11.13.2007 | 11:23 am
A Note from Fatty: Susan and I went to see the bone tumor specialist yesterday. He didn’t have a recommendation on how to reverse the cancer in her bones, but he did have an answer on what we need to do to get Susan walking again: a hip replacement. Left side. So we’ve got that scheduled for December 5.
Today, Susan and I will be going to her oncologist to figure out what the next steps are as far as fighting the cancer itself.
Thanks to everyone who keeps sending positive comments and email. We really appreciate them. Among the email I got yesterday was this photo from Caren.
She’s just back from the 3-day San Diego Breast Cancer walkathon, where she raised $12,500 — an incredible amount — to fight this disease.
I’ve never met Caren, just like I’ve never met most of you. The fact that so many of you go out of your way to support Susan and me like this is both touching and mind-boggling. Thank you.
An Update on the ”Get a Grip: 1-Week Weight Loss Challenge:” There are now 39 people entered in the 1-Week Weight Loss Challenge, with donations toward fighting cancer totalling $775.00. And just so you know, the Stunt Diet is working great. I’m down 2.8 lbs already. Yes, really. I fully expect to lose 7 lbs by the end of this competition, which will put me in great position to gain it all back (and a little bit more) the following week.
Fall Moab 2008
The thing about Fall Moab 2008 that will stay with me the longest is…the stink.
Four guys, after three days of riding and no showers, will do that to a vehicle. Seriously, I really have no idea how I’ll ever get my truck to smell not-disgusting ever again.
Also, I’ll remember it as the event that forced me to admit that camping can be pretty great.
Camp
We set up camp by a defunct windmill right off the Gooseberry Mesa trail, which is outside Hurricane, Utah. And when I say “camp,” I mean real camping. Tent (for some of us anyway — the wealthy and priviliged class among us stayed in Rick’s camper), no water, no facilitites. Which meant we had the area to ourselves — a good thing, considering the topics of the loud conversations that would happen around the campfire at night.
Some of the topics included (but will not be attributed nor recounted, to protect the very, very guilty):
- Dangerous Liaisons: One of us had, at a young age, been pursued by a wealthy widow who claimed she had had a dream that they were to be married.
- Revenge: As a teenager, one of us worked for a lawn care company. After being pelted with rocks throughout the summer by children in a trailer park, that one of us revenged himself on his last day of work by writing obscene words in the kids’ lawn with RoundUp.
- Scary: One of us has a wife who has been threatened by the Mafia.
- Ew. One of us has had his balls waxed, and looks forward to doing it again.
In addition to the almost surreal conversation, we had extraordinarily good food. I don’t know if it’s a function of being hungry after riding for the afternoon, or if it’s the open flame, but the brats we made were the best thing I have ever eaten.
That is not hyperbole, and I’m pretty sure others camping with me will back me up on this.
We boiled the brats in beer (with an onion chopped in) in a Dutch oven, then grilled them over a wood fire. And then we ate them on Kenny’s homemade bread.
Yes, Kenny makes and bakes his own bread. And it’s incredibly good.
Riding
We chose last weekend as the date for this trip months ago. It was a rare piece of luck that it just happened to be perfect weather for pretty much the whole trip. We rode a short section of Gooseberry on Friday, followed by Little Creek Mesa on Saturday, and then rode more of Gooseberry on Sunday.
I’m not sure there’s a more beautiful place in the world. You wind your way through tight, narrow trail, junipers and giant boulders on either side of you. It’s like being in Land of the Lost, but the set’s better designed. Here’s Bob coming out through one of the narrow canyons:
and here’s a nice shot of Dug, riding singletrack on Gooseberry. Massive exposure (i.e., certain death) is eighteen inches to his left.
As usual, I was by far the worst rider of the whole group. I’m often caught between thinking I need to find a worse group of friends to ride with, and being glad I have talented riders for friends, so I can see what’s possible on a bike.
Part of what they can do that I can’t, I think, is twist out of a bad fall. Case in point: check out Corey showing his cat-like grace:
Step 1: wheelie onto the ledge.
Step 2: Hop your back wheel up.
Step 3: Find out you don’t have enough momentum to keep going forward.
Step 4: Start rolling backward.
Step 5: Start bailing out. Look like you’re going to flip over backward and land flat on your back.
Step 6: Execute mid-air splits. I recommend clicking this image to see the larger version, so you can see the expression on Corey’s face.
Step 7: Touchdown.
Step 8: Tuck bike back under you in one fluid motion and…
Step 9: …Ride away as if it were no big deal.
Bob on a SingleSpeed
Bob borrowed my Rig for the weekend, to see what it’s like to ride a 29″ singlespeed.
I think it’s fair to say he loved it. I also think it’s fair to say that Bob rode his heart out, cleaning stuff he maybe wouldn’t have even attempted earlier.
I tell you what: there’s something special about riding a rigid 29″ SS. It makes you better than you were.
Check Bob out:
Going up…
…and coming down.
The kid’s on fire.
I bet you anything he’ll want to buy this bike from me. Now I’ve got to figure out what a reasonable price is.
Miscellaneous
A few things worth noting:
- We’re getting old: Kenny had to be careful during this trip; he’s recovering from a broken hip. My shoulder’s messed up. So is Dug’s. Brad often complains about how his goiter is acting up.
- I was a very boring person to be around: I loved being around my friends this past weekend, but could never shake all the stuff that’s worrying me. I was quiet, didn’t laugh at others’ jokes as much as they deserved, and was very tentative on the bike.
- We’re all very handsome men: Let’s end with the obligatory group photo (pops to larger version):
Comments (36)
11.12.2007 | 8:33 am
I don’t have a ton of time to write today or tomorrow, so I’m hoping that Bob will follow through on his promise to be the one to write up Fall Moab 2008.
Why not a ton of time today? In just a few minutes, Susan and I are heading over to see a bone tumor specialist to figure out what our next steps are. So you’ll understand why there won’t be a lot of comedy in today’s entry; I’m distracted and anxious.
That said, there are a few things I want to say today.
Thank You
Last Friday, we had a stair lift installed. Check it out:
Now Susan doesn’t have to use her crutches every time she wants to go up and down the stairs. Big relief.
This thing wasn’t cheap: about $3500. But thanks to everyone who has bought Fat Cyclist jerseys, t-shirts, or socks, we were able to pay cash for it.
So, next time you wear your Fat Cyclist gear, think about it: you’ve had a measurable part in making Susan’s life safer, easier, and more comfortable.
Thank you very much.
(And an extra-large thanks goes out to Twin Six, who has spent a lot of time and money on all of this gear without making a dime.)
Announcement
Today’s the first day of the “Get a Grip” One-Week Weight Loss Challenge, brought to you by the fine folks at Ergon Bike Ergonomics. At this moment, so far 27 people (including me) have signed up, and have donated $810 toward fighting cancer as their entry fee — three times as much as the minimum donation required.
I tell you what: I am just blown away by the generosity of the people who read this blog.
If, by the way, you were thinking of reversing your Autumn slide into fatness by entering this one-week weight loss sprint (and in the process donating to an important cause and possibly winning some really cool grips), it’s not too late. Read this post, follow the directions, and get started. Right now.
Preview
Over the weekend, I filled a 4Gb card with photos and videos of my friends at Fall Moab 2008. Here’s a series from the first day.
He calls himself BotchedExperiment. I call him insane.
Comments (45)
11.9.2007 | 5:02 am
Fall Moab 2008 begins today. Right now, in fact. I’m picking up some of the core team, we’re meeting at Racer’s, and then we’re off to begin one of the most important weekends of the year.
Incidentally, Fall Moab 2008 isn’t in Moab this year. It’s in St. George, Utah. And of course, the 2008 is fiscal 2008, because we’re all highly-paid knowledge workers who think in terms of fiscal calendars, not the silly little things layfolk like you keep on your walls.
Also, we’re camping this year. Brad just bought some property right on Gooseberry Mesa. Yeah, seriously, he did.
Some day, there will be yurts on this land, and you’ll be able to rent overnight space on what is often called the best mountain biking trail in America.
For now, though, we’re straight-up camping.
Secret Weapon
As I have mentioned many times, I don’t like to camp. But the truth is, I like almost everything about camping. I like to eat camp food. I like campfires. I like talking with my friends while sitting around a campfire and eating camp food.
But there’s one thing that ruins the camping experience for me, every single time: I can’t sleep.
This year, however, things will be different. This year, I have stolen some of my wife’s Ambien.
So I will sleep just fine. And — I have tested this — Ambien doesn’t seem to give me a sluggish feeling that would ruin biking for the next day.
Better camping through science. I can’t wait.
The Plan
We’re going to ride Gem trail tomorrow. Then Gooseberry on Saturday. Then Little Creek Mesa on Sunday.
That order may not be correct. The truth is, I’m just kind of a hanger-on for these trips. I go where the group’s going. I love it that way.
Certainty
When I come back Sunday night, there are some things that are certain:
- I will have at least some scrapes, cuts, and bruises. All of us will.
- I will be tired and stinky.
- I will have pictures, video, and stories to tell.
- I will be happy. And malodorous.
Have a great weekend, folks. I know I will.
PS: Be sure to sign yourself up for the One-Week “Get A Grip” Weight Loss, where you can win some awesome Ergon grips. The competition begins this Monday!
Comments (31)
11.8.2007 | 10:06 am
A Note from Fatty: It occurs to me that I am not accused of selling out very often enough. This is clearly an indicator that I need to step up my efforts, or I’m never going to be able to sell this blog for millions of dollars, or even hire some lackey (Dug, probably) to write my entries for me while I spend more time in with my true passion and life’s work: mashed potatoes.
To rectify this problem, I have written the following letter to Travis Ott, Brand Manager of Fisher and Lemond Bikes. I will be interested in his response, which — with his permission — I will publish.
If you can think of other companies and people I should send letters to, please let me know in the comments section.
Another Note from Fatty: Don’t forget to sign up for next week’s weight-loss competition.
Dear Mr. Ott,
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Elden Nelson, better known by my very famous and important blog, The Fat Cyclist (www.fatcyclist.com). It would be inaccurate of me to say that millions of people come to my site each day, but it would also be inaccurate to say that mere hundreds visit my site each day. Let us then agree upon “thousands upon thousands” as the number of people who visit my site each day, and speak of it no more.
Unless you want to see charts and stuff. Oh yes, I have charts.
I am also a big fan — and owner — of the very bike brands you represent. I have owned a Paragon (the old 26″ kind) and a Sugar, and currently own a Paragon 29er, a Rig, and a Fillmore.
It’s almost like we were made for each other, Travis.
But this letter is not simply an introduction and pronouncement of loyalty and love, Travis (I hope it’s OK for me to call you Travis). Oh no. It is so much more than that. It is also, to be precise, a proposal.
Wait. Don’t walk away. I am not asking for sponsorship, nor for something as crass as advertising. For one thing, I’m far too slow to be sponsored, and I am far too proud a man to beg for advertising.
No, what I propose, Travis, is a partnership. An equitable trade where no money is exchanged, but where we both benefit. Hopefully in a non-traceable manner, so I don’t have to report it on my income tax returns.
But I digress.
I propose the following terms for our partnership:
What I Will Do For You
- Editorial Mentions Galore: I will find an absurd number of reasons to talk about your bikes. I will praise them in an intelligent, yet slavish manner.
- Your Ad Here: I will place an ad of your choice in a prominent spot on my blog. Your sales will go through the roof and you will be praised as a genius.
- Enforcement: Any time I pass a cyclist not on a Gary Fisher bike when I pass, I will scoff at and otherwise belittle that rider. If the rider I pass is both male andsmaller than I am, I will then push him over.
- Photography: I will post lots of pictures of my very sexy bikes. Furthermore, I will post these pictures with my good-looking friends by them, so as to not sour the experience for my readers.
What You Will Do For Me
The Obvious: I desperately want a Gary Fisher Superfly. I promise you that your web traffic to your Superfly page has surged dramatically, by my mere mention of the bike. Imagine — if you can — the crazy amounts of attention I will slather on this bike once I own one. Give me a Superfly and I’m yours forever. - Something for My Readers: In addition to being a famous and important blogger (some would say the most famous and most important, but I prefer to not quibble), I am also generous. I would like you to provide an assortment of hats, helmets, parts, and other bicycle-related goodness to give to my readers as contest giveaways. You should also consider giving away a bike, because that would make people’s eyes bug out at what a great company you are. But don’t give my readers as nice of a bike as you’re giving me.
- Punch Brent Hulme Hard on the Arm: The next time you see Brent Hulme (the Fisher / Lemond rep for this region), you will punch him hard on the arm and say, “That’s from Fatty.” I include this item, incidentally, for you to negotiate away, so you can feel like you came out the winner in this exchange.
- An Interview with Gary: I want to have a Q&A session with Gary Fisher, for publication in this blog. Or, if you like, it can be with another person, but he has to at least pretend to be Gary.
I think I have made a compelling case, Travis. I look forward to our partnership, as I’m sure you do as well.
Kind Regards,
The Fat Cyclist
Comments (55)
11.7.2007 | 12:15 pm
This time of year is custom made for people like me to erase any fitness we’ve fought so hard for since early Spring.
First, there’s the lead-up to Halloween, which most people don’t realize is even worse than Halloween. Why? Because, as a considerate consumer, I feel it is my duty to go and buy all the trick-or-treat candy a couple weeks before Halloween, just to be prepared. And since I want to be popular with the kids, I buy the good stuff. No Jolly Ranchers, man. I give away Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and KitKat bars.
And then, of course, I eat all the candy before Halloween arrives, so I have to buy more candy the night before Halloween. And, sometimes, again on Halloween night.
Yes, I have a problem. You think I was being glib when named my blog “Fat Cyclist?” Ha.
Strangely, my children don’t have the same candy compulsion I have. After Halloween, they’re perfectly content to eat a couple pieces of candy per day. This, as far as I am concerned, is un-American behavior. So — always a patriot — I help them out by eating their candy for them.
Usually, my children stand back, horrified.
And of course it’s cooler weather, which makes me want to melt butter and cheese over everything I eat, including breakfast cereal.
And then there’s Thanksgiving, followed rapidly by Christmas and New Years. By the time this triple-whammy of holidays rolls around, I usually have given up. By January second, I’m starting over from scratch.
But this year, I’m going to do something different.
And you are too.
Get a Grip on Your Diet, Get Some Cool Grips
What I need, basically, is to jumpstart my diet. I need to stop slowly gaining weight by doing something drastic to get back on the right track.
And the way I’m going to do this is by having a contest.
The six people who lose the most weight next week — Starting the morning of Monday, November 12 and going to the same time the following Monday, November 19, will get to choose a set of Ergon GP1s, GC2s, or GR2s. (Thanks to Jeff Kerkove and Ergon for volunteering the prizes.)
Yes, that’s right: we’re all going to compete against each other to see who can lose the most in one week. And the six who lose the most win these sweet grips, which retail for $30 - $50.
How to Enter
It’s too easy to start a diet and then quit, because you’ve got no skin in the game. So this contest has an entry fee. Specifically, if you want to play, you’ve first got to make a $10 (or more if you like) donation to the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Then, when they email you the receipt, forward it along (feel free to delete any personal info) to me (fatty@fatcyclist.com), along with your starting weight this Monday (November 12).
Then, the following Monday (November 19), email me your finishing weight.
Easy.
I’ll then list how much we cumulatively lost in the blog, who the winners are, and how much we raised for the Lance Armstrong Foundation.
So, you’ll be getting your diet on track, you’ll be participating in a friendly competition, you’ll be contributing to a good cause, and you’ll possibly be winning some extremely cool grips.
Oh, by the way: I intend to defeat all of you.
The Rules
You can use any diet you want, but you should be honest about how you weigh yourself. For example, if you drink a ton of water before you weigh yourself the first time, then get go on a two hour ride without drinking any water before you do your final weigh-in, that’s cheating. And you know it.
So: make your weigh-ins be at the same time of the day, under identical circumstances. For example, both my weigh-ins will be first thing in the morning, before I exercise or eat or drink anything. So any weight loss should be honest weight loss.
Also, don’t be dumb. If you’re dumb, you’re out of the contest. For example, if you starve yourself and have to go to the hospital because you swooned, that’s dumb.
My Plan
Just so you know, I intend to use The Stunt Dietâ„¢ as my method to lose weight. This will be the second time I will do The Stunt Dietâ„¢, however, and I have modified it to be even stranger than before. Specifically:
- Monday: Nothing but Muesli. As much as I can stand.
- Tuesday: Nothing but yogurt. As much as I want / can stand. I hope to break my old record of twenty.
- Wednesday: Nothing but pasta with marinara sauce. As much as I can stand.
- Thursday: Nothing but fruit. Emphasis on bananas and grapefruit. As much as I can stand.
- Friday: Nothing but pasta with marinara sauce, again, because I’ve run out of ideas. And because I really love pasta and never get sick of it.
- Saturday: Nothing but protein shakes. As much as I can stand.
- Sunday: Nothing but chicken. As much as I can stand.
Also, every day I will drink at least a half-gallon of water.
My weight loss prediction: six pounds.
Are You In?
So, do you think you can beat me with your diet? Or, better yet, is there anyone in the whole world – aside from me, of course — brave enough to try the Stunt Dietâ„¢ with me?
Well, who’s in?
Comments (98)
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