at the move, and got out of there.

Afterward, we decided it must have been elk calling, or something like that. The thing is, I’ve heard lots of elk in my day (my dad’s big on hunting), and this sounded nothing to me like elk.

Crux of the Matter
Immediately after the Blair Witch Move comes the Crux Move. It’s a brutally-steep hill, about 50 feet long, littered with loose rocks. You can’t bring speed into this move, because the approach is littered with loose dirt and fist-sized rocks, followed by an off-camber left turn. From there, you’ve got to pick your line and keep enough weight on the front wheel to steer, while keeping enough on the back to not spin out. Adding insult to injury, it gets steeper at the top. If you clean this, you have earned the privilege of thumping your chest and standing at the top of the move, shouting bad advice to the poor saps below.

In the hundreds of times (have I really ridden Tibble hundreds of times? Maybe not. I’ll bet I’ve ridden it close to 100, though, and you get three tries at any move) I have attempted the Crux move, I have cleaned it exactly once.

You know where I said earlier that making The Boyfriend barf at the top of the first mile was my proudest moment ever? I’d like to take that back. Cleaning the Crux Move was my proudest moment ever.

Endless Move
A quick zip through another meadow brings you to the last move of Tibble: Endless. This move isn’t especially technical, though there are parts that will throw you off your line if you’re not careful. But it is long. And since you’ve been climbing an unbelievably steep mountain for 2.5 miles, you’re probably not at your strongest anymore. I have never measured it, but I believe you are climbing in the red zone for just about a quarter mile.

And then there’s a little more climbing, a few switchbacks, and you’re at the top of Tibble, the best climb in the world.

Joy
At this moment, you could turn around and go down the way you came up. I’ve done this dozens of times. Or you can go down the other side, down South Fork of Deer Creek trail, which is the most unimaginative name for a trail ever. Instead of using this clinical name, we call the trail “Joy.”

You’d have to ride this trail to really understand why it’s called Joy. It’s a little like being in that scene in Return of the Jedi where Luke and Leia are being chased through the forest on their motorcycle-esque landspeeders. Except it’s real, and it’s downhill, and the trails are banked to perfection, and you’re threading through the aspen and evergreen trees knowing — but not caring — that if you fall right now you will wrap around one of them, and then there’s a little jump on the side of the trail (you need to know to watch for it), and you’re pedaling in your big ring, not quite spun out but oh-so-close and then you’re suddenly in sagebrush, still flying, and the trail’s banked just where it needs to be so that you can just open it up on your mountain bike like nowhere else in the world.

And then it’s over. It ends at a little campground, where everyone regroups and tries to describe what just happened. But it always comes out just giggles and big sloppy grins to match.

Joy is the only trail that has ever brought tears to my eyes. It is perfect.

Mud Springs
Now you’ve got more climbing to do — up to the summit of the Alpine Loop, and then across the Ridge Trail — in order to get to Joy’s opposite: Mud Springs. Actually, “opposite” is a poor word, in some ways, because both are spectacular descents. It’s just that they’re spectacular in opposite ways. Joy is smooth, open and fast: a perfect ride to get someone to love mountain biking. Mud Springs is twisted, technical, and treacherous (I swear, that alliteration was not intentional): a perfect ride for someone who is already hooked and is ready to be challenged. Rocks, ledges, roots, chutes: Mud Springs has them all, in such a perfect combination that one is forced to conclude that God is a mountain biker. Or at least that the Forest Service guys in UT care deeply about the trails they maintain.

Back Where You Started
I’ve said before that I’m terrible with maps and location in general, so it shouldn’t surprise you to know that I’m still a little surprised every single time Mud Springs drops me back onto Tibble, about two thirds of the way up. I mean, I’ve just been riding all over the place, and I’m here again? How is that possible?

And yet, it is. You’re back on Tibble Fork, and get to fly down as fast as your courage will let you go. Usually, we would race it — Dug and Rick would give me a head start, because I’m the slow guy going downhill, and they’d catch me with about a half mile to go.

Flying downhill Tibble is totally different than going up it. (Yes, well, duh). What I mean, though, is you see different things, get a different perception of how long a certain part of the course is, think of different parts of the trail as the “good” stuff.

If you think about it, the people who shuttle — not just Tibble, but any great mountain bike trail — only see half the trail. Climb it, and you get to see it all.

Wrapping Up
Whenever I get to the bottom of Tibble Fork and am packing up, I feel like I’m one of very few people who knows an incredible secret. Consider: everyone in the whole world was doing something right then, but only a few of us were mountain biking at the best place in the world.

Note to my friends back in Utah: If you aren’t riding Tibble today, you are complete idiots.

 

RAWROD ‘05, Part 2: Treachery and the Hogback

05.12.2005 | 7:01 am

There are a couple of strange things about being a fat cyclist: 

  1. You’re reminded with every turn of the crank that you are, in fact, fat. How? Because on the upstroke your quads squish up against your low-hanging stomach.
  2. If you used to be a fast / competitive cyclist, the instinct to win doesn’t go away when you become fat; it just festers.

I noticed strange thing #1 right away as I began riding around the White Rim. How could I not? But I didn’t really notice strange thing #2 until I started climbing Hardscrabble Hill, a sandy, steep set of pitches. As person after person after person passed me, I realized that I would shortly be sorted to the back, where I would remain through the day.

And then a third strange thing happened: everyone started gathering at the top of Hardscrabble hill, planning on picking up the food and water they needed to make it for the next section of the ride. OK, that’s not very strange. The strange thing is a thought occurred to me: I had no need to stop. It was a cool day, so I hadn’t used much water. I had enough food for the whole ride.

So I waved at everyone who had gathered, and I kept going. Abracadabra, I went from back of the pack to leader of the pack, knowing that since everyone was still waiting for the sag wagons to catch up, I had picked up a 15-minute lead.

Is this niggardly, anti-social riding behavior? Why, yes. Yes it is. Am I proud of myself for acting this way? No, no I am not. Did I realize that I had used a particularly lame form of treachery to claim a spot on the trail that did not rightfully belong to me? Yes, yes I did. Did I feel shame and remorse to the extent that I would never do it again? I guess we’ll see.

Not All About Me

For a little while — maybe half an hour — I mostly wondered how soon everyone would catch and pass me. Then I started noticing that White Rim was the most beautiful it’s ever been, and stopped thinking about other people, about me, about anything. I swear, I had one of Schopenhauer’s sublime moments, where I was simply immersed in the beauty of the profusion of wildflowers — white! red! yellow! purple! — and physics-defying sandstone structures. Cliffs towered above me beyond belief to my left, and to my right dropped away so far down that my stomach would knot up.

I was surprised that I was starting to get close to Murphy’s Hogback — a long, difficult climb, at the top of which we were going to gather and eat lunch — and nobody had passed me yet. Ha! Maybe I’m in better shape than I thought! Maybe I’ll be the first to the top of Murphy’s, from which I can taunt the slower riders with my magnificent belly!

And then my good friend Brad Keyes past me. On his singlespeed bike. While whistling an idle tune. Followed, within moments, by Mike Young — who is Steve Young’s more-athletic brother — who said, “Hey, you’re not doing so bad, you big fat tub of goo!” OK, Mike didn’t say that. But the fact that I had only been passed by two really fast guys made me feel much better about myself.

Oh wait, I see more coming up behind.

I dug in deep, doing what I could to prevent anyone else from passing me before I got to Murphy’s. And then the climb began, putting an end to any thoughts I had of finishing strong. I went into my granny gear and just slowly spun up, not worrying about speed, not caring if anyone passed me. I just didn’t want Mike, Brad, or anyone behind me to see me get off and push.

Amazingly, I did it. I rode up the entirety of the Hog. Third guy up. Yay. Cori Jones was just seconds behind and did the whole thing one handed just for the helluvit, but still.

On the Hogback

The great thing about being at the top of Murphy’s Hogback is you’ve got an incredible view of the trail you just climbed — and it’s very impressive. You get to watch everyone else ride in, cheer them on, and give them Very Helpful Advice as they get to the last 10 yards, which is extremely steep. Such as:

  • To Bill Freedman: “C’mon! Ride a wheelie up that hill, you pansy!” Of course, Bill (owner of a Ben and Jerry’s shop, so naturally a wonderful person) complied. Then, as he summited, he put a little too much juice into it and wheelied over onto his butt. It was a perfect moment.
  • To Serena Warner: “Need a push?” To which she nodded assent. I quickly skittered down the hill to give her that push, and up she went. I like to think that it’s because I expended so much energy giving her that push that Serena would offhandedly blow by me toward the end of the ride.
  • To Ryan Benson: “Ry-an! Ry-an! Ry-an!” Nobody expected Ryan to be able to clean that final pitch, but he did. Made it look easy. For that, Ryan would be awarded the “King of Shafer” trophy Kenny had made up, to be awarded to the male who suffered with the most class.

With everyone gathered, we all had lunch. And I fully intended, as soon as I was done, to hop on my bike and go before anyone else.

I had a non-race to win.

Next up: Whupass Jam, or the Lack Thereof

Yesterday’s weight: 184.6

Today’s weight: 182.8

RAWROD ‘05 Part 1: Fat loser nerd, alone in hotel room

05.11.2005 | 5:47 am

The Day Before the Ride

I admit, I very nearly bailed out of riding the RAWROD ‘05. The embarassment was almost too much to take. Consider: when I moved away from Utah 1.3 years ago, I weighted 158lbs. Now I’m 30lbs. heavier. When I left, I was one of the fast guys; now it would be questionable whether I’d even be capable of finishing the ride/race (technically, it was just a friendly ride. In reality, any time you have more than a few people in a riding group, at least some of them think it’s a race).  

And I was fairly confident at least a few of my old biking friends would try to jiggle my belly.

Still, I had bought the plane tickets, arranged for Rick Maddox to loan me a bike, had reserved a hotel room, and had professed enthusiasm for the ride. No backing out now.

Well, actually, I guess I could have bailed out. After all, Doug bailed out. Rick bailed out. Chucky bailed out. And none of them had better reasons than I. Maybe they’ve become fat, too.

Kenny Jones — who put this massive group ride-cum-massive event together, picked me up at the airport; he looks like he does nothing but ride his bike and shave his head. We made our way to Moab. It was rainy, windy, and cold. Moab’s not usually like that. I began to wish I had stayed home.

I’m one of very few people who had planned to stay in a hotel room. I was ridiculed and scoffed at for not camping, but I smirked (choking back the tears), noting that it was — as just noted — rainy, cold, and windy. I went to my hotel room, got all my junk ready, and played Ridge Racer on my PSP for a couple hours. If someone had taken my picture for the newspaper at that moment, the caption would have been, “Fat loser nerd, alone in hotel room. Self-perception as endurance cyclist very questionable.”

Beginning The Ride

During the night, the wind died down, so it was no longer windy when we started the ride. Still plenty rainy and cold, though. The plan was to get going at 6:30AM. Around 7:00AM, we started going. Not bad for such a big group. Thinking how long it would take for this crew to regroup and get going at various stopping points, I loaded myself with enough food and water that I figured I could do the whole day with one stop, max.

I should note that while I was clearly having serious doubts internally about this ride, I wasn’t saying anything bad about it. Kenny looked too excited; I didn’t want to bring him down. One guy, though, who did look a little nervous about this ride was Ryan Benson. He’s proud to be “America’s Biggest Loser” — in other words, he won a reality show series for losing more weight than anyone else. Still, losing weight is one thing. A ten-hour mountain bike ride is something else altogether. “I’m giving you a ‘good-time guarantee,’” I said, having no idea whether he’d actually have a good time or not.

We started down Horse Thief at the beginning of the ride, which meant several miles of well-graded rolling dirt road, averaging slightly downhill. By the time we got to the bottom of Horse Thief, the rain had stopped. And, finally, I had stopped thinking about how far I’ve sunk and started noticing that I do, in fact, love to ride my bike. I mean, I really, really, really love it. So I’m slow. So what.

I picked a flower, put it in my shoulder strap – closest thing I had to a lapel – and decided that I was going to have a good day.

Next Up: Treachery + Murphy’s Hogback

Today’s Weight: 186.0lbs. 

RawRod 2005

« Previous Page     Next Entries »