Oh Yes, I Would LOVE to Have You Guest-Post on My Blog
Oh hi there. I’m pleased to announce that I’m not dead. I’m just not writing blog posts very often right now, for the following reasons:
- I’ve got other stuff going on in my life that leaves me very little time or energy to write each day.
- Winter sucks for cyclists in Utah who don’t have fat bikes, and in spite of my very obvious hints, no cycling company has yet offered to set me up with a fatbike. Yes, a guy named Fatty who rides bikes and lives in Utah and has a popular and award-winning cycling blog has not been offered a fatbike to ride and write about. Which brings up the question: is there a single bike company in the world that has a marketing department that is even trying at all?
- I’ve written nine years’-worth of winter posts and am pretty sure I’ve told most of the jokes I have to tell on this matter. In recent days, I’ve had half a dozen blog post ideas. Each time I did some checking and discovered I’d already written that post. Frequently, twice.
- I’m hungry because I’m trying to get rid of the weight I’ve been putting on since mid-October. And when I’m hungry, I get cranky. I know, I know: that’s really hard to believe.
Luckily for me, I very frequently get unsolicited offers from people who would like to write guest posts. I’m very confident that each of these people really wants to write because they have a great story to tell, not because of SEO scam tactics.
Today, then, I am happy to relay some of these letters, which I shall answer publicly, because I’m sure these people really do read my blog and will see my answers right away.
10 Reasons I Am Excited for This Guest Post
Let’s begin with this proposal from Steve Laurel.
Hi,
My name is Steve and I was wondering if I could contribute an informative article to give you some more great content. Do you think your readers would be interested in reading a post about “10 reasons you should take up cycling”? The article is unique, informative only and well written. I’m asking for 1 or 2 links in bio section or at the end of the article. Thank You!
All the best,
Steve
Dear Steve,
I confess, I am extremely excited by your proposal, and must confess some astonishment. Where in the world did you come up with such a unique idea? An article listing ten reasons to start cycling? Wow! I just hope that when you write this post, you will cover some of the same ground as this one. And this one. And this one. And this one. And the many others that all say pretty much the same thing (E.g., it’s fun, it’s transportation, it’s exercise, it’s social, it’s good for the environment…but I’m sure your article will have completely new reasons).
Next, as a frequent visitor to my blog (which you no doubt are), you are probably aware that very few of of my readers ride bikes. To be honest, I haven’t ridden one myself since 2005, well before I started writing this blog. With that in mind, I feel that my readers and I could definitely use an article listing ten reasons we should take up cycling.
I’m glad that you took the time to point out that the article, in addition to being unique and well written (I probably would have put a dash between “well” and “written,” but whatever), it will be “informative only.” Had you not taken the time to point this out, I would have had grave concerns that it might have also been interesting or entertaining, or—horrors—both. This site, as you well know, is about being informative, and informative only.
Finally, I’m super excited to find out what the one or two links are you’ll want in the bio section at the end of the article. I’ll bet that my audience will love to click them!
I look forward to getting your article, and will post it as soon as I want. By the way, I reserve the right to edit it to whatever extent I might deem necessary. Don’t worry about that, though. I generally have a pretty light touch with the red pen.
Kind Regards, 
The Fat Cyclist
Aalia Has So Many Good Ideas
Next up, I received the following letter from Aalia Anderson, who—I think we can all agree—probably always got to go first when kids at school had to line up alphabetically.
Hi,
I am Aalia Anderson a writer and a blogger.
Before anything else, I would like to commend your awesome site. The articles are well-written and very informative.
I have been following your blog for some time now & would be great if I get an opportunity to write for your website in your niche with quality content & 100% copyscape passed with a reference link to the related website.
I have a few topics in mind mentioned below:
- Things to check before buying a scooter seat covers
- How to make your bike seat cover at home
- How to recover an old bicycle seat
- How to Reupholster Your Bike Seat with Leather
Also, if you have a topic in mind, I can write an article on that topic.
I hope I’m not asking for too much :)
Thank you very much and I hope to hear from you soon.
Cheers!
Dear Aalia,
First of all, I’m concerned you may have sent this letter to me by accident. I go out of my way to ensure that my articles are anything but “very informative.” I’d go out of my way to ensure they’re not well-written, too, but that pretty much takes care of itself.
With that in mind, I have forwarded your email to Red Kite Prayer, since it contains actual information and is well-written.
That said, I appreciate your interest in writing and your willingness to share your upholstery skills with my readers and me. But while I think probably everyone in the world is in fact interested in reupholstering their bike seats with leather, I’d like to direct your skills in a slightly different direction. Would you consider writing an article on one of the following?
- How to reupholster your bike helmet with leather and chrome so it looks like you’re even more of a geek than you already do
- How to reupholster your entire bike with leather, including the rims, cranks, spokes, cassette, and chain.
- The care and maintenance of leather cycling jerseys
- Leather Socks: pros and cons
- Why you should replace your traditional bike shorts chamois with a leather one
Thank you for writing, and I’m looking forward to posting your very informative and well-written article.
Kind Regards,
The Fat Cyclist
How Could I Say No?
Finally, Ashley Louis sent me an article pitch that, frankly, I found too intriguing to turn down.
Hello,
I’m Ashley Louis from (congestionchargingguide.co.uk) I’m looking forward to do some guest posting on your site, where I could share some more information for your site (fatcyclist.com) which I found very informative and the theme of your site is very impressive which can help you built more Traffic to your site. I have been writing articles and publishing them as a guest post.My guest post articles are unique and usually of about 400-500 words with high quality English and contents and would ask for one link to my website.
Let me know if you’re interested and give your suggestions on it. And feel free to shoot me a mail.
Regards
Ashley Louis.
Dear Ashley,
Thanks I give to for you as to the writing of most of your informative the letter you sent with to me as of days recent. I most like to think you are writing a post which are for the share to your most excellent and informative website and I am thinking if you were to write for me every day 400 – 500 words I could then have you to be my high-quality content and unique permanent guest posting writer. I think too much is not enough for you ask the contents and a link which readers my site of will find most useful and will bookmark and go to seven times or even thrice daily except twice on the end days of weeks!
I hope for the first article you am write will be on Congestion Charging in the London and its impatient practice important to cyclist in America. I think this exciting will to be read!
Kind for to be Regarded as,
Fat is to Cyclist the
Comment by Dave T | 02.24.2014 | 12:31 pm
Would that be corinthian leather because I only use corinthian leather for my bike seats.
Make that rich Corinthian leather and I totally agree. – FC
Comment by scott | 02.24.2014 | 12:31 pm
Wow – I was just getting ready to ask if I could guest for you, but with this high level of people out there, I’ll save you the trouble of rejecting me.
Comment by SteveB | 02.24.2014 | 12:32 pm
Wow, that reply which was to request that was last difficult did I read it findingly. Mayhaps future looking into could you cyclist fatty write articles more unique in that style?
Comment by Jeff S | 02.24.2014 | 12:36 pm
I think Ashley used a speak and spell to type her letter… Genius. It’s also fun to read her letter out loud in a robot voice.
Comment by BostonCarlos (formerly NYC) | 02.24.2014 | 12:37 pm
There are Cons to Leather socks? Personally, I find calfskin to be the most breathable material for footwear.
Comment by Rosemary Daszkiewicz | 02.24.2014 | 12:38 pm
My guest post pitch was going to be titled “How the Lure of the Oar got me off my bike and into a racing shell.” But given the DIY theme here, I’m thinking “Adorable (and easy) cross stitch patches for your pesky blowouts” might be a better idea. Frankly, I think such a post would be absolutely thrilling.
Comment by Noel | 02.24.2014 | 12:48 pm
@Jeff S – Thanks for that. This article was hilarious but your comment made me spit Mountain Dew all over my monitor. Now my inner monologue has switched over to a speak and spell robot monotone, all done in Ashley’s version of English…
Comment by berry | 02.24.2014 | 12:49 pm
The high quality English is the ONLY reason that I’ve been coming to this website (what’s it about, again?) for so many years.
Comment by Mark J. in Dallas | 02.24.2014 | 12:51 pm
You warned us you were cranky. You weren’t kidding!
Comment by TominAlbany | 02.24.2014 | 12:52 pm
Fatty must be getting some gnarly swag for the 100MON. Wait can’t I!!!
Comment by Brian | 02.24.2014 | 12:57 pm
I think that maybe, just maybe, Fatty could use a Snickers.
Or three. – FC
Comment by SR | 02.24.2014 | 1:03 pm
HAH. Well done.
Comment by Vita | 02.24.2014 | 1:03 pm
What if I promised a low quality post with terrible English and no information, could I write a guest post then? I promise to match up to the fluent writing style of Ashley.
Comment by annmarie | 02.24.2014 | 1:06 pm
Oh fatty, you really are hilarious. I literally laughed out loud reading that last one. Always enjoy your site.
Comment by Eric L | 02.24.2014 | 1:26 pm
Fatbike? Didn’t someone already load you up with a cyclo-cross bike that’d make most folks pea-green with envy? You can even get studded snow tires for them so me and the charming Ms. Vos are curious what is stopping you from riding in the winter.
Sure, I want a Surly Moonlander too, but I still get out and ride in the muck.
I don’t ride in the winter because I’m not as awesome as you. In fact, I am so much less awesome than you that it’s become surpassingly obvious that there’s no point in even trying. – FC
Comment by Kukui | 02.24.2014 | 1:33 pm
Oooh – that last one was just cringe-worthy. You’re awesome, Fatty.
Comment by zeeeter | 02.24.2014 | 1:58 pm
This just made my day, quoted from Ashley’s web site – “All your concerns will be retorted speedily and precisely, giving you only the right facts and ripostes. ”
I just love having my concerns retorted speedily and precisely!
Comment by Geo | 02.24.2014 | 2:33 pm
While you were accurate to Aalia in describing your posts as being overly non-informative, you did make a huge mistake in suggesting that the chain be covered in leather. Everyone knows that you cover chains in silk charmeuse.
FatCyclist.com regrets the error. – FC
Comment by Brian in VA | 02.24.2014 | 2:41 pm
I admit it, I chortled.
Comment by yannb | 02.24.2014 | 3:19 pm
three words: Leather Bike Shorts
Just don’t go out in the rain with them. Also wasn’t there a Friends episode that involved leather pants?
Comment by GregC | 02.24.2014 | 3:21 pm
Well done Fatty, well done. I thought last weeks post on things to carry in your jersey pockets was mildly amusing, but today I sense the distinguished spirit of Dr. Lamilier in the house. Just for grins I looked up congestionchargingguide.co.uk that Ashley Louis was trying to promote. I was actually disappointed that its a website on information regarding fees paid by motor vehicles in Central London during weekdays and not some exotic scam dreamed up to target wanna be cyclists with temping offers of ginormous quads in 3 days. Afterall, added fees on vehicles in central London during the week is a great source of angst for me living in Southern California!
I do like the robotspeak approach and will try that during my staff meeting later today, I’m sure it will go over well (or not).
I find your comment mildly amusing. – FC
Comment by RustyRed | 02.24.2014 | 3:33 pm
Hey, stop laughing at mt leather fenders!
Comment by Dr. Lammler | 02.24.2014 | 3:42 pm
I agree with Scott @12:31 pm.
I am so discouraged by this post that I will not submit my unsolicited, yet highly informative, guest post on “The importance of having pedals on your bicycle”.
Comment by Libby | 02.24.2014 | 4:12 pm
Me to Me conversation:
Me: “I don’t think they really read this blog”
Me in reply: “Ya think?”
I’ll pass on offering to do a guest blog essay on “Cycling with Recurrent Injuries Past 55years: Use of Spandex to Counter Psycho-Social Frailty” (or are those two different yet similar topics? I’d better clear it with Ashley since she has such “high quality English”)
Comment by Christina | 02.24.2014 | 4:14 pm
As a recumbent rider, I only use a leather chamois. It limits the impact when a bee flies directly at my crotch.
Comment by Saso | 02.24.2014 | 4:14 pm
This was truly an informative post. Hilarious, too.
Comment by Bear Allen | 02.24.2014 | 4:33 pm
@yannb
“three words: Leather Bike Shorts”
Wrong website, mate. You’re looking for http://www.fatbavariancyclist.com
Those darn SEO guys again.
Comment by Bear Allen | 02.24.2014 | 4:35 pm
I like the way my post ^^ has been spread out, as if I speak veeeery sloooooowly.
One of the things that surprises people when they meet me is that I talk the same speed I type: 20wpm. – FC
Comment by NancyJBS | 02.24.2014 | 4:51 pm
As to your response to Ashley, I’m laughing so hard tears are running down my legs.
Comment by kimbrolio | 02.24.2014 | 5:04 pm
You should only hyphenate a compound adjective (“well written”)if it precedes a noun, so Steve was correct. You should give the guy a shot!
That article was well written.
That was a well-written article.
Hope that helps. :D
You should use emoticons only when you are…ok, never. – FC
Comment by SteveB | 02.24.2014 | 5:04 pm
Maybe “Ashley verse anytime” could replace “free verse friday”
It’s been too long since I’ve done a free verse friday. Unfortunately, I won’t be doing one this week. Next week maybe. – FC
Comment by wharton_crew | 02.24.2014 | 5:25 pm
Recently, Fatty, I became an expert on a sensitive topic, which I would like to share with your readers as a guest post:
“How to weave a sweat-guard belt out of super-absorbent pads found in my bathroom cupboard (wife’s side), to prevent back sweat from trickling down my crack and causing serious chaffing in areas which would rather not be chaffed.”
I am sure I can come up with 400-500 words, in very-informative English, or Ashley-speak if you prefer.
I may also provide a DIY photo guide.
Sincerely,
Begging for a shot at the big-time
PS – please click this link
Comment by bob | 02.24.2014 | 6:19 pm
NotSoFattyOrMeEither,
You should take some lessons from Ken at Popehat.com:
http://www.popehat.com/?s=ponies
Think of the children!
Comment by UpTheGrade, SR, CA | 02.24.2014 | 6:38 pm
I was going to offer up a guest post on “Pro insights on how to beat your buddies on Strava” which mainly involved them not knowing about Strava, having them do all the pacing work and you kicking for the line, defining your own obscure segments, or if all else fails, driving slowly in your car with your Strava GPS.
But now I feel put off.
There goes my shot at fame and fortune ;-\
Comment by Mike | 02.24.2014 | 8:26 pm
I suggest you do what everybody else does and go and steal content from other sites. I suggest stealing from this one, http://pvcycling.wordpress.com/. He is one of the biggest A-hole, self-obsessed cyclists in the SouthBay of Los Angeles, but in a good way.
Comment by Trailer Park Cyclist | 02.24.2014 | 8:32 pm
I dunno, Fatty, last time I used high quality English I was shooting pool somewhere in Minnesota. Or maybe it was Brooklyn, where they speak Brooklynese which sounds remarkably like “broken-knees.” At least that is what I am told, but wadda I know?
yer pal,
Old Tim Joe
p.s. bicycles…two wheels, right? I remember something about that…
Comment by JIm | 02.24.2014 | 9:31 pm
I seriously just snorted after reading your reply to Ashley – outstanding slam. Well done Sir – hats off to you.
Comment by Davidh-Marin,ca | 02.24.2014 | 10:24 pm
Nancy, by far the most uproarious comment ever!
DaveT, YannB, FC. When you’re ‘ready’ I think we can ‘hook you up’. But when did this blog take this turn?
Comment by davidh-marin,ca | 02.24.2014 | 10:37 pm
@DaveT not only corinthian, but tufted too!
PS Fatty I would willingly submit my own guest post, but would find it difficult to comment on it as well.
Comment by Carl | 02.24.2014 | 10:44 pm
I’m thinking that it is a copyright infringement for those bike companies to use any form of the name Fat on their bikes and you should be receiving offers of custom fat bikes from all of them.
I’d like to hire you as either my agent. Or lawyer. – FC
Comment by leroy | 02.24.2014 | 11:25 pm
My dog asks me to point out that Steve Laurel omitted an Oxford comma.
[Hire guest comment writer to insert Cambridge coma joke here. ]
Comment by Ellen | 02.25.2014 | 4:31 am
I love reading this blog.
Comment by Doug (Way upstate NY) | 02.25.2014 | 5:37 am
You get blog spam? Seriously? (head shaking……) I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.
Comment by Chris | 02.25.2014 | 6:30 am
This is how you spell reupholster?
Comment by Chris | 02.25.2014 | 7:05 am
Crap. They took all my ideas.
Comment by Guest | 02.25.2014 | 10:13 am
Wow,… I think that last one was written by the same person who is always asking me to send their client, Price Okman in Nairobi, my bank account information, social security number, and an initial investment of $1000.
Comment by Joy | 02.25.2014 | 10:27 am
Fatty – I thank you.
I am one of those non-bikers but you have helped me with an ab workout today!
Comment by Cyclin' Missy | 02.25.2014 | 10:30 am
I get these guest post requests all the time, too, and I’ve only posted on my blog maybe 3 times in the last year. I truly wonder why they think having a link on my blog will help get traffic to their website! lol
Comment by Jerry Pringle | 02.25.2014 | 11:21 am
I hyphenate when Word tells me to!
Comment by slo joe | 02.25.2014 | 12:54 pm
And I was going to ask Fatty to guest post on my blog because no one else does. Fatty, you can have multiple links which should not be confused with multiple (don’t go there).
Comment by Bradley | 02.25.2014 | 1:55 pm
Eat a Snickers, you get a little grumpy when you’re hungry.
Comment by Chris Jordan | 02.25.2014 | 2:41 pm
Wow! So glad not to find me in that list. Keep it up Fatty. Btw I still haven’t the nerve to post my weight but I consider it every time in on your site.
Comment by slo joe | 02.26.2014 | 5:42 am
For the hard of remembering, how does Fatty spell his real name? (Fatty don’t read this.):O)
Comment by slo joe | 02.26.2014 | 5:43 am
Oooops. Nevermind. Tried to unsend that. :o(
Pingback by Chainlinks: Best of the Bike Web, February 27, 2014 - Trail & Tarmac | 02.27.2014 | 8:17 am
[...] to be a contributor over at FatCyclist.com? Read this. Then send your work [...]
Comment by Fuzzy | 02.27.2014 | 8:45 am
Dear Lord Fatty of Cyclist,
How about this as a Guest Poster application-
Fatty, you really are crap at this blogging lark. Would you like some help?
Luv n’ Stuff
Fuzzy from the UK
Comment by Michael | 02.28.2014 | 1:30 pm
That last one was brilliant. Nice work. You could start a new poetic movement — poetic dadaism or something.
Comment by Syd | 02.28.2014 | 10:40 pm
This is my first time encountering your page and I want to guest blog. I’ve never guest blogged on anything before, or blogged my own blog, nor do I want to have my last name published. And certainly I won’t be posting my weight.
If you want me to write, I’ll probably write about some gloriously awkward date from the past couple years. Maybe about my first successful attempt at braising pork. It was so delicious.
Or maybe I’ll write about my underarm aroma. I dunno. But I definitely want to be the author of something to save you the trouble for a day. It could be the start of something beautiful.
Maybe just this comment will satisfy the itch.