08.28.2008 | 6:23 am
Last Friday, I made an exception.
On ordinary weekdays, I don’t drive out of my way to go on a ride, because I don’t have a lot of spare time, and I have plenty of good riding right out my front door.
But, as I mentioned, last Friday I made an exception.
This exception was due to the fact that Kenny had installed his new belt drive on his Spot 29″ SS, and I — like anyone with an ounce of bike nerd in him — wanted to see it.
And by “see it,” I of course mean, “try it for myself.”
How to Choose Your Riding Buddies
Luckily for me (and not quite so luckily for Kenny), we’re fairly compatible for bike swaps. But what do I mean by “fairly compatible?” I’m glad you asked. Here are the bike swap compatibility metrics.
- Bike Size: Kenny and I ride the same size bikes. We’re an excellent match this way.
- Inseam: Our riding height is within 1″ of each other — I’d guess that Kenny’s saddle-to-pedal distance is 1cm greater than mine.
- Pedal or Shoe Size Similarity: Kenny rides with Eggbeaters, I ride with Time ATACs. (As an aside, I have a theory that everyone who rides with Eggbeaters have formerly ridden with ATACs, but were seduced by the weight savings. My theory continues that everyone who rides with Eggbeaters will eventually move back to ATACs.) This is not optimal, but our shoe sizes are within 2 sizes (European) of each other. I wear a 43, he wears a 45. This works better for me than it does for him.
- Setup peculiarities: It’s helpful to both parties if neither of you have odd bike setups. This is where I fall off the wagon a bit. I ride with Mary bars, which freak everyone out at first (especially on the downhills), and I have my brakes set up for the middle finger. Oh, and I put my saddle on backwards. Some people find that uncomfortable.
- Saddle similarity: Kenny and I both ride the Selle Italia SLR. Apart from the fact that mine faces the opposite direction of most people’s (some people call it “the wrong way,” which I find an unnecessary and harsh value judgement), our saddle preference match is ideal.
- Desirability: Kenny has a bike worth borrowing. If he didn’t have a really interesting bike, none of the other metrics would even matter.
If your compatibility in any of these metrics fails utterly, a bike swap is simply not possible. In which case, I recommend you eschew these non-compatible bike riders and begin to find yourself a more suitable set of riding buddies. Preferably, riding buddies that are approximately your size, use the same pedal setup as you, and who spend lots and lots of money on equipment you can then try out for free.
Bike Borrowing Etiquette
Before I get to my disappointingly short and ill-informed impressions of Kenny’s new drivetrain, first I need to describe the rules by which everyone who trades bikes — whether for a moment during a ride or for a couple of months — must abide.
Rule #1: You are a guest. After riding a borrowed bike, you must, upon returning it, immediately describe said borrowed bicycle as a “really great bike.” It doesn’t matter if it’s true. Say it, no matter what. In fact, say it especially if you didn’t care for the bike all that much. Critiquing another person’s bike is much like critiquing another person’s children, but moreso.
Rule #2: You break it, you buy it. Suppose you borrow a bike, throw a leg over, and turn the cranks exactly twice before the frame breaks neatly into two pieces, which roll — comically — off in two separate directions. You owe the lender a new frame. Don’t argue the point, and don’t try to weasel out of it. If you weren’t willing to take the responsibility, you shouldn’t have borrowed the bike.
The corresponding axiom to this rule is that if someone starts trying to loan his bike out a lot, it’s about to break.
Rule #3: No wiping boogers under the seat. Because that’s just gross.
OK, now I can go on to my short and disappointing description of how Kenny’s bike felt with that fancy new belt drivetrain.
Belt Drivetrain Observations
I should first make it clear that I rode Kenny’s bike with the new drivetrain for a whopping fifteen minutes, which was quite possibly not long enough to make a full and final assessment. That said, here are the things I noticed:
- Quick Engagement: It did feel like the moment you begin turning the crank to the moment where you get power to the wheel is a little faster. That is, in fact, the most perceptible difference between this drivetrain and a normal chained drivetrain.
- Sproinng: You know how when you pull a rubber band tight between two hands you can feel the vibration of the rubber band for a moment? There seems to be a tiny bit of this when you go from coasting to pedaling. Sort of a brief moment of vibration you can feel through the cranks. It’s not distracting or irritating or even audible. Just interesting.
- Thonk: Under heavy torque (steep climbing), both Kenny and I made the belt hop a notch, causing a loud metallic-sounding “thonk” sound. I think this has to do with the belt Kenny’s got on there right now: it’s too long, so the hub is bolted waaaay back on the chainstay, back further than the tensioners will go.
- Ssssshhhh. Apart from the “thonk” belt slip, the drivetrain was absolutely silent. I’ve heard from people that it can get squeaky when dirty or riding in dusty terrain. The way Utah is right now — no rain for what feels like months — I’m sure Kenny will find out firsthand whether this is the case.
By and large, though, the belt drivetrain didn’t feel radically different from a chain drivetrain. In fact, I’d call the difference in feel trivial.
Now, that makes it sound like I’m not interested in a belt drivetrain, but that’s not true. I’m still very interested in a belt drivetrain, provided it turns out that it really doesn’t have to be maintained — lubed — like a chain, doesn’t break, and doesn’t start squeaking. And that it doesn’t turn out to be easy to kink or otherwise ruin a belt just through normal hard use.
In other words, the way a belt drive is going to be appealing to me is if its maintenance characteristics reveal themselves as compelling: if the belt turns out to be stronger, more durable, and in general more ignorable than a chain. I don’t expect ride characteristics to be different enough to bring me aboard, at least not for a few interations of the belt technology.
So while I used to be really excited to jump right on this bandwagon, I’m now in a more cautious “wait and see” mode. I’ll be really interested to see if Kenny falls deeply in love with the belt drive and starts evangelizing it. Or if, contrariwise, he shows up some day with the chain drive back on the bike.
In short, the belt drive doesn’t sell itself as a snap decision. What’s going to make it popular — or kill it — will be the long-term reactions of the early adopters.
Holy smokes, I just gave an honest, non-ironic semireview of a new product.
Somebody slap me.
Comments (51)
08.27.2008 | 9:54 am
There’s a certain moment, usually sometime in May, that I never expect but always relish. I’ll start a ride, expecting to feel the way I always feel at the beginning of the season. Not weak, but not powerful either.
Just sorta kinda there, ya know?
But something has changed.
The investment I’ve made in my legs over the years — fifteen of them or so — plus the early-season riding, suddenly pays off.
And my legs go online. At least, that’s the term I have for it. You’ve probably got your own term for the same phenomenon. Or maybe there’s a standardized, common-knowledge term for it that I don’t know about because I missed that issue of Velonews.
Whatever you call it, it’s a great sensation. Suddenly, the climbs you’ve been struggling with don’t require struggle — or at least, the struggle feels good instead of like work. Your cadence smooths out. You find yourself with a new urge to test your legs and see what they’ll do.
And if you’re me, you give into that urge with no resistance. Training schedules can wait. Today, I’m going to celebrate that my legs have gone online.
Then, as the season wears on, I start taking that feeling for granted. Or maybe it just fades away. Either way, I forget about it until the next season.
Online Again
This year, though, was a little different, because my legs went online twice. The first time was at the beginning of the season, like usual. I honestly can’t remember where I was riding; I just remember the sensation.
But then, about a month before the Leadville 100, I turfed it. And then I was off my bike for a bit, then riding slowly, and then trying to ride back at my pre-wreck level and failing.
I could tell that I was slow. My legs just weren’t there.
Until about ten days before the race. I started a climb up the Alpine Loop, expecting another long conversation with myself about how I wasn’t sure I had it in me to do Columbine and the Powerline with my shoulder (and, secretly, legs) feeling as puny as they did.
Then my legs came back online.
The difference between how they felt — from one day to the next — was startling.
Back Offline
Since the race, I’ve avoided hard rides. I’m in the mood to ride for fun, and for nothing but fun. Plus, school’s started and the time I had been using for rides is now the time I get the kids up, dressed, fed, and out the door.
But then, last Friday, the belt drive for Kenny’s Spot singlespeed came in, and I joined him to see how it felt.
And there’s no such thing as an easy ride with Kenny.
Before I go on, though, here’s the proud papa (click the images for a closer look)…
…and his baby:
Kenny dragged me all over the Frank trail network, and I’m proud to say that I didn’t even remotely manage to even pretend to try to think about keeping up. Eventually, though, I got to what I like to think of as the top.
I. Was. Cooked.
“We’ve got just ten minutes or so of climbing, and then it’s a couple of hike-a-bikes, and then it’s all downhill,” said Kenny, perkily.
“I don’t want to climb anymore,” I said.
Kenny looked at me, uncomprehending. It’s as if I had started speaking Hebrew or something. Which I am quite sure I had not, what with my Hebrew being quite rusty.
How, I could see him thinking, because Kenny’s thoughts are always quite plainly visible, could anyone ever not want to climb?
It’s a foreign thought to Kenny, because his season never winds down. His legs are always online. Mine, on the other hand, have gone offline for the season.
So long, legs! See you again next year.
PS: I got a chance to ride Kenny’s bike with the belt drivetrain. I’ll talk about that tomorrow.
Comments (43)
08.26.2008 | 8:26 am
Last week’s “Design Kenny’s Tattoo” Photoshop contest turned out great. Of course, the original intent — to help Kenny find a tattoo that he’d really like to have — went almost entirely ignored, but what do you expect when you ask for peoples’ opinions on a overweight cycling comedy blog?
So, here are some of my favorites.
Tyler: Helmet Tattoo
The award for best Photoshopping using MSPaint goes to Tyler, as does the award for most amazingly ridiculous idea. Tyler gets a tube of DZNuts as thanks for this inspired silliness.
Spiff: Cleat Tattoo
Spiff either didn’t have a photo editing program or just couldn’t be bothered, but he still had a terrific idea:
How ’bout Kenny gets the bottom of his feet tattooed with the image of eggbeater/candy cleats?
This tattoo’s great, because hardly anyone would ever see it. Which, now that I think of it, kind of defeats the whole purpose of getting a tattoo. I’m still gonna give Spiff a tube of DZNuts for his idea.
Kanyon Kris: Permanent Dog Tag
Kanyon Kris gets the award for most practical and useful idea, as well as for the nerdiest. Why not tattoo on your contact information, allergies, and other important medical info? ‘Course, you’ve got to go get some new work done anytime you change your address or phone number, but that shouldn’t be a problem. Kris, swing by my house and pick up your free box of Jelly Belly Sports Beans anytime (see how I just cleverly avoided having to pay postage on the heaviest prize in the list? I’m clever, aren’t I?).
Bitter (formerly known as Lissee): Saggy Baggy Kenny With a Chainring
Bitter gets the prize for taking me very literally. I posited that it would be funny to have a Photoshop of Kenny as an overweight old guy, and Bitter delivered, tossing in the now-ovalized chainring tattoo as a bonus.
I think there’s an important lesson to be learned here by any tattoo-getters: remember to account for droopage.
Bitter gets a DZNuts “Lube ‘em Or Lose ‘Em” t-shirt as his prize. You know, to cover up with.
NCCyclist4Fun: This Space for Rent
I think the idea of using your tattoos as a billboard is pure genius, and I hereby offer $100 to the first person who actually gets the Fat Cyclist Clydesdale logo as a tattoo. Feel free to use the original orange, or I’ll throw in an extra $50 if you go with pink.
Kudos to NCCyclist4Fun for thinking like a capitalist. You get a tube of DZNuts as your reward.
KeepYerBag: The Recumbent
As the undisputed winner of the “No way would Kenny ever actually get this tattoo, even at gunpoint” award, KeepYerBag gets the Men’s White Stitch Flexit Cap. I only wish I had a bag I could offer him.
Clay: General Brilliance
So there we all were, happily trying to Photoshop rudimentary tattoos onto Kenny, and then Clay swaggered in and mopped the place up with us.
I hardly ever actually laugh out loud when I’m sitting at the computer. But I did when I saw Clay’s “Bikini Sunburn Kenny” Photoshop work.
The whale tail is priceless.
And then, showing a flare for in-jokes, Clay gave Kenny a nice new pair of bibshorts and a Rock Racing tattoo.
Clay gets both a tube of DZNuts and a Lube ‘em or Lose ‘Em t-shirt. I don’t think anyone’s going to dispute that he deserves them.
Winners: email me with your address, and I’ll send your prizes out.
The Grand Prize: Unclaimed
Of course, Kenny was looking for a tattoo he would actually want, so nobody won the grand prize of $25 in photo processing and an autographed 8 x 10 glossy of Kenny sporting his tattoo.
I, however, came pretty darned close. I believe my entry was one of very few semi-serious ones entered.
Kenny likes my idea of a tire tread tattoo, but is thinking of it going up the back of both arms. He submits the following mockup:
Kenny says that if someone wants to come up with a more “tribal” tire tread (the pattern Kenny and I used in our images is from a scan of an old Continental Pro 1) pattern he likes, the grand prize offer still stands.
Congrats to the winners, and a big thanks to DZNuts and Jelly Belly Sports Beans for providing the prizes!
Comments (46)
08.25.2008 | 7:12 am
A Note from Fatty:Thanks to everyone who entered the “Design Kenny’s Tattoo” Photoshop contest. Kenny and I will spend some time today reading the 160+ entries and comments and will post awards tonight or tomorrow morning.
A little more than a week ago, Stage 4 of the Tour of Utah was rolling through my neighborhood — almost literally. This is — in my opinion — the most important stage of the tour, because it’s such a big day in the mountains, and rolls through all my backyard climbs.
I packed up the kids, we parked at the top of Suncrest (the second — and easiest — summit of the day), and cheered for each rider as he went by.
It was pretty fun.
A day or so later, Dug sent me a link to Rock Racing’s photo gallery from the day, which included this awesome action sequence of Tyler Hamilton. (Click any of the photos for a larger version on the Rock Racing site.)
First, here’s Tyler as he first goes wide of the hairpin. I love this picture. Tyler’s clearly got his brakes fully locked. It’s too late for those brakes, though; the gravel’s flying. He’s got a foot out, hoping to do a Fred Flintstone stop. Above all, though, I love his “Just Another Crash at the Office” expression.
And here’s Tyler, 0.00001 seconds before touchdown. I’ll let you in on a little secret: I’d be happy to have a crash like this photographed of me if it meant I could have calves that look like that. Those calves look like they were drawn by the guy who draws Spider-man. Also, notice that Tyler’s expression remains unchanged. “Ho hum, another day, another high-speed descending crash.”
Annnnnd…he’s down. On the bright side, at least he’s not still clipped in and thrashing like an upended turtle. That would be embarrassing. Or at least, I think it would be embarrassing, although I have never personally found myself in that kind of situation after crashing. Does anyone else, by the way, think it looks like Tyler’s taking the fall on his elbows and knees on purpose? I wonder if Michael Ball instructed them earlier in the day: “Look, no matter what you do, do not damage the shorts and jerseys. They’re priceless.“
No serious harm done. Look at the expression on his face, though. Those are the eyes of a man who has just had a near-death experience.
Bob’s Bane
I like any photo action sequence, but I really like this one. Why? Easy. Because as soon as I saw the first photo, I knew — without any doubt whatsoever — where that crash happened.
It’s an extremely tight, steep, hairpin switchback we call Bob’s Bane, named because Bob similarly turfed it in that hairpin.
But really, pretty much everyone who rides down the American Fork side of the Alpine Loop eventually has a close encounter with that switchback. You’ve just started the descent after miles and miles of climbing. You’ve gone a mile, and the curves have been gentle. The descent has been moderate. You’re just beginning to relax into the speed: in the high 30’s or low 40’s, probably.
And then you come out of a gradual right to see a 170-degree left, steep and unbanked, with a million-zillion skidmarks and a gravel shoulder. The turn whips you around so hard and suddenly that even with hard braking, the centrifugal effect throws you to the outside edge of the turn like you’re the salad in a salad shooter. (Oooh. “Salad shooter.” That’s a not-bad name for a hairpin turn. I’ll have to remember that one.)
Hey, it’s all part of the magic — some good, some dark — of riding a hairpin turn on a bike.
Hairpin Turns on Road Climbs
As freaky and scary (and roadrash-y) as an unexpected downhill hairpin can be, there’s an exquisite counterbalancing magic to encountering a hairpin turn on a road climb.
Tell me if I’m the only one who’s experienced this: You’re on a steep climb, barely turning the cranks. Then you come upon a switchback that looks even steeper than the straightaways it joins up. And yet, somehow, you find yourself accelerating through that turn. Somehow, it’s easier to pedal through it than it should be. It’s like you’re being pulled through the corner. Like the corner has a built-in tailwind.
You’ve felt it too, right?
Many times I’ve wondered why a climbing road hairpin feels like this. Is it the centrifugal effect? If so, I’d like to ride up banked corkscrew climbs from now, please.
Is it just psychological?
Is it something else?
I don’t know. If you know, explain it to me. But there’s something there: the sense of being swung around the switchback, like you’re a bucket on a string.
Hairpins on the Mountain
While a hairpin on a road descent can be terrifying and a hairpin during a road climb can somehow be a respite, a tight hairpin on a mountain bike — a turn with a radius less than the length of your wheelbase — is…complex.
First, you’ve got to shed all your speed. And then you start the turn. Slowly. Smooth if you can, but more likely herky-jerky. If you’re me.
And then there’s the point you hit the apex of the turn. It’s a magic moment. You’re briefly stalled out, and either about to squeak out of the corner and roll out triumphant, or find that your front wheel is at too sharp an angle to the rest of your bike, and fall over on your side (unless you’re lucky enough to clip out in time, in which case I would argue that you weren’t fully committed to the attempt).
Will the magic be light or dark? You won’t know until you know.
When you make it, though — when you slide around a hairpin that you’ve never cleaned, or even one you only clean half the time — you get that wild moment of elation, a moment that can only be described as “magic.”
And that goes double if the guy behind you falls over.
Comments (56)
08.21.2008 | 9:17 am
Kenny’s wanted a tattoo for a long time. Like, since he was seven. And now he’s finally worn down his wife; she’s given him the go-ahead.
But important questions remain. What should the tattoo be of? And where should it go?
And that, dear reader, is where you come in.
The First-Ever Fat Cyclist Photoshop Contest
Kenny knows for sure he wants a cycling-related tattoo — what a surprise! — but he honestly doesn’t know what it ought to be, or where it ought to go.
Which seems like a perfect opportunity to do a Photoshop contest.
Here’s how it works. I’ve taken several photos of Kenny, below. Click any of them to go to the high-res original. Then, take it into Photoshop and give Kenny the tattoo you think he ought to have.
Then, after you’ve uploaded your work of art to your online photo-hosting site of choice (not a huge image, please), embed the image in the comments section to this post. The tag should look like this:
[img]url for your image goes here[/img]
Easy, no?
OK, so here are the photos you have to work with. First, the front view:
I’m not entirely certain, but I believe that may have been Kenny’s “Blue Steel” look.
And here’s one if you think he ought to have something on his back:
I’m guessing his legs will be a popular choice:
Or maybe you’ll want to go with a full-body tattoo. In which case, here’s your canvas:
Now, before we get to the part about what you can win, I have a few observations I’d like to make.
- The photo shoot was awkward. As I was getting out my camera and Kenny was removing his jersey, a riding buddy — Riley — rolled up. Neither Kenny nor I could imagine ourselves satisfactorily explaining what was going on, so we didn’t. Riley, now you know.
- I expect a lot of traffic from this post. It’s always interesting to see what posts generate a lot of traffic. (Last week, for example, was my second-highest week ever, traffic-wise.) I think this post is going to generate a lot of traffic and a lot of downloads and a lot of linkbacks. And I think very little of that traffic is going to have to do with my sparkling prose.
- I don’t think Kenny’s wife is going to like this post very much. Sorry, Natalie.
OK. On with the prizes!
Tell ‘Em What They Can Win, Johnny
I like the prizes I’m giving away almost as much as I like the contest itself. Remember how, a couple weeks ago, I did a review of DZNuts? Well, I was a little worried that I’d get an angry letter back from them.
Well, I got a letter back, all right. The scientist who formulated DZNuts emailed me, saying that he got a good laugh out of the post, told me that Masterwort is the real deal (and sent some complex studies to back him up), and asked if I’d like to give away some tubes of DZNuts, along with some t-shirts, to my readers.
Well, of course I would. So, here’s what they sent me, all of which I’ll be giving away as prizes for great entries in the “Tattoo Kenny” Photoshop contest:
But That’s Not All!
Back in July, I talked about how much I like Jelly Belly Sports Beans — they’re like eating candy while you’re riding.
OK, let’s be honest — they are eating candy while you ride. But it’s hard to argue with the results: I ate Sports Beans throughout the entirety of the Leadville 100 a couple weeks ago, and had good power the whole day.
Anyway, Jelly Belly sent me a bunch of Sport Beans, most of which I have eaten myself. Sorry, I lack willpower.
However, I have held one box of Sport Beans — containing 24 packets of the Fruit Punch flavor beans. Pink of course: I really like the way Jelly Belly is donating some of the proceeds from this flavor to fight cancer.
So that’s another $24 (retail value) prize. For a total of $182 worth of prizes, so far. I tell you what: they don’t give away prizes like this when you win a Fark Photoshop contest.
Wait! There’s More!
I will for sure give away all of the prizes mentioned above, mainly by inventing categories on the spot for entries I really like — such as a “Best Photoshop of how Kenny will look with his tattoo when he’s 75 years old and has gained 180 pounds” — but there’s one prize that will only be given away under a certain condition.
If you come up with a tattoo Kenny likes enough that he actually decides to get that tattoo (or a tattoo based on your idea), Kenny’s going to give you the following:
- $25 of free processing at Kenny’s Photo
- A glossy 8 x 10 image of himself, showing off his new tattoo. Autographed.
Kenny isn’t aware that I added that second item to the grand prize, but I figure he’ll go along. What choice does he have?
By the way, I am not excluding myself from this contest, because I think I have a winner of an idea for his tattoo. However, I am excluding myself from any of the prizes.
What If You Don’t Have Photoshop Skillz?
Don’t have or use Photoshop? Use MS Paint. I’m more interested in the idea than the execution. Though I also plan to give away prizes when I see a really well-executed Photoshop.
And if you just don’t want to edit an image but have a great tattoo idea, go ahead and describe it with text in the comments section. You can still win that way, too.
How Long Do You Have?
This contest will run through Monday, at which point the judging begins.
I gotta say, I’m really looking forward to your entries. Get Photoshopping!
Comments (170)
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