04.3.2007 | 9:26 am
Consider the conundrum that is climbing. You seek out the hill, knowing full well that it will hurt to go up it. As you climb, you look forward to nothing in the world quite so much as when the climb ends, even while you wilfully ignore the fact that nothing is keeping you from slowing down, or even from turning around and going the other direction.
And then — if you are me, at least — you add an additional layer to the complexity of being a climber: you listen to music to help you go faster up that hill, even though you know faster hurts more. Or, perhaps even more strangely, you listen to music to help you take your mind off the hill…you know, the one that you specifically sought out.
There’s probably a life lesson to be learned from all this. Some way in which climbing is a metaphor for life.
But to tell the truth, I don’t care. I just want to talk about the very best songs in the world to listen to while you’re climbing.
A Note About Methodology: I arrived at this list by going through my iPod’s “Ride” playlist and asking myself, “Is this an awesome song for climbing?” If the answer was yes, I put it in the preliminary list. I then stack-ranked the contenders by level of perfection. By the time I got to the final seven, the songs were all so perfect that I would not dare to call one better than the other (with one exception, which I will save for last, just to build suspense).
Beastie Boys: “Shadrach“
There are three things that make this a perfect climbing song: a beat that makes you pedal faster, awesome backing vocals, and exquisite lyrics you’d want to shout along to, if blood weren’t coming out of your ears (and if you could remember them). “We’re just three MCs and we’re on the go: Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego!”
Bonus Comment: Normally, I don’t care too much about videos, but this one’s a work of art. Watch it.
Kraftwerk: “Tour de France“
This is, objectively speaking, the best song for climbing ever made. The rhythm is scientifically designed for an optimal cadence. Ride while listening to this song and you will inevitably find yourself both pedaling and breathing in time. And you will be going 2.3 KpH faster than you would have otherwise. I have both a short version and a twelve-minute version of this song on my iPod.
Linkin Park: “One Step Closer“
Sometimes, the best way to climb is to climb angry. This song is plenty angry. When your heart rate’s at 187, the words “brings me one step closer to the edge, and I’m about to break” take on a whole new meaning.
Devo: “Uncontrollable Urge”
Some people think Devo was a bunch of highschool misfits in funny clothes playing beepy sounds on synthesizers. Turns out, though, they also had guitars. And this particular song drives you forward on your bike as mercilessly as if it were a whip (whip it good).
Joan Jett: “Bad Reputation“
You’re riding along, listening to Joan Jett, and you’re thinking to yourself, “Joan Jett creates some of the best straight-ahead, blunt-force rock and roll in the world.”
And then you realize that if Joan Jett ever found out you’re listening to her while you’re wearing spandex, she’d come beat the tar out of you with her bare fists. And she’d be within her rights.
This does not discourage you, because the music’s that good.
Red Hot Chili Peppers: ”Love Rollercoaster“ / “Parallel Universe“
True story. When Californication came out, I left it in my car’s CD player, playing over and over and over, for a period of about six months. Interesting musical fact: the baseline of “Parallel Universe” actually makes you 15 pounds lighter for the duration of the song — a phenomenon scientists are studying right this very second.
By sneaking in “Love Rollercoaster,” I’m cheating my list up to eight songs. My rationale is this: it’s my list, I’ll sneak it in if I want to. Besides, it really is a perfect climbing song, though it has the somewhat dangerous effect of making you want to sing and dance while on the bike. Well, it’s dangerous if you’re me, anyway. Which I am.
Social Distortion: “Reach for the Sky,” “Don’t Take Me for Granted,” “Nickels and Dimes,” “So Far Away,” “Let it Be Me,” “Sick Boys,” “Ring of Fire,” “She’s a Knockout,” “A Place in My Heart,” “Cold Feelings,” “Bye Bye Baby,” “King of Fools”
I have regrets in my life. One of my greatest regrets is that until last year, I did not own a single Social Distortion album, which means that I did not own anything by the group that has since risen into my Top 7 favorite groups, and is far and away my number one favorite cycling group. As for climbing music, no other group is even close.
Imagine that. This band has been around since I was in highschool, and I’m just now getting to know their music. It makes me think: what else have I missed?
You know what? I’m going to set up my iPod shuffle to play this set of songs, in this order, for my B7 time trial this weekend. I think this will help me drop 15 seconds off my time.
Honorable Mentions
My “Ride” playlist — the playlist I always listen to when I’m on my bike — has 652 songs in it, every single one of which I’m happy to hear served up by the Shuffle. Here are a few extra songs I’m always extra-happy to have served up:
- Prince / Age of Chance: “Kiss” – I went ahead and chained these two versions of this song together. I love both, and like it best when I hear the Age of Chance version right after the original.
- Oingo Boingo: “Nothing to Fear (But Fear Itself)” – Imagine, if you can, the guilt I feel at my very favorite band in the whole world not making the 7 Perfect Climbing Songs list. It just goes to show how fairminded and objective I am.
- Duran Duran: “The Reflex” – The fact that I’m willing to admit to loving “The Reflex” just goes to show how unafraid I am to embarass myself. Still, great riding song. I stand by that.
- Falco: “Rock Me Amadeus” – Why do I like this song? I shouldn’t like this song. But I like this song. And when climbing, I really, really like this song.
- Nirvana: “You Know You’re Right” – You know, Cobain doesn’t sound particularly happy in this song. I’ve often said that if I could’ve gotten to Cobain, he would never have killed himself. I’d have introduced him to biking, and soon he would have found balance and peace. Or, at the very least, he’d have been considering killing himself and would have thought, “If I kill myself today, I won’t be able to ride tomorrow.”
- Steriogram: “Walkie Talkie Man,” “Fat and Proud” – I know, you Aussies and New Zealanders roll your eyes at this group. I don’t care. I love Walkie Talkie Man, and I love Fat and Proud. In fact, practically every song on Schmack! has enough energy in it to propel you up the steepest mountain, while riding a wheelie.
Hesitation to Publish
OK, I’ve put together my list. Now it’s time for me to publish it and see what everyone thinks. There’s a problem, though: Whereas I went into the Seven Perfect Foods list with plenty of confidence and bluster, I realize my taste in music is incredibly dated, and also that my taste in music may not have been all that great to begin with.
Ie, I fully expect to be made fun of a little bit.
Or a lot bit.
That’s fine, I can take it. But you’ve got to give me your own 7 Perfect Climbing Songs if you’re going to ridicule mine. Preferably with links to the music.
If you’ve got a good one, I’ll acknowledge it.
Rock on.
PS: Today’s weight: 161.0. Finally got my eating groove back, and I’m back to my lowest weight of the year. Time to start moving into the 150’s.
Comments (107)
04.2.2007 | 8:01 pm
Here’s a question I’m pretty confident nobody has ever answered “yes” to:
“Have you ever replaced the battery on a bike computer?”
I know I haven’t. Up until now, the reason has always been the same: bike computers self-destruct before even one battery runs out. And for this reason, I have learned to always buy cheap bike computers — the ones you can get for $12.00. I mean, the wires are going to break, or the contact points are going to rust/oxidize, or condensation is going to get between the LCD and the view window, or the buttons are going to stop working, regardless of how much you spend. So why spend $40, $50, or more on something that will last no longer than the $10 item?
That question was rhetorical.
I Get Stupid
Due to what I’d like to call a bout of serious-minded dedication compounded with a willful dismissal of facts I know to be true, however, last winter I went and bought a Polar CS200cad cyclocomputer. Here’s what this little beauty boasts:
- Speed sensor
- Cadence sensor
- Heart Rate monitor
- Wireless, wireless, wireless!
It was easy to set up. It was easy to use. It gave me massive quantities of data, which I have used to adhere to Coach Lofgran’s awesome training program as faithfully as I can.
You already see the problem, don’t you? Well, that’s because I am using effective foreshadowing techniques, but the fact remains: I should have seen it coming: Within a month, one of the batteries (the speed sensor) died. And then one time I forgot to turn off the main computer doohickey after a workout, and that pretty much killed the battery on the main computer.
I Get Angry
So, I should replace the batteries, right? Of course I should. And what does Polar have to say about how to do that? Well, they say I should ship the whole ball of wax back to their service center, where they’ll be happy to put new batteries in for me.
Thanks, Polar! That’s an awesome idea! But I admit to having some minor quibbles:
- You’re going to charge me about $15 for each battery you replace. That’s $30 so far.
- You’re going to charge me about $7.50 for shipping, plus I have to spend my own money and time to ship this, so now we’re up to about $45.
- Once I ship it off, I have no bike computer at all until Polar gets mine back to me. I don’t find that inconvenient at all!
To recap: After having spent $160 on Polar’s bike computer and getting use of it for about a month, they’d now like me to pay them a bare minimum of $45 to get new batteries, even though the batteries didn’t last due to faulty design (ie, the stupid bike computer doesn’t realize it’s not receiving any information from any of the sensors, and therefore doesn’t get the clever idea of maybe shutting itself off).
Polar, in their Very Helpful Customer Service & Repair website page recommend I just go ahead and pre-authorize a service charge of up to $75, and they’ll just use as much of that as they need to.
Hey, Polar, I have a better idea: how about if instead of doing that, I get really disgusted at you for creating such a weak design — an electronic instrument that doesn’t know to turn itself off, is not rechargeable, and must be sent away to get new batteries — that I just accept my stupid purchase as a sunk cost, realize that any more money I spend on this lame cyclocomputer is throwing good money after bad, and vow to never buy anything from you ever again?
I Like My Garmin 301
I do have an exception to my general vitriol toward cyclocomputers, though: My Garmin 301. It’s a wrist-mounted GPS with a heart rate monitor. You can buy it at Amazon.com for $161.85. Here’s what I like about it:
- No sensors, wireless or otherwise. You just strap it to your handlebar. My handy tip in this regard: buy a 6′ length of copper pipe insulation for $2.00 and cut off an inch-wide cross-section of it. Put that around your handlebar and it’s just right for the wrist-sized velcro strap mount the 301 comes with. Very easy to move from bike to bike that way.
- Wait a second, I guess it does have a sensor. The HRM strap must have a battery, right? Well, that’s lasted about a year and doesn’t have any problems yet. Has anyone ever had to replace a battery in their HRM chest strap?
- It’s rechargeable. In fact, the 301 recharges with a mini-USB jack, which I have plugged into both my home and work computers. So it’s not like you need to have a special recharger for it (although it does come with one, which I keep in my garage).
- It lasts. The 301 claims to last 11 hours on a charge. That seems to be about right. Long enough for most big rides, or several 2-hour rides.
- It has a big red button. That’s the start/stop button. It’s easy to find even when you’re riding. And all the buttons are easy enough to get to, even when you’re in motion and wearing gloves.
- It has not conked out. Here’s an interesting feature other cycle computer manufacturers ought to take a look at: none of the other features matter if the stupid thing can’t handle being outdoors.
- It works with MotionBased.com: Motionbased.com is a cool site where you can upload and show off your ride stats, for free. You can check mine out at http://eldennelson.motionbased.com.
- Since it’s a GPS, you don’t have to do complex math. You don’t have to know your wheel circumference or anything like that, and you don’t have to change any settings when you move it from your road bike to your mountain bike. It’s doing speed and distance based on GPS data.
I Ponder Whether to Upgrade
The thing is, I would like to have cadence info, since I’m trying to be serious about the whole training thing this year. And it looks like I can do that with a Garmin Forerunner 305 with a cadence kit.
But I just don’t know.
Here’s my pro and con list.
Pros
- I’ve had good luck with Garmin.
- This should be about the same as my 301, but with cadence
- If I have a 305 for the road bike, I can just leave the 301 on the MTB full-time.
- Cadence-tastic.
Cons
- Expensive
- Wireless cadence sensor = potential battery hassles
- People will call me a huge nerd for having not just one GPS bike computer, but two.
So, does anyone have the 305 setup with the cadence kit? Are you happy with it?
And, more importantly, is everyone as otherwise disgusted with cyclecomputers in general as I am?
Thanks for letting me vent. I feel much better. And my nasal passages have cleared.
PS: If anyone from Garmin is reading this and wants to send me a Forerunner 305 + a cadence kit, I will pimp it shamelessly (if I like it). Thank you.
Comments (67)
03.31.2007 | 11:00 pm
A Note From Fatty: I had planned to leave my “new and improved design” I rolled out Friday as a nice weekend-long April Fool’s joke, while some friends and I went out on a well-deserved, post-end-of-quarter mountain biking trip to Utah.
And then this happened (I know, I know. I’m giving away the ending before I even get to the beginning):
Sorry about the poor quality of the photo — it was taken in the hospital by a stranger, using my phone’s camera.
Anyway, I’m back to the real Fat Cyclist design, so you won’t think today’s post is part of my April Fool’s joke. If, however, you want to see that design, I made a screenshot of it here.
Big Surprise
Normally I wouldn’t post on a Sunday, but some stories simply can’t wait to be told. This is one of them. Though, to be honest, I’d just as soon not have this one to tell.
As I’ve mentioned ad nauseam lately, this has been an intense month. I haven’t had a lot of time to train, and I’ve had practically no time to go out on a fun mountain bike ride.
So imagine — if you can — how flabbergasted I was when, at 5:15 Friday afternoon, Dug stopped by my office.
“Get in the car,” Dug said. “We’re going to Moab.”
“Yeah, right,” I replied, sagely (hey, I hadn’t had time to prepare a clever comeback).
“Just follow me,” Dug said.
Humoring him, I walked out to his car. There, on Dug’s bike rack, was my Rig. So was Kenny’s Rig. So — on sundry vehicles in the parking lot – was BotchedExperiment’s (brand-spanking-new, never-been-ridden) Rig. So was Rick S’s (not his real name) Rig. So was Dug’s Surly (a 29″ SS) and Brad’s WaltWorks (a 29″ SS).
Rick M had planned to come, I was told, but he had an important meeting crop up at the last moment.
It occurs to me: everyone in my group of riding buddies now rides 29″ single speeds. I wonder if there’s something to that whole 29″ SS thing?
Nah.
OK, back to the story.
Verification
I admit to being confounded. I had not gotten clearance for a trip. I had not put my gear together for a trip. And yet, here I was, evidently on the cusp of going on a trip.
“Whhh?” I asked.
“We’ve cleared it with your wife,” said Botched. “In fact, she packed for you.”
I looked. Helmet, camelback, bottles, shoes, shorts, socks, jerseys, Shot Bloks, lights (charged!), comfy post-ride clothes. Everything I needed. My wife had done a good job.
“Let’s go,” Kenny said. “You can call your wife and thank her while we drive.”
So I did. And it turns out that I had in fact been tricked into a Moab trip.
Not a bad trick, if you ask me.
Night Ride
I firmly believe that there are certain things every person should do at least once in their lifetime.
Furthermore, I believe that there are certain things every person should do a maximum of once in their lifetime.
I contend that the Slickrock Trail at night belongs in the second category.
Regardless, by the time we got to Moab, everyone was excited to ride.
So we did.
And it was a blast. Moves looked weird and otherworldly — and, frankly, kind of spooky. A light setup throws big shadows on normally-easy ledges, making it seem like you’re about to drop into an abyss.
You want to know what real fear and uncertainty feels like? Try this: Drop down into an essentially vertical halfpipe in the dead of night, using nothing but a helmet-mounted light to see where you’re going. It’s impossible to see both the drop and the rise at the other end at the same time. You get to either know where you are, or where you’re going. Not both.
I Should Never, Ever, Ever Show Off
The first time I did the Slickrock halfpipe this way, it took me minutes to work up the courage to drop in.
Before long, though, I had gotten comfortable. I was dropping in with a little hop, and was hitting the lip at top of the other end at speed, so I could catch air.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Chain Reaction
The strange thing about doing a ride where you do a move, wait for your turn, do another move, and then rest again is that since your lungs never get taxed, you don’t notice your legs are getting tired.
At least, that’s the excuse (actually, the first of many) I’m currently using for what happened next.
Dug, Kenny, and Botched were all on the far side of the halfpipe, waiting for me, Brad, and Rick S to come across one last time, then we were going to move on to the next move. It was my turn to drop in.
I zoomed down, then noticed as I got to the bottom that I was a little to the right of the white “do not cross” line. No big deal; everyone crosses that line from time to time. It’s just a little bit steeper on the way up.
This extra steepness, combined with the accumulated fatigue in my legs from having done this move — and the others before it — probably half a dozen times meant that by the time I pulled up behind and to the right of dug, I was going verrry sloooowwwwly.
And then I couldn’t get out of my pedals. The sand had jammed my cleats in solid.
I started rolling backward, back down the halfpipe.
I admit it: I panicked.
Flailing, I grabbed out, and managed to snag Dug’s jersey just long enough to knock him off balance (but not long enough to stop me from continuing my fall down the halfpipe). As Dug toppled, his front wheel hit Kenny’s back wheel hard enough that Kenny went over. Kenny, in turn, collided with BotchedExperiment.
Now everyone’s in motion. Excellent.
Gathering reverse momentum, I finally got the bright idea of grabbing brake. The result of this was suboptimal — my bike became a lever, my back wheel the fulcrum. I fell over backward, twisting around as I landed on the sandstone on my back, face, and shoulder, the left side of my helmet bouncing off the sandstone floor (time for a new helmet!), with the effect of cheese-grating off a piece of my ear.
Still clipped in, naturally.
And the fun had just begun. During the next half-second or so, the following events took place:
Dug managed a stutter-step before he went over, giving him enough time to tangle up with his bike and stretch out his hands to catch his fall.
Note to people who think it’s a good idea to stretch out your hands to catch your fall when you’re falling seven feet or more: it’s not.
Dug’s right wrist snapped on impact. Good news: not a compound fracture. Bad news (for me): Dug’s left elbow — carrying plenty of both weight and force — chose my ribcage as a good landing spot.
The doctor in Moab says I have cracked two ribs. The doctor closer to home says I have cracked only one, but my sternum is severely bruised. Not much to do about it either way. You know what’s a strange sensation? Being painfully aware of each and every single breath you take. I find myself trying to ration them out. (“Am I blacking out right now? No? Well then, I think I’ll hold off taking that next breath for another three seconds.”)
The Chain Reaction Continues
Kenny, meanwhile, fell sideways, landing on his left hip and shoulder. If Kenny didn’t have Osteoporosis, he’d probably have walked away from that fall with some scrapes and bruises instead of a hip fracture.
And then there was BotchedExperiment.
Nobody knows exactly how he managed this, but while everyone else got knocked down and busted up by my stupid move, Botched managed to pivot his front wheel forward and ride out of the mess.
Well, that’s not precisely accurate. I should say, he rode over the mess, because that’s what he did. Yes, Botched Experiment rode over Kenny’s right leg, Dug’s right forearm (just above the break in the wrist), and right over my right shoulder.
In Botched’s defense, it’s not like he planned it out, and it’s not like he could see where he was going — Botched’s lights were off (conserving power) when this happened.
Eventually, we came to a rest.
Noises
I should admit here that I am relating most of this story second-hand. The conk on my noggin gave me a concussion (would’ve been much worse if I hadn’t been wearing a helmet) and I don’t remember the fall or what happened afterward.
From what my friends (you’re still my friends, right?) say, though, there were three distinct kinds of sounds after this crash:
- Yelling: Kenny was simply yelling in agony. Dug, however, was furious. Screaming every obscenity he could think of (which is a lot), Dug alternated between expressing his pain and his assessment of me as a human being and rider. I gather that I was found wanting in both respects.
- Evaluating: Perhaps the strangest thing — according to everyone except Botched — about this whole experience is that while everyone was still lying in a bloody, broken heap, BotchedExperiment started giving a dry evaluation of what had happened, along with practical tips on how to avoid such an event in the future. Evidently, I should not have flailed, and the rest of the riders should have had their bikes pointed in such a way that they had a clear line in the event of an emergency. Excellent advice, Botched, but your timing was questionable.
- Laughing: At the other side of the halfpipe, watching the whole thing, was Rick S and Brad. I’m pretty sure that Rick S had whipped out his phone and started dialing 911 while the sound of Kenny’s hip cracking was still echoing across the sandstone dunes. Brad, on the other hand, was laughing his head off. When asked at the hospital whether he would have laughed had he known the wreck were so serious, Brad said, “Oh, I could see how bad it was; my light was on. But you’ve got to admit, that was pretty freaking funny. I’m mostly just beating myself up for not having a camcorder rolling at the time.”
I swear, Brad just doesn’t have any sense of propriety.
Aftermath
So, after Lifeflight came and took us to the hospital (two trips were required, which they said was fairly unusual) and I had become relatively cogent again (evidently, I kept asking what had happened and where we were for about ninety minutes), I went and talked with Kenny and Dug in their hospital rooms.
Surprisingly, they were both very nice about what I had done to them.
“You know, I knew it was just a matter of time,” said Kenny, pointing to his hip. “I was getting kind of burned out on the whole cycling thing anyway. I needed a break. I’ll be back next season.”
“I didn’t really want to ride Leadville anyway,” said Dug. “This is as good an ‘out’ as any, I guess. In fact, I see this as a good thing. Since I won’t be able to ride this season, I’ll be able to spend more time with my heroic wife, as well as with my toilet, which I love more than life itself.”
OK, I may be exaggerating about the part about what Dug said…and the part about what Kenny said. But the rest of it — well, you just can’t make that kind of thing up.
Except I just did.
PS: Props to my wife for the seriously good work on the bruise-and-cut makeup.
Comments (59)
03.30.2007 | 11:19 pm
I admit, I am still a little broken up about losing the Bloggies. A designer friend of mine told me that in addition to my poor writing, my garish site design probably had something to do with it.
So I’ve done a little research and soul-searching, and have come up with a new design — and a new name for my blog.
I can taste next year’s Bloggies award already! (It tastes like chicken, unsuprisingly.)
Comments (46)
03.30.2007 | 1:39 pm
A Note from Fatty: Today’s post — which comes to you on the last day of this quarter, after which I expect to be able to breathe a little more freely for at least a little while — is written by frequent commenter and B7 competitor MSK, who has done a fabulous job crunching the numbers and figuring out who’s who in the B7. Read on below to get a good idea of MSK’s analysis of who’s likely to do well in the competition, as well as MSK’s psychic interpretations of what these competitors are like.
The Magnificent Seven
What I have attempted to do is give these 7 leaders a face, a personality based on what I know of them beyond the veil of anonymity that the web gives.
For instance, I imagine Al Maviva as a cross between a gorilla and Arnold Schwarzenegger (circa 1973), maybe with a little paunch, perched on a ridiculously small track bike in a velodrome with a cigar in his mouth and a single malt (maybe ice, certainly no water) in his malevolent fist.
The Leader: C
The current leader, the man to beat, is the simply named “C.†What does it stand for? Charlie, perhaps Charles or Chuck? Anyway, he is a 5’6†30 yr old male from the Fan Francisco area.
Not much to go on other than he is kicking our butts.
I imagine Calvin like a whippet / greyhound (the dog, not the bus) except for instead of nipping at our heels, he’s streaking ahead of us, back arched, legs pumping.
Fatty has nobody but himself to blame on this one. He accepted a relatively low weight loss goal and may be (literally) paying the price.
But at a BMI of 22 currently, Cletus may not be able to lose much more weight – so really it’s all down to his uphill TT.
Caedmon has a nice stable of bikes: a Trek 5000, Cervelo One, Klein Pulse, and a Specialized Allez. Did you see the old Cervelo in there? We may have a closet triathlete on our hands – for shame.
SCORE: 96
Weight Loss Score: 92
Time Trial Score: 4
DETAILS
Starting Weight: 150
Weight Loss Goal: 15
Current Weight: 136.2
First Time Trial: 17:40
Current Time Trial: 16:53
Tigermouth
45-year-old male. Tigermouth has already dropped to a low BMI — around the 22 range — from big changes in his diet and is now slap dab in the middle of a healthy range.
Tiger (his friends call him Tiger, or at least I bet they do) has a bit of a niggling calf injury that may affect the TT. He doesn’t look too fat in the photos (looked like he was pushing out the gut a bit) and unfortunately has a bit of a farmers / cyclist tan with the quads to match. So when he is healthy watch out for the TT.
Tigermouth scares me a bit – I imagine him having the whole tiger face and a head band with one of those rising suns on it, he has the whole martial arts, zen thing going on – but then he does like the red socks and the patriots so can’t be too bright and thus not much of a threat.
SCORE: 89
Weight Loss Score: 91
Time Trial Score: -2
DETAILS
Starting Weight: 178
Weight Loss Goal: 23
Current Weight: 157
First Time Trial: 11:40
Current Time Trial: 11:57
In my humble opinion, these two may have come out of their respective blocks too fast and will be interesting to see if they can keep the weight off and improve the TTs.
Monkeyweb
An indeterminately aged male from far northern California, his avatar is the tricycle-riding chimp in a red suit and I just can’t get that out of my head for him.
Monkeyweb made a great wager with the lobster – mmmm lobster.
With a current BMI of 29.7, Monkeyweb certainly has the potential to keep losing the weight and get 110 pts there. Also anyone who can barf at the top of their TT is a serious contender.
Monkeyweb is also into the grapefruit in a big way, and that stuff is like magic — never underestimate the power of the grapefruit.
Definitely one to watch – smart money’s on the monkey.
SCORE: 88
Weight Loss Score: 74
Time Trial Score: 14
DETAILS
Starting Weight: 213.2
Weight Loss Goal: 28.2
Current Weight: 192.2
First Time Trial: 15:58
Current Time Trial: 13:43
Fatty
The man who needs no introduction.
Handsome, debonair, generous to a fault, altruistic, loved by women, respected by men with a rare comedic talent that surpasses all others (I could go on but his writing gets a bit difficult to read towards the end of the list).
So the bare bones: forty something [40.75, for what it's worth - Fatty] male, height indeterminate [5'8" - Fatty], somewhere in Utah. At his current weight (161) his ideal height is approx 5â€11 [Thanks a lot -Fatty]. If he drops to 5â€1†he is bordering on obese and if he climbs to 6’6â€is at risk of becoming dangerously skinny [I'll be sure to watch my height. Thanks. -Fatty]
Fatty’s seemingly brutal (again uphill) tt is what will really win him this challenge. The coaching and the cold hard cash at stake will keep his motivation up, too.
Having seen photos of Fatty it’s difficult to imagine him as anything else other than Fatty. The image I have in my head of him is from random reviewer when he reviewed his hair – well worth the read.
The sardonic arch of the eyebrow, the sarcastic, smug, smirk – it’s a wonder he doesn’t get beaten up more often. [More often than what, exactly? -Fatty]
SCORE: 75
Weight Loss Score: 59
Time Trial Score: 16
DETAILS
Starting Weight: 179.8
Weight Loss Goal: 31.8
Current Weight: 161
First Time Trial: 19:15
Current Time Trial: 16:14
Lisa b
Finally some xx representation. Seattleite, age and height indeterminate. I imagine Lisa is one of those always up, energetic outdoorsy people, longish curly maybe red hair (like a wee springer spaniel jumping playfully about my feet). Even to think of her energy makes me feel dull and lethargic
Coming off a big weight loss in 2006, Lisab leapt into the contenders with a 15lb loss in February. Her hubby rides, but coming off an injury – once he is back in the saddle watch for Lisa’s TT to drop considerably.
SCORE: 70
Weight Loss Score: 60
Time Trial Score: 10
DETAILS
Starting Weight: 162.6
Weight Loss Goal: 17.6
Current Weight: 152
First Time Trial: 10:16
Current Time Trial: 9:15
Msk
What can be said of this man that hasn’t already been said? – well plenty actually. Late 30s male, tall bordering on “really just too tallâ€, from the frozen wastes of Canada (thus an international representation). His intellect and strength of character are only matched by his humility and striking good looks.
I see myself like “Jack Reacher.†In case you are not familiar with this literary icon let me educate. “Reacher is a giant of a man, standing 6′5″ (1.96m) tall and weighing between 220-250 pounds.” “His lazy lopsided grin. His tousled hair. His arms, so long they gave him a greyhound’s grace even though he was built like the side of a house. His eyes, cold icy blue like the Arctic. His hands, giant battered mitts that bunched into fists the size of footballs.”
Others, however, fail to see the resemblance.
TT is a big disappointment for me currently, but once the spring hits and my seasonal affective depression clears up I will be a serious contender – mark my words (are you all shaking with fear out there?).
SCORE: 68
Weight Loss Score: 69
Time Trial Score: -1
DETAILS
Starting Weight: 237.4
Weight Loss Goal: 27.400000000000002
Current Weight: 218.4
First Time Trial: 11:07
Current Time Trial: 11:11
Fat Frank
Fat Frank is 58 yo male from Texas. He had not been on a bike in 5 yrs and is burning it up on the TT. 40% improvement. Wow.
I see Fat Frank standing by the barbeque or perhaps a smoker, short cropped salt and pepper hair, tongs swallowed up in his meaty grasp, beads of perspiration on his furrowed brow – maybe an old tattoo from the navy on his hairy forearms.
Frank is a man’s man, you would never be without a cold beer at Frank’s place - I wish I was there now, on the deck, warm sun on my face, aromas drifting over from the bbq, gnawing on a succulent rib .
If we ever get big Frank off the meat and eating some fruit and vegetables we all may as well pack up our bags as he will wipe the board with us.
SCORE: 65
Weight Loss Score: 25
Time Trial Score: 40
DETAILS
Starting Weight: 290
Weight Loss Goal: 60
Current Weight: 275
First Time Trial: 21:15
Current Time Trial: 12:40
Final Counsel
I have a feeling this battle will be won or lost on the TTs– you heard it here first (unless someone already said that).
PS: Today’s weight (161.4).
PPS: B7 competitors: It’s time for you to do your April weigh in and TT. Try to get it done by next weekend.
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