Waiting
Surgery starts soon. Susan is actually looking forward to being
knocked out.
You know you’re hurting when you are excited for major surgery because
of the prospect of a decent nap.
Wherein I Compare and Contrast Recent American Tour de France Champions to my Wife
From time to time, I post how things are going with my wife. But I don’t tell you everything, and sometimes I don’t tell you anything.
I haven’t, for example, gone into much detail about how much pain Susan’s in right now.
So you’ll just have to trust me that Susan wasn’t just being a pansy when, yesterday morning, she called the bone tumor specialist’s nurse and told her that she just couldn’t take it much longer.
The nurse, to her massive credit, immediately lined up an impromptu appointment with the specialist, then called Susan’s oncologist, and started investigating whether it would be possible to move Susan’s surgery up a week.
So yesterday Susan and I spent most of the afternoon talking with doctors, where we found that the crack in Susan’s left hip is spreading. We all agreed it would in fact be a good idea to do this surgery as soon as possible.
So when will Susan’s hip replacement be?
Tomorrow.
With this fairly big deal suddenly coming up, now seems like a good time to have a Susan-centric post. I’d therefore like you to consider some rather freaky parallels between Susan and the two most recent American Tour de France champions, Lance Armstrong and Floyd Landis.
Comparison 1: Cancer Battles
Both Lance Armstrong and Susan have battled cancer.
- Armstrong fought it once, as a single man, with responsibilities to nobody but himself.
- Susan has fought it twice, with a husband and four children to take care of.
Advantage: Susan, by a mile.
Comparison 2: Cancer Awareness
Both Lance Armstrong and Susan have raised considerable quantities of money toward cancer survivorship.
- Armstrong founded the Lance Armstrong Foundation, which has directly benefitted thousands and thousands of cancer survivors and their families. He has turned cancer research into a bona fide political issue for the 2008 US presidential election.
- Susan has raised more than $6000 for the Lance Armstrong Foundation, and has given a number of Fat Cyclist blog readers a reason to take up breast cancer research as a cause worth fighting for.
Advantage: Armstrong. Sorry, Susan, but you’ve got some catching up to do on this one.
Comparison 3: Hip Replacement
Floyd Landis had a hip replaced. Susan’s about to have a hip replaced.
- Landis messed up his hip by falling off his bike and then letting the screws holding his hip together get rusty. Or something like that.
- Susan messed up her hip by doing too much kickboxing as a teenager, and also because of that cancer thing.
Advantage: Susan. Unlike Floyd, Susan did everything she could to avoid the hip replacement, including radiation and hobbling along on it in spite of the fracture. Floyd, on the other hand, just let his old hip rot in its socket. That’s just gross, Floyd.
Oh, by the way, I may have made up that bit about kickboxing.
Comparison 4: Twins
Lance Armstrong is the father of six-year-old twin girls. Susan is the mother of (a completely separate set of) six-year-old twin girls.
- Armstrong’s twins are fraternal. Also, Armstrong did not carry his twins around for 8-point-something months before they were born.
- Susan’s twins are identical. As in, we give them different hairstyles so people can tell them apart, because otherwise it’s pretty much impossible. Susan carried the twins to about as close to full term as any mother ever has. And she continued to be a great mom to our two sons while she did it.
Advantage: Susan. You know what’s funny? During the first two years of the twins’ life, we thought that was going to be our big life test. Ha.
Comparison 5: Biking
Let’s see how Susan, Armstrong and Landis compare on their bikes.
- Armstrong and Landis are remarkable athletes and can ride their bikes two levels of magnitude faster than you or I can.
- Susan doesn’t have a bike. I bought her a nice Sugar 2 shortly before we found out she was pregnant with the twins, but she hasn’t really had a chance to ride it. However, even with everything we’ve been through, Susan doesn’t just tolerate that I ride and love bikes; she actively encourages and supports me.
Advantage: Me. For sure.
Comparison 6: Doping
Rumors and allegations of drug use have followed Armstrong, Landis, and Susan.
- Landis was accused of an abnormal testosterone level, but he denies the charge and is fighting hard to overturn the ruling.
- Armstrong has never been formally accused of taking any drugs, although he’s been informally accused so often it’s practically a sport of its own. Plus, being on drugs would explain the recent sightings with that girl from Full House.
- Susan takes a lot of drugs. Chemo, Zometa, Avastin, antibiotics, Coumadin, EPO (yeah, my wife’s on EPO) and a veritable cornucopia of painkillers. Susan’s blood sample wouldn’t just raise a red flag when tested; it would raise a red flag, cause the klaxons and sirens to go off, and probably melt the vial it’s contained in. It’s entirely possible that WADA would not approve of Susan’s shenanigans.
Advantage: Susan. You’ve got to admire how brazen she is about her pill-popping ways.
Final Score: This one’s easy. The parallels are eerie, but Susan manages to come out ahead in almost all of them. She’s one tough mama.
She and I are both anxious, but also looking forward to getting this over with, so she can get back on her feet. With any luck, this will be the last major step in her treatment for a good, long time.
PS: I expect that a lot of you will be anxious to know how Susan does in tomorrow’s surgery. I can’t promise anything, but I will do my best to post an update in the late afternoon or evening.
PPS: Susan does read this blog, so if you’d like to get her a message of encouragement, the comment section’s an easy way to do it.
Cross-Training For Cyclists
A Note from Fatty: I’ve got a new story up on BikeRadar.com today. You can read the preview below, or skip right to the whole article by clicking here.
As the days get shorter and – oddly enough – nights get longer this time of year, we cyclists have a big dilemma: how do we stay sharp through the winter, without burning out?
The answer? Simple: Cross-training. For those of you who aren’t familiar with cross-training, allow me to explain. Cross-training is defined as, “Performing an activity you really hate, in the hope that it will make you better at an activity you really like, even though you’re pretty sure you’d become better at the activity you like by simply doing that activity.”
What cross-training activities should you do, then? Well, that depends entirely upon what kind of biking skills you want to improve.
Here are some suggestions.
Track Cyclists
Want to be a faster, more competitive racer at the local velodrome next season? Then you need to cross-train with an eye toward the unique characteristics of your sport.
- Take up running, track style. Running can help you maintain your aerobic base, but if you’re a track cyclist, you should absolutely not just strap on some shoes and hit the open road. No, if you do that you’ll soon realize that it’s a big, beautiful world out there with a lot to see and a lot of places to go. If you get a taste for going places, the track will lose its appeal forever. Instead, get a nice treadmill, and run on that. This has the two-fold appeal of making sure you get plenty of exercise without seeing anything, and punishing you severely (i.e., making you crash and look like a fool) if you coast for even a millisecond.
- Head out to the amusement park. Spend lots of time at the local carnival or amusement park. Focus on rides like the carousel, ferris wheel, and tilt-a-whirl/waltzer. If you ever want to be a competitive trackie, you need to build up an extreme tolerance for going round and round and round in a circle.
Cyclocross
Cyclocross is a mixed discipline, combining elements of multiple sports. To maximize your suitability for this event, try the following as your cross training events:
- Learn to Riverdance. The hopping, skipping, high-kicking intensity of this style of dance is perfectly matched to the skills necessary to dismount your bike hit the ground running, jump over a barrier, and then remount.
- Change careers. To really get into the mindset of cyclocross, you need to be able to switch from riding to running to portaging to jumping and back to riding, over and over with no notice whatsoever. And you need to be able to do it often. To improve your ability to switch tasks like this, find a new job, working for an indecisive, neurotic micromanager. You’ll find that the urgency of his orders combined with the incessant changing of those orders, feels exactly the same as cyclocross, except it goes on all day, five days per week. You’ll have no problem finding a job working for a manager of this sort, since they always seem to have openings in their teams.
Click here to continue reading “Cross-Training for Cyclists” at BikeRadar.com.
Morning After
I’m still on vacation, but wanted to talk about four items, briefly:
- How I feel after a day of doing nothing but cooking and eating.
- Why you might want to check out the Twin Six site today.
- The winners of the Ergon Get a Grip Contest.
- A gratuitous tease.
Let’s get started, shall we?
Post-Thanksgiving Self-Evaluation
The mashed potatoes, turkey, rolls, and banana cream parfait were all big successes. I ably demonstrated my superpower by eating thrice my body weight.
I then demonstrated my second superpower (for I have, in fact, many powers) by taking a nice little nap.
I then went back to my primary superpower by eating my fill again, even though I was — paradoxically, I guess — already full.
Today, my skin feels tighter and my clothes do too. My fingers are hard to bend. Has earth’s gravity increased overnight?
Black Friday Sale at Twin Six
The Twin Six guys are having a one-day sale today. Jerseys for $45. T-shirts for $12, Wool socks for $9.
Plus they’ve just posted a ton of new stuff (four new limited-edition jackets, eight more t-shirts, two new hats).
Check out http://www.twinsix.com today and get your Christmas shopping done (whether for someone else or for yourself) early. And without having to wait in a checkout line, for crying out loud.
The Winners of the Ergon “Get a Grip” One-Week Weight Loss Challenge
OK, this morning I finally got out my spreadsheet and did the necessary math, so I could announce the winners of the “Get a Grip” Weight Loss Challenge, with awesome prizes brought to you by Ergon.
Here’s who won, and how much weight they each lost:
| Who | Weight Lost (lbs) |
| Mike D. | 10 |
|
Craig W. |
9 |
|
Warran W. |
7.5 |
|
Cycling Phun |
7.4 |
|
Michael S. |
7.2 |
|
Karl N. |
7 |
|
Jason J. |
7 |
|
Brandon H. |
7 |
|
Rich R. |
7 |
Altogether, the 44 of us who participated lost 144 pounds. Not a bad week!
Congratulations to the winners, who will be getting email from me with how to get their prize.
Gratuitous Tease
In three minutes, I am having a phone conversation with someone. At this moment, I cannot tell you who it is, or what it’s about. Probably, I never will. If I ever can, however, I will. And it would / will make your jaw drop.
Gratitude
Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving in the US. It’s a good day to enumerate and express what you’re grateful for. So, in no particular order, I am grateful for…
- Mountain bikes. For about twelve years now, I’ve had one hobby. Or obsession. Whatever. I think about mountain biking every single day. When I am happy, mountain biking makes me happier. When I am sad, mountain biking helps me work out my problem. When I am angry, mountain biking gives me perspective. Mountain biking makes me strong. Mountain biking has taught me that I am not entirely without athletic ability. Mountain biking has taken me places that are less than ten miles away from where I live, but may as well be thousands.
- Road bikes. I like road bikes, but not as much as mountain bikes. Except for when I’m on a road bike, at which point I like road bikes better. How is this possible? I do not know. It is quite a mystery. I intend to investigate further.
- Hydraulic disc brakes. Using only two fingers’ worth of effort — and not even hard effort at that — I can completely negate the combined forces of gravity, my weight, and my momentum. How is this even possible? Is it dark magic?
- 29″ wheels. I don’t crash nearly as often as I used to. Those big wheels like to roll over stuff, instead of getting stuck in it.
- The core team. I’ve got a big group of friends. They’re very lucky to have me.
- People who read what I write. Some people write for themselves. I am not one of those people. I don’t write anything unless I expect somebody’s going to read it and tell me they like it. Call me vain, call me an attention whore. This blog is an extremely important part of my life, but it wouldn’t be if you didn’t take the time to read it. Thanks.
- Mashed Potatoes and Banana Cream Parfait. Thanksgiving gives me permission to make the two most comfortable comfort foods in the whole comfort universe: my mashed potatoes and banana cream parfait. You should make them too, and then you’ll be thankful that I gave you these recipes.
- A good job. I’ve got a good, interesting job. I work with smart, kind-hearted people. My boss is exacting, yet understanding and appreciative. I’m in the catbird seat, employment-wise.
- Family. Susan’s family and my family have really stepped up to the plate to help us out while we fight Susan’s cancer. They’ve reworked their schedules as necessary and have pitched in as if it were no inconvenience at all.
- Neighbors. We live in a small — five houses — cul de sac. The people in this little neighborhood have taken over our carpool responsibilities, given Susan rides to countless doctor appointments, taken care of our kids, and been great friends to us.
- A Cycling Industry That’s Ridiculously Easy to Make Fun of. Thanks WADA and UCI. Thanks, professional cyclists. Thanks, crazy guy who proposed the Tour of America.
- Twin Six. A year ago, I had never heard of them, nor they of me. Now — while I still have never met them in person — they have designed and produced two incredible jerseys (one of which appeared on the cover of Bicycling Magazine), a t-shirt, and two different socks for me. Together, we have raised enough money that Susan’s medical expenses aren’t a burden on my family, and have donated thousands of dollars to the Lance Armstrong Foundation.
- Lance Armstrong Foundation. I don’t care much anymore about Lance’s cycling accomplishments, and I for sure don’t care about his personal life. His foundation does a tremendous amount of good for a tremendous number of people. He turned a near-fatal disease into a life’s mission, and has succeeded wildly. He is a true hero for that.
- Singlespeeds. I love singlespeed mountain biking for all the reasons I love mountain biking, and then some. I especially love my WaltWorks. Thanks, Walt.
- The Mary Bar. Since I’ve started riding with this bar, the numbness I get in my right hand during a long ride has practically vanished. It’s a wacky-looking bar, but I’m going to put it on every MTB I own from now on.
- The iPod Shuffle. For $80, you can have a clip-on music player that will hold more music and play longer than pretty much any ride requires.
- 4 really great kids. All four of my kids are healthy, smart, funny, and kind. I’m a lucky dad.
- Alpine, Utah. There might be better places in the world to be a mountain and road cyclist, but I doubt it.
- Sleep. I had a good night’s sleep last night. First one in about five days. At this moment, I’m very thankful for sleep.
- Steel-Cut Oats. I’ve always liked oatmeal, but I’ve only recently discovered steel-cut oats. Somehow — even though they’re the same thing, just processed differently — they’re twice as good. Chewy instead of pasty. I only wish they didn’t take so long to prepare.
- The means and expertise to fight cancer. I’ve griped a lot about doctors recently, but apart from one particular instance, we really have had great medical care. I’m thankful science has advanced far enough that we can at least fight back cancer for now, and am very thankful for the people who are doing everything they can to find a cure in the future.
- Tibble Fork. I really love that trail. Really, really love it.
- Susan. Susan and I married 3.5 months after we met. We’ve now been married 19 years. I stumbled into a great marriage, and I’m very, very thankful for that.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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